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Cyrus’ POV
Matt was acting really weird today.
He seemed tense and pissed off in the truck. I rarely see Matt get mad. The only time is when someone talks about me negatively, otherwise he’s happy and upbeat.
I was texting Nick, telling him about Matt. Nick approached me as I was in the store, he worked there. He asked me out but I told him that my heart was taken. He told me that it was fine, and he’d be okay with having a new friend. So, I sat in the truck with Matt, talking about Matt. Because honestly, it was one of the only times I could talk about how I feel about him.
I told Matt that Nick could be more than a friend because maybe he could. I’ve been stuck on Matt for so long, maybe it’s time I move on. I probably never did because I had no one to help me. Nick is a hot guy, he’s so my type. Big muscles, wonderful face, amazing personality. He’s funny and seems nice. I mean, he’s not Matt, but I could learn to love him.
But Matt’s been confusing me, more than ever lately. Usually, he flirts with me but it has no meaning. It’s just innocent flirting but today, it was hardcore, and I almost thought he was going to kiss me. My heart almost flew out of my chest. He was so close to me, but maybe it was just my imagination. I would’ve known if that stupid bitch wouldn’t have interrupted. I love the way he sticks up for me though. He got so pissed off, and I put my hand on his shoulder to calm him down. He was tense, but he relaxed after looking at me. I’m not going to make a comment about his shoulder… As much as I want to.
I know he caught what I meant when I told him I thought he was insanely hot and the best thing that happened to me. It made me insanely happy that he felt the same. I feel like I’m getting somewhere, but I don’t want to get my hopes up. Matt’s been dating girls a lot. He could just be playing around, and I’d never know. He’s always laughing and joking and it’s hard to figure out when he’s serious. What if he isn’t?
“I actually don’t think tomorrow will be that bad… Promise me you won’t leave me alone. Especially when we play football, you always make me running back. I don’t want to get crushed. I know I’ll have trouble with some of that stuff.”
“I’ll never leave you Cy. I’ll stay by your side the whole time and I’ll pick you up if you need it.” I kept my head down, eating my pizza, but that warmed my heart. I know he’s talking about tomorrow, but I wish it was more than that. “I think we’ll have lots of fun. Like I said, I always have fun when we’re together.” I smiled at him and stuffed the rest of the crust in my mouth then grabbed his last slice. “Hey!” I grinned at him teasingly.
“Sorry, was that yours?” I asked him as I began eating it. He rolled his eyes and laughed, making my heart speed up. I am totally fucked when it comes to Matt. I don’t know how I thought I’d get over him.
We left the pizza parlor and got in the truck. I wanted to know what he said while we were on our way to the parlor. I should’ve been listening but I got caught up in telling Nick about how funny Matt is.
“Thanks for the pizza.” He smiled.
“No problem man.”
“So, what’s this guy, Nick, like?” He asked hesitantly. I decided to see if he’d get jealous.
“He’s hot, honestly. He’s got nice hair and gorgeous brown eyes. He’s got a nice body, and besides physical features, he’s really nice and funny. It’s refreshing to talk to him.” He furrowed his eyebrows and frowned.
“What’s he got that I don’t have?” He cleared his throat. “I mean, why’s it so refreshing to talk to him? That means you’re tired of talking to me?” He asked sounding mad again. I didn’t want him mad at me.
“No, of course not Matt. You’re my best friend. I’m just saying I haven’t talked to a guy that’s interested in me like that. I haven’t had a boyfriend and it feels good to talk to him.” He clinched his jaw and looked straight ahead. Then he turned his head to where he could see the road but I couldn’t see him.
“Oh, okay I see what you’re saying. Well, I uhh, I see why you like talking to him then.” He said quietly, sounding… I don’t know what his tone of voice was. If he sees why, and isn’t getting pissed off, I guess I can just stop.
“But I don’t know if I like him like that yet. I told him that we could talk as friends for now.” He nodded.
“Take your time and don’t rush it. This is your first boyfriend we’re talking about. Make it worth it.” If I had a choice, it’d be you.
“I’ll try… Most guys in this town are straight. It’s hard to find a guy my type that’s gay and will like me.”
“Just be patient, maybe it’ll happen.”
“I’ve been patient for so long…” He didn’t say anything and I looked out of the window.
“You’re not texting him anymore?” He asked after a few minutes of silence. I looked up and he was glancing at me.
“No. I told him that I was hanging out with my best friend and I’d text him some other time.” He grinned, that seemed to brighten his mood.
“Does this guy know that he has a bit of competition?” He asked me, laughing. I raised my eyebrow.
“Who’s his competition?”
“Me, duh. I won’t go down without a fight.” I rolled my eyes and blushed.
“Whatever Matt.” I mumbled. He laughed and reached over and ruffled my hair. “Mom’s gonna kill you.” I told him, fixing it.
“How does she expect you to sleep?” I shrugged. We got to his house and parked. He took my backpack even though I whined and told him not to. As soon as I got inside the house I was tackled. I knew immediately that it was Makayla as she started squealing in my ear. I winced but laughed. Matt rolled his eyes and helped me off the ground. “Thanks for tackling my bestfriend.” I helped her off the ground and she grinned at him. His eyes widened and he shook his head. I looked at them confused.
“He’s like my other little brother, I can do what I want with him.” He sighed in relief. “Dad wants to talk to you.”
“I’ll be back Cy. You’ll be okay?” I nodded and Makayla pulled me towards her room as he walked away.
“If only there was a way to make you my actual brother.” She said as she walked up the steps. I laughed and nodded. She knows that I love Matt. She pretty much figured it out before I even came out. But I made her promise to never tell him what we talk about.
“If only.” I sighed thinking about if Matt and I were together. She looked at me with a huge smile as we walked into her room. She closed the door and I plopped down on her bed. My phone dinged and Nick had texted me saying that his little brother just peed on him. I laughed and Makayla looked at me curiously.
“Who’s that?”
“I met this guy at the store… Well he approached me and asked for my number.” She frowned.
“What about Matt?” I shrugged.
“I told Nick that my heart was taken, but I’ve been waiting for Matt to see me like that for two and a half years now. Two years I’ve been in love with him. This is the first guy who’s approached me and is my type. Maybe I should take the opportunity. But just as I was thinking that, Matt started acting weirdly today. I don’t know what’s going on with your brother. He’s so damn confusing.”
“Tell me about it.” She said rolling her eyes. “What’d he do?”
I told her about to day and she squealed.
“Oh my gosh, you two. You’d be so cute together. I hate that he keeps confusing you though. Try not to give up. I mean, you’ve waited two years, what’s so bad about a while longer?” I shrugged and sighed.
“I don’t know. I know you really want us to be together, but it’s his decision too. I can’t make him fall in love with me.” She frowned.
“Look Cy, I know Matt’s had a lot of girlfriends but he’s never treated any of them the way he treats you. I know my brother. Besides, if you got a boyfriend, do you really think they’d like you being best friends with a guy like Matt?” I thought about what she said and shrugged. “Exactly, and I know you wouldn’t pick another guy over Matt.”
“No… I wouldn’t. I’ll keep trying, for at least a month. After that, I’m taking Nick up on his offer. Or if he gets another girlfriend. Because I can’t deal with that pain again.” She looked at me sadly.
“I know. My brother is stupid, I don’t know how you put up with him or fell for him but—” the door opened and Matt walked in.
“Cy, I’m done talking to Dad.” He eyed Makayla and then smiled down at me. “C’mon man, let’s go to my room. Maybe play video games or something.” I nodded and got up, walking towards him to leave the room. He threw his arm around my shoulder and we went down the hall to his room. “What was she talking to you about?”
“Nothing really.” We grabbed the controllers and he laid on his bed, on his stomach. I climbed on his back and sat there… That’s how we usually sit when we play video games. It started as a joke, I got mad that he was winning and sat on him to get the controller. I never got it from him, but I just started sitting like that. It’s comfortable and an excuse to get close to him.
We played the game for a while, he was pretty quiet and also losing. We were playing Black Ops 3 online, and he was all the way at the bottom. He didn’t seem focused like usual.
“You okay Matt?” I asked him, playing in his hair as the game finished. He was quiet for a bit then got out of the game. He turned over, making sure I didn’t fall off of him, and laid on his back. I was straddling him now.
“So… Dad and I were talking.” He said looking up at me nervously. I nodded. “You see… Dad knows how your parents treat you, and he hates it. He called your dad and talked to him about it. Freeman got angry and told Dad that if he’s such a good parent that he should take you. He told Dad to tell you not to come back because…” He looked away, glaring at the wall.
“I know, he doesn’t love me.” He looked up at me sadly. I shrugged and got off of him and stood up. I felt myself about to cry and I walked away from him towards his balcony. I heard him get up and follow me, I didn’t want him to see me cry again. Don’t follow me.
He pulled my hand back and hugged me. I started sobbing and he rubbed my back. “I heard them arguing one night. He told Mom that he’d never have a homosexual as a son. He told her I was a disgrace and would not carry his family name. He was mad at her because they’d been trying to have another child, and she’d been taking birth control when she found out why he wanted another one. Mom’s been trying to change me so that maybe he’d love me… She’s been trying to help. He told her either I leave or he does. I ran away right afterwards.” I felt him tense up, sigh and hold me tighter. “He never even looks at me anymore Matt.”
“I’m so sorry Cy.” He whispered.
“That’s why I’m so afraid of losing you. You and your family are all I’ve got left.”
“I’ll never leave you Cy. I promise. It’s their loss, they’re stupid for ever treating you like that. You’re going to stay here with us now, and I promise to keep you happy here. We’ll treat you how you deserve.” This is why I love this guy.
“Thank you, I know you will.” I pulled back and looked up at him. He smiled at me and ruffled up my hair. I smiled back at him. He wiped my tears from my face. “They won’t be at the party tomorrow, so you can wear whatever you want.” I frowned.
“I don’t have anything else. Other than my clothes I’ll sleep in. Your clothes are too big for me.”
“Don’t worry about that. I’ll take care of it.” I raised my eyebrow and he shook his head. “Seriously, I will. You can go take a shower or whatever.” I was about to walk away, but he pulled me back into his arms and squeezed tightly. I sighed and relaxed into him. “I don’t know why you didn’t tell me about this whole thing sooner, but you can talk to me. About anything, and I mean that Cy. I don’t like for you to have to go through things like this alone. I really care about you and I want you to be happy… It happened that night I called and you didn’t answer at first, but when you did you told me you had just watched a chick flick and it made you cry right?” I nodded and he sighed. “I knew it was something else. Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I thought I was always bothering you. I have too many problems, you shouldn’t have to deal with them.” He pulled back and looked me in my eyes.
“You aren’t bothering me, you never bother me. It becomes my problem when it pertains to you. I mean that, don’t you forget it.” I stared at him, seeing how serious he was. I nodded nervously under his stare. He smiled a little and ruffled up my hair again. I swatted his hand away and he grinned. As much as I act like I hate him playing in my hair, I actually like when he does that.
I went to shower and he left his room. As I was in the shower I thought about what all of this meant.. I’m going to be living with Matt. With that being said, he’s going to make me sleep in the same bed as him every night. Kill me now. This is going to be tortuous.
I always wondered what his stupid girlfriends would say if they found out. I have a feeling they never knew. For some reason he had girlfriends but never really did much but talk to them. He didn’t kiss them on the lips and he barely ever touched them. When I was around at least. I think that’s why I’m able to deal with this so easily.
He’s so sweet though, the way he talked to me. Whatever girl marries him will be lucky. He’s a great guy, the greatest guy. I felt so at home and relaxed in his arms. I didn’t want to stop hugging him. But of course all good things come to an end.
I got out of the shower, dried off, and put my clothes on. I walked back into the room and Matt was laid out on the bed. His hair was kind of wet, and he’d changed, signaling he’d already taken his shower.
“You and your long showers. You can choose what we watch tonight.” I put my bag down and climbed in the bed, laying my head on his shoulder.
“You don’t have to let me choose just because of what happened. It’s your turn.”
“Or maybe I was just letting you pick because I’m nice. But if you don’t want to…” I laughed.
“Okay, I’ll choose. But, it’s going to be a chick flick.” He groaned then laughed.
“I’m prepared for it. Let’s do it.” I decided to not go with a chick flick because he turned today into a good day even though I was basically kicked out. Being with him always lightens my mood. I turned it on American Dad, which we both really enjoy. “No chick flick?”
“No. You’ve been a good boy today, I decided not to torture you.”
“Aww thanks babe, are you so sweet.” I blushed and rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see me. I punched him in his stomach, and he groaned.
“Shut up. Always teasing me.” I grumbled and he laughed.
“I’m sorry, it’s just so fun!”
“Whatever.” We laid there for a bit and watched the show. My phone rang after a while and it was Nick. Matt got to my phone before I did and glared at it. “Can I have my phone please?” I asked irritated. He ignored me and glared more then answered it.
“Hello?” He got even madder, he clinched his fist that wasn’t holding the phone. “Cyrus is busy…. N–no, I’m not, but… What do you know about me?…You know what, fuck you. I know what the fuck I’m doing.” He hung up and I tried to grab my phone but he shook his head.
“Matthew, give me my phone.” I told him, glaring at him.
“Why? Do you want to talk to him?” He asked me angrily. I didn’t answer him and he walked closer to me. “You’d rather talk to him than hang out with me?” I shook my head.
“N–no, it’s not like that Matt. Just give me the phone.” I grabbed it from him quickly. He glared at the phone as it started ringing again. He surprised me when he pushed me back onto his bed and put my arms over my head to get it. “What the fuck Matt?” I yelled at him as he declined the call. He looked down at me angrily.
“Just tell me Cy, do you want to talk to him?” I bit my lip and nodded. He got even madder. “Why? Why him? Huh Cy? Is it because he approached you? I don’t like him.” I’d never seen him get angry at me before. But it made me pissed that he was acting this way. He has no right.
“I don’t care! I’ve never liked any of your girlfriends, yet you still had them! I didn’t make you break up with them! Do you want me to be alone forever? No one has ever had a crush on me, and finally someone likes me and I could like them, and you don’t want to give me the chance!” He was close, our faces were close. He closed his eyes, leaned down and nuzzled his face in my neck. I shuddered and he took a deep breath and pulled back. Then he let me go and gave me my phone.
“I’m sorry Cy… You’re right. You have the right to do whatever you want. I shouldn’t hold you back. Go ahead, call him back… I’m going to go out, I’ll be back later. Don’t wait up for me.” I wanted to tell him not to leave. I shouldn’t have yelled at him. But when he yelled at me about Nick I exploded. I’ve been waiting on the sidelines for him for so long.
I laid down, not feeling very tired anymore. The events that just passed kept playing through my head.
What the fuck just happened?
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