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CHAPTER 9
The weekend went by quickly and I managed to stay busy so I wouldn’t think about Gabriel too much. Sometimes I would overhear my parents talking about what had happened with Gabriel’s dad at dinner, but they never talked around me. I was fine with ignoring it and moving on if they were.
At school everyone was going crazy with school spirit because it was the day of the big game. We were playing our rivals, the Brookenridge Panthers. There were banners and posters all over the school painted in orange and blue, our school colors. They read “GO GLENCREST!” and “MUSTANG PRIDE! TRAMPLE THE PANTHERS!”. The football guys were wearing their jerseys and basking in all of their jock glory. The cheerleaders were in their uniforms, falling all over the football guys, even more than usual. We were having a pep rally for the team after sixth period. I started to skip out on it but Aurora convinced me to go.
“It’s an exciting atmosphere! It’s fun to yell and cheer, even if you don’t know what you’re cheering for,” Aurora laughed.
“Just sounds like another way to glorify a bunch of meathead jocks,” I said.
“You’ll have fun! I’ll make it fun. I promise!”
So Aurora and I headed to the gym for this “oh-so-exciting” pep rally. By the time we got to the gym our peers had already filled up most of the seats. Aurora and I found a spot near the back of the bleachers. The pep rally started out with this girl singing the national anthem. She was pretty amazing. Then, the cheerleaders did a couple of chants and led us in the school’s fight song. I have to admit, I did get into it a little bit. Then the moment that everyone seemed to be waiting for, well everyone except me. The football team ran out and broke through a big banner that the student council had painted.
“I can actually see the testosterone pumping through their veins,” I joked with Aurora. She laughed and gave me a light punch in the shoulder.
The guys ran around the gym like they owned the place. At the end of the line I saw Gabriel. To everyone else he probably just looked like another jock basking in all the attention they were getting, but when I looked at him I saw something different. I couldn’t stop staring. I wanted to know everything. I wanted to get inside of his head so I could know what he was thinking, how he was feeling. Why did he push me away? I watched as he ran around with the team interacting with the crowd. When they came near where Aurora and I were sitting Gabriel looked up and it was almost as if he was startled to see me there. Our eyes were locked on each other for a few moments, then he quickly looked away, leaving me wanting more. I didn’t notice until then that my heart was pounding just from the sight of him.
“Um…what was that?” Aurora asked with a confused look.
“What was what?”
“That whole staring contest that just took place between you and Gabriel Covarrubias,” she whispered.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t give me that. I saw. There was some meaning behind that.”
Aurora always read so much into things and she never just let anything go. She was so persistent. Normally, that would be a good trait, but at that moment I wanted her to just drop it. I didn’t want to have to explain myself.
“We were friends. Now we’re not. That’s it,” I said nonchalantly.
“Well there has to be a reason.”
“Nope,” I lied.
“Come on, Clay. I thought we could talk about stuff.”
“Well not here.”
“Okay, that’s fair. We can talk after this.”
“Deal,” I agreed.
I didn’t really want to talk about it but I knew Aurora wouldn’t stop obsessing until we did. After the pep rally Aurora and I walked out of the gym and headed for her car. But we were stopped by Brooke.
“OMG! I totally sat with Zenan at the pep rally,” she said excitedly, “Just me and him!”
“Really? Because I’m pretty sure there were a couple hundred more of us in there too,” Aurora said sarcastically.
“You know what I mean! It’s a sign! We’re gonna get married. You just watch!”
We laughed at Brooke’s fantasy and kept walking. I kind of wanted her to go away. I wasn’t going to talk to Aurora around her. I wanted the least amount of people to know about this as possible. To my relief, she said she had to go make up a test. Thank God!
When we got to Aurora’s car we just stayed parked in the student parking lot. It’s not like we had anywhere to go.
“So, spill!” Aurora demanded.
“Well, um it’s kind of a long story,” I replied.
“I have all day.”
“Well okay…,” I hesitated, “I started tutoring Gabriel a few weeks ago because he needed to pass Calculus to play in the game tonight.”
“Did he pass?” Asked Aurora.
“Yes. But that’s not important right now. Anyway, we started hanging out a lot. Mostly tutoring, but sometimes we would just chill, ya know? He is a really nice guy and we got along pretty easily. From the start I thought he was most gorgeous guy I had ever laid my eyes on.”
“Eh he’s cute I guess, but I’ve seen better,” interrupted Aurora.
“He’s gorgeous! Well ANYWAY, I was obviously attracted to him and his personality was what made me like him even more. I got to see a side of him that most people don’t take the time to see. And it was beautiful! He is a beautiful person, inside and out. And that’s why I started to fall for him.”
“But he’s not gay, is he?”
“Aurora, if you want to hear the story stop interrupting me! I’ll cover everything.”
“Sorry,” she said softly.
“Our friendship got stronger and stronger. Then he found out that I was gay. It put a little speed bump in our friendship. Not because I was gay, but because I didn’t tell him. But we got past it and stayed close. He didn’t really want people to know we were hanging out just to conserve his rep, ya know? Well, one night we were talking in the tree that sits between our houses. Oh yeah, we’re next door neighbors by the way. So, we were in the tree talking and the best thing ever happened! I told him that I had feelings for him. I thought it was super dumb of me at first but then, out of nowhere, he kissed me.”
Aurora gasped.
“It was amazing, Aurora! It was like I was in a dream. But then he totally crushed it. He freaked the hell out and left. After that he didn’t talk to me. He’s ignored me ever since. I’m pretty sure he hates me. Even though he kissed me! Isn’t that some bullshit?”
Aurora didn’t reply.
“Isn’t it?” I asked again.
“I didn’t know if I was allowed to speak yet. It could have been a rhetorical question,” she laughed, “But that’s crazy! So he is gay?”
“I really don’t know. I think he scared the hell outta himself. Maybe he just made a mistake, but I don’t understand why he couldn’t just tell me that and we could have moved on.”
“You have to realize that guys are kind of……idiots! They don’t really think things through. They just act! Then, they regret their actions and are afraid to face the consequences. Plus, he’s a jock, so it’s like doubled!” She laughed.
“But I really don’t want it to be like this. I don’t care if he’s straight! I just want it to be like it was.”
“Well, I think you just have to wait for him to come around. He will eventually. It’s obivous that he cares about you.”
“See, I’m starting to doubt that.”
“Just hang in there, hun. It has to suck being in love with a straight guy. Or a closeted gay guy.”
“I’m not in love with him. At least I don’t think so.”
“Well either way, it has to suck. But I know it’ll turn out well!” Aurora smiled.
“Thanks for being positive. This is why I love you.”
Aurora gave me a corny little hug and then we drove to her house. We watched TV and talked some more to pass time until the game that night. I was going because I had never been to any sports game in high school and what better time to go than now? I wanted to go and support Gabriel, even if he did hate me. Afterall, I was the one that helped him and gave him the opportunity to play. When it was almost time for us to go to the game Aurora changed and got dressed in our school colors. I didn’t care that much.
We hopped into Aurora’s car and headed to the stadium where the team was playing. It was huge and there were so many people there, from both schools. It was intense. Everyone was screaming and chanting and getting pumped up. It was like the pep rally to the tenth power. Aurora and I went to the concession stand to get some snacks, then she called up Brooke to see where she was sitting. We eventually found her, she had saved us spots. She was with Zenan again. Maybe there was something sparking up between them afterall.
I saw Gabriel down on the field with the rest of the team. He looked so hot in his uniform. He was number four. I made a mental note. The game started pretty slow. Neither team scored throughout the entire first quarter. But the energy was still just as crazy. I paid more attention to talking and laughing with my friends than I did to the game. Brooke kept yelling obscene things at the other team. Zenan had put his hair in pig tails with orange and blue ribbons. Aurora kept making jokes about the other school’s cheerleaders. I couldn’t stop laughing. Sprite even shot out of my nose at one point and got all over the girl in front of me. I spent five minutes apologizing and offering her napkins. But she seemed fine.
In the fourth quarter our team was down by one touchdown. At this point, the stadium was roaring. Even I caught myself getting into the game and cheering our douche-populated team on. There were only a couple minutes left on the game clock and we had posession. There was hope. The Brookenridge side was going just as crazy as Glencrest. The first couple of plays we gained a couple of yards but it never seemed like enough. When there was only thirty seconds on the clock, everyone knew it was now or never. The ball was hiked and Gabriel held onto it looking for someone to toss it to. The crowd watched in suspense. Then one of the receivers got open. Number 81. I think his name was Marcus. He was a really hot black guy with dreadlocks. I had English with him. He was smart, not like Travis and his goons. Gabriel noticed he was open and tossed it up. We watched as the ball sailed through the air. Marcus jumped in the air and stretched out his arms to catch it. But Gabriel had thrown it a little long and the ball flew just above Marcus’s reach. As the ball hit the ground a wave of groans and sighs came from the Glencrest side. It was like someone sucked all of the energy from our school. On the opposite side Brookenridge burst into celebration. There was an orchestra of cheers, horns, whistles, and shakers.
“Well that fucking sucked,” I heard a guy say from behind me.
Yes random stranger, that did suck, I thought to myself. Aurora, Brooke, Zenan, and myself got up to leave. The atmosphere was depressing now. When we got to the parking lot we parted ways. Zenan and Brooke went to their cars and Aurora was going to bring me home.
“Well that was fun,” Aurora said as we drove.
“Yeah, until we lost,” I replied.
“Okay negative nancy!”
“Sorry. But you have to admit, that totally killed the mood!”
“Well of course, but look at the bright side. The score was close.”
“Good point. Still sucks! Gabriel is probably pretty down right now.”
“Aww you’re thinking about him,” Aurora smiled.
“I know how much this meant to him.”
“Are you gonna check in with him to see how he’s doing?”
“I can’t do that!” I exclaimed.
“And why not?” asked Aurora.
“He hates me. If I was in a pissy mood, I wouldn’t want to talk to the guy that I hate.”
“Oh my gosh, he does not hate you!”
“Well he’s not my biggest fan right now, so I’ll just keep my distance for now.”
“Well suit yourself. But I think you should talk to him.” Aurora concluded as I got out of the car in front of my house. I thanked her for the ride and headed inside.
Dad asked how the game went. I gave him the play by play. He agreed that it sucked. He asked how Gabriel felt about it, but I told him that we hadn’t talked after the game. I didn’t mention the fact that we weren’t talking at all. I ate dinner with the family and then went upstairs and blasted my music. P!nk, then some Maroon 5, then a little Kelly Clarkson. A knock on my window interrupted my jam session. It was Gabriel. My heart felt like it stopped. I stood there for a few seconds pretty much in shock. Then he knocked again. I walked over and opened the window for him.
“Hey,” was all he said.
“Hey,” is all I managed to say back.
“Can I come in?” Asked Gabriel.
“Um…sure.”
Gabriel was still wearing his football jersey. He sat on my bed without a word. He just looked around my room at the things on my walls. I don’t know if he was really interested or if he was just trying to avoid looking at me. Probably a bit of both.
“Why are you here?” I finally asked.
“I can’t go home,” he replied, solemnly.
“What’s the problem?”
“My dad was at the game. I just know he is gonna give me a whole bunch of shit for the way I played tonight. I avoided him after the game and I just can’t go home yet.”
“Couldn’t you have gone somewhere else?” I didn’t mean for it to sound rude, but it came out that way.
“Well he’s not the only reason I came here. Look, I understand if you are a little upset or something but-“
“A little upset?” I interrupted, “That is the understatement of the century!”
“Well, I’m sorry. What did you expect?”
“I don’t know. But I certainly didn’t expect you to walk away from me and not talk to me after you kissed me!”
“And if I had acted differently what would have happened?”
“We could have talked about it, Gabriel!”
“And then what? Become boyfriends? Fall in love? Live happily ever after? You’re crazy if that’s what you thought was going to happen!” Gabriel’s voice was getting louder.
“I didn’t expect anything. I just expected for you to not be a fucking dick to me! That’s not the Gabriel I know.”
“You don’t know me.”
“Yes I do, Gabriel! I know you better than you know yourself! Stop denying who you are and what you feel. Suppressing your feelings doesn’t make them go away! I care about you! And I know you care about me! Or atleast I thought you did.”
Gabriel didn’t reply this time. Despite the anger and hurt I was feeling, it felt good to finally express myself to him. I waited for him to reply, but nothing. He turned his head and wiped his face. Then I noticed that it was tears that he was wiping away.
“Gabriel?” I called to him, softly.
“I do care about you,” he finally said, “More than you even know. I have all these fucking feelings, but I don’t understand them and I don’t want them.”
I sat on the bed next to him. I put my hand on his shoulder.
“I understand how you feel. It’s scary to have feelings that you don’t understand. But running away from them isn’t the answer.”
Gabriel was still crying. Seeing Gabriel cry made tears swell up in my own eyes. I wanted to be here for him. I wanted to hold him and make him know that everything was okay. I reached out my arms and wrapped them around him and embraced him in a genuine hug. He didn’t fight it as he layed his head in my shoulder. For about five minutes I just sat there with Gabriel in my arms. It was perfect. Then, he raised his head from my shoulder and kissed me on the cheek. Then his lips slowly moved around my face and gently touched mine. He wrapped his arms around my torso and my whole body went numb. This kiss lasted longer than our first. This time he didn’t seem to have any desire to pull away. We fell onto my bed still locked in each other’s arms and our lips still pressed together. We rolled and twisted around my bed, lost in our passion. Gabriel stopped kissing me for a moment and looked into my eyes. His big hazel eyes glistened from the moon light that peeked through my bedroom window.
“Your eyes are like looking into an ocean,” said Gabriel as he ran his hand across my cheek. I couldn’t do anything but smile.
Everything about the moment felt right. I had never felt that way, not even when I was with Tony. I wondered what was running through Gabriel’s mind in this moment, but he put my questions to rest when he started kissing me again. Our kissing got more passionate and he started to take off my shirt. I did the same with his. I ran my hands all across his perfectly sculpted body. I marveled at how amazing it was. My small pale body didn’t compare to his, which was so toned and tan. But he didn’t seem to mind. He stopped and slowly started to unbutton my jeans. I could tell that he was scared, but he kept going. He pulled them off along with my boxers. I got chills through my body. Then he took his own pants off. He was wearing black boxer briefs. But those soon came off, too. I gazed at him, admiring every inch of his body. It was an image right out of a dirty magazine. He was perfect in every way. I felt privileged that I was the person that got to see him in this state.
He layed on top of me and this time I think my body actually did lose all feeling. He continued to kiss me passionately. His hands touched every part of my body. I can tell he was exploring. Afterall, this was all new to him. He didn’t know that this was new to me too. Noone has ever seen this much of me, and I never thought it would be Gabriel Covarrubias. I felt so vulnerable, but so safe at the same time. I held him close to me. No other feeling could compare to how I felt with his body pressed up against mine. His heartbeat beat with mine and our bodies felt as if they were one.
“You’re amazing,” Gabriel whispered into my ear.
As the night went on, we got lost in each other. We were oblivious to everything around us. I didn’t care about my parents downstairs, or Amanda down the hall. He didn’t care about his dad or his teammates. We didn’t care what time it was or that we had school the next morning. We were living in that moment and that was all that mattered. I took in everything. Every feeling, every sound, every look, every image of this night.
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