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Luke woke with a sharp ache running from his neck down to his lower back, the stiff unforgiving reminder that he’d spent the night folded into a plastic hospital chair just like he had done for the past few days. For a few disoriented seconds he forgot where he was. Then he heard the steady beeping of the monitor, saw the pale curtains, the tubes, and Gabe lying far too still in the bed.
“Fuck,” he murmured hoarsely.
He sat himself upright with a quiet hiss, rubbing at his spine, and glanced at the clock on the wall. Early. Grey morning light crept in through the window, washing everything in that sterile, unreal glow hospitals always seemed to have.
He stood up and stretched out his limbs as best he could, then immediately started fussing with things around the room. It was easier than thinking. He straightened the blanket over Gabe’s legs, fluffed his pillow gently, careful not to jostle the tubes. He wiped down the little table with a tissue, stacked the cups neatly, threw away a couple of empty wrappers he didn’t even remember eating.
“Look at you,” he muttered softly, more to himself than to Gabe. “Still bossing me around, even whilst you’re unconscious.”
When there was nothing left to tidy, Luke sat back down and pulled his book from his bag. He opened it, thumb marking his place, and tried to read. The words swam a bit at first, his eyes gritty with lack of sleep, but eventually his breathing evened out. Every few minutes, his gaze flicked back to Gabe’s face, searching for any sign, any twitch, any change.
The door opened quietly an hour later. Luke looked up, heart jumping, then softened when he saw Maddy step inside. She was holding a fresh bouquet of flowers, bright and absurdly cheerful against the muted room. Her eyes looked tired but she managed a small smile.
“Hey,” she said softly.
“Hey,” Luke replied, just as quiet.
She moved to the bedside table and set the flowers down inside the glass vase, adjusting them with care. She ran a hand through Gabe’s hair after that, looking down at him with a blank expression on her face.
For a moment, neither of them spoke. The silence wasn’t awkward, just heavy.
“How… uh,” Maddy started, then stopped. Luke looked over and Maddy smiled a little. “How was the night?”
Luke shrugged, fingers tightening around the edge of his book. “Quiet. Same as yesterday.” He hesitated, then added, “I didn’t leave.”
Maddy nodded like she’d expected that. “I figured.” She glanced at Gabe, then back at Luke. “I’m glad he wasn’t alone.”
Luke swallowed. “Me too.”
“You should probably go home tonight though.”
“Maybe.”
“You should go home, Luke.”
“I’ll see.”
It got quiet again after that.
Maddy sat on the edge of Gabe’s hospital bed, intertwining her fingers with his. She stared at him for a while and let out a soft sigh.
Luke frowned. “You okay?”
“Not really,” she murmured.
“Yeah. I get that.”
“He looks peaceful though,” Maddy said softly, running her hand through Gabe’s hair again. “He looks calm and relaxed. That’s something he hadn’t been for a long time.”
Luke placed the book down on his lap and gave her all his attention. “He was…depresssed, right?”
Maddy nodded a little. “I think so.”
“And his drinking…” Luke trailed off.
“Got worse,” Maddy sighed. “It got to the point where I wanted nothing to do with him some nights.”
“Really?” Luke frowned.
Maddy shrugged. “He became a lot to handle.”
“In what way?”
“He got volatile,” Maddy mumbled. “He would snap at me all the time. He wouldn’t listen. Sometimes he would stay in bed all day and just ignore me. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to say. Breaking up with him just tipped him over the edge, I guess.”
“Wait, you guys broke up?” Luke frowned, leaning forward a little. “When?”
Maddy looked over at him, a guilty expression on her face. “The night of your wedding.”
“What?” Luke asked in a small voice.
“We had a fight,” Maddy explained. “He was drinking too much and he wouldn’t listen, so I left. I broke up with him and I left. I know it was a shitty thing to do, but I couldn’t cope anymore. I felt suffocated.”
Luke understood. He had seen them argue, had seen Maddy walk away with tears in his eyes. Maybe that’s what caused Gabe to be horrible in that moment. To slip up and misgender Luke.
Maddy was quiet for a moment, eyes still on Gabe. Then she glanced back at Luke, studying his face a little too carefully. “Can I ask you something?” she said gently.
Luke nodded. “Yeah.”
“Why are you avoiding Young?” she asked. There was no accusation in her voice, just concern. “He came in earlier and left pretty quickly. And… I don’t know. It feels wrong, Luke. You shouldn’t be pushing him away right now.”
Luke’s throat tightened. He stared down at his hands, twisting his fingers together. “I know,” he whispered. “I know I shouldn’t.”
“Then why are you?” Maddy pressed softly.
Luke let out a shaky breath. “Because every time I get close to him, I feel… sick with guilt.” He swallowed hard. “I keep thinking about Gabe. About how much he hates my relationship with Youngjae. About how he never wanted us together in the first place. About how he probably still doesn’t.”
Maddy frowned. “Luke.”
“I married him,” Luke said, voice cracking. “I married the guy my brother couldn’t even look at without being angry. And now Gabe’s lying here like this and all I can think is… maybe I pushed him too far. Maybe being with Young, being happy, getting married… it was like rubbing salt in a wound that never healed.” He finally looked up at her, eyes glassy. “How am I supposed to hold my husband’s hand when my brother might’ve tried to end his life because of us?”
Maddy’s expression softened, something like understanding settling in. “Luke,” she said quietly, “Gabe’s pain didn’t start with you and Young. And it didn’t end with your wedding either.”
Luke shook his head. “It feels like it did. Like I chose Youngjae over him. Over and over and over again.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “And now every time Young touches me, or looks at me like he loves me, or tries to talk to me, I just hear Gabe’s voice in my head. I hear him saying it’s wrong. That it’s disgusting. That I took everything from him.”
Maddy stood up from the bed and moved around so he was closer to Luke. “You didn’t take everything from him,” she said firmly. “Gabe was drowning long before your wedding. Before you and Young ever said ‘I do’.”
Luke pressed his lips together, shoulders trembling. “I know that logically,” he admitted. “But emotionally? I just feel like I don’t deserve to be happy right now. Not when he’s like this. And definitely not in front of him.”
Maddy crouched down in front of him and reached out, resting her hand lightly over Luke’s. “Pushing your husband away isn’t going to fix this,” she said gently. “It’s just going to hurt both of you. And trust me…he’s in a lot of pain right now.”
Luke squeezed his eyes shut, a tear finally slipping free. “I know. I know he is. I just… I don’t know how to hold both things at once. Loving my husband and loving my brother. It feels like I’m betraying one no matter what I do.”
Maddy didn’t argue with that. She just squeezed his hand back. “Do you want anything from the vending machines?” she asked, clearly trying to take his mind off everything.
“No, thanks,” he sniffled, wiping his face.
“You sure?”
“I’m not really hungry,” Luke mumbled.
“Okay,” she nodded. “I’ll be back in a sec.”
Luke nodded wordlessly.
The door clicked softly behind Maddy as she left, and the room settled into that familiar, sterile quiet again. Luke stayed where he was, eyes fixed on Gabe, chest tight.
A few minutes later, the door opened once more and a nurse stepped in, clipboard tucked under her arm. She smiled gently at Luke. “Morning.”
“Morning,” Luke replied quietly, shifting out of the way as she moved to Gabe’s bedside.
She checked the monitors first, numbers flickering steadily, then adjusted the blood pressure cuff and shone a light briefly into Gabe’s eyes. Luke watched every movement like it mattered more than anything else in the world.
He cleared his throat. “Um… can I ask you something?”
“Of course,” she said, still working, her voice calm and practised.
“When is he going to wake up?” Luke asked. He hated how desperate it sounded, but he couldn’t stop it. “Is there, like… a timeline?”
The nurse paused then, turning to face him properly. Her expression softened. “I know this part is really hard,” she said. “But there isn’t an exact schedule.”
Luke’s heart sank. “So… he might not wake up today?”
“He might,” she said honestly. “Or it could take a bit longer. Days maybe.”
“Oh.”
She pulled a chair closer and sat for a moment, clearly sensing Luke needed more than a quick answer. “Your brother is in what’s called a medically induced coma. That means we’re keeping him unconscious on purpose, using medication, to give his brain and body a chance to rest and heal.”
Luke nodded slowly, gripping his book.
“When someone’s been through severe physical or emotional trauma,” she continued, “their body can stay in a constant state of stress. The coma reduces brain activity, lowers the risk of further injury, and helps us manage things like breathing, swelling, and heart rate. He swallowed a lot of alcohol and a lot of pills. We had to pump his stomach clean, but we weren’t quick enough. He needs to heal before we wake him up.”
“So… he’s not stuck like this?” Luke asked, voice barely above a whisper.
“No,” she said gently. “Not unless something unexpected happens. When the doctors think he’s stable enough, they’ll slowly reduce the medication. Waking up isn’t like in the films, though. It’s gradual. He might be confused, agitated, or very tired at first.”
Luke swallowed hard. “Will he know we’re here?”
The nurse smiled softly. “We believe people can still hear familiar voices, even in this state. Talking to him is a good thing.”
Luke glanced back at Gabe, his chest aching. “Okay,” he whispered. “I’ll keep talking, then.”
“That’s perfect,” she said, standing again. She finished noting down the vitals, then gave Luke a reassuring look. “You’re doing everything right. He’s lucky to have you.”
“Yeah,” Luke whispered. “I’m lucky to have him too.”
She smiled at him and then turned to leave. Once she left, Luke leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He reached out, carefully taking Gabe’s hand.
“I’m here,” he murmured, voice shaking. “I’m not going anywhere. So you’d better wake up, yeah?”
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
The house felt wrong the moment Luke stepped inside. Too quiet. Too still. The kind of silence that pressed in on his ears instead of settling gently. He closed the door as softly as he could, dropped his keys into the bowl by habit, and stood there for a second just breathing. He was exhausted in a way that went past his bones, past his muscles, right down into something hollow and aching.
All he wanted was his bed. His own sheets. A few hours where machines weren’t beeping and nobody was asking him to be strong.
He turned towards the stairs but then froze. There was a lamp on in the living room. Just one. Low and warm, spilling a soft pool of light across the carpet.
He hesitated, then shuffled towards the doorway. The room came into view slowly, like a confession he wasn’t ready to hear.
Youngjae was sitting on the couch. Not lying down. Not scrolling on his phone. Just sitting there, elbows on his knees, hands loosely clasped in front of his mouth, staring at a spot on the floor like it might answer him if he looked long enough. His jacket was still on, like he hadn’t moved since he got back. Like he’d been waiting.
Luke’s chest tightened so hard it almost hurt to breathe.
For a moment, he considered turning around. Going upstairs. Pretending he hadn’t seen him yet. Pretending this could wait until tomorrow, or the next day, or whenever Gabe woke up and the world made sense again.
But it couldn’t.
Young lifted his head then, like he felt Luke’s presence before he saw him. Their eyes met. Neither of them spoke.
Luke swallowed and stepped fully into the room, the floorboards creaking softly under his weight. “Hi,” he said finally, voice rough and small.
“Hey,” Young replied. His voice sounded tired. Not angry. Not cold. Just… worn thin.
Luke hovered by the armchair, unsure where to put himself. “I—I decided to come home,” he said unnecessarily. “Just for tonight. I’ll go back tomorrow.”
Young nodded wordlessly.
Another silence fell, heavier than the last.
Luke rubbed at the back of his neck. He could feel everything he hadn’t said sitting between them, thick and ugly. The hospital room. The shouting. The way Young had walked out without a word looking so sad.
“I didn’t know if you’d be here,” Luke admitted.
“I wasn’t sure if I should be or whether I should go somewhere else,” Young said quietly.
That did it. Luke’s throat burned. He took a few more steps forward, stopping just in front of the couch. “Of course you should have come back here. This is your home too.”
Youngjae just kept staring at the floor silently.
“I’m sorry,” Luke said, the words tumbling out before he could stop them. “About what I said. I didn’t… I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
Young’s jaw tightened, but he didn’t look away. “I know,” he said after a moment. “You were scared.”
“I still am,” Luke whispered.
Young nodded again. “Me too.”
Luke sank down onto the opposite end of the couch, leaving space between them that felt far too deliberate. He stared at his hands. They were still faintly marked from gripping Gabe’s bedrail all day.
“I shouldn’t have said it was your fault,” he said finally, sniffling a little because he could feel the tears coming. “That wasn’t fair. Not at all. I just…every time I look at him like that, all I can think is what I could’ve done differently.”
Young let out a slow breath. “I know, and I get why you feel that way.” He hesitated, swallowing thickly. “But hearing it… still hurt.”
Luke’s eyes filled with tears immediately. “I know. I know and I hate myself for it.”
Young turned slightly then, finally looking at him properly. “Yeobo,” he said gently. “I’m not mad at you.”
Luke let out a soft sigh.
“I was hurt,” Young continued. “And scared. I didn’t know how to stay in that room without breaking down myself. But I never stopped loving you. Not for a second. Don’t think this changes anything.”
Tears spilled over, silent and hot. Luke scrubbed at his face with his sleeve, shoulders shaking. “I thought you hated me. I thought I ruined things before they even started.”
Young shifted closer without even thinking, their knees brushing. He took Luke’s hands in his. “Never,” he said firmly. “I would never hate you. I couldn’t. You’re my husband. I don’t just stop loving you because things get ugly. For better or for worse, remember? We made vows. I intent to stay true to them. I love you.”
Luke let out a broken sound that was half a sob, half a laugh. He leaned forward, pressing his face into Youngjae’s neck. “I don’t know how to do this,” he whispered. “I don’t know how to be a good brother and a good husband at the same time. Not when everything is so fragile.”
Young nodded. “I get it. It’s hard. I thought maybe he was getting over it, but clearly he wasn’t. But we’ll figure it out. Okay? Together. One day at a time.”
Luke laced their fingers together, gripping tight like he was afraid Young might disappear if he didn’t. He didn’t look up yet. “I don’t ever want to lose you. I never want to hurt you to the point that you think taking your own life is the only way out,” he said quietly.
“God, no,” Youngjae said immediately, almost offended. “No, baby. Never. I would never do that.”
Luke sniffled.
“Gabe is just sick,” Young whispered, running his hands through Luke’s hair tenderly. “He’s low. He wasn’t thinking straight. And hey, listen…when he wakes up, we’re going to be there for him. Both of us. We’re going to tell him how much we love him and how much we miss him and how much we need him in our lives, because we do.”
“We do,” Luke choked out. “I miss him.”
“I miss him too,” Youngjae said softly.
“I love him so much,” Luke cried. “He’s everything to me and if he dies…i’ll die too.”
Youngjae didn’t have a response for that. He breathed in and out steadily, trying to keep himself from falling apart too. Luke needed him right now. That’s all that mattered.
“Let’s go to bed, okay?” Youngjae whispered. “I want to hold you all night long.”
“Yes, please,” Luke sniffled, looking into Young’s eyes. “Have you been sleeping okay?”
“Not really,” Youngjae admitted. “I told you that I struggle to sleep without you now.”
“I’m sorry,” Luke whispered, gently cradling Young’s face in his hands.
Young shook his head slightly, leaning into Luke’s touch. “Don’t apologise,” he murmured. “None of this is on you. I just… I miss you when you’re not there. My brain doesn’t switch off.”
Luke’s thumbs brushed under Young’s eyes, slow and reverent. “I hate that I left you alone.”
“You didn’t leave me,” Young said gently. “You were with your brother. Exactly where you needed to be.”
Luke’s mouth wobbled. “I keep feeling like I’m choosing. Like every second I’m with one of you, I’m betraying the other.”
Young exhaled softly, resting his forehead against Luke’s. “Loving more than one person doesn’t mean you’re dividing yourself,” he said. “It just means your heart’s bigger than you think.”
Luke let out another shaky breath, then nodded. “Come upstairs with me,” he said quietly. “Please.”
Young didn’t hesitate. He stood, keeping a hand anchored at Luke’s waist as they moved through the dark house together, every step careful and unhurried.
Upstairs, Luke barely managed to shuffle out of his jeans and shirt before crawling onto the bed, curling in on himself like he always did when things got too loud inside his head.
Young followed, slipping under the covers and pulling Luke against him, his chest to Luke’s back, his arms wrapping around him like a shield. Luke sighed the moment he felt that familiar weight, that steady heartbeat pressed to his spine.
“Don’t go anywhere,” Luke whispered, fingers clutching at Young’s arm.
“I’m not,” Young promised, kissing the back of his neck. “Not tonight. Not ever.”
Luke’s breathing slowly evened out, tears drying against the pillow. He was still hurting. Still scared. Still carrying too much. But as Young’s hand traced soothing circles over his ribs and his breath warmed Luke’s shoulder, the world softened just enough for sleep to finally find him.
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