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I am a poz and this is my story.
Hi everyone,
My name is jay and yes isa po ako sa mga taong may HIV or PLhiv at eto ang kwento ko.
Stages of a plhiv.
“Confirmation Stage”
I was diagnosed last 2014 pa, working as a call center agent pa that time. Actually, wala naman ako plan mag pa test that time, nagpasama lang sakin yung boss ko magpa refill sa San Lazaro who is by the way, poz din, though may idea na ako na I might be infected kasi I was very active sa unprotected sex that time. I was exposed to sex at a very young age 13 years old yata ako nung first experience ko but no penetration oral sex lang either me or the other way around. So going back, while I’m waiting for my boss nagpa test nga ako. I wasn’t serious on taking the test kumbaga sakin para ma confirm ko lang yung hinala ko. As usual, counseling muna, konting tanong about sa sex life ko, information about HIV treatment and all. Then the actual test and boom* results are written in Bold and Caps lock pa it says “REACTIVE”.
Sa isip isip ko tama nga hinala ko poz nga ako. Well, hindi ko masyado dinama yung result kasi nga I wasn’t that serious pa. In denial, ika nga nila.
“IN DENIAL STAGE”
It took me couple of months before it finally sink in to my mind. I was devastated, I was completely out of tune, I cried so many tears, nagwalwal at nagpakalasing. I even ask myself why me? bakit ako? madami naman ako kaibigan at kakilala na mas malala at mas grabe pa sakin ang sex life pero bakit ako meron neto?. It even come to a point that I ask God why is he so unfair. Denial Stage, was still there I tried to live a normal life the way I used to be. Alak, yosi, trabaho vices and all. Hindi rin ako nagpagamot during that time. Wala rin ako sinabihan except yung boss ko na kasama ko nung nagpatest. I was broken. I am.
Then, here comes the “Realization Stage”. I realized why am I focusing on the burden that I have, if I can just lighten it up. So I decided to open it up sa family and trusted friends ko. Of course nasaktan sila but eventually they supported me. Natatandaan ko pa nung bata ako pag nagpepray ako lagi ko hinihiling kay Lord na sana magka cancer ako. Why? kasi para sakin pag may cancer ka atleast may chance ka pa to change. Pag sinabi ng doctor na may isa buwan ka na lang para mabuhay atleast may time pa ako for bucket list, para pagsisihan lahat ng kasalanan ko, to enjoy life to the fullest. But look kung ano binigay ni Lord sakin. Im an HIV POSITIVE. hindi ko alam kung mas okay but atleast Lord knocked me up. Kinatok ako ni lord at sinabi niya na. “nak’ kailangan mo na magbago. kailangan mo na magising sa katotohanan ng buhay. kailangan mo magpakatatag at tanggapin ang hamon ng buhay”. Sadya talagang hindi lahat binibigay ng diyos sa atin ng direkta. Kasi kailangan natin matuto at kailangan natin magtiwala sa kanya. It just so happen na sa ganitong paraan ako tinawag ng panginoon. But I have no regrets, never had and never will.
And now, the final phase. “Acceptance Stage” .
Yes, ACCEPTANCE. for me to move forward kailangan ko tanggapin ang katotohanan. Pero hindi to kailanman sagabal para ipagpatuloy ang laban ng buhay. Maswerte ako, maswerte tayong mga PLhiv sapagkat kinatok tayo ng panginoon upang bumalik sa piling niya. Dahil binigyan niya tayo ng pagkakataon para magbago para pag dumating ang oras na kukunin niya ako handa na ako. To be honest, I’m not afraid to die. in fact ready na ako para don. It took me almost 2years para maging matapang tanggapin at yakapin ng buong buo na POZ ako. Now, I’m currently taking my ARV meds. Fighting and surviving. Enjoying the life and proud to say.
“I am HIV POSITIVE and I am not afraid”
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