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It has been two and a half month since they debut. Going to music shows to perform and going back to practice was still their daily routine. They were gradually gaining popularity, as seen from the increased number of fans appearing at each performance.
After completing their last schedule for the day, the seven of them exited the building while waving goodbye to their fans. Jungkook made sure that he was the last to appear, cautiously reminding himself that this is what the least popular member should do.
Ever since the day when he read those mean comments, Jungkook had been rather down. No one dared to mention about that incident ever since, probably hoping that things would slowly fade, but sadly, it didn’t.
The fact that fans criticized him for his bad Korean and his ‘extra’ image from the group had been in his heart since forever. His hyungs had occasionally sent indirect hints about forgiving and forgetting but dear maknae just prefer to think on the negative side.
Yes, he did brush up on his Korean…but the fans don’t know…or probably didn’t bother to notice. He stayed up every night to practice Koreans although studying is something he sucks at. Every time on stage, he stopped himself from making eye contact with the fans down there.
The originally confident Jungkook disappeared, and now, this 16-year-old became so timid and did not feel good about himself at all. “Probably, I’m really the extra one here…maybe…I shouldn’t have joined the group in the first place…” he often thought to himself.
As day goes by, Jungkook began to lower his head whenever he goes out, he will always cover his face with his hair or a mask, and sometimes only showing his pair of eyes. And even today, he was dressed in all black, waving goodbye to his fans out of courtesy and was the first one to hop into the bus.
His hyungs noticed that sudden change in him too, and was worried. The maknae who has the least experience in life, as a trainee, as a minor, he doesn’t know how to cope with such massive amount of hate. And today, Namjoon decide to do something.
After making sure that Jungkook had fallen asleep at a corner with his headphones on, the leader got the attention of his other members and gathered them to the other corner.
Jin: Wae yo?
RM: Anyone remember what date is today?
SG: Hmmm…it’s 1 September…so?
RM: Nothing comes to mind?
Others: *shaking their heads*
JM: It’s Kookie’s birthday!
Others: Jinja?!?
JM: Ne…aish…I actually forgot!
RM: Me too, but luckily it’s not too late.
Jin: Are you having some plans in your mind, Namjoon?
RM: Ne. Don’t you think uri Kookie…isn’t quite happy these days?
SG: I assume that your ‘these days’ is referring to the period ever since he saw those comments.
RM: Ne, ever since then, he hadn’t been very cheerful, and I’m pretty sure it’s not because of his poor Korean.
V: Kookie’s Korean had improved tremendously now!
JH: All of us know, but that can’t change the fact that some of the fans still dislike him, for whatever reasons.
JM: I say we should give him a surprise birthday party…to cheer him up.
SG: I agree, a 16 year-old kid shouldn’t be frowning all the time, he hardly even laugh or smile.
V: Ne, Jungkook always hide himself in the bathroom for hours.
Jin: I noticed it too!! He will always stuff something in his pocket and stay in the bathroom for probably an hour, and after that, he will come out with his forehead full of sweat.
JM: I wonder why does he do it?
Jin: Me too, I have seen him doing it probably thrice a week? And whenever I ask him, he would just say that he’s shitting.
SG: Don’t tell me he has constipation…
Jin: Unlikely…I don’t even think he’s using the toilet…
RM: Hmmm…that’s one mystery that we need to solve. But anyway, everyone has objections about the birthday party?
Everyone shook their heads, and instead, they began to throw out ideas on how to make the party memorable and successful.
“Okay, here’s the plan,” the leader said, “We will hold it in our dance studio. Jin and Yoongi hyung will buy the cake, V and Hoseok will be in charged of decorating the room, while I will order some chicken and pizza.”
“What about me hyung?” Jimin asked.
“Hmmm…you have the most important role Jiminie. You will stick with Kookie and distract him while we get all things set up. I will text you when we’re done and you will lead Kookie to the studio.”
“Sounds like a great plan!” J-hope cheered as he glanced at the sleeping maknae, “hope that this will make him feel much better.”
~~~
Things were going in plan when they reached the company. Without the need for his hyungs make up reasons before they execute their secret mission, Jungkook simply said that he needed to practice his vocals alone and soon locked himself in one of the rooms.
Jin gazed at the maknae’s back view and sighed, “Haiz…he always like to be alone.”
“Always practicing whenever he’s free,” J-hope continued.
“It’s better than him using his free time reading mean comments, right?” Suga pointed out.
“That’s right,” Namjoon forced out a smile and grabbed everyone’s attention, “Let’s be optimistic and think that uri Kookie has grown numb to all those hate. And now, our task now is to make him laugh, genuinely! Mission to hear Kookie’s laughter, begins!!”
Everyone dispersed to their respective locations, including Jimin. He wasn’t sure if he could successfully hide the plan from Jungkook, after all, he has a soft spot for Kookie. Jimin tried to peek into the studio, hoping to get to hear parts of Kookie’s angelic voice – how he wish one day they could do a duet…
However, when he scanned through the room, Jungkook was nowhere to be found. Lying in the middle of the room was white pouch. Jimin remembers this box – Jungkook often brings it to the toilet with him and only girls use that to store their pads.
Out of curiosity, Jimin stepped forward to check it out. To his horror, there were blood stains on it. Not just one, but a lot, lots and lots of dried blood. And his gut feeling tells him that at that very moment, Jungkook is somewhere, ‘losing’ blood again…
With the speed of light, Jimin rushed to the toilet and immediately, he spotted a cubicle at the extreme right. Not wanting to alert him, Jimin gently enter the cubicle beside and peeked over the partition.
Indeed, Jungkook was in there, with his head hung down. His shoulders were shivering, followed by streams of tears falling. And there, Jimin spotted a bloody scene. Jungkook had one of his hand grabbing his other’s wrist, tightly.
“Jungkook ah…” Jimin cried, “hajima…”
This gave the maknae a huge scare. Jungkook immediately stood up and opened the cubicle, in attempt to escape from the toilet, but he was one second too late. His hyung has grabbed his arms swiftly enough and stopped him from running away.
“Don’t go!” Jimin ordered as he pulled the maknae who was stronger than he seemed.
“Andwae hyung, let me go,” Jungkook resisted.
“I can’t, I saw what you were doing inside!”
“It was nothing hyung!”
This was their first argument and the first time Jungkook actually screamed at Jimin. Jimin held onto his dongsaeng tightly, determined to get things settled right now.
“I saw blood on your wrist Kookie!”
“There isn’t! You’ve mistaken!”
“Aniyo!! I witnessed it clearly! You-“
“Aniyo hyung, aniyo…”
“You were cutting yourself, right?!?” Jimin shouted as he pulled Jungkook closer to him. Now, their eyes met – this is probably their first time being so near each other. “You were cutting yourself just now, didn’t you?” he stressed again.
And now, Jungkook did not know how to reply. His eyes were glued to the ground and no words came out from his mouth. Suddenly, Jungkook accidentally relaxed his hands and it dropped on the ground.
Jimin stared at it in shock. The penknife…with blood on it…
The atmosphere instantly became tense. Jimin could only gaze at his dongsaeng in disbelief, grabbing his hand tighter each second to warn himself that it isn’t a dream.
“Hyung…” Jungkook uttered under his breath, “아파요 (it’s painful),” as he pointed to his left wrist.
“Oh shit, mianhe,” Jimin apologized before loosening his grip, “Wait, it’s still bleeding!”
“Ah, gwenchana hyung, I’m used to it,” he blurted out
“Ne?!? Does it mean that you have been cutting yourself more than once?”
“Huh? I…I…” Jungkook stuttered after realising that he just gave himself away, “A-aniyo…”
“When? When did you start all these?”
“I didn’t…I didn’t…”
“Stop lying Jeon Jungkook, let me honestly.” It was the first time Jimin had addressed Jungkook with his full name, and this tells the maknae that his hyung really meant business this time.”
“Since…since…err…”
“Since the hate comments?”
Jungkook buried his face in his palms and shook his head repeatedly. “I…I…I really don’t know what to do hyung,” he sniffed, “I hate myself so much now.”
“Just ignore them Kookie…”
“I can’t. I tried my best to shut off all those disgusted stares and negative reactions but I can’t!”
“…that’s why to resort to torturing yourself?”
“I thought that it would make me feel better, it would make them feel better.”
“By ending your life?”
“Aniyo hyung, I wasn’t trying to-“
“Just because of those ignorant fans you want to end your fucking life?!? Jeon Jungkook!! Is that the reason why you always hide inside the toilet for ages? Because you were inside cutting yourself? Do you find joy in it? DID YOU FEEL BETTER AFTER SEEING BLOOD DRIPPING DOWN FROM YOUR WRIST AND THAT YOU COULD DIE ANY TIME?”
“That’s not what you think hyung, I just-“
“JEON JUNGKOOK!” Jimin shouted, again, with the maknae’s full name, filled with so much pain and anger. He stared at the younger boy firmly, as one tear rolled down his cheeks, “did you ever, ever, thought of the people who care for you? There are still fans out there supporting you, and your hyungs outside organizing a freaking birthday party and you’re here trying to end your life on your birthday? How about me? Did my name ever cross your mind when you cut your flesh with that penknife?”
“Mianhe hyung…”
“That’s not what I wanna hear, Jeon Jungkook. Did you ever, ever, thought that there’s actually someone in this world who loves you damn freaking much and is now fucking pissed off with himself for not knowing that his crush is in risk of losing his life any time?!?”
“Mianhe hyung, mianhe…” Jungkook apolgised as he grabbed onto his hyung tightly, “I tried to control myself but I can’t. Whenever I close my eyes, I would think of those negative responses – oh he can’t dance, eww he sucks at singing, damn I didn’t even know he was singing in Korean I thought it was gibberish. All those shit comments just keep appearing in my head. That’s why…that’s why I…”
“That’s why you chose to cut yourself?” Jimin let out a mouthful of air before replying in a much calmer tone. “Do you know how scared I was, thinking that I may lose you any moment? Do you know how much my heart hurts when I saw blood dripping from your wrist? Why…why do you need to torture yourself…you’re torturing me too, Kookie.”
“But only when I feel the pain on my wrist can I really numb the pain in my heart. I wasn’t trying to take my life hyung, I swear. I just…I just need a way to vent my frustration.”
“But that’s not the right way, Kookie. No wonder you’ve been wearing jackets and hoodies these days. Why didn’t I notice this? How can I call myself a hyung like that? I don’t even have the rights to love you…”
“Don’t say that hyung! Please…love me…thank you for…loving me,” Jungkook’s voice trailed off.
“But I love you so much that seeing you hiding yourself in the toilet, cutting your wrist…it just hurts me too much. Am I really that incapable that you can’t even share your woes with me? Did I really not cross your mind when you need someone to talk to? Am I really that unimportant in your life?”
“Aniyo hyung! Aniyo! You’re important, you’re very very important to me. You’re always by my side, talking to me, cheering me up, making me laugh, doing anything and everything for me – and that’s probably why I find myself falling in love with you too. But then, I tell myself…I…Jeon Jungkook…don’t deserve you hyung. I don’t have the talent, I don’t have the looks, and my Korean sucks.”
“Then why are we having this conversation in full Korean now?”
“Huh?” Jungkook was taken aback by the witty reply from his hyung. Indeed, for whatsoever reason, Jungkook actually did not even stutter or blank out when talking to his hyung in full pure Korean, “I didn’t notice that hyung…”
“Me neither,” Jimin chuckled, “but if you say that only someone who can talk frequently in Korean can love me, I guess…you have passed the test?”
“J-jinja? C-can I really love you now hyung?”
“Come here,” Jimin pouted before pulling his dongsaeng in for a hug. He wrapped his arms around Jungkook and fit his head perfectly on his shoulders. Jungkook hugged back too, and realized that significant height difference between them.
While calming himself down, Jimin looked into the maknae’s eyes before whispering, “I don’t care if you suck at Korean, I don’t give a shit, and all you need to know…is one phrase.”
“Mwo ya hyung?”
“사랑해 (I love you). And you can only say that to me, me and only me.”
“사- 사랑해…”
“Do you know what it means?”
“Of course, Namjoon hyung says that to Jin hyung all the time before pulling him into a room.”
“ㅋㅋㅋ, then…can I do that to you too?”
“Hyung~” Jungkook immediately blushed before giving a light punch on Jimin’s chest playfully, “I’m only 16.”
“Yah Jungkookie! I wasn’t referring to the ‘pull him into a room’ part!! I didn’t know you were so dirty-minded! Oh wait…why am I even surprise when Namjoon hyung is your roommate?”
“Oops, busted,” Jungkook giggled.
Finally, Jimin finally saw that rare smile on the maknae’s face, so genuine so attractive. He reached out his hands and caressed Jungkook’s cheeks, before mumbling, “Don’t ever suffer alone okay? From now on, hyung will be responsible for your happiness.”
With that, Jimin’s eyes aimed at his dongsaeng’s puffy red lips before bringing his head closer. Jungkook, too, got the hint and bent down a little.
“Oh wait,” Jungkook stopped and stared at his hyung with a serious look, “Can I ask you something hyung?”
“What’s more important than kissing me?” Jimin pouted but continued, “sure. Wae?”
“Am I…the extra one in the team?”
“Aniyo! Don’t say that! None of us ever treat you as an extra!”
“But-“
“We love you so soooo much! You’re our precious maknae, the only maknae who can rap, sing and dance and look god damn hot on stage. Bangtan will be difference without you, you’re the one and only golden maknae, our golden maknae Kookie.”
Disclaimer:
Everything in this story is pure fiction – Jungkook did not receive hate neither did not cut himself.
But well, there’s still some true facts to it – like Jungkook going to the States to learn dancing, and about Jimin’s overflowing love for his Jungkookie…hmm…where’s my Jikook shippers at??
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