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A/N: 31.10.20
Happy Halloween, Homies 🍁🍂🎃
I have 2 upcoming projects.
1. I’m thinking of making book merch! Pins, stickers, mugs, etc. What do you guys think?
2. I’m also thinking of making a Youtube channel 😳
🌻🌻🌻
I crouched in front of the boys bathroom while quietly waiting for Parker to finish scrubbing his shoes in the sink. I could hear him mumbling angrily under his breath. I offered to help him, but he strictly told me to stay away. He then asked me to leave, but I told him that I wanted to wait.
We both missed our first hour of class. I felt sorry towards the professor. Ditching class was even worse than sleeping in class. I decided to text Freddy.
Me: Hello, Freddy. It’s me Conan. I hope you’re doing well. I accidentally vomited on Parker’s shoes. Do you think he and I can still be my friends?
The sink stopped running, and a few seconds later, Parker came out of the bathroom in his socks. He held his wet sneakers by its strings. He pretended like I wasn’t there and marched away. I quietly followed him like a ghost.
“Go to class,” I heard him say.
“Okay.” I turned around to leave.
“Wait.”
I stopped and glanced at him.
“Where are you going?” He asked.
“To class. You said-“
“I know what I said,” he snapped. “It doesn’t mean I meant it.”
“Does that mean you want me to stay?” I blinked.
“What I’m trying to say is that your professor won’t let you in class, so you might as well stick with me.”
I think that was Parker’s way of asking me to stay.
“But keep a one meter distance from me. I don’t want you puking on my socks,” he warned me.
“Okay.”
We continued to walk in silence, but a student who seemed to be in a rush ran past us, but I didn’t want to break the one-meter rule so I didn’t step aside. His shoulders knocked into mine and I lost my balance, falling on my bum.
“Hey, watch it!” The student snapped at me.
“I’m sorry,” I replied. The student was about to leave, but Parker grabbed him by the collar and yanked him back. The student blinked in surprise, the expression on his face turning from annoyance to fear when his gaze met Parker’s.
“Apologize to Dandelion,” Parker ordered.
“Who?”
“Him. The idiot who fell on the floor,” Parker said, nodding towards me. The student looked at me, and then back at Parker who was two heads taller. Even with his jacket, you could tell that Parker was strong. The student then turned towards me again.
“Sorry, Dandelion,” he mumbled.
“My name is Conan. It’s nice to meet you.”
Parker rolled his eyes and released the student who quickly scurried away. His eyes then shifted towards me.
“What are you doing?” Parker said.
“Breathing.”
He looked at me in despair.
“No, I meant why did you apologize when it wasn’t your fault.” Parker tried his best not to snap at me.
“Kindness is better than anger,” I informed him.
Parker crouched down in front of me and leaned forward. He was closer than I wanted him to be. He looked at me, his black eyes drilling into mine. I couldn’t help but think – I’d never seen such beautiful stones of onyx. He probably thought – I’d never met a bigger fool than you.
“Do you always let people push you around?”
“I don’t think he did it on purpose.”
“Even if it wasn’t an accident, you wouldn’t have done anything.” It sounded like an accusation.
“You’re right.”
“And you’re okay with that?” he growled angrily.
“If people are upset, I tell myself that they must be having a bad day. I don’t think humans are bad by natures.”
Parker’s head fell forward, and he exhaled loudly. His dark hair fell over his forehead, and I couldn’t see the expression on his face. But I did want to touch his hair. They looked soft.
“Idiot,” he muttered under his breath. Parker stood up and so did I. We continued down the hall in silence. He was mad, there was no doubt about it. I wish I knew what I did that upset him, but I had the feeling if I asked, he’d only be even more upset. A group of students walked towards us, and as they got closer, Parker grabbed my sleeve and pulled me towards him. He kept me on his right side, close to the wall, so no one would bump into me.
“Thank you,” I said. I knew he had heard me, but he didn’t reply. Maybe he was still upset about his shoes.
We stopped at some open windows, and Parker put his shoes on the ledge to let them dry under the sun. There was something eye-catching about the way the sun hit his features.
“You’re very handsome,” I told him.
“Don’t be a creep.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize,” he snapped.
“Okay.”
Parker looked like he wanted to scream at me. He turned his head towards me, opened his mouth, but instead of calling me names again, he simply sighed. I wondered why he looked so tormented. I didn’t know whether he was angry at me, or with himself. Maybe Parker had problems communicating like I did.
“I didn’t mean what I said. I say things out of impulse. It’s a bad habit of mine, so don’t take everything to heart.”
“Okay.”
Parker nodded and lit a cigarette. He gestured it towards me, but I shook my head. He shrugged, bringing it to his own lips to take a drag. I have always been fascinated by people who killed themselves publicly – because if you really thought about it, that was what smoking was. A socially accepted way to burn away years of your life.
I always thought that it was interesting how smoking was romanticized. Unconsciously, or perhaps consciously, we romanticized death. We constantly thought about it. We were obsessed with it, surrounded by it, one way or another, death is omnipresent in our lives. And Parker right now, as he took a long drag of his cigarette, was killing himself before my eyes. Even if he wasn’t aware, so was I.
“Tell me something about yourself,” Parker said, his cigarette still between his lips.
“What would you like to know?” It was one of the rare but precious moments someone took interest in my existence.
“You said you had problems earlier. What kind of problems do you have?”
I squeezed my hands together.
“I can’t tell you. My therapist said that I shouldn’t tell anyone unless I’m ready.”
“You have a therapist?” He asked, raising a brow. But he didn’t seem that surprised.
“Yes.”
“Wow, you must be really fucked up in the head,” he laughed grimly. But again, it didn’t sound like an insult, but as if he was stating a fact. “It’s fine, you don’t have to tell me. I was only tryna make small talk anyway.”
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Shoot.”
“Was the girl you were with last night your lover?”
My question made Parker laugh. He flicked the tip of his cigarette, and flakes of ash fell on the window ledge. I gently brushed them away.
“She was a one night stand.”
“You’re not in love with her?”
“I like her, I guess. But I’m definitely not in love with her.” He shrugged. “I make love to her. That’s it.”
“What do you like about making love to someone?” I asked, genuinely curious. I hoped that Parker, who seemed experienced in that field, could enlighten me and explain to me the perks of sexual pleasure. My mind could never comprehend it. Like the rest of the world, it was an enigma.
“People are vulnerable during sex,” he finally said. “It’s easy to mistake pleasure for happiness. Makes life a lot easier when you’re banging someone from behind.”
“Do you have someone you love?” I asked. The expression on Parker’s face darkened.
“Yeah, I did.”
Did.
“What about you?” He quickly asked.
I paused, stared at my fingers and thumb, and contemplated on his question.
“I don’t think I’m capable of love.”
“Why not? Did you get your heart broken?” He smirked.
“Oh no, a lot of things are broken, but strangely not my heart. I have quite a healthy heart actually. It beats between 60 and 100bpm.” I paused. “Except for when I run.”
Parker stared at me. I must have said something strange again.
“I just can’t love,” I concluded. “And even if it was possible, I’m leaving in a year.”
Parker rested his elbow against the window frame, leaning his chin on his palm while the cigarette burned between his fingers. His beauty was so captivating in that moment. It was an unexplainable moment in which you looked and someone at a random angle and at a random moment and just thought how beautiful that that person was. I wondered if he was aware of the charm he had.
“Where are you heading?”
“I don’t know.”
“Sounds like a nice place.”
I nodded. There was a silence that filled the air, but it wasn’t an awkward one; at least, not for me.
“But if I were normal, and could develop normal feelings, and lived a normal life, I think I’d fall for someone like you.”
I must have said something that creeped him out again. Parker turned his head the other way, and I could no longer see his face. I frowned, disappointed in myself. It was the first time I had such a long conversation with someone other than my doctors, a conversation that I enjoyed.
“You don’t like it when people touch you, right?” He said, clearing his voice.
“No, I get sick.”
“Then there’s no chance that you and I will ever get together,” he said, his gaze finally meeting mine. “I don’t date people who I can’t fuck.”
“Does that mean we can be friends?” I asked, my voice full of hope.
“Doesn’t matter to me.”
I think that was Parker’s way of saying yes, so I smiled. His eyes were a beautiful shade of liquid black. Even if it was only the second time I’ve talked to Parker, I felt as if I was slowly starting to understand him. And I normally never understood anyone. Perhaps he and I weren’t so different after all.
“Would it really kill you if I touched you?” He suddenly asked. My smile faded away and my heart ached, and suddenly, the lack of distance between us made me self-conscious and uncomfortable. He stood so close to me, Parker. We were standing in front of the same window ledge with less than a meter apart. How had I noticed until now?
“It would,” I said, in spite of myself.
Parker nodded.
“Shame.”
And he continued to smoke the rest of his cigarette in silence.
🌻🌻🌻
A/N: Please don’t forget to leave a vote!
What’s your favorite holiday and why?
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