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MY FOOT HITS THE BALL AND instead of finding the net, it skids awkwardly off to the side, rolling into the distance.
I groan, dragging a hand down my face. This is pointless. My head’s a mess. I haven’t been able to think straight since last night. Every time I try to focus, her voice cuts through the noise.
“Do you see me?”
It didn’t make sense then and it doesn’t now. Carmen’s words had been slurred, her balance shaky, but something in the way she said it stuck with me. It wasn’t just drunk rambling it felt like she was asking me something bigger, something I didn’t know how to answer.
Well, at first I thought it was a joke-I even laughed-but now? I don’t know. It’s been invading my thoughts for days on end.
Every time I see her across the hallway or at lunch, my mind goes back to that day. I can still see her. Her messy hair, glassy eyes, clutching my arm like I was the only thing keeping her upright. And me, holding her steady, like I haven’t done with anyone before.
I’ve barely talked to the girl so for her words to be stuck on repeat is pissing me the fuck off.
It’s the interaction though. The interaction we had. There was something off about it. I know. I can feel it.
Or I’m just being a bloody idiot and letting this get to me for no reason at all.
The sound of footsteps pulls me out of my thoughts, and I look up to see Carson jogging over, his face twisted in mock horror.
“Mate, what the hell was that?” he asks, gesturing to the ball now resting a good twenty feet from the goal.
“It’s nothing,” I mutter, walking to retrieve it.
“Nothing?” Hassan’s repeats. I look up to see him standing with his arms crossed, leaning against the goal pole, an amused look on his face. “Connie, I’ve known you since we were kids, and I’ve never seen you kick like that. You’re off.”
“I’m not off,” I lie, lining the ball up again.
“That’s a load of rubbish,” Carson chuckles, exchanging a glance with Hassan. “You’re distracted, Connie.”
I roll my eyes, stepping back to take another shot, but the ball flies wide again, this time to the right. You’re taking the piss.
Carson whistles. “Distracted and terrible.”
“Sod off,” I mutter, frustration bubbling under my skin. He’s not helping with his stupid commentary at all.
Hassan crosses his arms, watching me closely. “Seriously, mate, what’s going on? You’ve been off all day. If it’s school or something, just say so.”
“It’s not school,” I snap a little too quickly.
Carson smirks. “Oh, so it’s something else.”
“Or someone,” Hassan adds, his tone teasing now.
Now they won’t dare drop this. I glare at both of them. “You’re both idiots.”
“Idiots who are right,” Carson says with a shrug. Then his grin widens. “So, what is it? Did fuckboy Connie finally find someone he actually wants to stick with?”
What did he just call me? “I’m not a fuckboy,” I shoot back immediately.
“Yeah…” he nods his head slowly, narrowing his eyes at me, “and I’m not sexy.”
I stand there with an unimpressed look on my face, mentally jumping myself off a cliff. Hassan laughs, shaking his head. “Funny how you deny that but not the ‘someone‘ part.”
“Because that’s an insane statement,” I huff.
Carson steps forward, tilting his head. “Come on, lad, we’re your mates. Spill. Who’s got you kicking like you’ve never played before?”
I don’t answer. I can’t.
I’m not about to tell them that all I can think about is a curly headed blond with big brown eyes. A drunk curly headed blonde, vulnerable, asking me if I see her like it was the most important question in the world.
I shrug my shoulders.
“Lily?” Hassan suggests and my eyes widen as I quickly shake my head.
Pretty blonde, just not the blonde that’s on my mind.
“Wrong group,” Carson mutters to himself. After a few seconds, a grin widens on his face. “Valeria?”
Carmen’s friend? I simply shake my head in response. Close, but no.
“Don’t tell me it’s JJ?” he asks but his tone catches me off guard.
Meanzilla? What’s up with her?
“Why are you acting like that would be a crime?”
Hassan lets out a short chuckle. “Because it is.”
“Continue…” Okay, now he’s got me curious.
“Felix would sort of… well, kill you.”
I raise my brows in amusement. “They have a little thing going on?”
Hassan shrugs. “Who knows? Felix hasn’t said anything.”
“No one has a clue what’s going on with them two,” Carson adds. “They were close but something happened in the summer. None of us know what. To be fair, I don’t even think Felix knows what either. But the point is, now they barely talk.”
“Not even just to him,” Hassan adds. “We used to be like a big group sort of, but what happened that made JJ cut Felix off, also made her cut all of us off. I barely see her with Valeria and Carmen as well. It’s like she went ghost for a while.”
I nod slowly. To be honest, I don’t care for all this drama but it got them off my back. Now instead of them trying to guess who’s on my mind, they’re trying to guess what happened to Felix and JJ.
“Wait,” Carson speaks up. “So if it isn’t all the girls we just named, then who?”
Spoke too soon.
“Just because you’re in love doesn’t mean everyone is, lover-boy,” I tease, referring to the short girl he always has his arm over protectively whether they’re walking down the hallway or sitting at lunch.
He shrugs his shoulders carelessly. “Yeah, I love Aly and so what? Just because you’re a fuckboy doesn’t mean everyone is.”
Now he’s back at it again with the fuckboy bullshit.
Before I can dwell on it any longer, Felix and Jack walk up. Speak of the fucking devil. Felix’s smirk is already in place. “Oi, Connie, what the hell are those shots? They’re absolute shit.”
Carson and Hassan glance at each other before bursting into laughter while I let out a scoff. Normally, I’d have a comeback ready, but after the argument Felix and I had at the party, I’m not in the mood to start something. Not today at least.
Jack, thankfully, changes the subject. “Did you lot survive practice earlier? I swear Coach is trying to kill us with those laps and suicides.”
Carson groans in agreement. “Thought I was gonna drop dead by the fourth lap”
Felix huffs, shaking his head. “Dickheads, that’s my dad you’re talking about… but true. He’s definitely trying to kill us.”
Even he agrees because God knows it’s true too. Five laps around the whole pitch and he made us do so many suicides that I lost count. He’s taking practice seriously, especially since the school season is starting soon.
Jack nudges Carson. “I bet you were the first to start walking.”
“I lasted longer than you did,” Carson shoots back before turning to us. “Jack couldn’t even make it halfway before he started ‘tying his shoe.'”
“I did have to tie my shoe!”
“Right,” Hassan says with a laugh. “And that’s why you stayed bent over for five minutes? Trying to find the laces, were you?”
Carson laughs at Hassan’s comment as Jack crosses his arms in defeat. “Whatever, shut up the both of ya, and let me take my shots,” he huffs, grabbing the ball.
Carson raises his hands in surrender and stands off to the side. “Alright, alright. Calm your tits.”
I also take a step back, wanting to watch what’s about to happen but that quickly changes when I see Felix shift closer to me.
Oh, for fucks sake. I genuinely can’t be bothered with any bullshit today.
“About last weekend…” Felix starts, his voice quieter than usual.
Wait? This isn’t what I expected. I guess there is no bullshit today then. “Nah, lad. It’s all good. I played a part in it too.”
He nods, letting out a chuckle. “Fair enough.”
I glance at him and watch as he hesitates for a moment before looking up toward the others. “Look, we’ve got our first proper game coming up soon. How are you feeling about it?”
I shrug, though I know he’s fishing for a serious answer. “I feel good.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Yeah, well, you better get your head in the game. Even though I think you’re a prick, you’re a damn good left winger, and I need you on that pitch with me.”
His words catch me off guard, but I nod, even as guilt twists in my chest. He’s right. I’ve been all over the place lately, and if I don’t pull it together, it’s going to cost us.
It’s going to cost me.
I force a smirk. “Mr. Torres is already on my ass anyway. One fight, and I’m off for a couple of weeks.”
Felix laughs lightly, shaking his head. “Yeah, well, don’t be stupid. The team just got you.”
I open my mouth to reply but before I can, a burst of laughter stops me. Looking up, I see Carson practically pissing his pants and Jack standing with his hands on his hips, the ball nowhere in sight.
“What the hell was that?” Carson asks between laughs. “You kicked it over the fence, mate!”
Jack just stands there with a sheepish look on his face. So it’s not just me who’s off today?
Hassan crosses his arms. “Go fetch it then.”
“Fetch? I’m no dog!”
“You pant like one, though.”
“Piss off, will ya?”
Carson continues to laugh and somehow even harder than before. Even Felix cracks a smile and the tension in my chest loosens just a bit.
But as the laughter dies down and Jack lines up for another round of penalty shots, my thoughts drift back to Blondie.
Felix’s words stick with me; I need to get my head in the game, and that means I need to stop letting her take up so much space in my mind. I can’t afford to be distracted, not with the season starting and Torres breathing down my neck.
And yet, every time I close my eyes, I see her face from that night, and hear her voice.
“Do you see me?”
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