Array
(
[text] =>
A/N: TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE.
To those who will be triggered just skip the flashbacks and continue reading from where the flashback ends.
FLASHBACK(3 Years Ago)
‘Stop moving around so much Al,’ Samuel laughed in amusement as he tried to get his little brother ready for bed.
Alex stopped jumping and turned to his big brother with a giggle. ‘I can’t help it Sam, I’m so excited! Tomorrow, I’ll finally be allowed to go out with the whole family, meet new people, make new friends.’
Samuel caught him and carried him on his shoulder. ‘Well, tomorrow will come much quicker if you go to sleep.’
Alex giggled and place his hands on Samuel’s head. ‘Make me fly! Fly like an aeroplane, like a superhero!’
‘If I do, will you promise to finally go to bed?’
‘Erm….’
‘Allie?’
‘Alright fine, I promise. Now vroom!’
Samuel chuckled and held him tightly. ‘No, a car goes vroom. An aeroplane goes WHEE!’
He screamed as he ran around the room with Alex laughing on his shoulder. He stretched out his arms and shouted along with him.
‘WHEE! Faster Sam, faster!’
They both burst into loud laughter as Samuel increased his speed, taking them faster and faster around the room. It wasn’t long before Samuel threw them both on the bed in exhaustion.
‘Are you ready for bed now?’
‘Yes.’
‘Brushed?’
‘Yes.’
‘Teeth.’
Alex gave him a wide toothy grin and Samuel inspected his teeth closely.
‘Tongue.’
Alex stuck out his tongue at him and Samuel looked at it, intentionally stretching it out until Alex grew tired.
‘Canb I pub ib bab now? My tongue is gettinb tireb,’ Alex complained, his voice muffled by his protruding tongue.
‘Erm…’
‘Samb!’
‘Alright fine,’ Samuel laughed as he tucked him in. ‘Go to sleep now, Allie.’
Alex sat up in the bed and shot him a glare. ‘Are you forgetting something?’
‘Of course not, how could I possibly forget storytime? Which story would you like me to read?’
‘Avatar: The Last Airbender!’
Samuel chuckled at him. ‘Again? Why don’t you ask for something else, I always read you Avatar.’
Alex shook his head firmly. ‘No! It’s my favourite book.’
Samuel sighed and picked up the book, sliding into bed beside him. ‘It’s not even a proper book. It’s a comic book.’
Alex glared at him. ‘So?’
‘Alright, alright fine,’ Samuel chortled, opening the comic. ‘No need to give me such a dirty look. Once upon a time the four nations lived together in harmony, then everything changed when the fire nation attacked…’
After reading the book, he tucked a sleepy Alex in and kissed his forehead gently. ‘Goodnight, Allie bear.’
‘Don’t call me that,’ Alex muttered sleepily. ‘Only Cissy can call me that. Stick with Al.’
Samuel couldn’t help the amused grin that crossed his face. ‘Yes sir. Goodnight Al.’
‘Goodnight, Sammy,’ Al mumbled back, before closing his eyes.
Samuel smiled at his sleeping form before leaving the bedroom. He closed the door softly behind him and made his way to his room.
‘Excuse me, sir,’ a maid called out, stepping from the corner. ‘Your parents would like to see you in the formal living room.’
Samuel nodded absentmindedly and changed course, making his way through the large hallways and down the marble staircase.
His parents were sitting on a sofa and talking in hushed voices. They looked up when he entered.
‘Oh, there you are Sam,’ his mother smiled at him. ‘How is Jonathan?’
‘He’s fine, I just tucked him in.’ Samuel turned to his father. ‘He keeps asking for you. Always wanting to see his Papa. It won’t hurt you to spend some time with him. He is your son.’
Frederick looked away. ‘I would someday. I’m too busy now.’
Samuel shook his head sadly. ‘You’re always busy. Tell me, how many years has it been since you actually saw him? You’ve memorised his schedule so you can avoid him like the plague. What kind of father does that?’
‘That’s enough Samuel,’ His mother cut in. ‘We didn’t call you here to have an argument about our parenting methods again.’
Samuel stared at them curiously. ‘Why did you call me here then?’
Sandra looked uncomfortable. ‘Your father and I had a long talk and we decided it would be best not to take Jonathan with us tomorrow. We-‘
‘No.’
‘What do you mean no? I-‘
‘I said no!’ Samuel tried hard to keep the anger out of his voice. ‘You can’t. I won’t allow you to take this from him too. You promised! You promised him that at the next gala you’ll take him out with us, introduce him to the world. He has been so excited. He has waited for YEARS!’
‘Samuel,’ his father warned. ‘Enough. He isn’t normal-‘
‘HE IS NORMAL! You are a fucking doctor dad! You know as well as I do that having autism doesn’t make you abnormal. It’s your own fucking prejudices that make you think that about your own son.’
‘Samuel!’ his mother spoke up sharply. ‘You will not talk to your father like that! We talked and we decided Jonathan-‘
‘Don’t fucking call him that! You know very well that he hates the name. Stop calling him that.’
‘Very well,’ his mother conceded. ‘Alex is not ready to face the world yet and-‘
Samuel cut her off with a derisive laugh. ‘He isn’t ready to face the world or you are not ready to show him to the world?’
His mother reeled back as if she was slapped.
Frederick tried to reason with him. ‘We need to think about the company, the image of the family. Having a son who has… who is like that will make us lose face in the Noble 52. Let’s face it the whole family would be better if he had died at birth.’
A stunned silence greeted his words and in the silence, they heard a tiny gasp. They looked up to see Alex standing on the staircase, his eyes wide as tears trickled down his face.
Sandra stepped forward. ‘Jona- Alex, he didn’t mean that.’
Alex swung around and run back up the stairs. Samuel made to go after him but his father held him back.
His voice was full of regret as he looked pleadingly at Samuel. ‘I didn’t mean…. I didn’t….’
Samuel’s face was full of revulsion as he raked his father with a disgusted glare. ‘Let go of me. I’ve never been so disappointed to call you my father in my life.’
‘Samuel get back here and apologize to your father.’
Samuel swung around, his eyes were blazing with fury and his arms shook as he tried to control his wrath.
‘Why! Why?’ he yelled with rage. ‘I won’t apologise to him and you are no better than him either. Sure you spend time with him but what mother, tell me what kind of mother, insists that her son be dressed up, primed and proper before being allowed into her presence where he must be on his best behaviour so you can pretend that he doesn’t have autism? Tell me, what mother, only sees her son once a week on a schedule as if he is one of your board members? You didn’t do it to the rest of us when we were growing up, so why him mother? Why him?’
He shook his head at them both. ‘If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to take care of the son who you have deigned to neglect.’
He ran up the stairs two at a time and made his way as quickly as he could to Alex’s room.
‘Alex,’ he knocked softly and tried to open the door but it was locked. ‘Alex, it’s me. Open up.’
There was no response.
Samuel pressed his ear to the door but he couldn’t hear anything. No crying, no stifled sobs.
He started to grow even more panicked when he placed an eye in the keyhole and saw his bed empty.
‘Alex, please! Open the door!’
He tried the door knob forcefully and banged loudly on the door.
‘Alex!’
‘What is going on?’ Cissy mumbled, rubbing her eyes sleepily as she came down the hallway in her nightgown.
‘It’s Alex,’ Samuel explained quickly. ‘He overheard mum and dad say some stupid stuff about him and now he won’t open the door.
Cissy’s expression became worried as the sleep disappeared from her eyes.
‘Alex,’ she called gently, knocking on the door. ‘Alex sweetie is me, Cissy. Please open the door. Allie bear, open the door please. I’m begging you.’
Peter came down to hear what all the ruckus was about. Their parents trailed after him with their faces full of panic and regret.
‘What happened?’ Peter asked no one in particular.
‘It’s Alex,’ his mother’s voice wavered. ‘Something is wrong I can feel it.’
Jake and Jack bounded up the hallway.
‘What’s going on?’
‘We heard screaming?’
‘It’s Alex,’ Peter answered shortly. ‘Stand aside, I’m going to break the door down.’
They stood back impatiently and with a few shoves with his shoulder the door flew open and the family rushed in. They looked around the bedroom but Alex was nowhere to be found.
Samuel noticed the bathroom light on and his heart was in his throat as he approached the door.
His heart stopped when his eyes met the sight that greeted him in the bathroom. He let out a choked cry as he rushed to the bleeding body on the floor.
‘Quick call an ambulance,’ Peter screamed to Jake the moment his eyes fell on the terrible sight.
Samuel clutched Alex’s body to his chest and frantically felt around for a pulse. He tried to stop the blood that was gushing out of his slashed wrists but it was all to no avail.
Sandra took one look at her son and a heart-breaking wail escaped from her throat. She fell to the ground, clutching her chest as she wept uncontrollably.
The seconds felt like minutes and the minutes like hours. The paramedics swept in five minutes later but to them, it felt like an entire century.
One of them knelt by Samuel and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. ‘Kid, you have to let him go.’
Samuel shook his head firmly. He looked up at him with big pleading eyes, his face streaked with tears. ‘Please, you have to save him.’
The paramedic shook his head sadly. ‘There is nothing we can do. It’s too late, I’m sorry.’
Samuel shook his head as the tears flowed freely down his face. ‘He can’t. He can’t be…. he just can’t. He’s my brother.’
The paramedics held him as they gently but firmly guided him out of the bathroom. The family stood with tears on their faces as they watched them wheel Alex away on a stretcher.
Samuel appeared to be in a daze as he walked around his brother’s room. He noticed a piece of paper on the floor and picked it up.
It read:
‘I’m sorry for being such a burden.
I just want you all to be happy.
Please be happy.
-Lots of love, Alex.’
Samuel crumpled the paper in his fist and tossed it at his father.
‘This is for you,’ he spat before walking out of the room.
And the family has never been the same since.
Flashback Ends
The tears began to flow freely down Samuel’s face. Jayden turned to look at him with a mixture of pity and sadness on his face. He hesitated for a moment before stepping up to place his hand in Samuel’s, squeezing it comfortingly.
Samuel squeezed back gratefully and continued in a slighter huskier voice. ‘We were never the same after that. We went for family counselling, tried to hide the pain with the façade of a perfectly normal happy family.’
He shook his head derisively. ‘Meanwhile, we still bear that pain inside us. We just deal with it in different ways. My parents never forgave themselves. Every time this year, my father will disappear far more into himself than he ever has before and shut himself up in his laboratory. My mother will go into his room which she has kept perfectly as if he was still living there. She will clutch his clothes and cry herself to sleep on his bed, a way of spending time with the son she never spent time with when he was alive.
‘My brothers pretend as if nothing is happening and Cissy, well, Cissy does whatever Cissy does. You can never know with her. I come here, every year on his anniversary.’
They stood in silence for a while as the wind whipped around their collars.
‘He would have liked you.’
Jayden glanced questioningly at him.
‘Alex,’ Samuel explained. ‘He would have loved you.’
Jayden’s lips parted. ‘Oh.’ He thought for a second before continuing. ‘Why?’
Samuel shrugged. ‘I just know.’
Jayden gave him a thoughtful look before looking down on the gravestone. ‘I would have liked him too.’
Samuel smiled softly. ‘Leaves from the vine. That was his favourite song. I used to sing it for him all the time. He loved it so much and he never got tired of hearing it.’
Jayden chuckled. ‘He has fine taste.’
Samuel smiled softly and looked down.
‘Jayden?’
‘Mn.’
‘I had fun today instead of drowning in my misery so thanks for coming with me, distracting me, being there for me… being here for me. Thank you.’
Jayden gave him a small grin. ‘Don’t mention it.’
They stood there silently for a while longer as the leaves from the trees fell slowly around them.
The sun had already set when they took the bus back to school. An exhausted Samuel soon nodded off, head tilting before it finally came to rest on Jayden’s shoulder. Jayden tensed immediately when he felt the contact but slowly relaxed as he turned his head to the side to stare at Samuel’s peaceful face.
He shook his head fondly and carefully adjusted him on his shoulder so he won’t hurt his neck when he woke up. The bus took an hour and a half before it arrived at Lumière.
Jayden shook Samuel awake and together they got off the bus and snuck back into the school.
Jayden had to support a half-asleep Samuel on his arm as he half-carried him, half-guided him to his dormitory.
Paul opened the door before he even had a chance to knock. He took one look at Samuel’s sleeping figure and gently took him from Jayden.
‘Where have you two been?’ he whispered as he moved Samuel onto his arm. ‘Noel and I had to cover for you both at class.’
Jayden just shrugged and his shoulders sagged with relief the moment Samuel was off them.
Paul gave his sleeping friend a worried look. ‘How is he?’
‘He’ll be fine.’
Paul nodded gratefully and closed the door softly before guiding Samuel into his bed. He took off his shoes and tucked him in, giving him one last look before leaving.
Samuel turned in his sleep as he dreamt of bunnies, birds, and a particular dark mysterious boy with captivating dark eyes.
—————-
The brightest smiles hide the darkest scars.
AUTHOR’S NOTE:
I didn’t think writing this will hurt as much as it did. My heart literally broke. I killed my first character.
What people forget is that when you write a character they’re like a piece of you, your children. You are inside their head, you know their hopes, their dreams, their fears and their insecurities.
Despite popular belief, authors do not enjoy killing characters. It’s like ripping a part of our soul.
This and the previous chapter were supposed to be one chapter. It would have been the longest chapter in the book but it didn’t feel right to add such a dark chapter to such a light one. So I split it into two.
Anyway, looks like our ship is almost ready to set sail ⛵.
All aboard!!!
Until next time which will hopefully be soon. I hope you enjoyed this quadruple update and if you enjoyed the chapter please don’t forget to vote and comment.
[text_hash] => eb6db8fd
)