Array
(
[text] =>
ᴛᴀᴇʜʏᴜɴɢ’ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ
I don’t want her to go.
Maybe I am being selfish, or greedy, hoping that she will stay here forever, with me, all day, every day.
I can’t help it that I can’t get enough of her.
Her looks, her smell, her taste.
I want it all.
All day. Every day.
Of course, she has to go. And I have to let her, because it’s not like I can stop her. They found a place, some small affordable apartment on the outskirts of the city, a walk away from a train station. It would be easy to get there, not too far, but still, further than when she was here, just a couple doors down from my bedroom.
On her last night, I couldn’t sleep, craving her touch, her warmth, wondering if I should try and sneak her into my room while Jeonggyu was asleep. I could tell because he was full on snoring, making it harder for me to sleep. Then I texted her, hoping that she too was still awake, and that she would check her phone.
But she never came, and I, being the coward I was, decided it would be too risky to leave my room and go to hers, since her mum might see me trying to steal her daughter away, even if it was for just an innocent cuddle.
Now, I wish I didn’t hold back. I wish I had her sleep in my arms every night, drifting off to the sound of her breathing, burying my nose in the fruity-scent of her hair and melting in the heat of her body curled up against mine like a warm-blooded teddy bear. And God only knows what other things I would have done if we were completely alone in that house, except we never were. Even when uni started again, the house was never empty since my siblings were still on holiday, and Aria’s mum was always home too. The few precious times when we were alone together were almost always interrupted by her mother, who needed to discuss something personal, or my sister would borrow her for some girl-talk, since they became such good friends. Now don’t get me wrong, I am happy that my sister and my girlfriend are friends, but I just wish she hung out with me and only me the entire time.
At least I will still get to see her at uni, although there are only two weeks of the semester left, yet why isn’t that enough for me?
Because you love her.
This girl I met not even three months ago, a girl I wouldn’t have noticed if she wasn’t right there, sitting alone, hiding behind a hood. A girl who reminded me of myself, in a way, because she was afraid to trust people, afraid to let them in.
She is the first person that I’ve let in for years now. The first person to find out about what I used to do during my teenage years, when I hit an all-time low and needed something to distract me from the loneliness I felt after the only person that understood me moved away.
But she understands me, even when I don’t understand myself. And for some reason, she loves me too. Even after finding out about my unfortunate past, a time I wish I could erase completely, she loves me. And that makes me love her more, a feeling that I can’t control, because it controls me, giving me a new reason to smile.
A new reason to live.
It’s so different from anything I’ve ever experienced. I’ve liked girls before, but I’ve never had the courage to tell them. And as a pretty popular boy in high school, there were lots of girls who liked me, but not like this. They just wanted to be with me so they could talk about it to their friends, about how they are dating the cute Korean guy with the deep voice and charming smile. It was almost like I was an idol or something to them, someone to show off and take pictures with, a kiss and tell story. So I rejected them all, because I was afraid, but also because that was what cool guys did, or at least I thought so, and at the time, I tried so hard to be cool. I even hung out with a gang of guys older than me outside of school, coming home late at night and lying to my family that I was studying at a friend’s house instead of committing stupid crimes and mucking around.
If it weren’t for Aria, maybe I’d still be hanging out with those guys, getting into trouble again. But meeting her made me realize that I don’t need to try so hard to be cool by hanging out with certain people or look for people to be with to fill the void. I don’t need to do anything except be myself with her, because there was something about her that made me want to be myself.
Something about her made me want to trust her with all my heart, something I never dared to do with anyone before.
Only problem is, now that she’s not under the same roof as me anymore, I can’t protect her from the people that I don’t trust, a.k.a. everyone.
ᴀʀɪᴀ’ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ
Another new place.
It’s no palace, but it does have a pretty decent view of the city landscape since we’re on the tenth floor, and if you ignore the weird stains on the bathroom tiles, as well as the subtle scent of dust and mildew that permeates the air, it’s totally habitable.
There’s just one thing.
It doesn’t have Kim Taehyung.
“This is not too bad, is it? Kind of feels like a hotel, doesn’t it?” my mother sounds awfully cheerful, perhaps glad that we are no longer the burden of another family, and we are finally free to be our true selves without holding back.
I wrinkle my nose, staring at the swirls of dust illuminated by the stream of sunlight from the window. “It’s…alright.”
“Well, we better settle in. Let’s go buy the groceries.”
This is just temporary, I remind myself as I take one last look at the place before shutting the door while my mother turns the key in the lock. Even the hallways of this apartment building make me feel uneasy, with flickering lights and dirty walls, the carpet covered in smudged shoeprints. No wonder it is so affordable. It’s a total dump.
We have no choice, though. It was either here or somewhere on the other side of the state, too far away from university, and too far away from Taehyung. And it isn’t like we can afford to buy a suburban home at this point, let alone rent one. This commission flat is the best we can manage for now.
But it’ll never be home.
【★】
By the time we are completely settled in, it is already evening, with the last delivery guys leaving at sunset. Now the apartment is a little less empty, filled with our own furniture which lived in a storage king for the past few weeks. It is nice to see our old couch again, but the nicest thing of all is my bed, my lovely bed that the lovely delivery guys offered to set up for me even though they didn’t need to. One of them didn’t look that much older than me, and he kept shooting me smiles as he worked, making casual conversation with me. My mother also seemed awfully talkative today with the older delivery guys, directing them about the apartment and commenting on how strong and kind they were while they did all the heavy lifting.
All I can say is that I was relieved when they finally left, because I was starting to feel uncomfortable, especially when the young delivery guy started flirting, whether it be in the form of a wink or a flex of the bicep, mentioning that he works out on the regular. He even went as far as bumping into me every time he passed by, apologizing while steadying me with his hands on my shoulders, piercing me with his blue-eyed gaze and charming smile.
Yeah, he was good looking and muscular and tall, but…he was no Taehyung.
“Seeing those handsome muscular men almost make me want to snatch one for myself,” my mother simpers as we slurp our noodles, too exhausted to make a proper meal. Watching other people do all the work was a tiresome feat.
Instead of cringing like I usually do, I ask, “Why don’t you? I mean, I’m all grown up now, there’s nothing stopping you.”
She throws her head back in laughter, cheeks flushed and eyes sparkling. “Oh, Aria, I couldn’t.”
“Why?” I press. Perhaps being with Taehyung makes me realize how lonely my mother must feel, without a partner to support her in ways that I can’t.
“No one would want to be with me, Aria, I’m too old,” she sighs wearily, and I scoff.
“Eomma, you’re not old, you’re younger than a lot of mothers with nineteen year old kids,” I remind her, because she is. She had me at twenty-one and growing up, whenever she took me to school, everyone would marvel at how young she was, while the mothers were in their late thirties there was my mother in her blooming twenties, raising me without a father. I never questioned it, but now, I have to wonder if she ever wanted to date and have a normal life instead of looking after a child.
“Yeah, but…I don’t know,” she shrugs, twirling her noodles. “I’ve lost confidence.”
“You were literally flirting with those delivery men just before! And I’m pretty sure one of them was already married!”
“Because it’s fun, Aria, flirting is fun, but relationships are serious,” her voice becomes grave. “I don’t know if I can trust a man enough to be with him.”
Oh.
“Eomma,” I say softly, touching her hand. “Not everyone is like him.”
She rolls her eyes, frowning. “I know, but Aria, I’m not looking for one now. I don’t have time.”
“You have time, Eomma, you’re just scared.”
Wait a minute, am I giving my own mother relationship advice?
“I’m not scared,” she mumbles.
“Then what’s stopping you? You’re a beautiful woman who looks ten years younger than her age, you’re very good at flirting and you have an awesome daughter in university,” I add the last part with a roll of my eyes, causing her to crack a smile.
“Well, I see no lies in that statement. However, the question is, where am I going to find a man? And if you say a dating app I will -“
“I guess you’ll just have to let destiny decide,” I say, immediately cringing. I swear I’m starting to sound like Taehyung that one night when he said something about going anywhere as long as the stars are above our heads. So poetic.
“Okay, then, I will wait for my destiny,” my mother chuckles, shaking her head, and as I watch her chew, amused, I send a prayer up to whoever is up there that she does find someone, because my mother deserves someone who will make her happy, someone who will sweep her off her feet and kiss her under the stars, treating her like a princess. Someone who will treat her in the way that my father couldn’t.
【★】
“I miss you.”
“Taehyung, it’s two a.m,” I whisper, rubbing a hand down my face. I was finally asleep until my phone started buzzing, but when I saw his name on the screen, I couldn’t resist. I miss him too.
“I just wanted to hear your voice again,” his voice triggers an autonomous sensory meridian response within me, while my eyes moisten with potential tears.
“I was sleeping,” I murmur, and I can almost hear him pout.
“Sorry. I couldn’t sleep.”
“I thought you were good at sleeping?”
“Not when I have someone on my mind.”
I smile, closing my eyes and turning onto my left side, keeping the phone pressed against my right ear. “It’s only been a day since I last saw you.”
“A day is too long. I want to see you now.”
“You can’t, it’s too late.”
“Then can I keep talking to you? Until we fall asleep?”
“What if you wake your roommate up with all your talking?”
There’s a pause, and suddenly I can hear the sound of someone snoring. I suppress a giggle as Taehyung’s voice comes back on the line. “I doubt he can hear me over his own snoring.”
“Okay, what do you want to talk about?” I yawn, not bothering to open my eyes as we talk.
“Tell me about your new place.”
So I do, giving him a tour over the phone, starting with the door. I describe the view from my window, and how I can see all the glittering street lights and traffic down below, as well as the trains every time they pass. I also tell him about how my mother flirted with the delivery guys, and how I want her to find someone to love.
“They didn’t flirt with you, did they?”
“Who?”
“The delivery guys. Did any of them talk to you?”
Normally I would just laugh, responding with yeah right why would they talk to me? But this time, I can’t bring myself to, because one of them actually did flirt. And no one has ever done that before, especially guys like him who I usually avoid because they are out of my league. Yet ever since being with Taehyung, I can’t help but notice that I’ve been getting more…attention. Is this normal?
“Aria? Are you still there?”
His voice pierces through my thoughts, and I blush, feeling guilty for thinking about guys other than Taehyung, even if they were just strangers.
“Yeah,” I utter, coughing. “Yeah, I’m still here. And no. They didn’t talk to me.”
“Really?”
“No,” I grimace at the lie, but it’s not like it’s a big deal. That guy was really annoying, anyway. Totally not my type.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if guys do flirt with you, Aria, you’re very pretty.”
“You almost sound like you want them to flirt with me,” I joke.
“If anyone flirts with you, I’ll hunt them down,” he snarls, and for a second it sounds like he’s serious, until he giggles and says, “Just kidding.”
“Of course you’re kidding, you kid,” I tease.
“I’m not a kid, you’re a kid, you nineteen year old.”
I laugh, immediately clapping a hand over my mouth as I realize how loud it was, and the last thing I want is for my mum to catch me secretly talking to Taehyung at ungodly hours.
“Is that supposed to be an insult? Because I am not offended, I love being nineteen, unlike you, you old man.” Teasing Taehyung is one of my favourite things to do, making my heart beat faster, making me feel so alive.
Suddenly I am no longer tired.
“Hey, I’m not old! My heart is young.”
“And your brain is equivalent to a seven year old,” I jibe, and he gasps.
“How dare you! My brain is actually ten years old. I did an online quiz.”
I laugh, covering my face. “Knowing you, you’re probably serious about that.”
“It’s true! I’ll send you the screenshot.”
“You really don’t have to,” I giggle, deciding to sit up, clutching my pillow in my lap. Since the window doesn’t have curtains or blinds, I can see the edge of the moon in the far corner, glowing over the dark sky. I decide to get out of bed, leaning against the window and peering out. I can see the moon better from here, if I just crouch down a little…
“Are you looking at the moon?”
I jump, slightly startled and astonished. “How did you know?”
“Because I’m looking at it now too. And it reminds me of you.”
I snort, rolling my eyes, but the smile on my lips is relentless. “That’s so sweet.”
And I genuinely mean it.
“Wow, you’re not sarcastic for once,” Taehyung teases. “Where has my sarcastic Aria gone?”
“You like my sarcasm?”
“Of course, it’s why you’re so funny,” he giggles. “You’re my little funny bunny.”
“Taehyung, I think you’re tired, you’re starting to sound delusional.”
“More than usual?”
“Yes, honey, more than usual.”
Honey? Where did that come from?
“Honey?” he giggles. “Funny bunny honey.”
“Oh, dear,” I close my eyes as I listen to him speak nonsense, leaning against the cold window pane.
“I wonder how many words rhyme with honey? Money, runny, sunny, tummy, dummy -“
“I’m gonna hang up on you.”
“No, wait! Let me sing you a song.”
“You’re gonna sing a song?” I echo in amusement, but judging by the way he clears his throat, he sounds serious.
“You ready? Go get comfortable, I want to sing you to sleep,” he himself sounds sleepy, but nevertheless, I obey his command, climbing back into bed and setting my phone beside me on the pillow, close enough for me to hear his voice.
He begins to sing, and my eyes snap open at the sound of his voice, so breathy and husky yet warm and deep, like an aural embrace. The song is in Korean, but I don’t recognize it. Soon enough my limbs relax as the power of his soulful voice soothes me, softening my consciousness to darkness, yet filling my heart with so much light, like the moon. His voice is the embodiment of night, drifting into my ear like a moonlit promise and wrapping my body in a duvet of tranquility.
A/N: Just imagine him singing 4 o’clock uwu
He has a beautiful voice is my last thought before I completely succumb to sleep once again, except this time, I’m smiling.
【★】
On our second night here, there’s a black out. Eomma and I were in the middle of watching a dramatic episode of The Heirs on her laptop when the lights flickered out, the only source of light remaining being the glow from the screen which is frozen on Lee Min Ho’s pensive face.
“No!” my mother cries out.
“It must be the whole building, right?” I can make out the sounds of people in the hallway, muffled voices clashing together and growing louder. We have yet to meet our new neighbours.
“Hopefully, because I don’t want us to be the only ones suffering,” my mother mutters crudely, getting up from the couch. “Come on, let’s go investigate.”
“Shouldn’t we just wait it out? It could just be temporary,” I say feebly, not looking forward to leaving the safety of the apartment. However, judging by the condition of this apartment, this blackout might just be a regular event that happens every Sunday night. Great.
My mother sticks her head out the door while I stand hesitantly behind her, seeing shadows casted on the walls and phone flashlights. People were wandering the halls, asking around, and before I could stop my mother, she joined them.
“Does this always happen?” she asks someone, a man, who replies, “It happens more often than not. The electricity in this building is always having problems.”
“How long do we have to wait for it to be fixed?”
“Could be an hour, could be the whole night. Ya never know when you live here. Are you new?”
“Yeah, just moved in yesterday.”
I wonder if I should shut the door as I hover behind it, listening to the conversation. The man sounds sort of familiar, but then again, he has the kind of voice that a lot of guys have, yet there is something about this one in particular…
I shake the thought away and decide to close the door, knowing that my mother has her phone in her pocket so if anything happens, I can just call her. We don’t have any candles, so I just sit back on the couch, reaching for my phone that rests on the coffee table.
What do you do when you have no wifi or light at night?
I guess I can call Taehyung, but we already talked in the morning, and then again, in the afternoon. He wanted to visit us today but he had to go to his cousin’s house for a birthday or something.
I am about to hit the call button when my phone begins to vibrate violently in my hand while a photo of my mother smiling lights up the screen. Why is she calling me?
“Eomma, what are you doing? Why are you talking to random peop -“
“I’m going to be at our neighbour’s place. He has some candles, as well as wine, so…”
“You’re ditching me for a guy you just met?” I exclaim, and she titters on the other end.
“He has candles!” she insists. “And I could really use a drink right now.”
“So you’re just gonna leave me here alone in the darkness? Your own daughter?“
“When you put it that way, you make me sound terrible, but yes, yes I am,” I hear a male voice in the background, and then she says, “Sorry, Aria, I gotta go! Destiny calls!”
With a giggle, she hangs up, and I stare at the screen, dumbfounded. Destiny calls? Surely this is not what I meant by letting destiny decide. Or is it?
With a sigh, I scroll back through my contacts, my finger lingering on one particular contact that I added as soon as I got the number. Ella.
Should I text her since I have nothing better to do? I suppose I might as well, test out if she gave me a fake number, although I highly doubt it. She almost seemed genuine when she said she wanted to be friends again, however I still don’t know if I want to be friends with her again. But what if things are different now and we could actually get along again? What if –
“Ah, screw it, I’m gonna just say hi and if she doesn’t reply in five minutes I’ll block her number,” I say this out loud decisively. My fingers glide over the keyboard, typing out and then deleting and then retyping a message that doesn’t sound too desperate, too weird, or too sad.
Hey, Ella! This is Aria 😊
Sure, that works, right? Seriously, why am I getting so worked up on this? It’s not like she’s some cute guy I’m trying to flirt with.
Because Taehyung was the first to text, not me, making this situation all too new to me. Ugh.
I almost drop my phone when barely thirty seconds later, I get a text back.
Hi, Aria! I was wondering when you’d text me 😂😋 How are you?
My fingers fumble out a response, making sure autocorrect doesn’t screw me over with any strange corrections before sending out the message.
I’m doing well, just moved in to a new place! And you?
Reading it over, I want to cringe, but I don’t have time to for she seems to be an incredibly fast texter. Of course, I never knew about this because back when we were best friends, neither of us owned a phone. Only nineties kids can relate.
Oh! I think my dad told me you guys were looking for a new place. I’m good too btw 😊
Her dad. I completely forgot about that. I saw her, and her dad, all in one day. How did I survive?
I then remember that Taehyung was with me as well, and I smile. Because he was there to give me strength, that’s how.
I also remember where we saw her dad, which was at the site of his new construction project, and our old business, which wasn’t doing so well anyway. He must have told Ella about the encounter, and suddenly I wish I remembered this before texting her about moving into a new place.
How humiliating.
Now I don’t know what to text her, and it’s already been three minutes. Oh, god, she’s going to think I am purposefully ignoring her, which is true, in a way, but –
Why do I care again?
It’s crazy because I saw your dad the same day that I saw you XD
Her reply is in the nick of time: Yeah, that’s so crazy! Maybe it’s like destiny or something!
Destiny. Why is that word so prevalent in my life these days?
Yeah, maybe haha. How’s uni going?
We continue like that, back and forth, and I learn that she is studying graphic design at RMIT, and she now has a pet rabbit named Marshmallow, and that she just broke up with her boyfriend of six months at the start of the semester.
I’m not bummed about it tho since he was more of a summer fling that went on for too long. I’m happy to be single actually I feel like I can have more fun XD
I stare at her text as I think about my own life now as a non-single woman, comparing it to my lonely life before, and I realize that I have more fun now than ever before.
Because her boyfriend wasn’t Taehyung, that’s why she wasn’t happy with him.
Once again, my conscience has a point.
How’s your bae btw? You are still with him right?
Her text startles me out of my thoughts as I realize I haven’t replied to her last one, and I wrinkle my nose at her use of the word bae. Who even says that unironically?
Yeah, we’re good. I met him at uni.
He’s pretty cute, ya know, for an Asian guy. But dw, I won’t steal him from you 😉
What? Did she seriously just say that? For an Asian guy? But it’s the next line that really gets on my nerves. I won’t steal him from you.
Like I would even let her get anywhere near him.
He’s mine Ella back off 😝😂
I know, I know, I’m just jk 😂 But seriously good job I hope u guys are happy x
Yeah, we are very happy 💞
Except I’m not happy, because he isn’t here, and maybe I took him for granted when I lived in his house for the past two weeks, having him so accessible to me at any time of the day. But there’s just one thing I regret the most, and that’s not waking up to that one text he sent on my last night, a text that still haunts me.
Come cuddle ☹
I wish I could cuddle him right now.
As if the universe is responding to my wish, the lights come back on, so suddenly that I have to blink to adjust to the brightness, and through the door and paper-thin walls I can hear cheers of joy.
I check the time and gasp. Has it really been an hour?
I’ve been just casually texting my ex-best friend for an hour, while my mother has been hanging out with a complete stranger. I guess doing crazy things runs in the family.
Speaking of family, my mother bursts through the front door with a giddy smile, carrying an unlit candle and her phone. She closes the door behind her, cheeks flushed and eyes glowing as she strides over to me.
“Oh, Aria, you would not believe what just happened,” she sinks into the couch, looking whimsical.
“What happened?”
“Destiny happened, Aria, destiny,” she grabs my hand, squeezing it while gazing at me. “I met someone.”
“I know. You literally left me alone for an hour because of him,” I quip, and she laughs, perhaps a little too hard, before regaining her composure.
“No, Aria, you don’t understand. Or maybe you do. I don’t know. Anyway, as I was saying -“
“Are you drunk?” I scorn, and she has the audacity to look embarrassed.
“Maybe? Anyways, I met this guy, this charming, funny, kind of handsome but I’m not too sure because the light was too dim – guy,” she continues, grinning. “We got to know each other in the most romantic way possible – in candlelight, and now I’m going to go on a date with him tomorrow night!”
“Wait, what?” I blink, a little taken aback. “Isn’t that too, I don’t know…fast?”
“That’s the exciting part! He even owns a motorbike and said he’d take me for a ride in the city. Isn’t that cool? Your Eomma’s gonna ride a motorbike!”
“Oh, dear,” I pinch the bridge of my nose, feeling overwhelmed.
“And he’s so enticing, I don’t know, there’s just something about him that just makes you want to know more, I mean, I don’t even remember his name!” she giggles, and I frown.
“You didn’t get his name?”
“Oh, wait, he gave me his number, let me check his name,” she scrolls through her phone, and then lets out a triumphant, “Ah-ha!”
“What’s his name?” I ask, suddenly feeling very curious.
“Victor. His name is Victor Long. I think he said he’s Chinese? I don’t know, my head’s spinning a little,” she giggles again.
“Great. Perfect. So you’re going to go on a date with this Victor Long guy tomorrow night. Absolutely fantastic,” my tone is sarcastic, but my mother just squeals in excitement.
“I know, right? How exciting! I’m so excited! Can you believe your own mother is finally going out on a date with a man, after all this time?”
“Well, like they always say, better late than never.”
Though to be completely honest, I never thought this day would come, the day, or night, that my mother would meet someone and actually agree to go out with, and so as soon as I make sure she is safely tucked into bed, I text Taehyung.
Hey, Taehyung, wanna go on a date with me tomorrow night?
He replies immediately.
Ooh really? Where should we go?
Wherever he takes her.
Huh?
I then realize that I forgot to tell him some vital information. My mum has a date with some random guy she just met called Victor and I need to make sure he isn’t a serial killer.
Okay, cool. I’m in. But on one condition.
What?
You wear that dress I bought you.
Deal.
【★】
Fun fact: I wrote the blackout bit during an ACTUAL blackout
anyways next chapter is going to be very interesting! 😉
I’M SEEING BURN THE STAGE TOMORROW AND I’M SO EXCITED
have any of you guys seen it yet?
Also I’M FREE FROM EXAMS! And Hooded hit 3,000 reads! 🎉
I want to dedicate a chapter to each of my readers, so this one’s dedicated to -restingwitchface ♡
If you want a dedication, just spam my notifications with some good old votes so I can notice you hehe! I love you all ♡♡♡
[text_hash] => 70d5459d
)