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I wake up with a caning neck and a headache. I must have fallen asleep. I lift myself out of the bathtub and notice that my body still aches. I should have put ice on my bruises but I was too upset to even think about that.
I miss Vic. I wonder if he’s changed his mind about not wanting to date me anymore.
I stumble through the pitch black bathroom and open the door. I go to walk out but I notice something on the floor. It’s a block of chocolate and some now-cold tea.
I smile gratefully. I must apologize to Mama when she wakes up. I should never have spoken to her like that, no matter how upset I was.
I pick up the tea and chocolate and creep through the house. I go downstairs and tip the tea into the kitchen sink. I place the mug down then go to the fridge, getting a glass of water. I sit at the dining room table and look at the clock. It’s five in the morning. Vic should definitely be back by now.
Maybe if I go cuddle him, he’ll realize how much he loves me and he’ll take me back.
I get up and place my empty glass on the sink and leave the chocolate on the table. I rush upstairs and go down to Vic and I’s room. I slide into Vic’s bed next to him, the only problem being, he’s not there. I feel around for him but the bed is empty. I look over to my bed but he’s not there either. That’s when I start getting really worried. He didn’t come home. What if something’s happened to him?
I jump out of his bed and hurry down to Mama and Papa’s room.
“Mama! Papa!” I say urgently as I open their door.
They both sit up straight away.
“What is it, Kells?” Mama asks worried, flicking on her lamp.
“Vic, didn’t come home.” I choke out.
“What time is it?” Papa asks concerned.
“Five.” I answer.
“Okay, we’ll go look for him.” Mama says. “Go put your shoes on.”
I nod and anxiously leave their room, going down to mine. I put my shoes on then go downstairs where I can hear Mama and Papa talking.
“I hope he’s okay.” Mama frowns.
“I’m sure he will be.” Papa sighs but even he seems doubtful.
“Kell, do you have any idea where he’d be? Did he say where he was going when he left?” Mama asks.
“He said he was going to think. He likes to go to the beach and think. We should start there.” I tell them.
Papa opens the door and we quickly trample out the door and get into the car. Papa starts it and drives off. I don’t bother putting my seatbelt on, my safety not being a big concern for me right now.
“Kell, did someone hurt you?” Mama asks looking at me in the rear-view mirror.
I sigh and look out the window, keeping an eye out for Vic. I don’t answer her. I don’t know how to. Vic’s a better liar than me.
We soon arrive at the beach and the sun is just starting to creep over the horizon. I can see Vic’s car through the morning fog. I jump out of the car without even waiting for Mama and Papa.
As I get closer to Vic’s car, I see someone slumped over, leaning against it. I run over and discover its Vic. He’s got dried blood coming from his face, and his shoulder is also soaked in blood. He’s got ducktape around his wrists, his ankles and across his mouth. He seems to be unconscious but when I kneel down beside him, his eyes flutter open. He looks at me frightened.
“Viccy, oh no.” I choke out through my tears as I carefully, or as carefully as I can, rip the ducktape from his face.
I can smell a strong stench of urine but his pants don’t seem to be wet, indicating that isn’t his urine.
“Was this Alex?” I ask Vic and he nods but doesn’t say anything.
Mama and Papa fall down beside me seeming absolutely horrified. Papa pulls out his keys and cuts through the ducktape around his ankles.
“Mijo, who did this?” Papa asks angrily.
Vic doesn’t reply, instead he starts crying.
“Do you need to go to the hospital?” Mama asks Vic and he shakes his head. “You’re bleeding.”
She frowns as she gently takes his chin and turns his head to the side. It reveals why his shoulder is soaked in blood. The word ‘FAG’ has been cut into his neck. Vic cries harder and Papa finally takes the remaining ducktape off his wrists.
“Lets get you home.” Papa says softly, helping Vic to his feet.
His legs shake as Papa helps him to the car. I get in the backseat and Papa helps Vic in. I lay Vic down so his head is resting in my lap. He tries to push himself but I stop him.
“I’m gross. Don’t touch me.” He sobs.
“I don’t care.” I whisper, remembering back to the time I wet myself at school and he didn’t hesitate to pick me up. “You did the same for me.”
Papa starts the car and drives home while Mama cries. I run my fingers through Vic’s hair, which is sticky with blood and probably pee as he cries too.
When we get home, Vic doesn’t wait for anyone. He gets out of the car and runs inside. I chase after him and follow him to the bathroom. He tries to close the door but I push it open.
“Kellin, go away.” He cries.
“Just let me look after you.” I whimper. “Please.”
He sighs and lets me past him. He closes the door and locks it. I help him undress then help him into the bathtub. I start filling up the bath then I take a sponge and gently clean the blood from his neck.
“Viccy, this is bad. This is really bad.” I sniff.
“I know.” He whispers.
“You have to tell them everything. If you don’t, I will.”
“I know.” He says again.
I wrap my arms around him and kiss his cheek. Vic takes my face in his hands and pushes his lips to mine.
“I cant do this without you.” He whispers. “I’m so sorry.”
I smile at him, knowing exactly what he means. He wants me back.
“I’ll always be here.” I murmur.
We get Vic clean then I help him out of the bath. He wraps a towel around his waist and we go down to his room where he starts getting dressed.
“Can I sleep before we tell them? I want to do this with a clear head.” Vic asks.
“Of course. They’ve waited this long, I’m sure they can wait a little longer.” I nod.
He smiles a little and thanks me.
“We should get that wound on your neck fixed up before you sleep so it doesn’t get infected.” I tell him and he nods.
I go back down to the bathroom and get the first aid kit then return to Vic’s room. He sits on the bed as I clean his cuts and then stick a gauze over his neck.
“Babe, do you know what it says?” I ask him softly.
“It says something? What does it say?” Vic asks alarmed.
My heart breaks. I really wish I wasn’t the one who has to tell him this.
“It says fag. It’s probably going to scar too.” I whisper.
Vic’s face falls even more if possible.
“Great, now everyone I ever meet is going to know I’m a faggot.” he mutters.
“You’re not a faggot. You’re a beautiful man who happens to be gay. Who you love does not define you.” I tell him.
“It will when my parents kick me out and ship the love of my life off to some other shitty family.” He grumbles which makes me feel a little sick. But this is important. I’m willing to risk everything.
“They love you, Vic.” I tell him.
“I wouldn’t be so sure of that.” He mutters.
I sigh sadly and kiss his cheek.
“Get some rest.”
He nods and gets into the bed, under the covers.
“I love you.” I whisper, kissing him softly.
“I love you too.” He whispers back.
It doesn’t take long for him to fall fast asleep.
I kiss his cheek one last time before I begrudgingly leave the room. I go back downstairs to the living room where I find Mama crying while Papa consoles her.
“Mama.” I say softly.
She pulls away from Papa and looks up at me, wiping her tears away.
“What is it, Kell?” Mama sniffs.
“Vic’s asleep but when he wakes up he’s going to tell you everything.” I tell her and she looks hopeful.
“Everything?” She sniffs.
“Everything. And if he doesn’t, I will.” I assure her.
She looks relieved and smiles gratefully at me.
“Come here.” Papa smiles opening his arms.
I sit on his lap and hug him tightly.
“Is Vic okay?” Papa asks.
“He’s upset. But I think he’ll be okay.” I sigh.
“Are you going to tell us what happened to you?” Mama asks and I nod sadly.
“Mama, I’m sorry for last night. I was just upset.” I apologize.
“It’s okay, Kells. You worried me so much though. I could always count on you to be open with us and for you to behave like Vic was really scary for me.” She explains making me feel even worse.
“I know. I’m really sorry. I’ll come to you with everything from now on. I promise with my whole heart.” I sigh.
Mama leans forward and kisses my cheek.
“Thanks Honey.”
It’s noon when Vic comes down the stairs. Despite having just slept, he looks exhausted. I pause the movie I was just watching which was Aladdin. Mama and Papa look at Vic almost hopefully.
“Would you like some water, Vic?” Mama asks.
“Yeah, please.” He says, his voice raspy.
Mama gets off the sofa and leaves the room. Vic comes and sits next to me. Mama comes back with a glass of water and gives it to Vic. She and Papa sit across from us, seeming as if they’re waiting. Vic drinks some water then looks to me.
“Are you ready?” I whisper to Vic.
His eyes fill with tears but he nods.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” He squeaks, then he takes my hand which is something I never thought he’d do in front of his parents.
I feel sick, probably not as sick as he does but I’m really scared. I don’t want to go live somewhere else. I’m happy here and I don’t want Mama or Papa to hate Vic.
“Um, where should I start?” Vic whimpers.
“Who did this to you?” Papa asks.
“Alex and his friends.” Vic breathes.
“Alex?” Mama frowns.
“This isn’t the first time, is it?” Papa asks and Vic shakes his head.
“No, he, uh, he beats me up quite often.” Vic mumbles.
“Why does he do this to you, Mijo? You were pretty good friends. Did you get into an argument? What happened?” Mama asks seeming to get upset.
Vic chokes out a sob and looks down at his lap.
“Just tell them, Vic. It’ll be okay.” I whisper.
He looks at me and smiles a little through his tears.
“I-I’m gay.” Vic chokes out, then he starts really crying. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry? Why on earth are you sorry?” Papa frowns.
“Because it’s wrong. I wish I could be your perfect son, but I cant. I’m so sorry.” Vic sobs, squeezing my hand quite hard.
“Vic, you are our perfect son. Being gay doesn’t change that. Why would we care if you’re gay or not?” Papa says which makes me feel so relieved. But I can’t even imagine the relief Vic must be feeling. “And it’s not wrong. It’s completely natural. Not everyone’s going to agree with it, but they’re the ones who are wrong, not you.”
“Really?” Vic sniffs, looking back up at Papa, less hysterical now.
“Yes, really.” Papa smiles sadly.
Papa’s words even make me feel a little better about myself. Vic looks to Mama who looks distraught.
“Honey, what did we do to make you think we wouldn’t be okay with it? Did we say or do something? I’m so confused.” Mama frowns.
“I don’t know. Everyone seemed to not be okay with it and you never talked about it so I just assumed…” Vic trails off.
“I’m sorry, sweetie. We’re still figuring things out as parents. We skip over things and miss things. I didn’t even consider that my son could be gay. It just didn’t occur to me. Then you got a girlfriend which made me think even further from that. And I just see gay people as normal people. It never occurred to me that I should specify that I one-hundred percent support them. That’s just an unspoken thing. I’m sorry we made you feel like we wouldn’t accept you, that’s on us, we shouldn’t have been so closed minded.” Mama apologizes seeming genuinely sorry.
“I’m still confused though. You knew we didn’t care that Kellin was gay and our closest friends are lesbians. Why did you think you would be any different?” Papa frowns.
“I don’t know. I guess I was being irrational. I was just so scared of losing you.” Vic sighs sounding relieved.
“Come here.” Papa smiles, opening his arms.
Vic gets up and falls into Papa’s arms. Mama wraps her arms around Vic too and Vic starts crying hard again.
“No, no, honey. Don’t cry. We love you, we love you so much.” Mama whispers, kisses Vic’s head.
I just watch them, feeling so happy for Vic. Maybe he’ll actually accept himself now. It’s a while until they let go and Vic sits down next to me again.
“So Alex bullies you because you’re gay?” Papa asks and Vic nods. “Why didn’t you tell the teachers? Surely they’d notice something.”
“Oh, they know. They just don’t want to interfere.” Vic says and Mama and Papa look immediately angry.
“They’re going to receive a very angry phone call from me later and neither of you will be going back there.” Mama snaps.
Her words scare me.
“Mama, I want to go to school.” I whimper and her face softens.
“You will, Kell. Don’t worry. We’ll just find you another school.” She smiles, and I sigh relieved. “Is Alex why you too are covered in bruises?”
I answer with a nod and she looks exhausted.
“How dare he lay his hands on my boys. We will be taking legal action.” She mutters.
“Mama that’s not necessary.” Vic responds nervously.
There’s a short silence after that and Vic takes my hand again, brush his thumb over my knuckles lovingly.
“Vic, we want you to be more open with us. We love you unconditionally and you shouldn’t have to suffer through things by yourself.” Papa says and Vic nods smiling but then his face falls.
He looks back down at his hands and plays with my fingers.
“Vic, what is it?” Papa asks and Vic swallows hard.
He sighs then pulls his sleeves down a little, dropping my hand in the process.
“I haven’t exactly been handling this well.” Vic whispers.
“What do you mean?” Papa urges.
Vic doesn’t answer so I take his arm and start slowly rolling up his sleeve. When the hundreds of scars are revealed, Mama gasps and slaps her hand over her mouth.
“Oh baby,” She whispers but doesn’t say anything else.
Papa looks a little sick and finally Vic looks up.
“I’ve stopped.” Vic breathes. “I haven’t done it in a few weeks now.”
Mama then looks at me.
“That wasn’t your blade I found in your pocket, was it?” She asks and I shake my head.
“No, I took it off Vic.” I explain.
Everyone’s silent for a while until Vic speaks.
“That’s not it. I, um.” He stops and more tears fill his eyes. “I tried to kill myself, twice. The first time was a few weeks after everything started with Alex. I tried to overdose. The second was only a few months ago. I tried to overdose again, this time with more pills. Kellin called Jenna and she took me to the hospital.”
Mama starts crying again and buries her face in Papa’s chest as he hugs her.
“I’m sorry, Mama. But things are going to be better now, I promise. Please don’t cry.” Vic begs. “Its not all bad. I do have some good news.”
Mama sniffs and looks at Vic confused.
“Good news?” She croaks.
“I’m in love.” Vic smiles, making butterflies enter my stomach. I guess this is it. This is what I’ve been waiting for.
Mama’s eyebrows raise as her eyes widen. She leans forward a little, seeming eager.
“Well, who’s the lucky boy?” She asks.
Vic doesn’t answer. Instead, he takes my hand again and looks at me adoringly. I give him the same look but I also blush shyly, feeling both Mama and Papa’s eyes on me. I gently kiss Vic’s shoulder then rest my head on it, looking at Mama and Papa nervously.
To my delight, they don’t seem mad or upset. They’re smiling lovingly at us.
“That is good news.” Mama grins.
“As long as you make each other happy, you have our blessing.” Papa says making a wide smile spread across my cheeks.
I feel Vic relax as he looks down at me smiling. His smile isn’t that big but I can see the happiness in his eyes. And I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look so happy.
“Is that it? Nothing else you’re hiding from us?” Mama asks.
“No, I think that’s it.” Vic answers.
Mama gets of the sofa and kneels down in front of Vic, taking his face in her hands.
“When we get everything sorted, are you going to go back to being our happy little boy?” Mama asks, a twinkle in her eyes.
“I’m already happier, Mama.” Vic smiles and Mama wraps her arms around him again.
They just hold each other until Mama finally pulls away and kisses Vic’s forehead. She then turns to me.
“You, no more lying to me, okay?” she says and I nod.
“Yes Mama, I’m sorry.” I apologize.
“It’s okay, baby.” she smiles.
She brushes her hand over my cheek then she stands up.
“Well I’m going to call Jenna.” Mama says.
“Why?” Vic frowns confused.
“Because you both need medical attention.” she answers then she leaves the room.
“You boys hungry? I’ll fix you up some lunch.” Papa smiles then he leaves the room without waiting for an answer.
Vic runs his fingers through my hair then he kisses me. I kiss back and push him down onto the sofa. He cups my cheek and pulls back only to admire me for a second then he kisses me again.
I bite my lip, grinning as I pull away. He grins back at me, not saying anything. I slide off of him and he rolls onto his side so he’s facing me.
“You’re so beautiful, Kell.” he murmurs, making me blush.
I kiss him again, still grinning.
“I’m so happy.” I whisper.
“Me too, Kells.” he smiles back.
I bury my face in his chest and listen to his calm breathing and his quickly beating heart.
“I love you.” he murmurs, kissing my head.
“I love you too.” I say into his shirt.
He kisses my head then he rolls off the sofa.
“I could use a coffee. You want a hot chocolate?” he asks.
I nod and take his hand, pulling myself off the sofa. He kisses my cheek and we head towards the kitchen but we find Mama and Papa in the entrance, slow dancing to nothing. They look so happy.
I see Vic smile and he takes my hands. I look at him confused as he puts them around his neck. Then he places his hands on my waist and I grin as I realize he wants to dance to. He presses his forehead against mine as we sway to the silence.
“I should have listened to you sooner. I’m sorry.” he whispers then he kisses my cheek which is still very bruised. “And I’m sorry you had to get hurt before I realised enough was enough.”
“It’s okay,” I whisper. “I hope you know how much you mean to me.”
He smirks and pulls me closer.
“I do. And I’m so thankful for that.” He then kisses my lips again. I’ll never get sick of his kisses.
We continue to dance together, enjoying each others company so much that we forget all about our drinks and the fact that there’s no music playing.
Love is our song and we’ll dance to it all night.
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