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My mom comitted suicide when I was 3 years old and my dad had a heart attack when I was 9 years old. I am a product of child abuse being passed on from one relative to another whom i am still thankful for funding atleast my education in elementary and high school. I was lost on track when I reached college where i decided to run away from my uncle who had treated me like an animal and went on searching for a place where i can survive. I ask for money and begged for random strangers to keep me in their homes in exchange for labor. I had to meet up with many gay men to ask for money and have casual sex and did things so i can survive. I was running out of options i had to do something. I went for a lot of days without food or water. I go to my college school and was a total wreck. My classmate saw all my sufferings in spite my efforts to be good in class. I was astray. In a limbo and was worst than a fuckboy a slave and a person who has sold his dignity and pride to survive. In the depths of my despair i constantly seek help. Continuing my journey by using people. Crying out for help and staying alive. I would even go to a carinderia to ask for food in exchange i would do errands for them. My life was a total waste and finally my half sister ask me to visit her in Manila. And she promised to aid me in pursuing my dreams. That was a very life changing experience. For the first time i felt someone cared and showed mercy on me. So i travelled places. Been with strangers.. Slept with people just to feed my empty stomach and all of the sudden help was present. When i got here in manila, i tried my best to get myself back up with the help of my half sister and step mother and my aunt abroad who had eventually stopped helping because she can no longer support me since she has breast cancer. At that time i had gonorhea and i was afraid to tell my half sister about it. It was a result of my numerous encounters when i was still in the province. When i told her about it she was frustrated and my sexuality of being gay has been devulged. Yet i tried to make it up by keeping my focus on my studies and tried to ensure that i will be somebody someday. But that worst was yet to come… I took a course in aviation school where i excelled in many things and been the jack of all trades. I left aviation school with recognition and decided to work for a bpo company and decided to live independently. Then i started feeling the joy of being free. Earning for my own. Getting things i had never dreamed of and being able to display who i am. I was fearless.. Independent and i was proud that I was GAY. Soon i found myself in a lot of social groups. Meeting partying and God knows what with different gay men from all walks of life. I was at the peak of my world. Nothing was stopping me of being the person i always wanted to be. But life is not always a bed of roses. You will be stucked for something that you will regret your entire life. I was diagnosed for HIV and i could have nearly died at that moment and all my dreams all the things i was experiencing stopped right there and then. My world started to change in a blink of an eye. It was a hopeless void and i was succumb in fear darkness and humiliation. My depression and frustration was too much that i wanted to end my life. But hey God has been there for me and he never gave up on me. Still he had showm me light through those people who have still believed in me … Who understood me. That despite my illness accepted me and gave me strength to never give up. That is why im writing this. To tell everyone that happiness is not the absence of problems. But it is attaining the solution to overcome these problems. I am not quite sure what the future beholds. But i am still thankful that i am still alive. I am great happy and strong and i will keep on being this way and prove to everyone that I can still find myself to wake up in the morning and smile despite the agony im feeling.
I am not to be pitied. I need to be understood. I have the virus but i have not lost my humanity.
Wish me luck on my journey because i will keep on rocking your world with wonders and surprises. So help me Lord.
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