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Tonight’s nightmare is different.
I’m falling.
I’m falling into an endless pit of darkness, the cold biting at my exposed skin and slowly, steadily freezing my blood within my veins.
The bullies call to me from the shadows, following me on my way down. The same hateful words are spoken and screamed, the same words that caused me so much fear and pain at my old school. The words that nearly sent me over the edge.
This time, they succeeded….and I open my mouth to scream as I approach the rocks awaiting me at the bottom of this pit.
I wake up to my phone ringing. Taking a moment to wipe the sweat from my forehead, I see that it’s Ty.
“Hello?” I answer, trying to hide the shakiness in my voice, still recovering from the dream.
“Hey, Ethan!” Ty greets me enthusiastically. I think that I might detect a hint of nervousness in his voice, but I’m not sure.
“Hey.” I glance at my watch and marvel at the time. I’ve slept in til noon.
“I was wondering if you’d want to come over today. It’s been a while and everybody else is-“
“Sure.” I interrupt Ty, desperate to get out of my house and interact with somebody other than my parents and the staff at the library. “Thirty minutes sound good?”
I already know what he’s going to say, so I jump out of bed as I talk. As expected, he agrees.
I rush to get dressed into plaid shorts and a white t-shirt, hurriedly combing my dark hair and brushing my teeth. I jog to Ty’s house, my heart pounding.
Ty opens the door before I can knock, my hand hovering in a fist near his t-shirt clad chest. I gulp and lower my hand. Ty smiles his usual smile, except this one’s a little more apologetic. He shuts the door behind me.
“I’m really sorry I couldn’t meet with you for the last week, Ethan. There was no way I could get out of the reunion. You know how family can be.”
I nod. “It’s ok.” Ty had been dragged to Ottawa for a family reunion the day after we had watched Narnia at his house. The cousin that he had met at the dance studio had convinced him to attend for the sake of their dying grandmother, and Ty, with his heart of gold, hadn’t been able to refuse.
Unfortunately, that had left me bored and without my sketchbook for a week.
“Thanks for understanding.” Ty flops down on his couch and I follow suit. “So, I wanted to talk to you about something, if that’s ok?”
Oh no. “Um, yeah s-sure.” I feel a bit of an anxiety attack coming on. In my experience, nothing good has followed from those words.
My suspicions are soon confirmed. The overcast sky outside doesn’t help the matter, it makes everything dreary and uncomfortable, and I try not to fidget as Ty asks me, “You think I’m beautiful?”
I’m stunned before I remember our conversation from the other day. I usually draw whatever I find to be beautiful.
Ty taps his right foot to a silent rhythm while I consider how to answer. I’m so afraid that I’ll end up scaring him away. “Well, Ty, I, uh, I-“
“Yes?” He interrupts me, his voice cracking slightly. He’s just as nervous as I am.
“I like guys.” I blurt it out, my heart beating so hard I’m sure that Ty can hear it through my chest. My breath catches in my throat for a moment before I continue. “Please don’t be creeped out. Please, I swear I’m not gonna creep on you or anything. It’s just that you saved my life, and I can never find anybody,” I’m babbling now, but I can’t stop myself. “You seem really great, and I-“
Ty presses a finger to my lips to hush me. I freeze in shock. The whole machismo mindset of the general straight male population certainly wouldn’t approve of this action from Ty, especially towards a gay dude like me. I’m further surprised when he leans in and plants a gentle kiss on my lips.
He pulls away before I can return the kiss. He rests his head on his knuckles, his elbow leaning against the couch arm. “I thought you knew.”
I break out of my shock and I feel a rush of blood to my cheeks, a crazy blush. I shrug. “I was hoping.”
“Were you going to tell me?”
“I was afraid.” I look down at my feet, mismatched socks grinning up at me through a dozen smiley-face prints. “I didn’t know how you would react. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.”
“It’s alright. I’m actually bi. I don’t really give a shit about gender.” He chuckles, his laugh fading until he says, “My last relationship didn’t end so well. She found out. She didn’t like it. She did and said things that…weren’t so good. I just want somebody who will love me…” he trails off.
“For who I am.” I finish the sentence for him, gingerly taking his hand in mine. “Wow. I never thought I would find somebody else.”
“Yeah, me neither. I’m basically out publicly, but nobody has ever approached me. You’re special, Ethan.” He runs a hand through his hair, a piece falling into his eyes. He ignores it. “I think I was meant to meet you. I needed a friend; I needed another person who knows what this is like, to be different, to feel different. I’m not gonna let you go, I’m not freaked out at all, I’m actually really flattered by the sketches.”
I can’t be sure in this dim light, but I think Ty blushes.
“So, uh,” Ty stutters a little and I hold back a little smile. “I want to ask you something, but I don’t want to ruin our friendship, either. But since you’ve been honest with me, I guess I should be honest with you.” He sits upright, holding his chin high and looking into my eyes. “I like you, Ethan. I was wondering if you’d like to go out with me. On a date.”
“Yeah!” I answer more enthusiastically than I had expected and Ty laughs when I bite my lip.
“Ok, I’m glad we’re on the same page with this, then.” He thinks for a moment, the skin between his eyebrows creasing a little bit. “How about the Beach Days Festival? It’s starting tonight and it always has a really great atmosphere.”
“That would be awesome.” I’m nervous considering the crowds that will probably be there, but I know that with Ty by my side, I’ll be alright.
“Also, Ethan, I should’ve said this earlier. I’m really, really sorry for looking at your sketchbook. I shouldn’t have.”
“Don’t worry about it. This,” I motion at us, “might not have happened without it.”
“Ok, good. I didn’t want any bad blood between us.” He hesitates. “Would you mind explaining your other sketches to me? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, as they say, and I’d love to hear your perspective on what they mean to you.”
We spend most of the day shoulder to shoulder on the couch, pouring over my sketchbook. I even share a few poems with him, and he decides that he wants to try to write his own.
“Ok, um…let me think. Oh, I know! Chocolate!”
“Chocolate?” I question, but he holds up his hand to silence me. I wait.
“Chocolate is heavenly; the taste is rich within my mouth. The cocoa and sugar are what life is all about.”
“Not bad.” I’m amused, so I scribble the piece down. “Now I want chocolate.”
“Well there’s lots of chocolate at the festival, and it’s already three o’clock, so if we don’t hurry, it might be gone before we even get there!” He fakes a gasp. “Maybe we could make our way there?”
“Sounds good.” I slip my flip-flops on, deciding to leave my bag at Ty’s place for now. Looking outside at the still-overcast sky, I desperately hope that it doesn’t start raining.
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