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CHAPTER 1
ELI’S POV
I listened to the pitter patter of the raindrops hitting the car windows to ignore the feeling of uneasiness in my stomach.
I was sitting in my best friend, Kayla’s, car in the passenger side.
I glanced over to her. She was humming to whatever song was on the radio. She was completely oblivious to my nervousness. That was okay.
I didn’t want to talk about it.
Today wasn’t just any day. Tonight I had another basketball game.
I bet your wondering why I’m so nervous about the game. I’m the star player so why would I be worried?
The truth was I was the star player but I didn’t want to be.
My dad wanted me to be.
I honestly hated myself so much. Some people would say I’m ungrateful because of how much I am privileged in my life. I was athletic, had a good home, popular, and all the girls loved me but I hated myself because if everyone found out who I really was that would all change.
It had its good parts though, being the athletic one, It meant no one would ever guess the one thing I hated myself for; being gay.
I haven’t really came to terms with it per say, but It was there.
I was gay.
There nothing that would change that. Trust me I have tried to deny it for my entire life. I was attracted to men. That didn’t mean I would have to ever come out, I could just get married to a girl, have some kids, grow old and die.
I would be fine.
Maybe I would be more comfortable with it if my parents were more opened minded. But the have made it clear they they weren’t.
They both made homophobic slurs at least 10 times a day, and were both extremely judgemental.
And baskettball was kinda my way of hiding my gayness, and some of my self hate.
Being in basketball ment having a dad that was proud of me. It felt as if I even did the smallest thing that was feminine people would suddenly hate me and be disgusted by me.
I loved how much pride my dad had in me, and even though sometimes I want to cry during sad movies and sometimes I even want to paint my nails, but I couldn’t disappoint my dad.
“Are you still nervous about the basketball game?”Kayla asked, I felt her gaze on me and shifted uncomfortably.
When I didnt reply she kept talking.
“Dont worry, you guys are gonna win the game and your dad will be proud.” She said confidently, if only it was that simple. She had no idea I was gay.
I don’t want to do this. I hate basketball. I don’t really like sports in generall. But I don’t want anyone to find out I’m gay. Hell, I don’t even want to be gay. The best option to hide it is to be the walking testosterone of the school.
When we got to school I said good bye to Kayla, promising her I would see her at lunch.
I sighed as I watched her walking down the hall, ignoring the many girls checking me out.
As I walked down the hall to my first class I thought about our friendship. It was a lie. I felt so guilty keeping this secret from her. Shouldn’t I be open about my sexuality to my best friend? But what if she told everyone? And I could stand losing all my football and basketball team buddies but she was my best friend, my number one, and what if she thought I was just as disgusting as I felt?
What if I lost my best friend?
I walked into my first class, too deep in thought to notice the boy in my seat.
“Umm…” I cleared my throat walking up to him. “Your kinda in my seat.” I said awkwardly. The boy blushed and started to stand up but Kyle Hartman, a tall, strong guy from the football appeared next to us.
“Yeah, get out of Eli’s seat.” He sneered and I felt more people look over at us.
“Haha the new kid must be blind, taking Eli’s seat is not a good idea.” I heard someone snicker and I felt guilt eat me away. Was I supposed to pick on the guy now?
I know everyone thought I was just another washed up jock but that didn’t mean I wanted to pick on people.
“Don’t worry I’m going…” The new boy muttered and stood up embarrassed.
I felt bad that he had to spend his first day like this but it’s not like I could do anything.
Kyle, and everyone else went to there seats. Leave it up to Kyle to ruin the new kids day.
I glanced back at the new kid and saw him staring down at the ground, ignoring a few people behind him that were flicking the back of his head. Poor guy.
When class finally ended, and I got away from the buz of classmates trying to talk to me, I caught up with the new kid in the bathroom, luckily no one else was in there. I didn’t want people to know I was apologizing. That would definetly be bad publicity.
“Hey, I’m sorry about the whole ‘seat’ thing in class, I wasn’t mad or anything.” I said nervously as I tapped his shoulder and he turned around and faced me.
He looked at me strangely then his face relaxed and a smirk tugged at his lips. The smirk made my heart flutter with the tiniest emotion. I chose to ignore that.
He looked down at me, considering that he was a few inches taller then me, and sighed.
“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” He said shrugging.
I left to walk out of the bathroom but he called out again.
“I’m Carter by the way.” Carter. His name was carter.
“I’m Eli.” I replied and walked out.
Chapter 1
Carters pov.
I surveyed the cafeteria in disappointment. There was no where to sit.
I thought maybe the cute guy from my history class, Eli, seemed nice enough to let me sit by him but I saw him sitting by a lot of the more popular, intimidating people.
I sighed and found an empty seat.
I didn’t want to be here.
My parents made me move, my dad got a new job. They didn’t really give me much of a chance to protest, so here I am, in a school full of annoying people.
I guess I didn’t have the right to judge but it seemed true.
I mean, everyone Here only talks about the basketball game tonight, as if your not into sports you don’t matter. I guess I should give it more of a chance but so far I have been given no reason to.
“Hey, your the new kid right?” I looked up to see a scrawny boy with black framed glasses and deep green eyes.
“Yeah, I’m Carter.” I said shaking his hand and he sat down next to me.
“I’m Wesley, but you can just call me Wes.” He said, smiling, showing off a dimple.
I chuckled and gave him a questioning look. Was this a joke? Nobody had talked to me all day and suddenly this guy was sitting down next to me and shaking my hand.
“So, why did you move here?” Wesley asked, obviously trying to make conversation.
“My dad got a new job.” I said bluntly. He nodded and his mouth formed an ‘oh.’
“I don’t really get along with my dad either.” He said nodding.
“No, it’s not that, I get along with my dad just fine. I’m just mad at him for the time being.” I explained.
“Whatever you say Carter.” He said raising his hands in defense.
I rolled my eyes and held my middle finger up.
“Ah be carefull, you roll your eyes far enough back you might actually find a Brain.” He joked and I stuck my tongue out at him before joining him.
I liked this, I think that I actually made a friend.
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