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A/N: 05.11.2020
As many of you may have noticed, I changed the cover of the book. We all knew it was going to happen eventually :”) how long do you think before I make another one? 😂
But on a real note, what do you think of the cover? I think the quirkiness of holding two flowers against one’s face fits our baby Dandelion quite well 💅
🌻🌻🌻
Dear,
This is the first time I’m writing in my journal since I’ve arrived in the Big City. It’s been a little over a week since university started. So far, my first few classes have been great. The philosophy professor is an old, strict man, but he’s very wise. He’s so wise that we sometimes can’t understand him. I don’t think anyone in this lifetime can.
It’s lunchtime now, and I’m writing in my journal to use as an excuse so that I don’t have to finish my sandwich. Everything has been going well, but my stomach is still not cooperating. I’m trying, though, I really am.
Parker has kept his promise. It’s been a week since he’s stopped making love. I know this because I haven’t heard any banging or moaning since. I was worried at first. Freddy had told me that Parker had commitment problems ever since his ex-boyfriend passed away, so I wasn’t sure if Parker would keep his promise. But he did, and I felt guilty for doubting him. I apologized to him to morning when I saw him in the parking lot. He scowled and said it was “too early for this sh*t”, and walked back into the building. He’s been more agitated and aggressive since he stopped making love. Freddy said not to mind him, but I know that deep down, he’s worried too.
I always thought that there was something sad about Parker. He carried grief in his dark eyes, and exhaustion underneath them. I was certain he still felt deeply for his ex-boyfriend, and that he was still mourning in his own way.
Freddy told me that it was the only serious relationship Parker had ever had, and that it was the only time he’d seen him truly happy. He was never the same after the death. Drinking, smoking, mood swings, and empty sex. When I asked how he had died, Freddy didn’t answer, but I could tell that whatever the reason was, it saddened him deeply as well.
Freddy and I often go home together which gives us lots of time to talk. I’m happy that I’m able to use the word ‘home’. Even though it’s only a temporary place to live, there’s something heartwarming about a place you can call yours.
The Dark Thoughts haven’t been bothering me for now. Though, I still feel lonely. It’s strange how there are over seven billion people on Earth, and yet, we feel alone. Or maybe it’s just me. Anyway, I’m going to try and finish my sandwich. I’ll write again soon.
Yours truly
I closed my journal and carefully put it inside my bag. I couldn’t finish my sandwich, so I put it in a plastic zip lock before heading to class. As I walked down the hall, I saw Parker flirting with a brown-haired girl, one that I’ve never seen him with before.
I wanted to wave at him, but I stopped in my steps when he leaned forward to kiss the girl. It wasn’t a peck on the lips, but an adult kiss, and when I saw the pink color of Parker’s tongue enter her mouth, and the way he placed his hand against her cheek while the other wandered too far down her back, I immediately felt sick. And yet, as much as it bothered me, I couldn’t look away.
Parker’s eyes then met mine, and I felt an electric shock shoot down my spine from the intensity of his gaze. His brows furrowed, and I began to panic.
I ran to the nearest bathroom. My stomach burned and my throat ached, and I ended up hurling what little food I had ate. When I was done, I rinsed my mouth and washed my face. Goosebumps crawled down my spine, but I was sweating. I managed to leave the bathroom, and stopped a few meters away from the entrance. I stared at the floor, wondering if I’d pass out and wake up in a hospital again.
“You okay?” said a voice. I raised my head. There was a tall boy with smooth brown skin standing in front of me. His thick but groomed brows pulled together in worry. He looked perplexed, but so very handsome.
“Hello. Sorry. My name is Conan.” The words came out in stiff fragments, and I felt like the hours I spent practicing in front of the mirror had gone to waste. The boy laughed, and I was amazed by how perfectly straight and pearly white his teeth were.
“Hey. It’s okay. I’m Zev,” he smiled. “I don’t want to sound racist, but you look really pale. Are you okay?”
“No, I feel very sick.”
“Do you want to sit down?” he asked, looking around us to see if there were some chairs. My legs felt like noodles, so I crouched down and sat on the floor.
“Or you can do that,” he chuckled, sitting down beside me. He was too close, so I scooted away from him as discreetly as I could, but I think he noticed. Even if he did, he didn’t come any closer, which I was grateful for.
“Here,” said Zev, taking something out from his pocket. It was a lollipop.
“No, thank you,” I politely declined.
“Not a fan of lollipops? I have some toffee if you want.”
He took out a handful of candy and opened his palm, letting me choose. I chose a toffee, which he said was his favorite. The sugar chased away the dizziness.
“I have a sweet tooth,” Zev explained, popping a cherry flavored candy into his mouth. “What about you? What do you like?”
“I like philosophy,” I told him.
“Are you a philosophy major?”
I nodded. The smile on his face widened.
“Then we must have a couple of classes together. I major in law but I’m a minor in philosophy. Do you have classes with Mr. Flent?”
“The man no one can understand?”
For some reason, Zev laughed.
“Yes, him.”
“Oh, then yes!”
“Same here,” he winked.
“Do you know Freddy? He studies law too,” I told him. His lips puckered sideways, and he seemed to be deep in thought.
“Freddy,” he hummed. “Do you have his last name?”
“No, but I have his phone number.”
Zev laughed. His laugh was different from Freddy’s. It was louder and bouncier, the contagious type that made you want to laugh along with him. I wondered what Parker’s laugh sounded like.
“What’s he like?”
“He has brown eyes, freckles, and bright orange hair. Parker sometimes calls him Chucky.”
“Oh, you mean the cute boy with freckles?” Zev asked. “Yeah, I know him. Well, I know of him. We have a couple of classes together, but I’ve never had the chance to talk to him. He seems nice. Smart too.”
“He’s my friend,” I smiled.
“I’m glad he is,” Zev winked.
“Would you like to be his friend too?”
“I’d love to.”
Zev asked me if he and I could exchange numbers, so we did. He asked me if I had any social media but I said that I didn’t. He shrugged, telling me that I didn’t look like the type to have one anyway. I didn’t know what he meant by that, so I thanked him, and then he laughed, and so did I, and it was all very nice.
“Do you feel better?” he asked.
“Yes, thank you.”
“Distracting feelings with thoughts always helps,” he said, which was when I realized that he had been asking me plenty of questions to distract me from the nausea.
“Thank you, Zev,” I murmured. “I’d shake your hand if I could.”
“You can’t?”
“I get sick when I touch people.”
He pursed his lips, but smiled.
“We can still shake hands,” he said softly. I didn’t understand what he meant until he told me to extend my hand. When I did, so did he. Our hands didn’t touch but we shook the air, as if we were really shaking our hands. We both looked at each other and laughed.
“So, did you eat something bad for lunch or…?”
“Oh, no, I saw Parker kiss someone.”
Zev blinked in surprise. “Parker?”
“Do you know him?”
“He’s quite popular here. Do you like him?” Zev asked.
“Yes, of course.”
“Do you think he’s handsome?”
“Very,” I nodded.
“Have you ever thought about sleeping with him?”
“No, never,” I blurted in horror.
The thought of denuding myself and lying bare naked in bed with Parker both disgusted and excited me. My mind lingered on the thought of being held by him, kissed by him, penetrated by him. I clutched my stomach. Despite being aroused, the feeling of disgust was too overpowering, and I quickly got rid of the idea.
“No,” I winced, trying to suppress the pain. But I could feel the muscles in my face contract and a grimace reveal my true emotions. “I don’t want that.”
“Sorry, I must have asked something too personal,” Zev quickly apologized. “It’s just when people talk about him is mostly about… You know.”
“Making love?”
He soft smile unfolded in his face.
“Yes, making love,” he murmured.
“Parker and I are friends.”
Zev nodded. “Well, that’s good. You’d probably get hurt if you fell for him. All the girls here do. They think that they’re the one for him, that they’re different, that they can change his bad manners and self-destructive tendencies. Some even romanticize his toxic behavior, thinking that they can fix him. They throw themselves at his feet and treat him like a king, only to be kicked to the curb and replaced by the next pretty face he comes across.”
“Parker isn’t a bad person,” I murmured.
“No, but he’s not the first person you’d go to for a healthy and sustainable relationship.”
“He’s not a bad person,” I repeated. “I don’t believe people are bad by nature. I think Parker is hurt. He’s hurt so much that he can’t do good, and that just proves how much he suffers. I think he copes with his pain is by using others, which by consequence, inflicts pain on those around him. Being bad isn’t a principle, it’s a consequence. I think the reason why so many girls have failed to fix him is because there’s nothing about him that needs fixing. You can’t fix the essence of an existence, that would be contradicting the laws of nature. Parker simply needs to find who he once was. The good Parker. The happy one.”
Zev looked at me and I wondered if I had said something strange again.
“A real philosopher,” he chuckled softly. “You’re going to do write amazing essays one day, Conan.”
“I don’t think I will.”
“Why not?”
“I can’t write if I’m-“
Zev’s phone began rang.
“Shoot, I have to get this. Girlfriend alert.” He gave me a quick smile. “You don’t mind?”
“No, of course not. Your girlfriend is more important. Please say hi to your her for me. My name is Conan.”
“I will,” he laughed. I waved at him and he leaned forward, giving me a handful of candy.
“Don’t tell your dentist,” he whispered as if it was a secret only between him and I. Zev got up and left as quick as he came. I looked down at the candy, and smiled.
Three friends, can you believe that?
🌻🌻🌻
A/N: Thoughts on Zev?
P.S: Chapter 10 will be uploaded on Patreon later in the day. That chapter really hits the feels…
If this chapter on Wattpad gets 500 votes, I’ll post chapter 10 on here too 🌻
Btw I put up a CTD (Conan The Dandelion) playlist on Instagram 🙂
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