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“Kell, Kellykins.” Papa sings, shaking me awake.
My eyes crack open I smile up at the older man.
“You feeling any better?” he asks and that’s when I remember last night and the kiss.
“Not really.” I whisper truthfully.
“Okay, what if I brought you up breakfast?” he offers.
“Yes please.” I smile.
“Does this have anything to do with your little crush on Vic?” he asks and I shake my head. “Does this have anything to do with your parents?”
I shake my head again and he nods.
“Taylor’s going to come around next week and she’s going to talk to you about the trial. We’re going to start getting you ready for it.” he explains and I nod, feeling a little scared. “You look worried.”
“It’s just a lot.” I mumble. “I’m scared that I’m going to mess up and someone will be mad at me.”
“Hey, no one’s going to be mad at you. This whole trial is for you, Kellin. It’s to make sure the people that hurt you get locked away so you’ll never have to see them again. And it’s to punish them so maybe they’ll feel even a little bit of the pain they put you through.” Papa explains and I nod but there’s something bothering me.
“Papa, why are so many people going to so much trouble for me?” I ask quietly.
He smiles and squeezes my shoulder slightly.
“Because you’re special, Kellin. You’re a wonderful kid and you didn’t deserve what they did. You deserve to have some justice. Maybe when you’re older you’ll understand it all better.” Papa says and I nod once again.
“Thanks Papa.” I whisper.
“Not a problem. I’ll go get your breakfast. Make sure you rest up.” he smiles.
He ruffles my hair then he leaves. Once he’s gone, I’m left alone to think about last night.
I can’t believe they kissed. And right in front of me! Where does that leave Vic and I? Are we still together? Does he still want me? Does he want her?
A knock on the door interrupts my thoughts. Vic stands there looking sad.
“Kell, I-”
“Go away.” I interrupt.
He swallows hard and nods before he leaves.
I really want him to explain himself but right now I feel much too hurt to listen to anything he has to say.
Could this be the end of us? Will I ever find someone else? I don’t think I could like someone the way I like Vic. What am I going to do?
Papa comes back with waffles and ice-cream for me.
“Seriously Kell, what’s wrong?” he asks worried.
“It doesn’t matter.” I whisper.
“It matters to me. I don’t like seeing you upset.” he says softly.
I smile a little at that but don’t say anything.
“Is there anything I can do?” he asks and I shake my head. “Whatever it is, Kells, it’ll work itself out. No problem lasts forever.”
That gives me a little bit of hope.
“Thanks Papa.” I whisper.
“Not a problem, Kells. Come down when you’re ready.” he says and I nod although I’m not sure when I’ll be ready to come down. I don’t want to see Vic today. I’m not ready to face the problem head-on.
I lay in bed for the entire day, not really feeling like doing anything. My heart hurts and my stomach feels sick. No physical pain my parents inflicted on me hurt more than the feeling I have now.
Mama comes in so I pull the sheet over my head, just wanting to be alone forever.
“Kellin, this is ridiculous. You need tell me what’s wrong so I can help.” Mama huffs sounding frustrated as she sits on the edge of the bed.
I then suddenly start crying hard.
“Mama, my heart hurts.” I sob.
She pulls the duvet from over my head and frowns down at me.
“Your heart hurts, baby?” she asks and I nod. “Come here.”
I sit up and move into her open arms. She wraps them back around me and I cry into her shoulder.
“Well I have a secret for you,” she whispers in my ear. “Hearts can heal. And it might hurt right now but it’ll get better, I promise you that. This feeling won’t last forever.”
I smile at that. It feels like its going to last forever but Mama must be right.
“And you know what speeds up the healing process?” she asks.
“What?” I sniff, interested.
“Chocolate and movies.” she says.
I smile and pull out of her arms.
“You ready to come out of hiding?” she asks and I nod, feeling a lot better.
She smiles and takes my hand, helping me up from bed. I wipe my eyes with my sleeve and we walk out of the room, downstairs to the living room. She sits me on the sofa next to Papa before she leaves the room.
“You feeling better, Kell?” Papa asks and I shake my head truthfully.
“Not really, but I now know I will feel better eventually.” I explain.
“Things always get better, Kell. Nothing’s bad forever.” he says smiling gently.
Mama returns not long after with a block of chocolate. She hands it to me and I thank her quietly before she puts a movie on. She then sits next to me so I’m between her and Papa. Papa throws a blanket over all three of us and the movie starts.
I soon learn that it’s a movie called Aladdin.
About halfway through the movie when Aladdin and Jasmine are on the flying carpet and singing a really good song, I notice that Aladdin reminds me of Vic.
“Mama, Aladdin looks like Vic.” I whisper and she laughs.
“He does a bit, doesn’t he?” she sighs amused.
I start to feel sad again because I miss Vic and he’s the Aladdin to my Jasmine.
“Where’s Vic?” I ask Papa.
“In the bathroom again.” he frowns.
“I’m going to go check on him.” I get up and go upstairs before nervously going down to the bathroom. I turn the handle and thankfully it’s not locked.
When the door swings open though, I’m struck with fear. Vic’s leaning up against the bathtub, his eyes barely open. But what catches my attention is the empty pill bottle in his hand.
“Vic, what did you do?” I cry out, dropping beside him and tilting his face towards mine.
He opens his eyes a little and looks up at me.
“I’m sorry, Kell.” he whispers.
“I need to get Mama. You need an ambulance.” I say trying to get up and leave but Vic grabs my wrist tight.
“No, please, don’t get Mama.” Vic whimpers.
I look into his pain filled eyes with shear panic coursing through me. Then I remember something I read in one of Father’s text books. The pills need to come out of his stomach before they dissolve.
“You need to throw them up.” I say determined, closing the door.
With every ounce of strength I have in me and very little help from Vic, I manage to get him into the bathtub. I turn the cold tap on to help him stay awake as well as to block out the noise before I lean him forward and stick my fingers down his throat. He coughs a little and pushes my hand away.
“No you can’t die, not yet. You said when we’re one hundred years old we’re going to die together while we’re sleeping, wrapped in each others arms. Not now, not like this. Viccy, I need you.” I whimper through teary eyes.
He nods and opens his mouth for me. I push my fingers down his throat again and he gags for a while but nothing’s coming out and I’m panicking.
“Come on.” I whisper to myself.
I try it again, sticking my fingers down further and finally vomit exits Vic’s mouth, whole pills coming out. I reach over and take the bottle from the floor. The label reads ‘100 tablets’.
“How full was the bottle?” I ask Vic.
“Halfway.” he mumbles.
I quickly count the pills scattered on the floor. There’s sixteen. Then I roughly estimate how many pills Vic threw up. Around thirty pills all up. I roughly need him to throw up twenty more.
I continuously make Vic throw up until he’s thrown up somewhere around sixty and he’s not really throwing up any anymore.
I pull his head to my chest and even though we’re both covered in vomit and the water is freezing cold, neither of us seem to care.
“Vic, why would you do this?” I choke out.
“I cant live without you.” he chokes out with a raspy voice.
“And I can’t live without you either. Don’t you ever try to die on me again.” I sniff.
“I’m sorry, Kellin.” he whispers again.
I kiss the top of his head and turn the hot water on. I adjust the temperature and put the plug in the bathtub. I sit Vic up, who’s shaking and shivering. I pull his shirt off over his head and drop it on the floor before doing the same to myself.
“How are you feeling? Should I call Jenna?” I ask worried and panicked.
“No. I feel much better.” he whispers.
“Are you sure? I don’t want you to die, Vic.” I choke out.
“I’m not going to die. I’m fine, Kells.” he mumbles.
I help Vic pulls his shorts off and then I pull my jeans off and throw both wet articles of clothing onto the floor.
I grab the the bath sponge and wipe the spew from his chin.
I turn the faucets off and rest my forehead against Vic’s shoulder.
“This is your first bath.” Vic mumbles.
“What?” I ask confused.
“You’ve never had a bath before. This is your first bath.” he mumbles.
I can’t help but to giggle at his randomness.
“Yeah, I guess it is.” I murmur.
He smiles up at me and I begin to feel calmer.
I wash the vomit from him and myself before just holding him tightly.
“Are you okay? Like you won’t try this again, will you?” I ask worried. God, I should probably call Jenna.
“No, it was a stupid thing to do. I’m sorry Kellin.” he tells me. “I will never do that again.”
I sigh relieved and kiss his cheek.
“I think you should sleep. Do you want to sleep?” I ask and he nods.
“Wait here.” I tell him. “I’ll be right back.”
I get out of the bathtub, still dripping and rush out of the bathroom. I go down the hall and get Vic a pair of dry boxers, changing my own while I’m in our room. Thankfully when I return, I find that he hasn’t moved. I’m terrified to leave him alone.
I may be upset that he kissed Nicole but I don’t want him to die and the reason I’m upset that he kissed Nicole is because I don’t want to lose him.
He gets out of the bathtub and grips onto the basin, seeming dizzy.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” I squeak out.
He walks over to me and wraps his arms around me.
“I am thanks to you. Stop worrying.” he tells me.
I nod although I’m still so worried.
“Can we talk when you wake up?” I ask and he nods.
“Of course.” he mumbles.
I turn around so he can change his boxers and then we walk back down to our room, Vic leaning on me the entire time. I’m so worried about him.
He gets bed and I get in next to him, to comfort him and make sure he’s safe. He wraps his arms around me and closes his eyes. Within mere seconds he’s fast asleep.
I pull out of his arms and look around for his phone. It’s sitting right next to me on the night stand. I pick it up and try to unlock it but it has a worded password.
What could it be?
I type the first thing that comes to my head which just so happens to be my name. Shockingly the phone unlocks. If I wasn’t so panicked right now, I’d be swooning.
I have no idea how to call someone off of this thing but I press onto the thing with a telephone. Surely that must be how you call someone. It comes up with a list of names and I scroll through looking for Jenna’s.
Thankfully it doesn’t take that long to find it. I press on her name and the phone starts ringing quietly. I put it to my ear and wait.
Soon the ringing stops and Jenna answers.
“Hey Vic, what do you need?” she chirps.
“Jenna, it’s Kellin.” I tell her quietly, trying not to wake Vic up.
“Kell, what’s wrong?” she ask sounding worried.
“Vic tried to die. He took some pills. I made him throw them up but I don’t know what to do now.” I choke out, feeling scared and emotional.
“Kellin, you need to get Vivian to take him to the hospital.” she says sternly.
“I can’t, you know I can’t. He’ll hate me forever.” I sniff.
She sighs into the phone seeming stressed.
“Okay, I’m on my way over. Make up something to tell Viv and Victor and get Vic out the front and I’ll take him to the hospital.” she says and I thank her.
“You’re doing a good job, Kellin. Keep being brave.” she tells me before she hangs up.
I put the phone down and grab a beach bag. I stuff it with mine and Vic’s beach towel before I go back over to Vic.
“Vic,” I say shaking him. “Vic, you need to wake up.”
He stirs awake and looks at me confused.
“What?” he yawns then he suddenly whimpers and clutches his stomach.
“We’re going to the hospital.” I tell him.
“I don’t need to go to the hospital.” he says but then he whimpers again.
“I don’t care. I called Jenna and she’s taking us.” I snap.
He nods and sits up, seeming like he’s in pain.
“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” I ask worried.
“My stomach hurts. It’s nothing.” he brushes it off.
That just worries me more.
I go over to Vic’s drawers and take out a pair of sweatpants and a shirt. I throw them at Vic then dress myself.
It takes a little longer for Vic to get dressed because he keeps wincing.
“Come on. We need to go.” I tell Vic, grabbing the bag and taking his hand, pulling him up.
He leans on my shoulder support and we quickly leave the room. We go downstairs and to the living room entrance where Mama and Papa are sitting.
“Vic and I are going to the beach.” I tell them.
“Okay, don’t take too long and be safe.” Mama smiles and I nod, feeling absolutely horrible for lying to them.
I then leave the house with Vic and lead him down the lawn. Only a few minutes later, Jenna arrives with Tay in the passenger seat. They get out and help me get Vic into the back seat and I slide in next to him before Jenna speeds off.
“How’re you doing, Vic?” Tay asks concerned.
“My stomach hurts.” Vic breathes.
“That’s what happens when you try to OD.” Jenna mutters. “What did you take?”
“Sleeping pills.” Vic mumbles.
“Please tell me it was Xanax.” Jenna says hopefully.
“Trazodone.” Vic sighs.
“Fuck.” she breathes.
“I’m going to be fine.” Vic whispers, seeming to get sleepier. “I’ve done this before.”
His words break my heart.
“Jesus Christ, Vic.” Tay whispers.
We soon get to the hospital and Jenna and Tay help get Vic out. I follow as they practically carry him in to the entrance. A few nurses rush over and Jenna starts firing words at them as they disappear behind some doors with Vic. I try to follow but Tay stops me.
“Come sit down, Kell.” Tay says.
“But I want to be with Vic.” I whimper.
“He’s going to be okay.” she assures me, taking my hand and leading over to the waiting room of the hospital.
there’s people sitting in the seats obviously seeking medical attention.
We sit down and Tay wraps her arms around me.
“Kell, I need you to tell Vic’s parents about this.” Tay says softly and I look at her horrified.
“No, I can’t. Vic will hate me.” I choke out.
“I’m sure he won’t, sweetie. His safety is important, Kell.” she explains but I still don’t want to do it.
“I can’t.” I tell her and she sighs.
She frowns.
“I’m sorry. That’s a lot to ask of you. You shouldn’t have to deal with this. You’ve got other things to worry about. But please just try to get him some help. He needs it, Kell.” she explains and I nod.
“Why won’t you or Jenna tell Mama and Papa?” I ask confused.
“Because of doctor-patient confidentiality laws. Vic is Jenna’s patient and she’s not allowed to tell anyone about anything. But she told me because she knows she can trust me not to tell anyone.” Tay admits. “I can’t tell anyone, Kell. But you can and if Vic ever tries to kill himself again, I want you to promise me that you’ll tell his parents.”
I think about it for a second. Vic seems sorry that he did this so maybe he’ll never do it again. But what if there is a next time and he dies.
“okay.” I whisper. “If it happens again, I’ll tell them.”
She rubs my shoulder and kisses the top of my head.
“How’re you feeling? This must be so scary for you.” she asks.
“I feel so bad. If he dies it’s because of me.” I choke out.
“Hey, hey, Kellin. This isn’t your fault.” she says sternly.
“It is. I told him to go away.” I cry, nuzzling my face into her shoulder.
“Why did you tell him to go away?” she asks confused.
“Because Nicole was pretending to be his girlfriend and they kissed so I was upset.” I sniff.
She sighs and kisses my head.
“You have every right to be upset, Kell. And you told Vic to go away. It’s not like you told him to kill himself. This is Vic’s fault, not yours. He decided to swallow those pills, you didn’t make him. And I think Vic doing that wasn’t fair on you at all.” she says a little bitterly but now I feel a bit better.
We sit in silence for a bit after that. I’m so anxious. What if Vic isn’t okay? I need him to be okay. Things would be so bad if he’s not.
It’s actually not too long before Jenna and Vic reemerge from the doors. I shoot up out of my seat and rush over to Vic, throwing my arms around him. He hugs me back tightly and by the look of it, he seems okay.
“You did an amazing job, Kellin.” Jenna says. “You got nearly all the pills up and they didn’t even have to pump his stomach. Vic owes his life to you.”
I sigh relieved. Thank God, I did something right.
“But next time, call an ambulance immediately.” she says.
“There won’t be a next time.” I tell her and give Vic a look.
He nods and I let go of him.
“Let’s get you two home.” Tay says and I nod as we finally leave the hospital.
We get into their car and Jenna drives off towards home.
“I’m sorry.” Vic apologizes again.
I just gently shush him and pull him in for another hug. We just hold each other until we arrive back home.
“You look after each other, okay?” Jenna says and Vic and I nod. “And Vic, if you’re ever feeling suicidal, I want you to call me.”
“Thanks Jenna.” Vic whispers seeming ashamed.
“It’s fine. Just don’t do this again. Things will get better, Vic.” she says and he nods.
I grab the beach bag and then we get out of the car. We walk up to the front door as Jenna and Tay drive off.
Vic leans on me, seeming really tired.
“How’re you feeling now?” I whisper.
“Fine.” he whispers back, kissing my head. “I’m fine.”
I nod and open the door. Vic and I walk in and I try to head to the stairs inconspicuously but Mama’s voice stops me.
“Dinner’s ready boys.” Mama chirps from the kitchen entrance.
“I’m not hungry, Mama.” Vic says.
Mama frowns sadly and nods.
“I’ll be down is a second Mama.” I tell her and she nods with a little smile.
Vic and I continue upstairs and we go down to our room. Vic collapses on his bed and closes his eyes. I go to leave the room but Vic stops me by grabbing my wrist.
“Come here.” he mumbles, sleepily.
I climb into bed next to him and his eyes flutter open.
“Kellin, I’m so sorry about kissing Nicole–” he begins but the thought sickens me so I cut him off.
“Vic, I–”
“No, you need to hear this.” he says sternly.
I nod encouraging him to continue.
“I didn’t think, I just kissed back. The only thing that was going through my head was how suspicious it would look if I pushed her away. And that’s not an excuse. I was so selfish. I should never have kissed her and I’m so sorry from the bottom of my heart. You don’t have to forgive me. But I just want you to know that it didn’t mean anything. I would never look at another person because you’re the only person I need and I love you.” he tells me, his eyes filling with tears. “I love you Kellin.”
His words ring through my head like someone just hit a church bell inside of it. I open my mouth to speak but instead I choke out a sob. I start crying and Vic looks alarmed.
“Kell, why are you crying?” he asks urgently.
I can’t answer him due to my sobs so I just bury my face into his chest.
“Kell, I can’t help unless you tell me what’s wrong.” he says softly.
“Nothing.” I sniff. “It’s just that no one has ever loved me before.”
I choke on a sob and Vic rubs my back lovingly.
“I love you and I’m going to tell you every day. You’re so amazing and beautiful and I’m so glad I have you in my life.” he whispers.
I take deep breaths to stop myself from crying and pull back a little so I can look at him.
“I don’t know much about love but I’m pretty sure it’s what I feel for you.” I sniff.
He smiles widely and kisses me softly.
“Thank you for saving my life, Kells.” he whispers.
“Please don’t ever try to kill yourself again.” I sniff. “If you die who’s going to tell me I’m gorgeous and who’s going to love me?”
“I won’t. I was so stupid and I’m so sorry. I’ll never do that again. I love you too much to leave you.” he whispers and I nod, sniffing. “Go eat. You must be hungry.”
I kiss him quickly and slide out of bed of bed.
“Kell,” Vic says as I head to the door. I turn back to him and he’s smiling widely at me. “I love you.”
I can’t help but to grin at his words.
“I love you too.” I whisper back.
He smiles as he closes his eyes so I take that as my cue to leave. I quickly go down to the bathroom and clean up the mess then finally head downstairs. I sit down at the table and Mama places a plate of spaghetti in front of me.
“Thanks Mama.” I smile.
“You’re welcome, Kell. How was the beach?” she asks.
“It was nice.” I lie.
“Your heart hurting a little less?” she asks.
“Much less.” I beam.
“Guess movie and chocolate works.” she smiles and I nod.
I put my fork down and take a breath. I look from Mama to Papa who have now caught onto the fact that I need to talk to them about something.
“What is it, Kells?” Papa says.
“Can I talk to you about something without you asking questions?” I mumble.
“Kellin, is there something wrong?” Mama questions concerned.
“Please, I need you to promise me you won’t ask questions.” I plead.
They glance at each other before nodding.
“Can Vic go to therapy?” I ask hopefully.
“With you?” Mama says confused.
“No, by himself.” I correct her.
Mama and Papa look back at each other. I know they’re dying for some answers but I can’t give them that.
Mama sighs and nods.
“I wish I knew what was going on but a promise is a promise so I’m not going to ask questions. If you think this is what’s right for Vic then I trust your judgement.” she says.
I smile and thank her quietly.
I can see the worry on her face and I feel bad for causing that but hopefully now Vic will start to feel better and she won’t have to worry.
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