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Aside from my sheer lack of athletic ability, there were many contributing factors as to why I didn’t attend sporting events to ‘support the school and my fellow students’. The first was the overly perky cheerleaders, typically pink and glittery girls; they were often spotted in packs with their hair ironed straight. While these beasts may look friendly at first glance, they were often terrifyingly confident compared to a snarky little git such as myself. Although this snarling, intimidating exterior was all for show… They generally tended to be complete and utter bimbos most of the time. And they were far too jumpy and excitable for my liking. Anyone that happy should be shot.
And although most guys felt that the short skirts and skimpy low-cut tops weren’t exactly an eyesore, I for one would have much preferred to be squished up against Jay on the sofa over squished up against a random chick’s backside.
I was most definitely gay.
As soon as we entered the stadium, a programme listing all the events and competitors was thrust under our noses by a group of giggling underclassmen. My mum took one, chattering excitedly, while I delicately plucked one from a speckled girl’s grasp, my expression indifferent. A group of scantily-clad cheerleaders snatched Jay into their clutches as soon as they spotted his lean figure, dragging him towards the changing rooms while I hid a smirk with my hand. He looked completely and utterly terrified.
My mum and dad headed straight up to the seating area reserved for parents on the top tier of the metal benches, while I wondered in the opposite direction towards the student seating. The family seats were obviously better; being on the top tier they had the best view and large flapping canopies in the school ties colours blue, white and grey shielded them from any torrential weather. But I didn’t particularly fancy spending the next few hours standing next to my whooping parents…
It wasn’t because their constant cheering –despite no events actually having started–. Sure, that was embarrassing, but I could deal with that. Hell, if it came to it I’d probably be up there clapping and screaming with them. It was more because I didn’t want to… ruin it. They looked so happy here, so at home, the wide tell-tale grins dominating their faces showing that they were obviously reliving their high school glory days. And they were so proud to have Jay to support, the perfect tri-fucking-athlete who (according to the programme) was going to compete in the hundred meter sprint, the sixty meter hurdles, and the five-hundred meter relay race.
And I couldn’t help but feel like I was a tiny bit of a disappointment.
So I opted for the student seating instead. I’d get a clear enough view of the field anyway, provided I stuck to the top two rows. Student seating was organised into three areas – two top rows (the best seats), two middle rows (still semi-decent if a little crushed), and a strip of ground only separated from the field by a flimsy fence (a manic free-for-all were the best pushers and shovers came out on top. Quite literally in some of the more violent stampedes we’d had).
However as I shoved my way through the swarm of sweaty teenagers, I began to rethink my plan. Swearing under my breath, I began weaving (shoving) through the crowd, desperately trying to reach the metal gates to the seating before it shut.
No such luck. Just as I reached out a feeble hand to pry open the gate, it slammed shut and clicked locked. I scowled. I really, really didn’t want to stand on that ridiculous patch of concrete they used as an excuse for a spectators’ ground.
But it was for Jay.
I groaned. But I squeezed in through the gap in the side of the fence all the same, immersing myself in a sea of stomping, whistling teens.
A second reason why I hated attending school events – the crowds. I stood awkwardly, craning my neck just to see the pitch and tried my damn hardest not to get crushed. Not an easy feat amongst that lot, I can tell you. Still scowling, I stood up on my tiptoes slightly, feeling like a prize idiot as I hopped from foot to foot in a bid for a better view.
I almost had one too, until a stupid fucking senior decided to stick his big bulbous head in the way.
“Oh, fuck off,” I spat bitterly. I leant against the wall, wiping my sweaty palms down on my jeans and on the verge of tearing my hair out in frustration. I really didn’t plan to stand in that particular position for long – the rest of the student population towering over us guaranteed at least five people were gonna get spat on, and I didn’t really fancy being one of the lucky recipient of some complimentary saliva today.
“Fancy a seat?”
Not expecting the words, I jumped in fright. I glanced around quickly, trying to find the speaker, but the voice spoke again. From above.
“I’ll pull you up if you want.”
A tall, long-haired girl who I vaguely recognised as the cheerleading hater stretched out a hand over the metal railings. After a brief hesitation and a short look around for nearby teachers, I took her up on her offer and, with some amount of effort I might add, somehow scrambled over the railings. I hit the ground, sweating a red-faced, but wearing a triumphant grin.
“Nicely done,” the girl snorted, noting my bedraggled appearance. I went for the mature option and wagged my tongue at her.
“Hey, that took skill that did,” I responded, rasping slightly and still regaining my breath. “Real athletic talent and all that shit.”
“Of course. You’ll be running the eight hundred meters next,” she laughed. “I’m Lee, and unfortunately I’m in your PE class at the moment because of all that bloody football shite.”
“I like you already,” I replied, grinning wickedly. “Anyone who hates football is a friend of mine.”
“Ditto,” she said, and flipped some reddish brown hair over her shoulder. Then a painfully high-pitched whistle interrupted our would-be conversation, and the games began.
Jay was like a streak of fucking lightening. Despite never having been to even one training session at my school, he darted across the tracks in record fucking time. Quite literally. He and Lewis managed to secure two gold and two silvers for our school in two events alone. And the whole time, Lee and I whooped and cheered along with the rest of the crowd.
“You’re screaming like a clingy girlfriend,” Lee remarked calmly as Jay and Lewis high fived. I glowered.
“No I ain’t,” I yelled, but abruptly snapped my mouth shut all the same. “Shut the hell up!”
Snickering softly, she turned back to the field, were the discus was currently in play. I wasn’t particularly interested. Mainly because Jay wasn’t in it. So I tuned my gaze to Lee instead.
“So who’re you here supporting?” I asked conversationally, watching as she pumped her fist enthusiastically.
“Huh?”
“Like, how come you’re here if you hate sports? I mean, I’m obviously here for my…” The walls of my throat began to close up. “My mate Jay,” I continued. “Who’re you here for?”
“Can we just say I’m here to support the school spirit and all that lark and leave it at that?” she asked, her normally strong voice growing quiet at the end. I gulped and nodded, knowing all too well what it felt like to have nosey gits bother you. Not a pleasant experience.
Eventually, it was time for the big event. The relay race. Each school had put together a team of their best runners, who would each run a fifty meter sprint carrying a small baton. Being the religious school, our school was pretty small compared to the others, and our team was lacking two members. So, after a quick huddled discussion, the team nominated Lewis and Jay to run twice. What a surprise.
“Go Jay!” I shrieked as he approached the starting line. He frowned, confused, and glanced up. Throughout the whole thing, Jay and I hadn’t even made eye contact since he’d been stolen by the cheerleaders. He’d smiled at my mum and dad on several occasions though, prompting huge whistles and smiles from them. I couldn’t help but grimace then. Jay obviously made them real proud… Something I could never seem to do.
And then he spotted me, his green eyes widening in recognition. He gave me a massive, toothy grin and a bright wave, a luxury he hadn’t afforded my parents. I waved back, eyeing Lee suspiciously. She was leaning over the railings, her hair whipping out behind her in the wind, mouthing something at someone on the field. My eyes scanned the athletes, who were all stretching, preparing, or having a laugh from the side-lines. So who was Lee talking to? The majority of them (aside from our resident genius Jay of course) only had a single brain cell between them, and I didn’t really peg those blundering athletes as Lee’s type. Not at all.
A loud bang echoed through the ‘stadium’. Lewis ran first, shooting past the other three runners in the blink of an eye. He didn’t even slow down as he shoved the baton into Jay’s hand. Despite myself, I frowned when his fingers brushed Jay’s. Why the heck was I getting so jealous anyway? Jay and I… it wasn’t like we were together or anything. Heck, we’d only kissed a grand total of four times, and even then only two of them had been proper, full on…
Not that I’d kept count or anything.
The point being though, Jay and I weren’t together. My stomach churned at the very thought. We weren’t. We weren’t, we weren’t, we weren’t. Maybe we were just two lads who had dived in at the wrong end of the pool… I shook the thought away, trying to keep my attention on the relay race. But with all these questions running their own race through my head, it was downright impossible.
Did I want Jay to be my… boyfriend? Even in my head, the word sounded funny. Boyfriend. I’d never even thought about doing anything with another guy, never mind having a boyfriend. Did I want one? Depends… I didn’t just want any old boyfriend. I wanted Jay.
I groaned and smacked my head off the railings. I couldn’t believe the mushy shit I was coming out with. Just because I liked another… guy, didn’t mean I had to act like a lovesick girl. From the corner of my eye I saw Lee watching me curiously, before shrugging and turning back to the track.
“Hey look,” she yelled suddenly, grabbing my arm in a rather painful grip. I hissed under my breath, but didn’t let her see. I’d already embarrassed myself enough for one day, and I’d managed that one all on my own.
“What?”
“Lewis dropped the baton thingy! That other school’s caught up!” she shrieked, her voice getting several pitches higher. “Lewis you fucking cunt! Pick the fucking thing up!”
Needless to say, I was stunned. I’d never heard anybody speak to Lewis like that. Ever.
“You’ve got some nerve,” I told her, dazed. She simply laughed.
“So I’ve been told.”
And suddenly Jay was streaking across the pitch, baton in hand (slightly muddy of course), chunks of grass flying behind him at his heels. The lucky boy who had overtaken Lewis when he fumbled the pass looked over his shoulder, and increased his pace, breathing heavily.
“Get in there Jay!” I screamed, slamming my fists on the railings. He gave me a small smile, just a little sign that he’d heard me, and let out a burst of speed. He was hot on the heels of the other panting boy as they turned the corner nearing the finish. I was yelling. Lee was yelling. The whole fucking stadium was yelling, and my head was pounding, my eardrums on the verge of bursting.
And Jay skidded over the chalk finish line at number two, less than a second after the other boy. And the stadium erupted into an explosive cheer. Even the stands shook at the deafening noise, and Lee and I high-fived, despite not having done anything. Maybe the team didn’t win, but they’d done really well. Jay had done really well.
And I was proud of him.
After a brief awards ceremony, they opened the gates and the pitch was flooded with adults and teenagers alike. Gleeful parents clapped their kids on the back, proudly handing them cash and cards. Squealing girlfriends jumped onto their boys and planted a massive kiss on their lips. And I kind of resented them, considering there was nothing more I wanted to do in that very moment than snog the face off Jay, in front of the whole crowd.
But of course I didn’t. Because, quite frankly, I was quite fond of being alive.
So instead, I did an awkward half run, half walk sort of thing, trying not to look too eager, but somehow rushing anyway and raised my arm for a high-five. But Jay misinterpreted the movement and swept me up into a tight embrace, lifting me off my feet slightly. I half expected him to lift me up and swing me round like the other footballers and their girlfriends.
Then of course, reality caught up with me.
“Dude,” I hissed, wrenching myself from his sweaty grip. “Not here!”
Jay gave me a sheepish grin. His face was flushed, but whether it was from the intense track races or from glomping me I couldn’t tell.
“Sorry,” he mumbled, but smiled all the same.
“I swear to God, if you apologise one more time…”
But my voice cracked half way through into a gentle laugh and Jay followed suit. I caught a flash of reddish brown hair from the corner of my eye and noticed Lee chatting to a grinning Lewis…
Soon we were joined by my mum and dad, who were both beaming ridiculously.
“Well done Jay,” my dad said, clapping him enthusiastically on the back. At once Jay reverted back into the shy, uneasy teen I’d meet six weeks ago.
“Um, thanks,” he said, a blush ravaging his cheeks.
“You did really well,” my mum added, ruffling his hair fondly. I pressed my lips into a tight line, trying to look happy for Jay’s sake. My mum reached forward and pressed a crisp tenner into Jay’s palm.
“Buy yourself something nice,” she told him. “As a reward.”
But Jay immediately tried to hand back the money. I’ll admit, his ‘good-heartedness’ thoroughly impressed me.
“I can’t take your money,” he insisted, desperately trying to pry my mother’s clenched fingers open to hand the note back. “I mean, um, you’re already letting me live with you. I don’t want to take anything else.”
“I insist,” my mum said, pulling away her hands. “You deserve it.”
Eventually, Jay seemed to get the message. My parents weren’t going to take the cash back.
“Um… thanks then,” he whispered, staring at the floor. I had the sudden urge to grab his hand, to squeeze his fingers in a gesture of silent comfort. But I couldn’t. Not with all these people around.
“Hey Ash! Jay!”
Jay and I both whipped our heads up so fast I think I got whiplash. Jay’s neck cricked painfully next to my ear and I winced. But Jay simply grimaced for a second, before slipping on his usual, smiling mask to greet Lee and Lewis.
“So, you guys are coming to the after party, right?” asked Lee, more telling us than inviting us. Lewis frowned at her.
“But-“
“Shut up Lewis,” she interrupted, holding up a hand to shush him. He scowled, but remained silent. “So I’ll take that as a yes?”
“Um… we’re invited?” asked Jay, his voice quiet.
“‘Course you are,” Lee replied, grinning widely. “Ash as well. Who else am I going to mope about and complain with?”
“Wait…” I butted in. “What?”
The corner of her eyes crinkled into a smile. “Well Lewis here all but begged me to come, but parties ain’t exactly my scene. So I’m hoping you’ll come along and I can tag about with you and we can form some sort of sarcastic, anti-social git appreciation club.”
Lewis visibly blushed when Lee mention his name, and leant his body slightly towards hers.
No way…
Lewis? Star footballer, top fucking athlete, and all the other shit, had his eye on the spunky loner girl Lee? Well, stranger things had happened. Me and Jay after all.
“Um, ok. We’ll show,” said Jay before I could stop him. And I scowled automatically. I normally didn’t mingle well with other people, at all. I preferred to sit in a corner plugged into my iPod sipping a steaming cup of sweet milky tea over going out clubbing. The idea of a noisy, bustling party actually made me feel slightly nauseous.
“Great,” said Lee, smiling brightly. “Here’s the address.”
She handed Jay a small scrap of paper, the square grid indicating it had formerly been part of a maths jotter. She’d scrawled the address in purple gel pen, her letters with strange flourishes.
“See you there. Starts at seven, by the way. I’m gonna go invite other people Lewis doesn’t get on with just to annoy him,” she told us, casually linking her arm through Lewis’s and stringing him through the crowd. Jay blinked in astonishment.
“Wow,” he muttered, more to himself than me. “She’s, um, something.”
“Yup,” I agreed. “Now come on, I’m heading home. There is no way in hell I’m turning up to my first party or shit looking like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards, and then sat on my an elephant.”
I clamped a hand to my mouth to stop any more embarrassing confessions falling out. I hadn’t meant to admit that.
“I mean, ‘course I’ve been to a party before…” My tone didn’t sound convincing, in fact, the lie actually sounded half-hearted. While I’d been to a couple of school events and a few formal dinner events with my parents before, I’d never been to a proper high school teenager’s party. So I really had no idea what to expect.
“Me neither,” said Jay, shoving his hands into the pockets of his blue track jumper. “Um, you coming?”
“Of course I’m coming,” I fumed, folding my arms. “I mean, I can’t let you face those slobbery cheerleading bitches alone, can I?”
“You know, for a moment there you sounded like a jealous girlfriend,” Jay teased, his more confident, upbeat personality momentarily shining through. My face twisted into a scowl.
“No I didn’t! Shut up!”
I hated how flustered Jay could make me with a few casual touches and some carefully chosen words.
But I also kind of loved it.
At six forty-five we were still in my room, a selection of crumpled teeshirts spread out on my bed. I was already completely clothed in a ragged pair of black jeans and a loose grey band tee-shirt I only vaguely recognised, while Jay was standing over the bed, shirtless, a pair of pale blue jeans carelessly hanging from his hips.
I couldn’t help but steal a glance at his lightly muscled stomach every few moments.
“Just hurry up and pick already,” I ordered, crossing my arms in frustration. “I mean, shit man, I know you’re gay and all but seriously… this is unreal!”
Then I bit my lips, realising what words had just tumbled from my mouth. “I mean, uh, never mind. Let’s just pretend that never happened.”
The corner of Jay’s pink lips turned up into a faint smirk and I really wanted to throw him onto the bed and kiss him silly.
“Yeah. Um, sorry. I’m just… not used to this whole party thing…”
Suddenly, a bought of sympathy washed over me and I sighed, but placed my hand on his bare forearm in a comforting gesture. Not content with the simply touch, Jay peeled my hand from his arm and twined our fingers together. I blushed, looked away, and smiled all at once.
“Wear that one,” I told him quietly, gesturing to the loose greyish summer shirt that had caught my eye. “It’d… um… look good on you.”
I smacked my forehead. “Gah! I didn’t just say that. Ugh, I’m turning into a fucking chick!”
Jay smiled softly, and brushed some straggles of hair back from my forehead.
“Um, kind of,” he said, while I scowled at him.
“Not helping.”
“Right. Sorry. But, um, I’ll wear that one. If, you know, you think that…”
I swallowed. “Yeah, whatever. I’ll get my mum to drop us off.”
And I proceeded to go downstairs to beg my mum and dad to act as our chauffeur for the night.
We arrived at the party about half an hour after it had begun. Mum pursed her lips in disapproval.
“Don’t be home later than eleven,” she warned, eyeing the bright house with distaste. Giggling teenagers littered the front garden, while bright lights shone through the windows and music blasted so loud the whole house looked like it was vibrating.
“And don’t you dare touch a drop of alcohol,” she added sternly. I groaned.
“Mum, me and Jay ain’t old enough to buy drink anyway. And why do you always assume that I’m the one who’s gonna cause trouble?”
I didn’t give her time to respond, quickly clambering out the car and slamming the door behind me. Jay mumbled a thank you and slipped out the other side, gently pressing the door shut in contrast to my violent slamming. Mum sped away, eager to leave behind this frightening picture of adolescence.
“So, uh, where do we go?” I wondered aloud, nervously glancing at Jay. A laughing couple were making out on the grass just next to us and I felt a pang of jealousy. If I couldn’t make out with Jay in front of everybody, then they shouldn’t be able to either.
“Um, the front door?” Jay guessed hopefully. I laughed, and pulled him up to the wide glass doorway by the wrist.
“Good plan.”
Soon I was immersed in a crush of sweaty, dancing teenagers. I felt suffocated, by a tangle of bodies and the stench of alcohol. The curtains were drawn and unfamiliar music blared from a High-Tec stereo. I couldn’t really tell much about the interior of the house in the dark, but I could guess it was tasteful and modern.
If you removed the streamers, half empty bottles, and wasted teenagers of course.
“Jay?”
Panic rose up in my throat, and I twisted round, trying to spot Jay’s lean figure amongst the mass of dancing teens. Different coloured bright lights flashed in my face, and I blanched. Parties definitely weren’t my scene. I hadn’t seen hide or hair of Lee, or even fucking Lewis for that matter, and now I’d lost Jay.
“Jay!” I yelled hoarsely, the volume of my scream only just above the thumping music. “Jay, where are you!?”
A set of cool fingers enfolded mine reassuringly. I immediately recognised the gentle touch as Jay’s and let out a deep sigh of relief. Nobody could see our intertwined fingers in this darken chaos, and even if they did, I doubted they’d remember in the morning anyway.
“Um, let’s head outside,” he suggested, and I nodded, rubbing my eyes. How did the ‘popular’ crowd do this? This atmosphere couldn’t be healthy…
After fumbling around in the dark for a bit, Jay and I eventually found solace in a small balcony overlooking the deserted back garden. We’d tried the back door at first, but found it firmly locked. So we’d headed upstairs, deliberately walking past the bedrooms where some terrifying grunts escaped under the crack in the door. And we’d eventually come to this small reclusive veranda.
“Thank fucking hell,” I murmured, rubbing my temples. “I felt ill in there.”
“Me too,” agreed Jay, leaning over the edge of the wooden fencing, breathing deeply. I couldn’t help but admire the way the last rays of evening sunlight bounced off his smooth features. I hadn’t really noticed when we’d met, but there was no denying Jay was good-looking. In fact, Jay was fucking gorgeous. He was kind, caring, smart, talented, and downright handsome. He could have anybody he wanted, guy or girl. So what did he want with a scrawny, sarky git like me?
“Hey Jay?” I asked, my voice wavering slightly. “Uh… what are we?”
“Um… huh?”
“I mean, like, are we mates, best mates, what?” I explained, slightly impatient. But my worry was leaking into my voice. Jay picked up on it.
“What d’you want to be?” he asked seriously, placing a cool hand on either side of my face. I stared up at his intense green eyes and gulped. He was so… breath-taking.
“Uh, I don’t mind,” I lied, my heart clenching at the very thought of simply being friends with Jay. Something in my eyes must have given me away though, because Jay leant forwards slightly, angling his face towards mine.
“Um, I’d like to be more than friends, Ash,” he whispered. I could actually feel his words on my skin, and I felt a blush creep up my neck.
“Me too.”
“Ok… So, um, want to be my boyfriend?”
Jay’s voice was slight, and he looked mildly terrified. I don’t know why though; it wasn’t as if I’d ever pass up this opportunity.
“Damn straight!” I blushed, realising how stupid I sounded. “I mean, uh, sure, whatever.”
Jay laughed, and gently closed the distance between us, his lips crushing mine. We continued this for a few moments, scrabbling at each other’s clothes and hair, tongues going mad. I eventually pulled away, dizzy and breathless.
“Wow,” I murmured against his lips. He chuckled, the laugh reverberating off my own mouth.
“I’ve got a boyfriend,” I said dreamily, the room still spinning slightly. “A boyfriend.”
“Funny that,” sighed Jay. “Me too.”
And he continued kissing me.
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