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Good Day Everyone!
I am Alexander Caisa Abad. 31 years old from Pasig City.
Diagnosed 2009 Mobile Malate by Doctor Louie Mar Gangcuangco
Free HIV testing was done beside O-Bar Malate.
This is my story.
After the world witnessed, one of the greatest story you’ll ever heard “The Edsa People Power Revolution” a child was born. I was born in Kawit, Cavite (April 15, 1986). My mother Jocelyn Tibayan Caisa is a caviteña (Cavite) and my father Alberto Lizo Abad is lagueño (Laguna).
I am number 6. I’m the 6th child of Mrs. and Mr. Abad. Their first child is a boy. My big brother named Jayson (1980) followed by my big sister named Avegail (1981) 3rd is Janice (1982) 4th is Alberto Jr. (1983) 5th is Annabelle (1984)
They don’t have their own house at that time. So basically.. they are only renting a house one place to another. My father’s job was a cushion maker of owner type jeeps and my mother is a fish and seafood vendor.
They met in Guadalupe. My mother used to sell fish and seashells in Guadalupe Market and that time my father used to work in the same area.
Anyhow.. (1979) they got married.
Here comes 1986.. Alexander Caisa Abad was born in the historic land of Kawit, Cavite.
7th child is a girl named Jo-anne (1989) 8th is Maria Sarita (1990).
Between those years.. from 1986 up until 1990… My parents decided to go back in Cavite and lived where my Grandma’s house is located in Binakayan Kawit, Cavite.
My parents that time was renting a stall and selling fish in Pasig Super Market. My father resigned from his job and together they helped each other.
While we are in Cavite.. growing up without parents was really hard. We don’t see them often because they need to work for us. I’m always at my grandma’s house. I love my Lola so much and I miss her right now. (this is what i really hate when im telling my story to other people when it comes to my family. i cry a lot.)
I was molested at the age of 4 up until 6 years old.. during the time we are in Cavite. It is Atoy.. the houseboy of my Tita Mely and a former sacristan at Aglipay Church in Manggahan.
He always asked me a favor to do something (blowjob) under the house of my Tita Luz or you can call it “Silong” in tagalog. In return, he will teach me how to ride a bike which I really like to do. Sometimes.. I sucked his dick at the comfort room of the church. He told me and he said that I shouln’t tell it to anyone. Keep it a secret.
Anyhow.. I finally learned how to balance my self using a bike. Because of my determination I was able to do it without the help of Atoy. So many bruises and scratches.. I fell so many times before I learned how to use the bike properly.
My parents was able to find a house in Pasig where I live right now.
I studied in San Miguel Elementary School (Public) since Grade 1 until Grade 6.
Madalas akong mabully. Im thin and you can see how feminine I am when I was young. Most of my classmates call me “Bakla” and “E.T.”. For them, I look like an alien from outer space.
But I am not affected with those words whatever they call me and just focus on my studies. Im a consistent honor student and a choir member. Im always in Top 5 in the class and recieved various award like being “Most Industrious” and being best in different subjects.
Many things happened during that time. from 1990 to 1999. I’m a home buddy.. I dont go outside to play with other kids. I’m always at home from Grade 1 until Grade 5.. my big brother always asked me to sucked his dick when he and I are the only persons inside our home.. Like what Atoy told me before. Dont tell it to anyone that what my brother said to me.
Grade 6 when he asked me again if I wanted to suck his dick again and I said No. After that he never asked me again. Btw, our house burned 3x already because it was just built using a light materials.
After I graduated in Elementary (1999). I enrolled in Sagad High School. Since my grade was really good I supposed to be in 1-AS Section but 1 and 2 are already full. So I was put in Section 3-AS.
High school life was so fun. I also recieved an award for being so talkative. I recieved an “Extemporaneous in Public Speaking” award. Like elementary days.. Lagi akong nabubully. Hahahaha. They call me Holly Berry.. (halitosis) because most of the times I go to school without eating breakfast.
January 1, 2000 my brother “Ogie” or Alberto Abad Jr. got bumped in his motorcycle. He died in Cardinal Santos Medical Santos Hospital last January 4, 2000.
I lost my interest to go back in school. We were in the same school. He was 3rd year high school and I was 1st year that time.
I didnt finish my first year high school in Sagad. After a year my parents transfered me to RESPSCI (home study school) same thing happened… I didn’t finish it..
I was an out of school youth for 3 years.. 2003.. I heard about this test where I can accelerate. I took a test in Central Elementary School and luckily I passed. Now, I can go back to school and I can enroll in college directly and show my diploma.
But before that… I worked in a fast food chain. I was 17 that time. I went to SSS and put 1985 instead of 1986 so that they will hire me.
I passed and enjoyed working as a service crew.. it was so fun.. I became a trainer.. I received “Rookie of the Month”, Best Seller and different awards.. after a year of working in a fast food chain.. I said I want to go back in school.
I studied in Don Bosco Technical College for 2 years as a Fitter Machinist (Vocational Course). I am a scholar and didnt pay anything. I worked in Ford Motor Company Philippines last 2005. It was an OJT at first but its up to them if they will hire you as their regular employee. I got hired but then I resigned because I found out that I have “Costochondritis” a disease that has no cure.
2006 I went back to Don Bosco Technical College but this time. I took up Bachelor of Science in Information Technology. Im a part time working student so that I will only pay half of my tuition fee.
Nag aaral ako sa umaga tapos nagtatrabaho as a student assistant in school. Sa Computer Science Laboratory. Thats how I learned more about computers..
Since I was young.. I knew that I am a gay.. I like men. I collected men’s magazines.. I have sexperiences with so many men. I love clubbing.
Insecurities.. super dami ko nyan sa katawan… I feel so ugly.. payat ako. Im not handsome..
Kaya noong panahon nagkaroon na ako ng experience sa ibat ibang lalaki.. I said. Im likeable.. My self esteem went up.. I thought no one would like me because of my physical appearance.
Laman ako ng malate gabi gabi kahit na noong panahong nag aaral pa ako.. Marami akong namimeet at nakakasex.
August 2006 my father died because of heart attack in Cavite. I was in school. I hate my dad because he has so many addictions… babae, sugal, alak at paninigarilyo.. Lumaki kami na ang kasama namin ay ang mama ko lamang ang bumubuhay sa amin.
11th child my sister Alexis (1995) was born.. before thay 9th and 10th died.. 12th is Joey Albert (1999)
2007.. first year college natapos ko ang pag aaral ko but I didnt continue because of financial problems..
from 2007 hanggang 2009.. nasa gimikan lang ako palagi.. Minsan lang ako umuwi ng bahay namin.. Tumira na ako sa bahay ng kaibigan ko sa Kapitolyo Pasig na nakilala ko sa isang website called guys4men.
Naging normal na sa akin ang pakikipag sex sa ibat ibang lalaki. Safe sex.. most of the times unprotected.
2009 napilit ako ng friend ko na magpatest for HIV. I didnt disclose my status to my friend that I am positive.
Nag continue ang buhay ko as if nothing happens.. 2010.. Pinalayas ako and I decided to leave sa bahay namin.. When my mom told me I’m just a gay. He called me “Bakla” Walang kwenta at walang silbe.
Suicidal ako bata pa lang.. dahil sa dami naming magkakapatid. Naiinggit ako minsan sa ibang kapatid ko kapag nabibigyan sila ng atensyon o binibilhan ng gamit. Grade 4 ako nung una kong sinubukang mag bigte. Anyway.. di nangyari kasi narealize ko na mahal ako ni mama.
I told myself. Yes bakla ako pero patutunayan kong may silbe ako.
Nakitira ako sa bahay ng fren ko sa Quezon City for 2 months. Hindi nila ako nakita.. Walang nakaalam kung nasan ako.. gumigimik pa din ako.
Until one day my friend told me I have to go back in our home. Naghahanap nanako ng trabaho that time. Dun ako nagsimulang magtrabaho sa call center.
From 2010 up until 2014.. puro call center lang ang pinasukan kong trabaho.
2012.. na try ko ding gumamit ng marijuana.. tapos yung baked marijuana na halos ikabaliw ko at gusto kong tumalon ng hotel.. during that time at mag suicide.. never again..
No one knows that I am PLHIV.. Even my own family and friends. Aside from being a call center agent.. marami akong sideline.. nag tinda ako ng load, magbenta ng avon products, natasha, boardwalk, dakki name all of it.. sinalihan ko na.. nag bebenta ako ng leche plan at ube.. para matustusan ko ang pambili ko ng gamot ko.
Naoperahan ako sa Cainta dahil may anal warts ako. Na operahan ako sa tenga because my cholesteatoma and infected ang right ear ko last 2012.. Im partially deaf. malabo na din mata ko.. but then tumayo ako sa sarili kong paa while helping my family and my siblings pambili ng gatas ng mga pamangkin ko at iba pa.
I bought so many things like.. playstation 1 to 3.. so many shoes.. bags.. clothes.. I was able to buy everything I wanted because of my job. I go to different places.. mga gamit sa bahay at motor.
When I was young… naiinggit ako kasi wala akong pambili.. thats why I told my self when i grow up.. I will buy everything i want..
Sept 1 to 30, 2013 na try kong gumamit ng shabu.. every day and the whole month of sept.. pumupunta ako sa ibat ibang nakikilala ko para gumamit ng shabu.. yung mga foil at iniinject..
Sept 19, 2013.. nakipagmeet ako sa pasay to buy shabu worth P500… after ko bumili nakasunod ang pulis sa amin.. yung dalawang binilhan ko nakatakas.. ako lang ang hinabol ng pulis. di ako tumakbo. hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko.. namanhid tuhod ko at di alam ang gagawin.
bago ang gabing iyon.. nag away kami ni mama… nagalit ako kasi buti pa ang kuya ko naipagtatanggol nya at mahal na mahal nya.. di kagaya ako.. wala raw akong naitulong..
sabi ko sa isip ko sige gagayahin ko si kuya..magtinda na lng din ako ng bato para may maibigay akong pera pang puhunan nya sa palengke.
nung nakulong ako tinext ko kapatid ko. nagpunta sila at si mama.. yung pera ni mama na pang puhunan ay ginamit pang piyansa sa akin. nakalabas ako the following day tapos.. balik na naman ako.. nakipag sex at tuloy ang pagbibisyo.. humpak na ang mukha ko dahil lulong na ako sa droga. minsan tatlong araw akong gising.. at hindi na kumakain..
buong buwan ng sept of 2013..gumamit ako ng shabu.. kahit nakulong ako.. pagkalaya.. same thing ang ginawa ko.. sabi ko na lang.. sept 30.. ayaw ko na at magbabagong buhay na ako.. nagapply at nag hanap ako ng work.
tinigil ko na ang pagkontak sa mga tao.. at nagfocus sa paghahanap ng bagong trabaho..
oct 22, 2013.. natanggap ako sa Ibex. halos walang uwian.. training mula monday to friday tapos sat and sun.. activation account naman ako.. nagbebenta din ako ng mga damit from singapore.. leche plan at ube..
I had a normal life.. IBEX was my last call center experience.. I resigned February 22, 2014… after being on my team leader supervision.. I quit..
Lagi nya akong pinagagalitan. Sinisigawan. Hinihiya sa maraming tao. Ang bobo ko daw.. parang di ako nag training.
I went home crying.. I didnt eat.. I didnt talk to my family.. i didnt talk to anyone.. i cry every night and day.. and i said i want to die..i didnt take my meds.. i do that for more than 6 months.. Im so severely depressed because of what happened.
thats when i started to lose weight rapidly.. nights sweats.. COLD SWEATS fever.. cough.. i only drink water.. and eat banana sometimes..
then one day… di ko na kaya.. i talked to my sister.. her name is Joanne. i said please help me i want to live longer. Gusto ko pang mabuhay at makasama kayong lahat. Please bring me to RITM Alabang ONLY.. my weight that time was below 40… buto’t balat na ako…. I cant stand on my own. my sister Maria Sarita called an ambulance..
dami kong sakit..
immunocompromised pnuemonia.. di ko na kabisado yung mga naging update ng cd4 ko.. hahaha
candidiasis.. oral thrush.. grabeng paglalagas ng buhok.. vivid dreams.. marami akong naririnig na hindi naririnig ng ibang tao.. (nababaliw na ako sa taas ng dosage ng mga gamot ko) asthma.. at iba ibang kondisyon..
pati callas kalum yata (brain damage) sakit ng mga baliw.. NEGATIVE HAHAHA
i was thinking that time.. binabaliw talaga ako ng ospital hahaha kaya nag research ako sa google kung para saan ang mga gamot na iniinom ko..
napapraning na ako..
cd4 ko super baba na.. kinailangan na din akong salinan ng dugo.. anemic ako.. pnuemonia.. at iba pa
hindi pa natapos ang kalbaryo ko nung nakalabas ako ng hospital kasi marami pang mga nangyari sa bahay namin… na hindi ko inakalang magagawa ko..
para talaga akong may sayad.. nagpapaikot ikot.. tumatawang maisa.. lahat ng tingin ko sa mga tao sa bahay namin ay mga demonyo.. mga bagay na ayaw ko ng maranasan muli..
2015 na confine ulit ako sa ritm.. tinamad na akong mabuhay at uminom ng ARV.. naconfine at umokay.. 2016 sinugod sa emergency room sa Pasig General Hospital.. umokay ako..
Nagopen kami ng computer shop called Cybershack Internet Cafe last August 2016.
Ako nagmanage at nagasikaso until now together with the help of my family.
Wala na nga pala kaming negosyo sa Pasig Palengke. My mom has diabetes at tsaka highblood.
Nov 2016.. tinigil ko na ulit ang pag inom ng ARV hanggang Aug 2017.. nag sasawa na ako.. feeling ko walang na akong pag asa kaya I stopped drinking my meds hanggang Aug 2017..
Naconfine ulit ako August 18, 2017.. oo nga pla may sebborheic dermatitis din ako.. skin problem na parang psoriasis na wala ding cure aside from costochondritis.. tapos SUSPECTED COLON CANCER.. hahaha ang saya..
Tapos tinest din ako ng callas ulit for brain damage. feeling kasi ng mga doctor sa ritm.. baliw na ako.. hahahaha (NEGATIVE ULIT) LOL
Di ko na isinama yung mga iba pang mga detalye like yung nangyari sa akin sa Pasig City General Hospital nung manganak ang kapatid ko… Nightmare.. to the point na gusto kong idemanda lahat ng mga nurses at staff dun..
nakulong nga pala si kuya.. dahil sinet up sya ng mga pulis.. for more than 2 years.. at kakalabas nya lang. humingi na sya ng tawad.. at napatawad ko na sya..
Last year I started tb meds first line. for 6 months.
Right now, I am under medication of TB meds for line 2 plus Streptomycin (injection) 56 shots.. 8 months of medication. and it will end on January 2018.
sobrang stress na ako sa buhay..
But here I am from the time I found out that I am HIV+ since 2009 until now..
IM STILL FIGHTING.. I still have many dreams that I want to achieve.. makatapos ng college.. to buy a home for my mom for my family.. my own house.. para palakihin pa ang aming negosyo….
FOR THOSE NEWLY DIAGNOSED.. and for those who are giving up on life. Please dont give up. Let’s all fight this virus. This is not the end.
My CD4 last 2016 is 244 and now this Aug 2017… it went down to 74..
Our journey in life will not end here. Its just a start of a new beginnings.
Im going back to RITM Alabang this Oct. 5, 2017 (thursday) for my refill, lab and update for my viral load.
If you feel alone, talk to GOD.
If you are afraid, PRAY.
*sa mga natatakot o nahihiyang magpatest wag nyong intayin na mahuli ang lahat. magpatest na kayo hanggang maaga. hindi pa katapusan ng mundo. kung mag positive ka man o hindi…
LET’S LIVE OUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST!
LET’S LIVE OUR LIFE AS IF IT WERE THE LAST.
*for those who have concerned or questions about their health status.. pls check pinned post.
Ask Sir JB Santos if you need help.
We have so many Social Hygiene Clinic who offer Free HIV testing. Its free and CONFIDENTIAL.
Lets all stay healthy. Lets spread awareness not the virus. End the stigma!
(October 2, 2017) – (3:03PM – 6:05PM) unedited. kung maraming mang mali especially sa grammar ko.. pag pasensyahan nyo na po.. kayo na lang umintindi.. kung mejo magulo ask me.. my mind right now is still not functioning well.
#StayPositive #StayStrong #NeverGiveUp #NeverSurrender #LoveYourself #Xandie2017 #Amen
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