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The brain is a fascinating thing. Even with the scope of humanity’s technological advancement, scientists have barely yet to scratch the surface of revealing its complex mysteries.
In times of great distress, it is able to take over and completely override all other systems in the human body. Suppressing years of knowledge and experience, it appears to be a completely different entity from the person residing within watching everything unfold from behind a protective fog of memory.
They can hear themselves speak but have no recollection of ever forming the words or moving their mouth. They can feel themselves move but have never initiated any movement. They see, they hear, but do not feel.
They become a prisoner in their own bodies, completely detached from the world.
Who is the person; the brain or the soul? Are we truly in control or is what we have merely an illusion?
These are questions Jayden would no doubt have pondered over if he had the presence of mind to do so. But alas, dear readers, he did not. For he was currently existing in that same detached reality the brain creates to shield us from ourselves.
He had stumbled into the hospital in a static haze of confusion, the world bathed in blurry hues of grey and white. People moved around him, but their voices filtered through his ears as if coming from a great distance.
Somewhere near him, he could faintly hear his mother’s voice speaking to the nurse at the station. A few minutes later, there was a gentle hand on his arm, and he could sense his body moving as the hand guided him into an elevator, then through hallways drenched in harsh fluorescent lighting.
The smell of antiseptics and cleaning agents were so strong that they were able to cut through the foggy haze that clouded his brain, causing his mind to become a little bit clearer. The linoleum floor seemed to stretch on endlessly beneath his feet, the polished surface reflecting the artificial lighting above.
They finally stepped into a waiting room and Jayden barely had time to recognize the woman sobbing loudly in a chair when his eyes met a familiar pair of hazel orbs.
He blinked once. Twice. Another blink then blurriness slowly disappeared as the images moved and shifted into focus.
Cissy.
The word drifted through his mind as the face that looked so much like Samuel’s came closer.
‘Samuel…’ he breathed out, then he felt his mouth take over as another pair of hands forced him into a chair. ‘Where is he? Is he alright? I have to go to him?’
‘He is still in surgery. We don’t know anything else.’
He suddenly noticed the redness surrounding the brown irises, a chink in the otherwise calm armour, and his eyes sharpened. ‘Tell me.’
Cissy paused but something in his eyes made her continue. ‘He… the damage… it’s pretty severe. They are not sure he would make it.’
He nodded. He expected as much. After all, tormenting him was the universe’s favourite pastime.
Cissy grabbed his hands forcefully. ‘Don’t do that. You can’t give up. Not now, not when he is still alive.’ She took a shaky breath. ‘He is currently on that operating table fighting for his life and you have to keep fighting with him.’
Her words tore through his brain like a sudden gale, clearing the foggy haze that had clouded it since he first heard the news. The colours and sounds descended on him like a furious wave as he was pulled sharply back into his body and his mind felt ten times clearer.
His cheeks suddenly grew wet as the emotions he had kept at bay whirled through him.
‘Do you really think he would be alright?’ he asked in a shaky voice.
Cissy held his hands tighter. ‘I don’t think, I know. Because the alternative is not something any of us would be able to live with.’
That wasn’t the same. Wanting something so bad you could feel yourself going crazy didn’t mean it would happen. But she was right. None of them would be able to live with the alternative so all they could do was pray and hope that whatever deity happened to be listening was in a benevolent mood.
So that’s what he did. Pray.
And wait.
The waiting was the hardest part. Time seemed to stretch in and collapse on itself, making a second stretch into eternity.
The clock jeered at them from its spot above the wall. Its long hands taunting as it ticked down the seconds. The sound echoing loudly in the sterile silence that was otherwise punctuated with soft sniffles.
Jayden frowned as his mind finally focused on the other occupants of the room. He eventually recognized the woman who had been sobbing quietly in the corner as Samuel’s mother and the gangly man in large glasses by her side was no other person than his father.
His elder brothers, the twins, sat on either side of their parents with bloodshot eyes and what looked suspiciously like guilt. Jayden supposed they had a lot to feel guilty for after how they had treated Samuel, but found he had no sympathy to spare for them.
He glanced at his side where his own mother sat quietly to herself, lost in her thoughts. The silence stretched between them, and he can’t tell how long they spend huddled in the uncomfortable waiting room chairs. Time had lost all meaning.
He fixed his gaze on the thin slice of closed door that separated him from the corridor leading to the operating room and tried to distract himself from the dark thoughts lurking in the back of his head as time continued to drag on with an agonizing lethargy.
He was so focused on the door that he was the first to hear the faint sound of footsteps and was already on his feet when the doors swung open to reveal a doctor in scrubs.
‘How is he? Is he alright? Did something happen? Can I see him?’
The doctor, a tall heavily built man, was taken aback by this sudden onslaught of questions.
‘And you are?’
‘I’m his… friend.’
‘I’m sorry, but I’m only allowed to divulge information to an immediate family member.’
‘I’m his mother,’ Sandra spoke up, getting unsteadily to her feet with help from her husband. Her eyes were shaky as she braced herself for the worst though her voice remained firm. ‘You can speak freely.’
‘He’s alive.’
The strength immediately left her legs as she fell back into her seat in relief. ‘Oh, merciful Isis. Thank you.’
‘While that is good news, I’m afraid it is only good news we have.’
Jayden’s hand found Cissy’s as the doctor went on.
‘I recognize you are both doctors so I’m going to be blunt. Your son was admitted after sustaining a gunshot wound to the head which resulted in cranial fractures and intracranial trauma. We were able to safely remove the bullet and reduce the swelling in the brain, however there were certain… complications. There are indications of injuries consistent with cerebral trauma and to prevent the effects from worsening we had to place him in a medically induced coma.’
Sandra’s hand flew to her mouth as her eyes welled with tears. ‘This can’t be happening.’
Her husband squeezed her shoulder and looked up to meet the doctor’s eyes. ‘How is he now?’
‘He is currently being moved to the ICU where he will receive treatment for the lacerations and broken ribs he sustained during the stampede. We were able to quickly establish regular brain activity which is a good sign, and we would continue to closely monitor his conditions to mitigate the potential impact on neurological functions.’
‘Tell me the truth,’ Jayden said suddenly, looking directly into the doctor’s eyes. ‘Do you think he’ll be ok?’
The doctor met his eyes. ‘The brain is an incredibly intricate organ. One we are yet to fully understand, and recovery from such injuries can be unpredictable. Unfortunately, I can’t give you the definite answer you are searching for. What I can tell you is this, I have been a neurosurgeon for close to twenty years now. I have seen what can be called miracles happen every day. Do not lose hope. For your sake, as much as his.’
Jayden felt the hazy fog closing in again as the doctor continued to discuss medical procedure with Samuel’s parents. He kept offering reassurances where he could and emphasized the importance of time and patience.
Patience? Time? Hasn’t he done enough of both? He was suddenly overcome with the overwhelming need to scream and cry at the injustice of it all. What had he done to deserve this? What had Samuel done? Of all the people in his life, he deserved this the least. Was the universe punishing him just for his mere association with him?
He needed to yell. He needed to hit something. He needed Samuel.
He needed to feel his arms around him telling him everything would be alright. He needed to see the light in his eyes as he teased him about his snobbishness. He needed to hear him laugh at his caustic sarcasm or cry about another one of his pets dying.
What if he never sees that light again? What if he never hears his laugh, or sees his smile?
He shook his head. No. That was dangerous territory. He can’t allow himself to travel down that road. He needed to be strong for them both. So, he does what he is good at. He reaches out and pulls all those troublesome emotions, bundling them up and shoving them deep into a dark corner of his brain as the impassive mask he had spent years perfecting slips into place.
One day, he might concede to Samuel’s pestering and see a therapist to work out all his issues. But that was a day far into the future when they were both alive and healthy.
There was not much more to discuss after that, so he went back to his seat and placed his head against the wall. Letting his eyes fall close, he resigned himself to another gruelling period of waiting till he would be allowed to see Samuel.
He felt someone drape a jacket on top of him and he opened his eyes briefly to see his mother reoccupy her seat next to him. Without a word, he closed his eyes again and allowed the silence to envelop them.
The night dragged on without him sleeping a wink and he wouldn’t be able to until he saw Samuel. Dawn arrived with its false sense of hope and Jayden stretched his neck tiredly, feeling the muscles crack and loosen with each twist.
He got to his feet and was about to walk to the cafeteria when the doors slid open once more. The doctor frowned as he took in the sight before him, and Jayden supposed he must look like a right mess though he couldn’t bring himself to care.
‘What is it?’ he asked instead. ‘Is something wrong?’
The doctor shook his head as the other occupants in the waiting room roused themselves out of their slumber.
‘No, nothing is wrong. You can see him now.’
Sandra was immediately on her feet, all signs of sleep vanishing from her eyes. ‘Take me to him.’
They were led down another series of sterile corridors until they came to a stop before an open door. Samuel’s parents and brothers walked right in while Jayden hesitated at the edge.
Cissy glanced back and her eyes filled up with understanding. She walked back and placed a hand on his arm. ‘It’s fine,’ she reassured him. ‘Just come in whenever you’re ready.’
She let her hand drop and disappeared into the room, leaving Jayden alone with his mother.
He couldn’t understand it. He had been waiting for what felt like an eternity to set eyes on his boyfriend again so what was preventing him from taking the last few steps?
He sighed and leaned back on the wall, allowing himself to slide down onto the cold tiles. He was surprised when his mother mirrored his movements, placing her back on the opposite wall facing him.
‘What are you still doing here?’ He had wanted to snap at her but there was no bite in his words only tiredness. ‘You can’t expect that I’ll run away. Not now. Not when he’s…’ He couldn’t allow himself to finish that sentence, so he changed it. ‘The point is I’m not going to run away so you don’t have to keep guard over me.’
Something flashed through his mother’s eyes, but he was too tired to recognize it or care.
‘Is that why you think I’m here?’ she asked in a soft voice.
‘You’re here to watch over me, no?’
‘Among other things. But not for the reasons you think.’
Jayden didn’t care to work out what those reasons were or ask any more questions. Let his mother keep her secrets.
A period of silence filled the space between them. Jayden was about to close his eyes when his mother suddenly broke the spell.
‘Were you really going to leave without saying goodbye?’
Jayden glanced at her, noticing the exhaustion and tiredness that was no doubt mirrored on his own face.
‘Do you blame me?’
His mother looked down at her hands and answered quietly. ‘No. I guess I don’t.’ She looked back up. ‘It’s okay to be scared.’
Jayden frowned and she nodded toward the open door. ‘Of what you’ll find in there.’
‘I’m not scared.’
His mother didn’t respond which caused him to huff in annoyance. ‘I’m not,’ he insisted.
He got to his feet to prove his point. What did he have to be scared of? After all, it was only Samuel in there. He repeated that in his head over and over again as if to convince himself.
It’s only Samuel. And he is fine. He is fine.
‘For now, I would advise you to go home. All of you.’
He was just in time to catch the last part of the doctor’s sentence.
‘I understand that rest of any sort might seem impossible in this situation but there’s nothing more you can do for him by being here. The last thing we need right now is for any of you to get sick. Samuel needs you all to be healthy so please, as his doctor I advise you all to go home and rest. Take a shower, have a bite to eat. Then come back with restored energy to be with him.’
‘Thank you, doctor,’ Samuel’s father said. ‘We appreciate all you’ve done.’
The family was crowded around the bed, blocking Samuel from Jayden’s view.
‘I would like to stay with him for a minute longer,’ Sandra stated. ‘You and the kids go ahead.’
Her husband nodded. ‘Boys?’ He placed an arm each on Jake and Jack before turning to Cissy. ‘Coming?’
‘In a moment.’ Cissy walked up to Jayden and a second later he was engulfed in a warm hug.
‘Get some rest,’ Cissy said after pulling away. She gave him a shaky smile before following her father and brothers out of the room.
Jayden had often wondered what it would be like to stand close to a dying star and as he moved closer to Samuel’s bed, he figured the experience would be something close to this.
Cold. That was the first thought in his head. The air around him was warm but he felt so cold. Samuel’s eyes were closed, and he lay very still as machines beeped and whirled around him. There were wires and tubes everywhere and nestled among them, he looked very small.
He looked so small and fragile without the blazing light of his personality shining through his features. Jayden’s cheeks suddenly felt damp, and he realized with a jolt that he was crying.
This wasn’t right. Nothing about this was fair. He was supposed to be the moon to Samuel’s sun, and now that sun was struggling to shine.
‘My sweet boy,’ Sandra whispered as she stroked Samuel’s cheeks softly. ‘My little sweet boy. You will always be my baby; you know that right? And you must come back to me. I can’t lose you too. I won’t lose you.’
A hand fell on her shoulder, and she looked up to see her husband standing behind her with a sad smile on his face.
‘He will come back,’ he promised. ‘You know how he is. He has always been a dutiful son. He would not want to upset his mother for longer than he has to.’
She allowed him to pull her out of her chair. ‘I’ll be back soon,’ she promised.
Her eyes briefly met Jayden’s on her way out, but no words passed between them. A few seconds after they had gone, Jayden allowed himself to occupy the spot she had held at the bedside.
The initial shock had faded, and he was more composed as he looked into the sleeping face of his boyfriend.
His mother hovered uncertainly behind him. ‘The doctor was right. You need to get some rest.’
‘I’m not leaving him.’
She opened her mouth to insist but then decided it was best not to push the point. ‘I’m going down to the cafeteria to grab a cup of coffee. Do you want anything? Tea? A cupcake? Croissants?’
‘Not hungry.’
‘Jayden…’
‘Fine. Get me whatever you want.’
He heard his mother walk out of the room but didn’t take his eyes off Samuel for a second.
The morning sun was well up in the sky by the time Victoria walked back into the ward with a cup of coffee and some buttered toast in hand only to find her son fast asleep.
His arm was pillowed under his head on the edge of the bed and his other hand was fastened protectively over Samuel’s own. She stared at the dark circles under her son’s eyes and the lines of worry etched on his face as he slept, and a feeling of sadness welled up inside her.
She placed the food on a nearby table and grabbed the jacket she had used earlier. After making sure it was securely draped over his shoulders she walked over to the couch in the corner, and stretching herself out on it, closed her eyes and allowed herself to also drift off into sleep.
~
It continued like this for the next few days with Jayden refusing to leave his post by Samuel’s bedside except to take care of basic bodily functions. The first time his mother had tried to get him to leave to at least take a shower he had glared at her until the doctors threatened to kick him out.
He had adamantly refused to go back to that house and pointed out that the hospital must have its own showers and resigning herself in defeat she had sent her driver back to the manor to bring back a bag full of personal care products.
He had received the bag grudgingly and was surprised when the driver handed an identical bag to his mother. The thought of Victoria Mills taking a shower in some dingy hospital bathroom was enough to take away some of the grumpiness he felt at leaving his station.
Aside from those quick trips to the bathroom, he remained glued to Samuel’s beside. He was a loyal watchman; every attention focused on each beep and buzz that came regularly from the screens in order not to miss a single change in Samuel’s condition.
He wasn’t the only sentry who had taken up post by Samuel’s bedside. Sandra occupied the spot on the other side of Samuel’s bed. They never spoke to each other, and Jayden had an uncertain feeling that she blamed him for what happened. That was okay. He wished he could tell her that no one could blame him more than he blamed himself.
It never grew awkward because they were rarely alone. During the day, there were regular streams of visitors who came to see how Samuel was doing. And when the streams had trickled out, they were too engrossed in their own thoughts to pay each other any mind.
His friends had stopped by on the morning following Samuel’s surgery. It had taken everything Cam and Leo had not to cry when they saw Samuel lying still on the bed while Noel had allowed his tears to fall freely. Paul, steady as ever, had placed a comforting hand on Jayden’s shoulder and looked on without saying a word.
They had spent some time with him before taking up their own posts in the waiting room. They tried to keep him company every now and then but understood he would much rather be alone.
Cissy was another frequent visitor and whenever she stopped by, she forced Jayden to engage in conversation.
‘Can’t have you drowning in your own thoughts,’ she explained the first time. ‘You know what they say, “someone who thinks too much has nothing to think off except thoughts” and that’s one way to ensure you end up in a straitjacket.’
They also had visitors that weren’t familiar to him. On the third day, Charles walked into the room with two boys he hadn’t met before. He hadn’t paid much attention to them until Cissy explained that they were the boys Samuel had rescued.
That had gotten his attention. His eyes snapped onto them, studying them intently as Cissy’s voice continued in the background.
‘… so, I decided to let them stay with me. Did you hear that? Jayden?’
He looked away as Cissy snapped her fingers in his ear. ‘Hm?’
‘I was talking about how I found out that they were in foster care. I figured letting them go back to that dreadful foster home would make Samuel’s sacrifice be for nothing, so I decided to let them stay with me. Applied for a license just today.’
‘I see,’ was all he said in response, turning his attention back to the bed.
He could feel the older of the two boys staring at him, but he ignored him, his interest in them long faded. They became regular visitors to the ward after that, but Jayden paid them no mind. To him, they were just another one of the characters that blurred into the depressing background of the ward.
A week after the surgery, the doctors finally announced that it was time to wake Samuel up from his coma. No one could predict what his condition was going to be after he was brought out of the come and as the drugs were slowly weaned off him, they all waited with bated breath to assess his condition.
Would his memories remain intact? Would he suffer from some other cognitive impairment?
These questions remained unanswered because after the drugs were completely flushed from his system Samuel did not wake up. A day passed, then two days, then three. Another week came and left but Samuel Asamoah remained lost in the land of dreams.
~
‘He should have woken up by now.’
Jayden hears the doctors whispering to themselves.
‘His brain scans returned normal, and the swelling has all but disappeared. By all accounts, he should have woken up by now.’
Jayden held onto the first sentence and ignored the rest. Samuel’s brain scans were normal which means there were signs of regular brain activity which also meant that Samuel was still in there. Somewhere. He was just hovering in that space that existed between life and death.
He just wished he could reach across that space and pull him firmly back into the land of the living.
‘The doctors are talking about you again,’ he said to Samuel. He had read somewhere that sometimes patients in a coma can hear what was going on around them so he spoke to Samuel every chance so that wherever he was, if he could hear him, he would not feel as alone as he was feeling now.
Sometimes he spoke about the weather and other times he read a book out loud. Though lately, he had taken to playing movies from his mother’s iPad. He could at least hear the dialogue even though he couldn’t watch the scenes. When he had to leave his bedside to grab a nap on the cot he had arm-bent his mother to get the doctors to place in the ward, he left the iPad playing in the background with the sound of falling rain, forest crickets, blue whales, anything that would help to remind Samuel of the waking world.
He glanced down at his lap where the iPad currently lay with Moana playing loudly from the speakers. The movie ended shortly, and Jayden picked up the tablet.
‘That’s your favourite film, isn’t it?’ He snorted. ‘At least it isn’t anything as tiresome as Frozen.’
The heart rate display beeped at him in response. The screen continued to tick away steadily, and Jayden wanted to throw something at it. Preferably a large chair. He opted instead to reach out his hand to grab Samuel’s unresponsive one.
‘When you wake up, I promise to take you to karaoke, and we can sing as many of the horrible songs from both movies as you want. It can be another date and I promise not to roll my eyes or make any sarcastic remarks if you open your eyes right now and look at me.’ His tone was beginning to grow desperate. ‘Please open your eyes.’
The bedside monitor continued to pulse unconcernedly, its blue and green lights flashing as it continued to track Samuel’s vital signs.
‘I don’t know why you haven’t woken up yet -I don’t even know if you can hear me, but please, come back to me. You know how Moana crossed the horizon to find Te Fiti and give her back her heart, I need you to do the same and give me back mine. Without you it feels useless so wake up, please.’
For a moment he imagined that Samuel’s fingers twitched in response but of course, that was all in his head. Just because you want something to happen doesn’t mean it would. He should know that more than anyone.
He felt a hand on his shoulder, and he looked up to see the neurosurgeon who had operated on Samuel.
Gay.
The name popped into his head.
Dr. Samuel Gay.
The irony hadn’t been lost on both of them the first time and it wasn’t lost on him now.
‘We need to perform a few tests on him. Nothing serious. Just standard routine stuff. Why don’t you take a break in the meantime? I’ll let you know when we’re done.’
Jayden shook his head. ‘I’m good. I’ll be sure to keep out of your way, don’t worry.’
‘That’s not what I’m worried about,’ the doctor replied with a sigh. ‘When was the last time you took a walk? And I mean a proper walk, not just walking to the bathroom every odd hour or so.’
Jayden thought about it, but his mind was drawing a blank.
‘See what I mean? Take a walk, go outside, have a breath of fresh air. You won’t help him by staying cooped up in here.’
Jayden’s jaw set stubbornly. ‘Thank you for your concern but I don’t need to take a walk. I need to stay beside him.’
‘We are already bending the rules by allowing you to spend the night here. Don’t make me regret that decision.’
Jayden glanced once more at Samuel’s sleeping face, searching for any sign of a change. Anything. But there was nothing.
‘Fine,’ he breathed out at last, getting to his feet. He hesitated at the foot of the bed.
‘He’s been unresponsive for a long time now,’ the doctor stated in a gentle voice. ‘If anything is going to happen it won’t happen in the one hour you are going to be away from him.’
‘If there’s any change…’
‘I promise you’ll be the first to know.’
Jayden nodded and left the room just as a group of nurses walked in to carry out their tests. He made his way to the waiting room where his friends were talking to themselves.
Leo was the first to see him and was already on his feet. ‘What happened? Is it Samuel?’
Jayden shook his head as the rest stood and crowded around him. ‘Nothing happened. They are just running a few tests on him and kicked me out to “get a bit of fresh air”.’
His tone soured slightly as he finished the sentence, but Noel seemed to brighten up at the thought.
‘That’s not a bad idea actually. We’ve all been cooped up in this stuffy building for long enough.’
‘So has Samuel but you don’t hear him complaining about it,’ he mumbled in response. ‘If he has to be stuck in that depressing ward, why do we deserve to go out.’
Leo patted his arm comfortingly. ‘I get it mate, but Samuel wouldn’t want that. In fact, he would be right pissed at us when he wakes up and finds out that we haven’t been taking you out on regular walks.’
Jayden glared at him. ‘I’m not a dog.’
‘I got an idea,’ Cam stated, ignoring him. ‘Why don’t we go up to the roof? It’s a nice day outside and the view is to die for.’ He winced as he heard his words. ‘Sorry, very poor choice of words.’
‘To the roof it is then,’ Paul declared as they herded him out of the waiting room.
‘Where are you going, we just passed the elevators.’
‘I know. We are taking the stairs.’
Jayden couldn’t keep the incredulity out of his voice. ‘What?’
‘You need to exercise and you’re not going to do it by riding in an elevator,’ Paul pointed out in a matter-of-fact voice.
‘Come on,’ Leo said excitedly in response to Jayden’s horrified look. ‘It would be fun. Race you to the top.’
‘Last one there is a rotten egg,’ Cam called out before bolting up the stairs.
Jayden just stood there, and it was only after Paul nudged him that he reluctantly placed his foot on the first step.
Noel took his arm and tugged him forward forcing him to increase his pace. Ten minutes later, he was out of breath and panting as he stumbled onto the roof of the hospital building.
It seems he really was out of shape from spending close to three weeks confined in an uncomfortable hospital chair. He steadied his breathing and took in his surroundings.
Cam was right, it really was a beautiful day. The air was alive with the distant sounds of the city below them, and a gentle breeze carried the sweet scent of flowers in bloom. He felt the warmth of the sun on his face as he stepped further out onto the roof that was dotted with potted plants.
‘What do you think?’ Noel asked as he walked over to stand at the edge of the roof.
He shrugged noncommittedly as he looked down at the busy city street below them. He wondered if the people who were going about their day were as carefree as they seemed or if they had their own loved ones lying in the hospital with no idea if they were going to live or die.
His thoughts must have shown on his face because, in the next second, he felt Paul’s hand on his shoulder.
‘Try to relax. Overthinking won’t change anything, and it certainly won’t help.’
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to follow Paul’s advice but try as he might, he couldn’t bring himself to relax. The tension was the only thing holding him together and he didn’t know what he would do without it.
He opened his eyes instead and focused on the sky above. It was a brilliant canvas of blue and there were only a few clouds drifting lazily by. He couldn’t help but envy their carefreeness. They had no fears and no responsibilities. They weren’t bound to the earth. They were simply weightless. Free to go wherever the wind blows. And when things got too heavy, they simply let it go, allowing their problems to wash down on those unfortunate enough to be fettered to the ground.
A loud buzz suddenly filled the air, jolting him out of his thoughts. He glanced curiously at Paul as he quickly answered the call before his phone could continue to ring even louder.
‘Hello?’
There was silence as he listened intently to the person on the other line.
‘I… we’re on the roof… Jayden? Yes, he is here with me. What…’
Jayden watched as Paul’s expression quickly changed.
‘He’s what?… Are you certain?… We’re on our way.’
Jayden could feel the panic rising in his chest. ‘What is it? Tell me!’
‘We need to go quickly. It’s Samuel. He’s awake.’
Jayden didn’t wait to hear anything after that. He had already turned on his heel and was racing off the roof and down the stairs, his footsteps echoing loudly as they rushed down the steel steps.
His heart was pounding with anticipation as he repeated the phrase over and over again until it was the only thought in his head.
He’s awake.
He’s awake.
Samuel is awake.
He could hear his friends running behind as they tried to catch up with him, but he couldn’t slow down. He needed to see Samuel. He wouldn’t believe it until he saw it with his own eyes.
The sound of cheerful chatter grew louder as he hurtled past the waiting room and down the corridor leading to Samuel’s room. Silence greeted him as he burst into the ward.
His eyes moved quickly through the sea of faces that turned towards him until it locked onto the one that held his beating heart.
Samuel’s eyes brightened as his face broke into a wide smile. ‘Hello, stranger.’
Jayden remained frozen in place, afraid that if he moved the spell would be broken, and it would all turn out to be a dream. But it wasn’t a dream. Samuel was really awake. His face looked tired, and there were slight lines around his lips where the tubes had been stuck to his face, but he was awake.
‘You’re really here,’ he whispered out finally.
‘I am,’ Samuel answered with an amused light dancing in his features. ‘I crossed the horizon to find you.’
Jayden’s eyes widened in shock but before he could respond a loud sob shattered the spell. Leo rushed past him and threw himself to the side of Samuel’s bed.
‘Papi, don’t ever do that again! Look at my hair! My beautiful raven locks have all turned grey because of you! Promise me you won’t scare us like that again. You can’t leave us. Jayden was a moody grump without you. I mean he always is, but it was thirty times worse this time. I am half-convinced he would have starved himself to death if we weren’t here to feed and water him every few hours.’
‘I’m not a dog,’ Jayden grumbled half-heartedly in protest.
Cam pried Leo away from the bed. ‘He just woke up stop drowning him in your dramatics.’
‘How is it being dramatic if it is true?’ Leo demanded.
Paul pushed both of them aside and gave Samuel a tired smile. ‘Glad to see you awake.’
‘Glad to be awake. Can’t have been easy dealing with them alone.’
‘Not all of us get to sleep to escape our responsibilities,’ Paul answered with a playful smirk.
Samuel grimaced lightly and rubbed the spot on his head where the bullet had passed through. ‘I wouldn’t recommend it.’
‘Alright, everyone,’ Dr. Gay interrupted. ‘We don’t want to overexcite him. Let’s leave him to rest now. There’s lots of time to catch up later.’
‘I’ve spent days doing nothing but rest,’ Samuel protested. ‘I don’t need any more of that.’
Sandra reached down and placed a kiss on her son’s head. ‘Listen to your doctor, honey. We all could do with a bit of rest. You gave us quite the scare, none of us have been able to sleep properly for the past few weeks.’ She rubbed his hair fondly. ‘We’ll come back and see you later, alright?’
‘Fine,’ he mumbled but he didn’t look too pleased about it.
‘Good boy.’
His father was the next person to come up and rub his head. ‘Thank you for coming back to us, sport. I never doubted you would.’
‘You could have woken up sooner,’ Cissy stated, punching his arm playfully. ‘Who’s the attention seeker now?’
‘I’m still injured, you know,’ Samuel mumbled as he rubbed his arm. ‘Hitting me has got to be some sort of crime.’
‘Glad you’re back little bro,’ Jack stated, coming up next.
‘Yeah,’ James added. He hesitated at his next words. ‘We are sorry for acting like jerks about your whole coming out thing. We realize what’s important now and… we love you no matter what. You know that, right?’
Samuel gave them a small smile. ‘Yeah, I do. Apology accepted.’
‘Let’s leave our patient to rest now,’ the doctor stated.
‘Can Jayden stay?’ Samuel asked as the doctor started herding everyone out of the room.
Dr. Gay snorted. ‘Trying to get him to leave is not a battle I am willing to undertake, and I very much doubt it’s one I’m going to win.’
Jayden, for his part, didn’t look a single bit apologetic. ‘It’s not like you would be any different if you were in my shoes.’
‘No, I don’t suppose I would.’
‘Thank you, by the way,’ he added, and this time his tone was filled with genuine gratitude. ‘For everything.’
‘I told you. Miracles happen every day,’ the doctor replied with a wink before closing the door behind him with a silent click.
‘What did he mean by that?’ Samuel asked curiously as Jayden walked to reclaim his seat by the bedside.
‘Nothing much,’ he replied with a noncommittal shrug. ‘How are you feeling?’
‘Alive,’ Samuel answered. ‘And very much tired, but I don’t feel as if I could ever sleep again if it that makes sense.’
‘I suppose it does.’
Jayden traced a finger over the edge of the blue bedsheets as silence descended between them.
‘I missed you by the way,’ Samuel said suddenly, causing Jayden to look up.
‘I never left your side.’
‘I know. I could hear you.’
Jayden’s features filled with surprise. ‘You did? I hoped you would, but I wasn’t sure. What was it like?’
‘Empty. Dark. It felt like a dream. I was sort of awake but not really. I kept thinking about you… sometimes I could hear your voice and other noise filtering in, but I thought they were just dreams. It took a while before I realized it was really you talking to me. It wasn’t always clear… most of the time it was a haze of static as if I was having really bad reception other times it would be so clear it felt as if you were standing right next to me.’
Jayden held his hand as he struggled to recall the specific memories. It was clear from the way he spoke that it was taking a lot of energy for him to keep talking.
‘It’s alright. You don’t have to tell me everything now.’
‘No, I want to tell you… you have to understand… it’s important. Most of the time I was asleep but when I was awake, but not really awake, I tried to open my eyes or move my fingers, but it felt as if I was no longer tethered to my body. I was simply floating in a dark space. Then I heard what you said about giving back your heart and I just focused on your voice. After concentrating hard for a while, I could finally see a faint pinprick of light and I followed it until I opened my eyes.’
Samuel’s eyes were full of meaning as they bored into Jayden’s own. ‘You brought me back. I was able to cross the horizon because of you.’
Holding back his tears was pointless at this point so Jayden allowed them to fall freely as the fears, frustrations, and relief of the past few days washed over him.
‘Thank you for giving me back my heart.’
Samuel’s eyelids were already beginning to drop. ‘It was… always within you. You just… just needed help to… to find it.’
Jayden’s eyes were also beginning to get heavy. He suddenly felt very tired, but he didn’t want to sleep. He wanted to keep talking, but Samuel’s eyes had already fallen shut, and his breathing had begun to even out.
Jayden closed his eyes and placed his head on the side of the bed as he slowly nodded off, his hand still held fast over Samuel’s own.
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