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Stronger than the Stigma
(My HIV Journey)
Late in summer of my twenty-third year, I was diagnosed with Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV). It was a long journey before it all happened. I rarely left the house, spent quite a lot of time in bed, ate infrequently, and used to think how disappointing I would be if I’d become reactive.
Three months before my decision, I was rushed to the hospital due to high fever and countless rashes. I was diagnosed with measles. They had to isolate me from other patients in the emergency room due to the airborne disease. I was, somehow, relieved that it’s just an illness that’s not that serious.
A month after hospitalization, I still had the same feeling every single day — may lagnat tuwing gigising, laging pagod at masakit ang katawan, nanghihina at madalas inaantok. What made me feel worried even more are the rashes all over my body. They multiplied and my palms and soles are peeling off like a nasty skin disease. I was really disgusted with myself. I had to wear long sleeves shirts everyday at work and stay at home as much as possible. I had pimples and wounds inside my nose and my mouth. Sorethroat was killing me. I was denial of the fact that I am reactive despite of all those symptoms, until I saw a yellowish discharge from my genital. I was scared, really scared.
Last March 25, I bravely faced the greatest battle of my life. I had myself tested at Love Yourself Anglo. The test would usually run 15 to 20 minutes but I had to stay for another three hours after it was discovered that I was really reactive to HIV. They had to conduct another blood test and extraction to be forwarded to San Lazaro Hospital for confirmatory. My CD4 count was at 392 and a person should have at least 500 to be non-reactive. Apparently, I was reactive. It was also the time when I was diagnosed with Gonorrhea, a Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI), and Syphilis, a Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD), which caused my skin patches.
“Anong iniisip mo?” They repeatedly asked me.
“Hindi ko alam,” I replied the same answer every time they ask me the same question.
I went through a lot of laboratory exams and attended series of counseling. What made it even worse is the treatment of STI and STD. I had to go through a three-week antibiotic shots. The first wednesday, they injected the antibiotic for STD on my right buttock. The following day, a shot for STI on my left butt. Repeated it for three consecutive weeks. It was painful as hell. I had to stay still for the next 5 to 10 minutes after each session because I could hardly move. I cried like a baby being injected with a vaccine.
The fourth week was the beginning of the HIV journey. I went through another counseling and started to take the anti-retroviral (ARV) medicine (1200mg) daily, along with anti-TB for six months. I thought the pain was over, knowing that all those shots are done, but the start of ARV was way harder to handle than those syringes. The side-effects and the 14-day Hypoallergenic Diet was killing me. I couldn’t eat almost everything. ER has become my second home and IV was my new vice, but I was strong.
It’s been four months since I started the treatment, and I was able to rebuild myself. From 48 kilos I am now at 58 kilos. Skin patches are gone, no more wounds, infrequent fever, and energy was restored.
I joined my company’s volleyball league, eat a lot, laugh and enjoy life most of the time. I also committed myself to be an LGBTQIA+ and HIV Awareness Advocate, which I think the main purpose why I need to go through this trial.
In the next couple of weeks, I will go through a couple blood tests to check my syphilis and creatinine. In October, I will have my first Viral Load Test to see how effective ARV for me is.
This journey brought me to a different perspective. I was able to realize that I am accepted by the society and loved by many. I live in an environment free from prejudice and discrimination. I became stronger and bolder.
To anyone out there who goes through the same battle, stand up high! Don’t be afraid and don’t be enfeebled by the stigma. Remember that God is greater and stronger than the virus. Have faith and above all, believe in miracle. We are not different. We deserve all the happiness in the world. We are stronger than the stigma.
Men, women, and in betweens, don’t be afraid to know your status. HIV screening is free and confidential. Help us stop the stigma. Support HIV Awareness.
I love you all. ❤️
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