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SEEING HER AFTER ALMOST THREE MONTHS was like breathing for the first time again.
She looked beautiful. Not just in the way anyone might say about someone in a nice dress, but beautiful in that eyes-wide, stop-my-heart kind of way. Like my soul had been waiting for a glimpse of her to remember how to feel.
She was just as I remembered. No-even better.
And fuck, I missed her. All this time, I’d been surviving on memories. The image of her looking up at me with her pretty brown eyes. The ghost of her smile on my mind.
But nothing could compare to when I actually saw her. All that restraint I’d built crumbled in an instant. I couldn’t help myself. I needed to kiss her. To feel that she was still real. That she was still mine, in whatever way she still could be.
But what I didn’t expect-what I never could’ve expected-was for her to lean in first.
God, that kiss. That kiss fucking destroyed me. Her lips on mine felt like coming home. Like something inside me that had been cracked open finally clicked back into place. I’d dreamed about it. About her. About what it would feel like to hold her close, just once more. But nothing-nothing-compared to the real thing. The way her lips moved with mine like we were made for this. For each other.
I didn’t want it to end. I wanted more. I still do. More time. More kisses. More of her. Always her.
I bought her a necklace. A thin, gold chain with a delicate rose charm-its petals edged with tiny diamonds that dangle off the necklace, and at the centre, a single ruby. She told me once her favourite colour was red. I never forgot.
I’d planned to give it to her the moment I saw her, it was in my pocket, but after that kiss… it completely slipped my mind.
Fuck. I’m such an idiot.
It seems like I didn’t think of her, didn’t think to get her anything on her birthday but that’s far from the truth. I bought the necklace around a month ago. I’ve been waiting to give it to her ever since. But now? She’s back in rehab and I have no idea when I’ll see her again.
The microwave beeps behind me, snapping me out of it. I pull out the bowl of leftover pasta and set it on the counter.
“You’ve got an early game tomorrow, Connie,” comes a voice behind me. I turn to see Dad walk into the kitchen, rubbing sleep from his eyes. “Why are you up?”
“I know.” I sigh, sliding into the chair at the small round table. “Just couldn’t sleep.”
He sits across from me. “Something on your mind?”
I swirl my fork through the pasta, not even hungry anymore. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course, son.” He nods his head, a flicker of concern mixed with curiosity in his tone.
“How’d you know you were in love with Mum?”
He leans back, surprised, but not in a bad way. “Laura? Huh.” A small smile touches his face. “It was never a big dramatic moment. It was quiet. Steady. I just… knew. She made everything make sense. Life felt easier when she was around. I wanted her in every part of it.”
I nod, fingers tightening around my fork.
He tilts his head, studying me. “You love her?”
Her as in Carmen? There’s no fucking doubt. “I do.” I look down. “I just don’t want to mess it up. I’ve never done this relationship shit, Dad, but now? All I want is to do that with her.”
“You won’t mess anything up,” Dad says firmly. “You love her. That matters. You just have to be there. Every step as she recovers.”
There’s a silence. Then he asks, “How’s she doing?”
“She’s doing okay, I think. It was so good seeing her. But…” I swallow. “When she overdosed… I’ve never been that scared in my life. I feel like now, I have this responsibility to make sure it never happens again.”
Not because she’s a burden. Not because she’s given me this responsibility. But because I care so much and even the thought of her falling back into her addiction again fucking shatters something in me. I can’t let that happen. I won’t.
That’s when he exhales, eyes distant now. “There’s something I’ve never told you. About your mum.”
I freeze.
“She didn’t just randomly overdose,” he says softly. “We were expecting another baby. She was three months along when we lost it.”
The room goes silent. What?
“She blamed herself,” he continues. “No matter what I said, she couldn’t forgive herself. And one night… it was just too much.”
I blink, stunned. “She was pregnant?”
He nods. “We were so excited. But when the miscarriage happened, everything changed.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
He looks away. “Partly because you were too young at the time, but also because I had blamed myself. I thought if I’d paid more attention, if I’d been stronger for her… maybe she’d still be here.”
He looks at me. Really looks at me. And for the first time, I see it. The pain in his eyes that mirrors mine. We’re more alike than I ever thought.
“Was it…” I pause, swallowing hard, “a girl or a boy?”
“We never found out,” he mutters, his voice quiet, broken.
Could I have had a brother? A mini me? Or another Cora, running around with wild red hair?
I guess it doesn’t matter, I lost them. But most importantly, I lost my mum.
We sit in quiet understanding for a few beats, then he stands and ruffles my hair like I’m still ten. “Come on, son. Off to bed. You’ve got a game to win tomorrow.”
I nod, swallowing hard as he leaves the kitchen. The silence settles again, but it’s heavier now-full of things I finally know and things I’m still trying to understand.
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