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CHAPTER 5:
“How exactly did you see this going? Did you think you could just run forever?” Ama lectured. “Did you think no one would notice?”
“I thought I would kill him before anyone noticed.” I replied honestly, looking her in the eye. I couldn’t lower my head. Showing shame now would do no good and the truth was… I felt no shame.
For the first time in her life, my Ama was speechless. Her mouth nearly fell open in shock at my words. She tried to remain composed, crossing her arms over her chest. She looked at my brother who sat at the kitchen table beside me and then back to me. “How on earth could you think such a thing? Even if you hate him… an alpha without a mate is no alpha. You have heard the stories-“
“There are exceptions and you know it!” I cut her off, raising my voice at my mother for the first time in my life. “We’re at war! Wolves die everyday! Nowadays, there’s more alphas without mates then there are those with them. If I won again and I had remained unchallenged, one day Apa would have to step down and allow me to lead, mate or no mate.”
“Have you gone crazy?” Nico cried, elbowing me in the side. I knew he was in shock at how I was speaking to Ama, but I had nothing left to lose. All our cards were on the table now so there was no reason to keep any more secrets.
“I did research. I made sure that I could still lead, mated rule be damned.” I continued to explain. “They’ve done it before, even our pack. We have had an unmated alpha.”
“Because that Alpha’s mate perished before they could consummate!” Ama Snapped.
“And so would mine!” I snapped back.
“At your own hands?” Ama cried incredulously. “Micah, think about this! Today you will enter that field and openly attack your mate! It is unheard of! It’s disgraceful! It is an egregious sin!”
“It must be done.” I said calmly, resigned. Ama sighed, uncrossing her arms. We had been having this conversation for what felt like hours, with her insisting this was wrong and I insisting it didn’t matter. I know what she really wanted. I knew her purpose for this vexing back and forth. She was desperate for me to change my mind, to forfeit on site. I would not. It didn’t matter how long we sat here. I had already spent days in a cage. Nothing she could say could change my mind.
“My heart is broken. I am so very disappointed in your decision, Micah. The shame chokes me.” Ama shook her head slowly, closing her eyes as if she couldn’t bear to look at me for another second. My heart gave a painful squeeze.”
“Ama, Please…” Nico spoke up softly, “We were foolish, but Micah never intended to hurt you. All he wanted was what was best for us all. And now it doesn’t even matter because it’s not a fight to the death so-“
“You boys,” Ama cut Nico off, her voice barely a whisper. She brought her hand up to her eyes, as if to stop the tears before they could fall. “‘Best for us all’, you say. You speak of obligation, of duty to your people, and I wonder everytime if the weight of your words will one day cripple your tongue. When did moral obligation take my boys from me? When did my pups become servants to the people? Every moment since I birthed you I have been paralyzed with fear. Do you understand what it feels like, to be the mother of a child who plans to jump on a grenade? Every second since you were born i asked myself if you would die simply because you were mine. You sacrifice so much simply because you were born from me and it scared me to imagine you obligated to enter battle, obligated to sacrifice your life if it must be so. It has all been decided before you even left my womb and try as i do to raise you to be men, i’ve raised soldiers. Why? Why can’t you just be children? Why can’t you just love your mate and be loved in return? I already see every pleasure you deny yourselves, so why this too? One day, goddess willing, you will be a parent and you will never know peace again. One day you will stand in my shoes and be terrorized by the fear of all the things your child will have to do, all of which he’ll insist on doing without you. At that day, and that time, remember how little I asked of you. I hope that your heart doesn’t shatter like mine has.”
“Ama!” Nico called after her as she held up her hands in defeat and left the kitchen. “Micah, she’s serious.”
“I know.” I nodded, my chin still high. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Micah-“
“Better her heart be broken by this than be us dying in battle over a dumb war.” I told him, turning to look into his unsure face. “I will not leave the fate of our pack in the hands of someone who would see us all perish rather than concede. Noah is a danger and I know that for sure now. He locked me in a cage and even tried to forcibly mate me. He is as good as dead to me.”
“Well yeah that was wrong, but regardless of the outcome he’ll still be your mate…” Nico reasoned, his face concerned.
“Unless he’s dead.” i agreed.
“I mean… it’s not a fight to the death…”
I looked at Nico closely, watching as the wheels turned in his head. Realization dawned on him and he slowly shook his head. “A fight is a fight. If he died, he dies.” I told him slowly, grabbing his face in my hands.
“Ama and Apa won’t allow it.”
“It doesn’t matter what they allow. They cannot enter the fight. That would be challenge and they’d have to fight me. We both know they would sooner allow Noah to die.”
“Micah, be reasonable.” Nico cried, still shaking his head. “There is no point! You can win him without killing him!”
“For the good of the world, remember?” I held his face still, placing our foreheads together. “Remember?” My tone was pleading. “We’ve come so far. Think rationally.”
Nico hesitated. I kept my eyes closed and our foreheads together, hoping in vain some of my logic might transfer to his brain. Nico was my only support. He was the only person who truly understood me “For the good of the world.” he said softly, grabbing the back of my head to push my pace into his shoulder. “For the good of you.”
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It seemed the whole pack made it to the field. I looked around the circle of people surrounding Noah and myself. They had given us a crazy amount of room. It felt like a football field girth. I could still make out the confusion on everyone’s face, as they whispered to each other in concern.
I understood. Nothing like this had ever been done before. A physical fight between mates was unheard of. A refusal of a mate was unheard of.
“Are you embarrassed yet?” Noah called out from about ten feet away. He motioned around to the huge spectacle news of our fight had created. “You’re about to be even more embarrassed when I take you down.”
“Big words from a man who had to lock me in a cage for protection!” I shouted back at him. “Let them watch. Let them see the end of Alpha Noah.”
“I’m going to enjoy taking you in front of all of them.” He shot back, looking the cockiest he had since I formally challenged him.
In your dreams, I thought as i rolled my eyes. “You sure you want an audience to witness the disappointment?” he turned his back to me at that comment, choosing to stretch as if he hadn’t heard me. “What, no snarky response? Did I get too real for you?”
When he turned his eyes back to me, I felt my throat go dry. He wasn’t glaring or smiling, just simply looking at me in a way I don’t believe anyone ever had. I felt like I was being undressed with his eyes, but I couldn’t quite tell if I liked it or not. He closed the ten foot distance between us in a moment, coming to stop inches from my face. “Why should I humor you after everything you’ve done? You deserve punishment.” He said it calmly, calmer than any insult he ever spat in my face. His breath tickled my face, reminding me for a single solitary moment that this was the man who was made to please me. I could smell aftershave and fabric softener as he leaned in even closer, making my mind go foggy. “Do you realize how lucky you are to have me?”
And with that sentence, the smoke cleared and I was left with the memory of something I had long since given up. I scoffed, almost laughing, “Enlighten me, Noah. What can you offer me that your arrogance hasn’t ruined?”
“I’m experienced.” He chuckled, grabbing my chin. I felt my entire body cringe. Is this what a mates touch was supposed to feel like? All I felt was disgust. Even my wolf seemed displeased, filling me with dread at the thought of this person ever mating me. “With women and men.” Had I heard that right? Noah had experience with men? Noah, the guy who constantly made homophobic remarks around me had fucked men. I wanted to laugh, and maybe cry. All my life I had kept myself pure, even keeping my kiss protected for my mate. Most wolves did this. I had always imagined the moment my mate and I shared ourselves for the first time. This was yet another disappointment, another dream that would never be. Of course Noah had given his body to many others. The betrayal barely even registered anymore. Afterall, I had given him up a long time ago.
“Me too.” i lied, enjoying the confused and then enraged expression take over his features. I let myself have one moment where I looked into Noah’s eyes and imagined loving him how I had always dreamed of loving a mate. Sure it was stupid, but it was all I ever truly longed for. He was so handsome when he wasn’t speaking. His eyes were the clearest pools of amber i’d ever seen and his face could’ve been carved from marble. His skin gave me the impression it was smooth and possibly even tasted of honey. His jet black hair was the perfect contrast to his subtle tan. I mused that it must feel like silk. I imagined ripping it out of his skull as he showed me just how experienced he was. Maybe in another life Noah and I could have loved one another.
“You let someone touch you?” He growled, his grip on my face tightening. “Even though you knew you were mine?” The hypocrisy amazed me. “You should be punished for that too. I’ll fuck you so hard, i’ll break you in half.”
“While you’re holding me, i’ll think of him.” I said in the most sexual tone I could muster, watching his expression twist into one of a man ready to commit murder. “Maybe i’ll even call out his name. Maybe you’ll come home someday to find us together.”
The words had barely left my mouth when his clutch on my face shoved me back, making me stagger to stay on my feet. I stretched out my jaw, rubbing away the feeling of his tight grasp. He looked like he wanted to deck me. His whole body was trembling. His eyes looked black and his teeth were gritted, as if it was causing him great pain not to hurt me. I could’ve hurt him more, but a part of me took pity on him.
Afterall, I was going to take his life. I didn’t need to take his pride too. “I was lying, you idiot. Unlike you, I saved myself for my true love. Now I kind of wish I hadn’t.”
Before he could retort, my father spoke up. “This… this is a grave day.” my father started, forcing me to tune out as much as possible. I could see it on everyone else’s face already anyway. This should not be happening. That was the consensus amongst everyone.
Yet here they all were to watch. Funny how that works. I guess it was kind of like a car crash; horrifying, but you can’t seem to look away. I don’t think i heard my dad give the okay to fight, but I remember the shift in the crowd as it happened. Everyone seemed to be holding their breath, wondering if we would actually do it. For a second, I thought Noah had lost the will to fight as he stared at me in confusion.
It took me a moment before I realized he couldn’t shift. His wolf wouldn’t allow it. I almost laughed. My wolf seemed amused by this as well, choosing this moment to rub it in his face as I shifted in a single moment of horrid pain. I hunched low, growling. The crowd all took another step back. Noah was pissed, taking a step back as well to create some distance. His head seemed far away, most likely arguing with his wolf that refused to shift.
I charged him, adjusting for his attempt to lunge out of the way. I barreled into him, pinning him under me. He laid there growling, but otherwise unable to do anything. He had basically lost, all that remained was flipping him over and biting into his neck. It was too easy. There was no way I could get away with killing him like this.
My wolf was snarling and chomping at the bit for it’s chance to make him submit, but I knew better. It had to be a fight. I lifted my paw, slicing into his chest. Noah and the crowd seemed to gasp at the same time, shocked as the blood spurted into my face. I knew many would think I had just had a hard time flipping him, but I knew his wolf would have to be on the offensive now, with blood gushing from his chest.
Noah used his large tree trunk of an arm to push me off and I allowed him the upperhand for the moment. I needed him mad. I needed him to fight.
Noah stood there shaking, clutching his chest and bringing his hand to his face as if to make sure it was real. I crouched again, making it look like I was going to tackle him again. Noah saw this, his shift happening almost simultaneously. His wolf took a step back, attempting defense. I felt myself smile. Noah’s wolf was now in control. Fortunately for me, Noah’s wolf had a short fuse.
I charged him, smacking into him and collapsing into a thrashing ball of fur. He kicked and scratched, attempting to get us untangled, but I continued to snap at him, clamping my jaws shut on his hindleg at one point. His wolf yelped, kicking me off. I felt his blood dripping from my mouth, secretly enjoying the taste. I charged him again, not giving him a second to recover. He was able to easily knock me aside. I knew this. He was stronger than me afterall. If it was a battle of brute strength, i’d have surely been bested by now. However, this was not about strength. It was about cunning. I kept charging him and letting him push me back, waiting for the precise moment he would snap.
Finally, after nipping his wounded leg again, it happened. Noah’s wolf charged me, hard. He tossed me clear across the yard, the impact causing me to pause for a moment. I could hear the audible screams as this happened. It hurt like a son of a bitch. I was sure I had broken a few bones, but this was all part of the plan. He had to beat me, at least enough for the crowd to be appalled. I made a show of trying to stand and yelping, seeing how this solicited concern from the crowd. In a second Noah was beside me, trying to pin me, but I latched my teeth into his muzzle, bringing him down. What ensued next was a disorienting scuffle of snapping jaws. I wonder how bad it must look for Noah, a wolf twice my size, tossing me around.
Realizing this show was almost over i maneuvered my way onto his back. He was thrashing about and I had only a moment. I needed to bite into his throat. Usually, the bite was supposed to be to the neck scruff, just enough to force submission; however, ‘accidents’ happened everyday. Who could blame me in this fight if I caught his throat instead and who could blame me when his thrashing tossed me away, my unclamped jaw tearing out his throat. I opened my jaw, ready to strike and be done with this charade once and for all-
“Micah no! Don’t do this!” I was startled for a single moment as I looked out at the voice that was far too close than it should be. Nico was sprinting onto the field, screaming for me to stop. All it took was a moment of distraction for Noah to knock me off. Hard.
I flew in the air, landing hard and with a whimper. This fall winded me, and i was unable to move as my broken bones attempted to heal. I would be paralyzed for a few seconds.
For a second no one moved. I saw my Apa hold my Ama back from sprinting after Nico as the rest of the crowd tried to process what it meant now that Nico had intervened. He had almost made it to me when it finally registered. Who ever entered the field, no matter who, entered the fight. It was considered a challenge, and they were now meant to fight. Just as Micah reached me, I looked at Noah who seemed to have had the same realization moments before and was now smacking Nico into the ground. Nico was caught off guard, hitting his head hard and seemingly knocked unconscious.
Noah should have stopped. He should have gotten off of him. He didn’t.
Instead he slash Nico across the face, slicing into the skin and seemingly hitting bone. I wanted to scream, but I watched in horror as Noah bit into his shoulder and tossed him across the ground. Nico wasn’t regaining consciousness and so he remained in human form, heavily wounded and unable to heal. I had a moment to make a decision. I watched as Noah got on top of him again, locking his jaw onto his shoulder again, which appeared to no longer be in the socket. Nico was bleeding profusely, seemingly on the edge of death. I wasn’t strong enough to knock Noah out. I didn’t have time to use his weight against him.
With a single second of excruciating pain I shifted back to human, lifting my arms in the air and screaming “Stop! Please stop! I forfeit! Please!” Noah paused, releasing Nico’s shoulder and turning to look at me. “Please! Please just stop, we forfeit! Please…”
Noah shifted back, his nakedness appearing in a second before me. He still had my scratches on his chest and his leg was bleeding, but he was beaming ear to ear. “I accept your surrender.” He said smugly, opening his arms to me.
I ran forward, as quickly as my legs could take me. Noah looked proud of himself, his face only shifting as I bolted past him and fell to my knees beside Nico. “Nico? Nico!” I cried, struggling to lift his limp body into my lap. “Help! Help me!” I screamed, seeming to finally propel the crowd into action. People began to rush off into directions to get the doctor or to get a towel or whatever they believed we needed. My mom was beside me in an instant, tears running down her face like streams. “He needs help!” I was screaming as my mom tried to place pressure on the wounds that kept pouring blood. “Nico, i’m here! Wake up! Nico!”
I was still screaming for help when I felt someone yank me up by my arm. “Come on now. That’s the rules. You lost. You’re mine now.” I heard Noah saying, but I couldn’t be bothered to hear him. Someone had brought a sheet out and they were moving Nico onto it, who groaned and seemingly coughed up a pint of blood.
“Nico! Someone help him!” I was shouting as someone tried to turn him on his side so he didn’t choke. I was struggling to get back to him, but Noah’s grip on me was unrelenting. “Let go! Let go! Nico!” Noah started pulling me away. “No! Nico! Ama!”
My Ama reached out to take my hand, most likely trying to help me, but my Apa stopped her, pulling her back. “Micah!” She cried, as I felt my feet leaving the floor.
“No! No please! I need to be with him! I need to know if he’s okay! Nico!” I could barely see anymore as my salty tears blurred my vision. My back was pressed tightly against Noah’s chest as his arms had wrapped around my waist like steel bars. I thrashed like a mad man, trying desperately to get back to my brother. He needed me. I needed him. “No! Nico! Ama!”
“He’s choking! Someone help me carry him!” I heard someone scream as they lifted Nico from the ground.
“Stop. fighting. Me.” Noah was saying things in my ear, trying to get me to be still as he dragged me away.
I would never forgive him. I would never forgive noah for as long as I lived. I screamed at the top of my lungs, not caring who saw or heard. I fought and I clawed and I struggled to get to Nico until Noah’s front door was shut behind us. He released me and I fell in a heap to the ground, sobbing and gasping for breath. “Nico!” i cried, trying to get up to rush the door, but falling as I felt a sharp pain in my side.
“Stop! Your bones haven’t set! You need to rest or they won’t set right! Stop, Micah!”
“No!” I cried, smacking his arms from trying to grab me. “I hate you! I hate you! I will never forgive you! Nico! Nico!”
“Stop screaming!” He yelled at me, picking me up and dragging me deeper into the house, opening a door and setting me down on the floor inside before rushing out and shutting the door behind him. I heard a distinct click. I half crawled to the door, shaking the handle to realize I had been locked inside. Another cage, i realized.
“Let me out!” Let me out!” I cried until my voice went out and my throat felt bloody and raw. “Nico!”
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