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A/N: Picture above; Samuel’s family’s cabin up in their mountain retreat.
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There was a loud knock on the door and the man who had been nursing a hot cup of cocoa in the kitchen glanced at the door before looking regretfully at the still steaming cup.
The knock sounded again and he quickly got up and slid his feet into his slippers, hurriedly tying his robe as he wondered who it could be at this hour.
He swung the door open, coming face to face with a soaked teen. The storm had died down to a drizzle but lighting still flashed sporadically in the sky, lighting up the dark night.
The teen looked up at him. ‘Is Samuel home?’
‘Sam it’s for you,’ the man called out before leaving the doorway.
A loud pair of feet could be heard rushing down the wooden staircase and a moment later, Samuel stood in the doorway. He frowned as he tried to make out the figure in the dim light of the porch and his eyes widened in surprise when he recognized him.
Jayden grinned awkwardly. ‘Nice PJs.’
Samuel continued to stare at him in shock.
Jayden sighed. ‘So are you going to let me stand here, drenched and in the cold or are you going to invite me in?’
Samuel blinked and nodded. ‘Yes, yes, you’re right. I’m sorry. Come in, you must be freezing.’
Jayden nodded gratefully as Samuel stepped aside and entered the cabin. Samuel locked the door behind him and moved to his side.
He looked at his dripping figure with worry. ‘What are you doing here?’
Jayden rolled his eyes. ‘You invited me, remember?’
Samuel nodded contemplatively. ‘Yes, I did. I didn’t think you’ll come though.’ He suddenly frowned. ‘Wait, how did you even get here?’
Jayden shrugged. ‘I took a bus.’
Samuel was incredulous. ‘All the way from the city? That’s more than a three-hour drive and how did you get up here anyway. The bus stops at the town and the road to the mountain is restricted access.’
‘I passed through the woods.’
‘Let me get this straight. You took a bus from the city, all the way out here, and climbed up the mountain, through the woods, in the storm? Why didn’t you just call me earlier or better still why didn’t one of your drivers bring you?’
Jayden turned away. ‘It was kind of an impromptu trip. I just couldn’t stay in that house any longer.’
His face was pleading as he looked at Samuel. ‘Can I stay here for a while?’
Samuel nodded. ‘Of course, you don’t even have to ask.’
A look of relief came on Jayden’s face. ‘Thank you.’
‘Don’t mention it. Come on, you’re dripping all over the place. I’ll run a hot bath for you or maybe a hot shower, and we’ll get you out of those clothes into something warm and dry before you catch a cold.’
Jayden nodded gratefully and Samuel led him up the wooden staircase and into his room.
‘Here, you’ll stay in my room.’ He rummaged through his drawers and pulled out some extra towels. ‘The bathroom is over there, go and take a hot shower whiles I go and make you something hot to drink.’
Jayden took the towels and entered the bathroom. Samuel heard the sound of the shower turn on as he went through his closet. He laid out some clothes for him on the bed before leaving to the kitchen.
His curious family sat waiting for him downstairs. They fired him rapidly with several questions, following him into the kitchen.
‘Alright, enough. One at a time.’
‘Who was it?’ his mother asked curiously.
‘Jayden. He would be staying here for a while. I kinda invited him to spend the summer with us.’
His father, the man who had let Jayden in earlier, frowned through his thick glasses. ‘You know that this is a family vacation. It’s our mountain retreat, we spend the summer up here in the cabin to get away from everything. Only family is allowed.’
Samuel rolled his eyes as he rummaged through the kitchen cabinets. ‘Oh please, Jake invited his girlfriend last year and you allowed Peter to bring along his former fiancé the year before that.’
Jake rolled his eyes while Peter scoffed. ‘As if this is the same thing.’
Samuel glared at them. ‘He’s important to me so you all better behave yourselves.’ His eyes narrowed. ‘Got it?’
They all nodded and Samuel left the kitchen with the hot mug of tea he had just made. His mother looked up at him as he climbed the stairs.
‘Do you need any help, honey?’
Samuel shook his head. ‘No, thank you mum. Just make sure they behave themselves and keep Jack from my cookies. I swear I’ll kill him if he touches them again.’
His mother smiled at him. ‘Alright, dear. Do tell Jayden that he’s welcome to stay as long as he wants.’
Samuel nodded gratefully and left to his room. Jayden was dressed in his hoodie and was sitting on his bed when he entered. The hoodie was a perfect fit for him but on Jayden, it was oversized.
He kept tugging the sleeves as he looked up at him curiously. ‘What kept you so long?’
Samuel shrugged and handed him the steaming mug. ‘I live with idiots. Here, this will warm you up, and hopefully, you won’t come down with a cold.’
Jayden took the mug gratefully and he looked around Samuel’s room as he sipped it slowly.
Samuel took a seat in his desk chair and stared at him anxiously. ‘Wanna tell me what happened?’
‘No.’
Sanuel peered at him. ‘Are you sure you’re alright?’
Jayden rolled his eyes and nodded.
Samuel didn’t look convinced but he decided to drop it. ‘You should get some sleep. It looks like you’ve had a long day. I’ll get you some extra blankets for the bed.’
Jayden glanced at him. ‘Where will you sleep?’
‘Here, on the couch.’ He chuckled. ‘It’s actually more comfortable than you’d think.’
He stood and picked the mug from Jayden’s hands, placing it on the nightstand. Jayden got up and lay on the bed as Samuel turned off the lights and settled into the couch.
‘Samuel?’
‘Hmm?’
‘Thank you.’
‘Don’t mention it. Now get some rest, you must be exhausted.’
Samuel waited until he heard Jayden’s breathing slowly even out before he closed his eyes and descended into slumber.
He woke up an hour later as thrashing sounds filled the room. He got up quickly and looked around in alarm.
Jayden was thrashing on the bed, mumbling to himself in his sleep. His forehead was drenched with sweat and Samuel’s brow furrowed in worry when he placed his palm against it.
He was burning with fever.
Samuel gently shook him. ‘Jayden. Jayden, hey it’s alright. It’s fine. Everything is fine, you’re alright.’
Jayden slowly stopped moving and his brow smoothened out as he continued to sleep. His eyelids fluttered softly and his face became calm.
Samuel glanced down at his peaceful face and sighed with relief, glad that he could finally find some repose from whatever demons that plagued him.
He left him and went downstairs into the dark kitchen. He was rummaging around when the lights came on. He looked up to see his mother staring at him with worry.
‘Sam? Is everything alright?’
Samuel bent down, going through the lower cabinets. ‘Jayden has a fever.’
Sandra’s mouth formed into a small ‘o’. She walked up to him. ‘Do you want me to give him a check-up? I am a doctor after all.’
Samuel shook his head. ‘I don’t think he’ll want anyone to see him like this. Don’t worry, I have everything under control.’
His mother nodded. ‘I know. I taught you well.’
She slid into a chair by the counter, watching as Samuel picked up a bowl and a few other materials.
‘It’s probably nothing serious and was caused by his cold. It would most likely break by morning and if it doesn’t I would look at him and prescribe him some medicine.’
Samuel nodded gratefully and left the kitchen. He entered the bathroom as soon as he got back to his room and filled the bowl with water. Leaving the bathroom, he sat by Jayden on the bed and soaked a hand towel in it. He squeezed it and begun to gently wipe Jayden’s face.
Jayden shifted, muttering in his sleep as he felt the cool towel on his forehead. Samuel continued with his attempts to bring down his temperature, getting up occasionally to change the water.
An hour or two later, Jayden started turning in his sleep. Beads of sweat formed on his furrowed brows and his eyelids fluttered as he muttered in his sleep.
‘No, no, no. Please don’t.’
Samuel continued to wipe his brow anxiously as he wondered what nightmares Jayden’s fever-addled brain was throwing at him, causing him to twist and turn in his sleep.
‘No. No, no, no!’
Flashback Jayden’s POV:
I had the perfect family, I thought as I smiled at the picture on my nightstand. My mother was the most feared woman in the world. No one would dare harm us whiles she still breathed. Yes, I know most people feared her but I never saw her as scary. She was cold and a bit distant but I knew she loved me. I could see it in her eyes, in her smile. I could feel it when she held me.
My father was very much literally the greatest dad in the world. He was the absolute best and that was an understatement. We have so much fun together. I’m thirteen years old yet I still love chasing him down the halls, pranking people with him and having new adventures together.
He’s like a smaller version of Santa Claus. His eyes are so kind and so gentle they make you feel instantly warm and safe. There was always a bright happy smile on his face and I love lying on his belly when he lets out his booming laugh. And boy does he like laughing and making him laugh is my favourite pastime. The entire manor would ring with the sounds of our laughter as we chased each other through the halls, sliding down staircases and finding new ways to prank the staff.
Honestly, I think the servants have had enough of us. But, even though they act as if they don’t like it I always see the look of amusement in their eyes and some of them have even joined in our pranks and games.
The person I feel sorry for the most is mum. She has to deal with two children while running companies and chairing boards. She is the butt of most our jokes and pranks and in our defence, she really needs to loosen up and have fun.
Though-as she loves yelling at us-since my father refuses and is incapable to run the family business she has to step up else we’ll all be out on the streets and she can’t do that with our constant interference.
It’s highly amusing to see the elegant and graceful Victoria Mills hitch up her skirts and chase us through the halls, screaming bloody murder as we skateboard away with her laptop and documents. In the end, we will all collapse in a heap and break out into laughter though not before mum has punched us both and damn, for a person her size, that woman can really pack a punch.
My father was my best friend and I his, and my mum was the only one who could tolerate us. We are the perfect family and my parents love me unconditionally as they always never fail to remind me.
So why am I so scared to tell them who I am.
I had recently discovered that I was not like normal boys. Instead of being attracted to girls, I found myself being attracted to boys. It scares me to admit it but I am gay.
Ever since I found out last month, I had slowly been growing distant from my parents. I can tell that they know something is going on with me, I can see the worry in my father’s eyes and the searching look in my mum’s. But they have decided not to press me about it and have given me my space and I’m so grateful to them for that.
If my parents are so understanding like this then surely they would be understanding that their only son, their pride and joy, their sole heir is gay, right?
Right?
I’m so scared. I’m. So. FUCKING. Scared. I don’t want my parents to look at me differently. I don’t want them to hate me or stop loving me. I don’t want anything to change.
They are my parents so they won’t hate me. That’s right, I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to tell them. My parents are amazing, they’ll understand.
Oh my God, I’m going to tell them.
I stood from my bed with shaky feet and made my way down to the large sitting room.
The room was dark and a fire crackled dimly in the fireplace. My parents were on the sofa by the mantle. My dad was reclined on the sofa, his hands playing lovingly with my mother’s hair as she lay upwards on his lap, reading a paperback novel.
They looked up as I entered.
‘Mum, Dad, I need to talk to you.’
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Samuel was growing alarmed as Jayden began to violently shake his head back and forth muttering loudly in his sleep.
‘NO! NO! Don’t.’
He wiped his forehead gently as he began thrashing around.
Flashback continues:
His mother sat up and closed her book. ‘Of course, darling.’
‘You can speak to us about anything.’
He bit his lip unsurely. ‘Are you sure?’
His father nodded, his eyes were filled with care and concern as he looked at me. ‘Absolutely.’
Jayden’s lips quivered. ‘Promise? Promise you won’t hate me after I tell you this. Promise.’
This caused his parents to grow alarmed. They looked at him with concern and worry written all over their faces.
‘Darling, we can never hate you and we will never hate you.’
His father nodded firmly in agreement. ‘Your mother is right. We love you and will always love you. Nothing, I repeat nothing in the world can change that.’
He noticed the frightened look on his son’s face and continued. ‘Remember, how it was when you were born? All your life and for the best part of ours, it has always been the three of us. We’ve gone through a lot together and we survived a lot together. Whatever it is, we will go through and survive it together. Always.’
Jayden nodded. His voice shook as he took a deep breath and spoke.
‘Mum, Dad, I’m… I’m gay.’
He looked at them anxiously after his declaration. His parents seem to be frozen in place. The only sounds could be heard from the burning logs as they split under the crackling fire.
‘You’re what?’
His father’s voice was barely above a whisper.
Jayden shuffled nervously as he answered. ‘I’m gay.’
His father shook his head with a short laugh. ‘No. No, you’re not. You’re confused.’
‘I’m not confused, Dad.’
His father stood and walked to him. He peered at him with anxious pleading eyes.
‘It’s not true. Tell me it’s not true.’
‘It’s true. I’m… I’m gay.’
His father suddenly backhanded him as he roared. ‘DO NOT SAY THAT WORD!’
Jayden fell on the floor and grabbed his stinging cheek that was rapidly turning an angry red in surprise. He stared up with fright at his father’s fuming face.
‘D… Dad.’
His father grabbed him roughly and shoved his face to his. ‘I’M NOT YOUR FATHER! YOU’RE NOT MY SON! I DIDN’T GIVE BIRTH TO A FILTHY FAGGOT!’
Jayden shook in fear as his father threw him down roughly. He cracked his lips on the cold tiles as he fell face first, causing blood to slowly seep out from the wound.’
‘Daddy please,’ he sobbed as he tried to sit up. ‘I’m sorry.’
His father scoffed and turned away. ‘Do you know what you just said? The abomination of it. The SIN! God created Adam and Eve, NOT ADAM AND STEVE!’
‘Daddy…’
‘You are an abomination. You are disgusting and you are a disappointment.Where did I go wrong with you? WHERE DID YOUR MOTHER AND I GO WRONG WITH YOU?’
He shook his head as he began to pace rapidly in front of him. ‘What did we do? GOD, WHAT DID WE DO TO BE CURSED WITH A GAY SON?’
‘TELL ME!’ he screamed into his face.
Jayden was quaking with fear as the tears flowed freely from his eyes. He didn’t know who this man was. He had never seen him before in his life and until today would never believe he existed. His father had never hit him, not once, nor had he ever raised his voice to him.
And as he stared up at the ugly rage that distorted his father’s face and the burning hatred in his eyes, he tried to reconcile the monster before him with the man who had only looked at him with pure love and adoration, who had only held him with the tenderest of hands, who had only professed how much he loved him and he found that he couldn’t reconcile them. This can’t possibly be the same man. His father would come out and look with horror at what he had done. He would hold him softly and apologise profusely, reiterating his undying love for him.
‘Kneel down.’
‘What…?’
‘I SAID KNEEL DOWN!’
Jayden shook and quickly complied. He knelt on the tiles and looked with scared eyes at his father as he continued to pace uncontrollably.
He suddenly stopped and faced him. ‘I know what to do with you,’ he said, slowly unbuckling his belt.
Jayden’s eyes grew wide as he stared with terror as the thick dark leather slowly slid from his trousers.
‘Dad…’
‘I need to beat the filth out of you. That’s the only way to change you.’
Jayden was paralyzed with terror. His heart rate quickened as blood rushed through his veins, pounding loudly in his ears. He begun to shake uncontrollably with fear as the tears quickened. He turned hopefully to his mother.
‘Mum?’
Victoria Mills had remained unmoving and impassive since his revelation. She looked down at him and turned her eyes away.
‘Don’t look at your mother boy,’ his father spat. ‘You are a disappointment to her and you disgust her.’
He raised the belt. ‘And you disgust me too.’
‘Daddy, please.’
The belt swooped down and struck his face with a loud smack, causing a sharp fiery jolt of pain to course through him. Tears poured from his eyes as he grabbed his face.
‘Daddy…’
The belt cracked down again, slashing across his back and causing him to let out a scream as the pain tore through his body. He doubled over in pain as the belt came down again and again, crying in terror and pain as his father continued to rain down blows upon blows on him, tearing the clothes and skin off his back and sending waves upon waves of unbearable hot agony across his body.
‘You are supposed to continue our line. You are supposed to give your mother and I grandchildren.’
He punctuated each sentence with a crack of the belt.
‘You are supposed to be a MAN not some pussy who takes it up in the ass. You want to be fucked in the ass! You want some man to dominate you, you disgusting fairy. You have evil dirty thoughts when you look at men. Do you want to go to hell? You’ll burn for your sins!’
Jayden curled himself into a ball as the whips continued to land on his bloodied back and arms. He felt himself becoming numb as the belt continued to hit the soft skin of his flesh.
‘This is not working,’ his father spat, tossing the belt aside. ‘I know the best way to end all our problems.’
His father left the room as Jayden quaked uncontrollably on the floor. He sobbed as he felt the pain rack his body.
His father came back wielding a cutlass. It blade glinted wickedly in the light of the fireplace and Jayden’s eyes grew wide with pure terror as he stared at it.
His father grabbed him by the neck, squeezing as he hauled him up. ‘I’ll rather kill you and die than allow you to disgrace me and the family name by having a gay son.’
Jayden struggled to breathe and black spots danced across his vision as he slowly felt himself slipping away.
His father tossed him to the floor and raised the cutlass high in the air. Jayden looked up, petrified and with pure unadulterated terror as he watched the cruel blade of the cutlass come swinging down.
‘NO! WAIT!’
The cutlass froze in mid-air as his mother rushed between it and Jayden. She grabbed the hand that held the cutlass and spoke shakily to his father.
‘Think this through. If you kill him, we would have lost all hope. We can only change him if he’s alive. We can change him, we WOULD change him. It’s a mental illness and every illness has a cure, we just have to find it. Come darling, give me the blade.’
His father’s chest rose and fell heavily as his hand slowly brought the blade down. He stared into his wife’s eyes and cupped her cheek gently.
‘We can change him, we would change him. I’m so sorry Tori for giving you a gay son. I swear to you that I’ll change him or he’ll die trying.’
Victoria nodded soothingly and Roger gently pushed her aside. He turned to Jayden’s shivering figure and walked up to him.
‘Do you promise to change?’
Jayden couldn’t answer. He was shaking too uncontrollably to properly form words.
His father’s eyes blazed and he suddenly brought the cutlass down swiftly by the side of Jayden’s head, cracking the tiles and causing him to flinch terribly.
‘ANSWER ME!’
‘Y… ye…yes.’
‘I swear before God above and may my ancestors and old gods bear me witness, you would change and become normal. Swear it.’
‘I… I sw…swear it.’
His father shoved the blade of the cutlass into his face. ‘Spit on it.’
‘Wha-‘
‘SPIT ON IT!’
Jayden spat on it and his father raised it up again. ‘Now if you fail to change, this very blade will strike you down.’
His mother gently grabbed the cutlass from her hysterical husband. ‘That’s enough, dear.’
Her face was emotionless as she turned to Jayden. ‘Go to your room.’
‘Mum, I-‘
‘Leave.’
Her voice was cold. Jayden slowly picked his broken and pain-wracked body from the floor and limped out of the room. He turned back to see his mother hug his father comfortingly as he stared at the fire.
He dragged himself up the stairs to his room and lay gingerly on his bed. His heart broke again and again as he replayed the events in his head. He had just watched his entire world crash and burn before his very eyes. His body ached unbearably as he sobbed brokenly into his pillow.
‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I’m gay, I’m gay…’
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Samuel’s hand had frozen in mid-air as he stared in wide-eyed shock at the words coming from the still sleeping figure before him. Jayden’s breathing calmed and he stopped moving as he continued to mutter loudly in his sleep.
‘I’m gay. I’m gay.’
AUTHOR’S NOTE: This was the most difficult chapter for me to write. This is… was my coming out story and the coming out story for a lot of people.
I was Jayden. Everything happened to me so it’s difficult sharing something so personal but I made a commitment when I began this book and I plan to carry it out.
This needs to be talked about to prevent other people from going through the same experience I did.
And to those who went through and are going through something similar.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
My DMs are always open.
To the story: Jayden mistakenly and unknowingly came out to Samuel. What do you think his reaction will be?
Lemme know your thoughts and answers in the comment and don’t forget to light up the shy little star hiding in the corner if you enjoyed the chapter.
Much love,
Akhen.
❤
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