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Samuel blinked his eyes open and immediately shut them again, wincing at the bright light that streamed through the windows. He slowly reopened them, raising his hand to shield them from the intensity of the sunlight.
His room swam into focus before him as he slowly gained his bearings. He closed his eyes with a sigh and turned only to hit something beneath the sheets. He blinked his eyes open and looked curiously at the small hump beside him.
He reached out a tentative finger and poked it, only to draw it sharply back when the thing moved. The figure stretched and emerged from the sheets, raising their head to look groggily up at him.
He let out a yelp and shot out of the bed, landing on the floor with a huge thud. His brown eyes met the startled hazel ones on the bed and a piercing pain shot through his skull.
He rubbed his head as the snippets of memory from last night tumbled into his brain. He remembered loud music, a screaming Leo, cannonballing into a pool, and lots of alcohol… the rest grew hazy from there.
Pearl blinked dazedly, as if recalling memories of her own. She grimaced and rubbed her head as a pounding headache descended on her.
‘What-‘
‘This is a mistake,’ Samuel blurted out, cutting her off. ‘You’re not supposed to be here.’
Pearl scowled. ‘It’s not like I wanted to be here. You were the one clutching my arm and begging me not to leave you.’
Samuel blinked. ‘I was?’
‘There was crying as well.’
The rest of the memories burst in like a flood… the ball… Jayden’s engagement… Jayden kissing…. His chest grew tight.
Pearl was watching him. ‘Do you remember now?’
He did. After what he saw that night outside Jayden’s room, he had operated on autopilot. He remembered asking Leo to take him to the party, but the words seemed to come from another world. He remembered taking his clothes off and jumping into the pool, but the actions seemed to belong to another person. He remembered drinking and drinking to drown out the heavy feeling in his chest.
He had cried. He remembered that now. He had been sitting alone at a table as silent tears rolled down his cheeks, but he had been too drunk to notice them. Pearl had noticed him and walked up to him.
‘Samuel,’ she had said hesitantly. ‘What’s wrong?’
He had looked up at her with his tear-strewn face and asked, ‘Why does everybody leave me?’
She had frowned and sat down beside him. ‘What do you mean? You have lots of friends who love you and will never leave you. So many people like you. You are not alone.’
He had shaken his head stubbornly. ‘Everyone says they like me, but no one stays. Alex promised to be my little brother forever, but he left me. Jayden…’ The words choked in his throat. ‘They all leave. Paul, Leo, Noel, and Cam claim we are friends but they will also leave. I try to be happy. If I always smile, if I always make people like me, then no one will leave.’ He looked into his drink. ‘But they always leave. No one ever stays.’
He had looked up at her and begged. ‘Don’t leave me.’
And that’s how they had ended up here. The ache in Samuel’s chest grew. He looked away.
‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have. Could you please… I need to be alone right now.’
Pearl huffed indignantly. She threw the covers away and stood to her feet, picking up her clothes as she walked into the bathroom. A minute later, she stepped out, fully dressed.
She walked up to the door and placed her hand on the handle. ‘You know what,’ she said, turning around to face him furiously. ‘First of all, do you know how ironic it is to ask me not to leave you when you are the one who dumped me? Second, despite that fact, I stuck around because I care about you, and you looked like you needed someone to. So don’t treat me… this, as if it’s something shameful. As shocking as it sounds, you’re not the only one with feelings.’
She opened the door and stepped out, but before she left she turned back to him. ‘And one more thing. I don’t know who it is or why you’re feeling that way, but instead of sitting here whining and feeling sorry for yourself, get up and confront them. Self-pity is not a good look on anyone, especially you.’
The door slammed furiously behind her and Samuel was left sitting alone in his room. He laid his back against the hard floor tiles and stared blankly at the swirling patterns of his room ceiling. The cool tiles helped to ease his pounding headache and he turned to place his cheek against it. Curled up in a foetal position, he closed his eyes and tried to forget.
A knock came on his bedroom door. He blinked his eyes open and closed them again. It hadn’t taken long for him to lose track of time. Had it been a few hours? A day? A week? He couldn’t tell. Time blended into itself and stretched out into a single continuous string of emptiness.
The knock came again, and he hoped whoever it was would take the hint and leave. They didn’t.
The door cracked open and his mother stuck her head through.
‘Samuel? Honey? Are you dressed?’
He didn’t answer.
She took his silence as an assent and opened the door even wider. She walked in with a large pink pig following at her heels. There was a falcon perched on her shoulder, and in her arms, she carried a young monkey.
‘Ernesto has been worried about you, so we came to visit. Isn’t that right, Ernesto?’
The pig gave a loud snort in response and tried to climb onto Samuel’s bed with its short stubby legs.
‘Look, we even brought you lunch.’ She gestured to the monkey in her arms, and it clambered down excitedly with a large bowl in its hands. He placed the bowl on the bed and sat back expectantly on its hunches, looking quite pleased with itself.
The falcon squawked and flapped its wings to land on the headboard.
‘Yes, Javier also caught some mice earlier. Sadly, he grew a bit excited and gobbled them down before he could bring them to you. It’s the thought that counts, I think.’
Samuel stared blankly into space. His mother paced up and down his room, picking up clothes and tossing empty bottles into the trash.
‘It’s a bit depressing in here. How about a bit of light to cheer things up? Diego, if you could do us the honour.’
The monkey hooted and scrambled off the bed to pull aside the curtains, letting in a stream of light.
Samuel winced and turned away. By the position of the sun, it appeared to be noon. He couldn’t bring himself to care about that information.
Sandra sighed, and he felt the bed dip softly as she sat. ‘Honey, you know I make it a point to interfere as little as possible in my children’s lives. However, it’s now been a week and I am worried.’
‘I’m fine, mum.’
‘No, you’re not. But you would be, and you can start by eating something.’
‘I’m not hungry.’
His stomach took that moment to grumble in disagreement. His mother smiled. ‘I think there is someone else who thinks otherwise.’
‘Here.’ She lifted him and placed his head against her shoulder. With some coaxing, she managed to get him to eat the entire lunch.
‘Mummy, I’m thirsty.’
‘Of course, honey.’ She turned to her monkey. ‘Diego, water.’
The monkey scampered away and returned a moment later with an apple. She shook her head.
‘No, Diego. Water. Water.’
The monkey scratched its head and scampered off, returning with a shoe.
‘We’re still working on that,’ she explained to Samuel. She turned to the falcon which was still perched on the headboard above them. She made a motion with her hands and the falcon flapped its wings and took off, returning a moment later with a bottle of water gripped underneath its talons.
Sandra stretched out her arm and the bottle landed neatly into her palm.
‘Good boy,’ she cooed, scratching the bird lovingly under its beak. The falcon preened and flapped its wings with pride. Sandra reached into one of the many pockets in her lab coat and threw it a treat.
‘Here you go, darling,’ she handed the bottle to Samuel.
She watched as Samuel drained the bottle quickly. Ernesto snorted dejectedly on the floor, causing Samuel to smile slightly before reaching over to pick him up.
‘Wow, you’re heavy. I can tell you’ve been eating well. You’ve put on what? Another pound?’
The pig oinked proudly and reached across to snuffle his wet snout against Samuel’s face, causing him to laugh. The monkey didn’t want to be left out and he scampered onto Samuel’s side, chattering excitedly.
Sandra watched with a small smile as the light returned to her son’s eyes. She had had a feeling that they would be the best choice in helping to bring him back to himself.
‘Now that you’re back to normal, or at least something resembling normal, would you mind telling me what happened?’ she asked after a while. ‘You haven’t been the same since we went to the Christmas ball last week.’
Samuel’s smile disappeared. Ernesto nudged him with his snout in an attempt to regain his attention. He stroked the pig absently to calm him down.
‘It was nothing. It’s just… it’s nothing.’
Sandra wasn’t convinced, but she let it drop. ‘Very well. Then could you tell me why your ex-girlfriend stormed out of my house the following day?’
Samuel winced at the memory but didn’t respond.
Sandra sighed. ‘Again, it’s my policy not to meddle in your lives, but this can’t go on. If you and Jayden fought, it would be best to talk to each other about it. Friends fight all the time. I’m sure whatever happened, it isn’t too damaging that a quick conversation won’t solve.’
‘It’s not that simple,’ Samuel mumbled.
‘Oh honey,’ Sandra reached out to stroke his hair. ‘Nothing is ever simple. You just have to ask yourself if it’s worth making the effort.’
Samuel closed his eyes and leaned into his mother’s touch, taking comfort in her familiar smell.
‘Are you really going to let it go without a fight?’
Samuel sat up. ‘You’re right.’
‘Of course, I am. I am a mother, we are always right. Besides, what’s-her-name was telling the truth. Self-pity is not a good look on you.’
Samuel gave her a startled look to which she just shrugged. ‘It’s not my fault I overhead. She was very loud that day.’
She smiled faintly. ‘It’s a good thing your sister wasn’t home, or she would have had words with her, none of them pleasant. Where are you going?’
Samuel had gotten off the bed and was rushing to find his shoes. ‘I’m going to talk with him. I need… no I deserve answers.’
‘Good for you.’ Sandra’s head moved from side to side as she followed his movements around the room. ‘And not to say I don’t like this enthusiasm, but maybe take a shower first?’
‘No, time,’ Samuel replied hurriedly.
‘At least change your clothes,’ Sandra protested as his hands reached for the doorknob.
He looked down at his stained shirt and decided that his mother was probably right. ‘Fine.’
‘Awesome. We’ll leave you to it.’
She stood, and the pig bounded down the bed after her. ‘Come, Diego,’ she snapped her fingers, and the monkey clambered onto her shoulder. ‘We’ll see you later, honey. Best of luck. I really hope it works out.’
She walked out of the room and the falcon spread its wings, swooping out after her. Samuel walked into his closet to change, determined to speak with Jayden no matter what.
~
It was a beautiful day outside and the Mills family was having lunch in the garden. Valentina was among them, having become a permanent figure ever since their betrothal.
Jayden had grown used to simply pretending she was a part of the landscape, so it always came as a bit of shock when she suddenly spoke to him as she was doing now.
‘Are you listening to me, Jayden?’
‘Hmm?’ he asked in surprise. ‘I’m sorry, what were you saying?’
‘I was telling your father that after our wedding, we might renovate the old boathouse and move in. We would be closer to the family while having our independence. What do you think?’
‘Whatever you want, dear,’ Jayden answered automatically, reaching over for his teacup.
Valentina beamed. ‘Marvellous. I told you he wouldn’t mind, Roger.’
Roger smiled and patted her arm. ‘I do not mind either. It would be a blessing to have you both so close to home.’
Jayden stared at the stranger who wore his father’s skin, spoke like him but was vastly different from the man he had grown up with in the past few years.
This imposter smiled warmly and more frequently. When he looked at his son, there was no longer a look of disgust and disappointment in his eyes but instead, they shone with pride.
The first time his father had spoken to him after the ball, he had looked around in confusion only to realize he was the one being addressed. He had responded with uncertainty and his father laughed and gave him a warm pat on the back before walking away.
The entire experience had been so unnerving that he had actively avoided him for the rest of the day. It was amusing how a few years ago, he would have given anything to be the object of his father’s affections once more, but faced with it now, he realized he couldn’t care less. Frankly, he would have preferred it if his father went back to ignoring his existence and treating him like less of a human being. That, he knew how to deal with.
‘I still don’t understand why we have to serve ourselves when the servants are available,’ Valentina was saying when he tuned back into the conversation.
‘It’s the servant’s ball tomorrow, Val,’ Roger explained. ‘It’s our tradition to give them the entire day of the day before.’
Valentina chuckled. ‘Seems silly not to have them do their job when that’s what we’re paying them for.’
‘I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were the one who signed their checks,’ Victoria commented dryly.
‘I was just saying-‘
‘Or are you burdened with some affliction that renders you unable to pick up a plate?’
Valentina looked around her for support. ‘I didn’t mean-‘
‘I know what you meant.’
Valentina looked put out. ‘I have a feeling you don’t like me, Mrs. Mills.’
‘It’s not a feeling.’
‘She’s just being overprotective,’ Roger rushed in. ‘You know what mothers are like. Jayden is her only son after all. But I’m sure, in time, she will grow to see how much you care about him and she will cherish you just as much as I do.’
Victoria said nothing, and Jayden smiled into his teacup. Valentina had woven her charms so expertly around his father that she had him eating out of the palm of her hand. His mother, however, had been a different matter altogether. She remained impervious no matter how much she tried.
‘Why don’t you tell Tori all the amazing plans you were telling me about yesterday?’ Roger tried, hoping to defuse the tension. ‘She has lots of plans for the estate Tori.’
‘Oh, I do not doubt that.’
Roger stood. ‘Why don’t we take a stroll around the grounds? And she can point out all her new ideas.’
Valentina followed his lead and got to her feet. ‘I would love that. It’s a bit sunny out though.’
‘Why don’t you borrow one of Tori’s hats? You wouldn’t mind lending one to her, would you, dear?’
‘I fear I have none that would fit her. Her head being as large as it is with all those wonderful new ideas.’
Jayden choked into his cup. Victoria gave him a worried look. ‘Are you alright, dear?’
He nodded, fighting hard to conceal his smile. He found himself having a growing new appreciation for his mother, and for the first time, he realized just how easy she had been on him. It was now very obvious that she was more than capable of matching his sarcasm wit for wit. She had just been choosing not to.
Valentina cleared her throat awkwardly. ‘Thank you for the offer but I’m sure I would be alright.’
‘Shall we, my dear?’ Roger proffered his arm.
Valentina giggled and wrapped her arm around his. ‘Why thank you, kind sir.’
Victoria and Jayden rolled their eyes together in perfect synchrony. The others didn’t notice and smiling to themselves, they went up ahead.
‘Are you coming, dear?’ Victoria asked her son.
Jayden shook his head. ‘I’m not done with my lunch. You go on ahead. I’ll catch up later.’
Victoria hesitated. ‘I do wish you would tell me why you agreed to this. I know you don’t believe me, but I am on your side.’
Jayden glanced at her. ‘You know Mother, strangely enough, I believe you. However, you don’t need to worry about it. I can handle this matter on my own.’
Victoria frowned but nodded and got to her feet. He watched her go with a thoughtful look on his face. He didn’t have long to enjoy his solitude.
‘I see you’re all getting along,’ Azrael stated as he strolled in casually with his hands buried in his pockets. He took the seat his mother previously occupied, and as he moved, the light from the sun got caught in his blonde strands, scattering golden light everywhere and forming a sort of angelic halo around his head.
His blue eyes were bright with mischief as he played around with a teacup. ‘So, how goes the happy wedlock?’
Jayden ignored his presence and he soon grew bored with the lack of reaction. He fidgeted restlessly with the tablecloth, and his eyes grew dazed with boredom.
Jayden smiled to himself. Like Valentina, he was also a recent addition to the manor, as she liked to keep them both on a tight leash. Being confined to one place however, was not in Azrael’s nature. He was not a tame person in any sense of the term, and it didn’t take long for him to begin chafing against his constraints.
Valentina had failed to understand a crucial point; if you wanted a person like Azrael to do your bidding, it was best to leave them to their own devices. Thus the more she tightened his leash, the more he began to grow rebellious.
So far, he had tolerated it, finding her attempts to control him amusing. The novelty would soon wear off, however, and that was the moment Jayden was patiently waiting for.
‘What are you thinking about?’
Azrael had crept up on him while he had been immersed in his thoughts. His face was nearly an inch from his, and his head was cocked inquisitively to the side as he studied him with those bright cerulean orbs.
Jayden was so startled he forgot about his vow to ignore him. He scowled, ‘Don’t you have anywhere else to be?’
Azrael grinned. ‘Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I do.’
‘Then why are you wasting your delightful company on me.’
Azrael’s grin widened. ‘Don’t say something you would regret.’
Jayden was intrigued despite himself. ‘What do you mean?’
Azrael hopped back into his seat. ‘Valentina made me promise to make sure you keep our bargain. So if I’m not watching you, I would have to keep watch over your dearly beloved. As delightful as my company is, I’m sure you wouldn’t like me to spend time with him, would you?’
Jayden’s jaw clenched. Azrael was extremely pleased by this reaction. He was about to poke him further to see what other kinds of delightful reactions he could draw out when they were interrupted.
‘Excuse me, sir, but there’s a young man at the gate who insists on seeing you.’
Jayden frowned. ‘Why don’t you let him in?’
‘Your father has given strict instructions not to let him into the estate. We were going to call the police, but we understand that he’s a friend of yours.’
A Cheshire grin spread across Azrael’s face. ‘Right on time. And here I was thinking that my day would be dreadfully boring. You better handle it before our dear Valentina gets wind of this.’
Jayden stood. ‘Let him in.’
The security guard hesitated. ‘But your father-‘
‘I would send him away myself.’
Azrael followed eagerly behind him as he made his way into the receiving hall. A few minutes later, a very frazzled Samuel walked in. The minute his eyes landed on Jayden, he rushed up to him only to freeze in his steps when he saw Azrael behind him.
He frowned uncertainly, and Jayden, noticing his hesitation, turned impatiently to Azrael.
‘Do you mind?’
Azrael’s eyes danced with humour. ‘Excuse me, I shall leave you both to it. I’m sure you have much to catch up on.’
He left the room, but Jayden had no doubt that wherever he was, he would be able to hear every word they said.
He turned to Samuel. ‘Are you alright? You hadn’t answered any of my texts.’
‘Who is he?’ Samuel demanded.
‘What do you mean? You know who he is. If I recall correctly, you spent a lot of time with him last term.’
Samuel shook his head impatiently and took a step closer. ‘I know who he is. I mean, who is he to you? And why did the security prevent me from entering?’
Jayden frowned and twitched his nose. ‘Have you been drinking?’
Samuel grew frustrated. ‘Answer the damn question!’
‘What is going on? What are you talking about?’
‘I saw you,’ Samuel whispered.
‘What?’
‘I saw you that night. With him. You were…’ he couldn’t finish the sentence.
Jayden blinked. ‘Oh.’
‘What was that about Jayden? And what’s up with this sudden betrothal?’
Jayden crossed his arms and placed his hip against the armchair. ‘Well, if you saw everything, there’s no need to pretend anymore.’
Samuel’s heart clenched. ‘What are you talking about?’
Jayden rolled his eyes impatiently. ‘You’re not a fool, don’t make me spell it out for you.’
‘But we… what we had was real.’
Jayden burst out laughing. ‘Oh, you sweet boy. Even now, I still find that stupid innocence of yours so desirable.’
Samuel’s heart clenched tighter. ‘You don’t mean that.’
Jayden tapped his chin thoughtfully as a slow amused smile crept over his lips. ‘Do you know what your problem is? You have a saviour complex. That chronic need to help everyone you meet, be they man or beast. It was so simple. All I had to do was feed you some sob story, and you were hooked.’
Samuel’s eyes glistened. ‘That’s not true.’
Jayden shrugged. ‘Well, yes, my story is particularly despairing, but it’s not something I’m sad about. You, however, saw something that needed to be fixed.’
‘That’s not true.’
‘Did you honestly think someone like me could fall in love with someone like you? Just take a minute to think about it.’
‘That’s not true,’ Samuel repeated, though this time, it was more to himself than to Jayden.
Jayden smirked. ‘If you want to continue living in your delusions, that’s up to you. I don’t mind coming to warm your bed once in a while. However please don’t get too clingy. Neediness is not attractive colour on you.’
Jayden saw the exact moment that Samuel’s heart shattered. His own heart pounded painfully in his chest in response, and it took every ounce of his will not to break character and scoop him in his arms. He knew then that no matter what happened, even if they managed to get back together, he would never be able to forget this moment, and he would relieve the pain every night in his nightmares.
Samuel took one last look at him and walked out without another word. That night, for the first time in a long time, Jayden cried himself to sleep.
Author’s Note:
Poor Jayden😔
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