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Christmas Day 2018
Snow dusted the street outside the Davies house, the kind that looked soft and storybook-perfect from behind a window but stung your cheeks the moment you stepped out into it. Inside, though, everything smelled of cinnamon and pine and the faint buttery warmth of Luke’s mom baking something she refused to let anyone eat until after dinner.
Luke was home for Christmas. His first Christmas back since moving to Boston. He should’ve felt nothing but happiness, and some part of him did. Being wrapped up on the couch beneath the knitted throw his mom insisted on putting out every December, hearing carols play faintly in the background, knowing he’d get to sleep under his childhood roof… it made his chest ache with a kind of nostalgia he wasn’t prepared for. But Christmas didn’t fix everything.
Youngjae was back too, of course. He always came home with Gabe for the holidays. Except this year, he wasn’t really with Gabe. He was with Luke.
And Gabe still wasn’t speaking to either of them.
Luke could feel the tension from the moment all three of them stepped through the front door a few days ago. It clung to the air like static, sharp and impossible to ignore. Gabe barely looked at Young. He physically turned his head when Young tried to greet him. Young kept his shoulders tight, his expression neutral, trying not to make anything worse. And Luke… Luke felt caught in the middle, as always, wishing he could fix something that didn’t want fixing.
His parents noticed. They tried not to. They tried to act like everything was normal by offering cocoa, fussing over luggage, asking about college. But Luke saw the quick glances, the tight smiles, the sidelong looks his mom kept giving his dad, as if silently pleading for them to do something. Neither did.
Young had been placed in the basement room as usual, the one Luke’s parents had prepared just for him. Luke knew Young appreciated it more than he showed. He always did.
Throughout that morning, Luke drifted between his
parents, trying not to hover but also unable to settle. He and Young would catch each other’s eye across the room now and again, and each time Luke felt that familiar warmth bloom in his chest. But every time Gabe noticed even the slightest hint of their closeness, his jaw tightened almost imperceptibly, and he’d excuse himself to another room.
Luke hated it. He hated seeing his brother like this, all closed off, hurting, and refusing to acknowledge either of them properly. And he hated the guilt that kept knotting in his stomach, even though he knew he had a right to be happy. He’d spent years believing he’d never get a chance to feel this kind of love and intimacy with anyone, and now that he finally had it, everything around him felt like breaking glass.
His mom sensed the heaviness more than anyone else. At one point, when Gabe had disappeared upstairs and Young had retreated to the basement to unpack, she touched Luke’s shoulder gently. “Honey,” she said softly, “is everything alright?”
Luke forced a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah, Mom. It’s Christmas. Everything’s perfect.”
But even as he said it, his chest tightened. Because it wasn’t perfect. It was Christmas, and his family was together…but not whole. Not really. And Luke didn’t know how to fix it. Not without hurting someone he loved and cared about.
The living room glowed with soft Christmas lights, the tree blinking cheerfully in the corner. It was a sharp contrast to the thick tension coating the room. Everyone gathered for presents, because that was tradition, and the Davies family clung to tradition like it was a lifeline.
Luke sat cross-legged on the floor beside the coffee table. Youngjae hovered close but not too close, aware of Gabe’s eyes. Gabe sat stiffly in the armchair to Luke’s right, arms folded, gaze fixed on the tree.
Luke’s parents began passing out gifts, filling the room with the usual rustling of paper and polite “oh thank you!”s, but the ease was missing. The comfort. The laughter.
Luke picked up a small wrapped box and turned to Gabe with a hopeful, hesitant smile. “Um… this is for you,” Luke said, his heart thudding. It wasn’t much, just a framed photo of them when Luke was about ten and Gabe was twelve, both of them muddy and grinning from a long-gone summer. Despite having longer hair and wearing a dumb dress with leggings, it was a memory Luke loved. It was a reminder that they had once been inseparable.
Gabe looked down at it. Just… looked. He didn’t reach for it.
Luke’s stomach dropped. “It’s just something small. I thought you’d—”
Gabe extended a hand then, but not gently. More like he wanted to get it over with. He took the gift, muttered, “Thanks,” and set it on the floor beside the chair. He didn’t open it. He didn’t even glance at it again.
Luke swallowed hard.
“Gabe,” their mom said, a warning note in her voice.
“It’s fine,” Gabe said briskly, staring fixedly at the tree. “I’ll open it later.”
Luke tried to smile, but his chest felt tight. “It’s okay.”
Youngjae glanced at him, eyes soft with sympathy he couldn’t express out loud.
Luke waited.
He waited for Gabe to pull something from the pile. Something for him. Something to show that even if things were messy and painful, Gabe still cared.
Nothing came.
Gift-giving continued around him. His parents exchanged presents with warm laughter, Youngjae gratefully accepted a pair of new lacrosse gloves from Luke’s mom, Gabe even mumbled a “cheers” when Young passed him something neutral like a Harvard beanie.
But when all the wrapping paper had settled, all the boxes were opened, all the bows lay discarded… There was nothing in front of Luke from Gabe. Not even a card. Luke’s throat tightened, and he ducked his head quickly, pretending to adjust the hem of his jumper so nobody saw the way his eyes burned. His parents noticed. Of course they did. Luke could feel his mom’s anxious glance and could feel his dad about to say something, but Luke forced a smile before either of them could speak.
Youngjae’s knee pressed gently against Luke’s, hidden behind a pile of wrapping paper. A small, secret comfort. Luke didn’t dare lean into it, but he didn’t move away either. And when he glanced sideways, he found Young staring at Gabe with something dark and furious simmering beneath the surface, a protectiveness he couldn’t show verbally. Not yet. Not here. Luke tore his gaze away and stared at the Christmas tree instead, blinking quickly to stop tears from spilling.
This was meant to be Christmas. A time for healing. For family. For peace. But as he sat surrounded by torn wrapping paper and forced smiles, Luke realised something with a sharp, painful clarity: Gabe wasn’t ready to forgive him and Luke didn’t know how long his heart could take it.
Eventually, he slipped quietly out the back door, the cold air biting instantly at his cheeks. He stepped onto the patio, wrapping his arms around himself, trying to breathe past the tightness in his throat. Christmas lights twinkled along the fence, soft and cheerful. He sat down on the garden step, staring at the frost-tipped grass. He wasn’t going to cry. Not on Christmas. Not over this. But the pressure behind his eyes built and built, and he dug his nails into his palms to fight it back.
The door creaked open behind him.
“Luke?” his dad said gently.
Luke didn’t look up. He just nodded, eyes fixed on the ground.
His dad stepped out, lowered himself beside him with a soft grunt, and for a moment they simply sat in silence, breaths turning to white clouds in the cold.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, son,” his dad said quietly.
Luke squeezed his eyes shut. That alone nearly broke him.
His dad continued, voice warm but painfully steady. “Your brother… he’s hurting. Confused. And he’s taking it out on the wrong person. But none of this is your fault. You fell in love. That’s not something anyone should punish you for.”
Luke’s breath hitched. He pressed a trembling hand to his mouth.
“And for what it’s worth,” his dad went on, nudging his shoulder gently, “I’m really happy for you and Youngjae. Truly. You seem really happy together and I can tell he really cares about you.”
That did it. Luke broke. A sob tore out of him before he could stop it, and he curled forward, shaking as tears spilled freely. “I miss him,” Luke choked. “Dad, I miss Gabe so much. I just want my brother back.”
His dad wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him tight, rubbing slow circles on his arm. “You’ll get him back,” he murmured. “But it might take time, and that’s alright. People need time to get over things.”
Luke leaned into him, crying until his throat hurt and his eyes were puffy. His dad stayed with him through every shaky breath.
Eventually, the back door opened again.
“Mind if I…?” Youngjae asked softly.
His dad squeezed Luke’s shoulder, then stood with a small smile. “He’s all yours,” he said, stepping inside to give them privacy.
Youngjae took his place beside Luke, legs brushing his. Luke sniffled and wiped his face with his sleeve, embarrassed. “Sorry,” he mumbled.
Young shook his head, slipping an arm around Luke’s waist and tugging him into his side. “Don’t apologise. I hate seeing you upset.”
Luke let himself lean against him. Young rested his cheek lightly on the top of Luke’s head.
“Gabe will come around,” Young murmured. “He just… he needs time to adjust. He’s stubborn as hell, but he loves you. He’ll figure it out.”
Luke sniffed again. “I hope so.”
Young nudged him. “Hey… look at me.”
Luke did, blinking through leftover tears.
Young brushed his thumb along Luke’s cheek, warm against the cold. “You’re allowed to be happy. With me. Even if Gabe isn’t ready to see that yet.”
Luke nodded weakly.
Young gave him a gentle smile…then flicked a bit of snow from the step at Luke’s knee.
Luke frowned. “What was—”
A snowball hit him square in the shoulder.
He stared at Youngjae, who was already scooping together another handful of snow, trying (and failing) to look innocent.
“Seriously?” Luke croaked.
“It’s Christmas,” Young said simply, forming another snowball. “And you’re crying. The two should not coexist.”
Before Luke could respond, Young lobbed the second snowball at him and it burst across his jumper, cold and shocking. Luke gasped, then to his own surprise, laughed.
“Oh, you’re so dead,” he said, scrambling to scoop up snow.
Young yelped and tried to run across the lawn, slipping slightly on the frost. Luke hurled his first snowball at him and cackled when it hit Young right in the back. In seconds, they were both ankle-deep in snow, breathless, laughing, and flinging poorly-formed snowballs at each other like children. For the first time all day, Luke felt light.
Eventually, Young tackled him lightly into a snowdrift, both of them breathless and grinning stupidly. “You alright now?” Young asked, brushing snow from Luke’s hair.
Luke nodded, cheeks flushed from cold and laughter. “Yeah,” he whispered. “I think I am.”
Young smiled before leaning down to press a quick kiss to his lips.
And for a moment, despite everything, Christmas felt whole again.
“What on earth is happening out here?” a voice suddenly called out.
Young and Luke snapped their heads towards the back door where Luke’s mom was gaping at them in confusion.
“Boys! It’s freezing out there. Get back in here. I made some hot chocolate.”
Luke and Young laughed, stood up, and trudged back toward the house. Their clothes were now a little damp and their faces were pink from the cold, but they were both feeling a million times happier.
“You guys are crazy,” mom said, though she was smiling. “Young, I expect you to be taking care of my baby, not making him sick.”
“Sorry, ma’am,” Young said sheepishly.
Luke snorted as they shuffled past her, dripping snow everywhere. The warmth of the house hit instantly, wrapping around him like a blanket. Voices carried from the living room and as they stepped in, Maddy practically launched herself from the couch.
“Oh my god! Luke!” she said happily, grabbing him in a strong hug.
Luke laughed and hugged back. “Hi, Maddy.”
She pulled away just enough to look between him and Youngjae… then clasped her hands dramatically beneath her chin. “STOP. You two are literally the cutest couple alive. I can’t cope. Actual heart-eyes.”
Luke flushed immediately. Young stiffened beside him, shy but smiling.
“Maddy,” Luke whined, though he couldn’t stop smiling.
“It’s true!” she insisted. “You’re like, the poster boys for winter romance or something. If this were a Netflix film, you’d both be the main leads. God, you guys are so—”
But whatever nonsense Maddy was about to say got drowned out by the heavy stomp of footsteps down the hall. Gabe walked into the kitchen without so much as a glance at anyone. His face was unreadable, blank in that dangerous and hollow way Luke had begun to recognise. He didn’t say a word. He just opened the cupboard, grabbed the half-empty bottle of vodka, twisted the cap off, and took a long swig straight from it.
Maddy’s smile faltered. Luke’s mom stiffened beside the stove. Young shifted slightly closer to Luke. No one said a thing. Not because they didn’t care, but because everyone had already learned that right now, saying something might shatter whatever truce they had left.
Gabe wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, expression still tight and unreadable. Then, without looking at any of them, he muttered, “I’m going upstairs,” and left the kitchen with the bottle dangling from his fingers.
The silence he left behind felt colder than the snow outside.
Luke swallowed hard, his eyes stinging again, this time not from the chill. Young nudged him gently, a small reminder that he wasn’t alone. But Luke could feel it. Christmas wasn’t fixed. His family wasn’t healed. And he wasn’t sure how to put any of the pieces back together.
˙⋆✮˙⋆✮˙⋆✮⋆ ⋆୨♡୧⋆⋆˙⋆✮˙⋆✮˙⋆✮
New Year’s Eve crept up quietly.
By late afternoon, Luke and Eli were lounging in Luke’s bedroom. It felt like the safest place in the world to sprawl across a bed, complain about life, and eat crisps straight from the bag.
They lay on their stomachs facing each other, a mess of pillows and blankets around them, the distant murmur of adults downstairs and the faint sound of Gabe’s music leaking from somewhere else in the house.
“…and then Maddy told me she thinks your boyfriend looks like a K-drama lead,” Eli was saying dramatically, tossing a crisp into the air and catching it in his mouth. “Which, honestly? Facts.”
Luke huffed. “Shut up.”
“Never,” Eli grinned. “I live to annoy you.”
They lapsed into an easy silence, the kind that only years of friendship could perfect. Eli idly played with the hem of Luke’s hoodie, while Luke absentmindedly braided a lock of Eli’s hair.
Then Eli suddenly froze. Looked at Luke. Smirked.
“No,” Luke said immediately. “Whatever that face is? No.”
Eli rolled onto his back like a cat ready to cause chaos. “Luke.”
“No.”
“Luuuuke.”
“I’m not telling you.”
“You are telling me,” Eli said, eyes gleaming. “Because I am your best friend, and also because I walked in on you and Noah that one time, so like—”
“DON’T remind me,” Luke muttered, burying his face in a pillow to hide his mortification.
Eli only grinned wider. “So,” he drawled, folding his arms behind his head like he was settling in for a story, “spill. Everything. Every detail. All of it. Do not leave anything out. I want the full Rated R edition of your sex life.”
“Eli—”
“Luke.”
“No.”
“LUKE.”
Luke threw a pillow at him, but Eli caught it effortlessly, wearing the smuggest expression known to mankind.
“I’m not telling you about my sex life,” Luke insisted.
Eli raised an eyebrow. “Oh? So there is a sex life.”
Luke froze.
Eli’s eyes widened in triumph. He sat bolt upright. “YOU’RE HAVING SEX.”
Luke smacked him with another pillow.
Eli squealed. “Oh my god! You totally are, you dirty little—”
“Shut up!” Luke hissed, face burning. “Shut up shut up shut up. These walls are thin!”
Eli grabbed Luke by the shoulders, shaking him dramatically and lovingly. “Tell me everything!”
“I hate you,” Luke mumbled into his hands.
“No you don’t.” Eli flopped back dramatically. “So? Youngjae… what’s he like? Is he sweet? Is he hot? Is he… talented?”
“Eli!”
“I’m just saying! I need to know everything! I have been starved of updates! This is important cultural information!”
Luke groaned, rolling onto his back, wishing the ceiling would swallow him whole. “You’re actually insane.”
“Yep,” Eli said proudly. “Now answer the question.”
Luke covered his face. Eli pried his hands away. And Luke knew, knew, he was about to tell Eli everything. Because he always did. Because Eli was his safe place. Because keeping secrets had just ruined Christmas and he was tired of feeling like he had to hide the good things in his life. And because, deep down, a part of him wanted to talk about Youngjae until he lost his voice, even if Eli would scream about it. And he definitely would.
Luke took a breath. “Fine,” he whispered.
Eli squealed so loudly Luke was sure the whole house heard.
Luke laughed despite the embarrassment rising in him. He fiddled with the edge of his duvet, cheeks bright pink, trying to figure out how on earth to word any of this in a way that wouldn’t make Eli explode. But Eli was already sitting upright, legs crossed, elbows on his knees, chin resting on his palms like a child waiting for a bedtime story.
“So…” Eli prompted, voice practically vibrating with anticipation. “Youngjae. Sex. Go.”
Luke groaned. “Why am I even friends with you?”
“Because you love me. Now hurry up before I combust.”
Luke inhaled. Exhaled. “It was… scary,” he admitted softly.
Eli’s grin faltered a little, turning gentler. “Yeah?”
Luke nodded, eyes fixed on the duvet. “I was nervous. Really nervous. I still—” He swallowed. “I haven’t had bottom surgery, and you know I’ve never really let anyone see me properly before. Not like that.”
Eli’s face softened completely. He reached out and nudged Luke’s hand. “Hey. That makes sense. That’s a big deal.”
Luke nodded again, fighting the emotion creeping into his voice. “I thought he’d… I don’t know. Be awkward. Or make a face. Or pull away. I was terrified of that. But he just—” Luke broke into a breathy laugh, small and disbelieving. “He didn’t care. Not even a little. He just held my face and kept saying, ‘tell me what you need.’ Like it was the most normal thing in the world.”
Eli’s hand flew to his chest. “Oh my god.”
Luke rolled his eyes, but there was a shy smile tugging at his mouth. “And he was so gentle. The whole time. Like he’d been waiting forever and didn’t want to mess it up. He kept checking if I was okay every few seconds and telling me I was beautiful which—” Luke covered his face again. “It was so embarrassing.”
“No,” Eli protested dramatically. “That’s so soft, I’m going to throw myself out the window.”
Luke laughed, dropping his hands. His voice softened. “And now… it’s kind of regular. Not like every day or anything, but… yeah. We’re comfortable with each other. He makes me feel comfortable. Safe.”
Eli wiggled his eyebrows. “And satisfied?”
“Fuck off,” Luke said, shoving him.
Eli toppled sideways in laughter. But when he sat back up, his smile was warm, real. “I’m really happy for you,” he said quietly. “Like, genuinely. You deserve someone who treats you like that.”
Luke exhaled shakily, his heart swelling. “I’m so in love with him, Eli,” he admitted, voice barely above a whisper. “Like… properly. Completely. I didn’t think I’d ever feel like this, but I do.”
Eli inhaled sharply like he’d just heard a plot twist. “Oh my god.”
Luke grinned helplessly. “Yeah.”
“Okay,” Eli said, fanning himself dramatically, “I take back every joke. You two are disgustingly cute. I’m so proud of you. I actually might cry.”
Luke laughed again, the tension leaving his shoulders. “Please don’t. I can’t handle two emotional disasters right now.”
Eli wiped an imaginary tear. “Too late. You’ve made me feral with love.”
Luke nudged him with his foot, face glowing. He hadn’t realised how badly he needed to say all of this out loud, to tell someone how happy he was, how loved he felt, how much Youngjae meant to him. But now he had and for the first time in weeks, Luke felt light.
Luke was still laughing at Eli’s dramatic fake–crying when the door creaked open. Youngjae poked his head in, leaning on the frame like he’d walked straight out of a romance film.
“There you are,” he said softly, eyes flicking from Luke to Eli. “I was wondering where you disappeared to.”
Eli sat up straighter, grinning like the devil himself. “Oh, hey handsome. We were just talking about you.”
Young raised an eyebrow, amused. “Oh yeah? Should I be concerned?”
“Yes,” Eli said instantly. “Deeply.”
Luke frowned. “Ignore him.”
Young crossed the room and perched on the edge of Luke’s bed, hand naturally finding Luke’s knee, gentle and careful.
Eli clocked it immediately and let out a dreamy sigh. “You guys are my Roman Empire,” he declared.
Luke rolled his eyes. “Please stop talking.”
“Never.”
Young snorted, looking fondly between them. “What are you two even doing?”
“Gossiping,” Eli answered. “Life-saving gossip. So, anyway, I was just about to ask what your guys New Year’s plans are?”
Young shrugged. “I figured we’d do something small.”
Eli nodded thoughtfully. “We could do a cosy backyard thing? Blankets, a little fire pit, cocoa—”
“And drinks,” Luke added.
“And drinks,” Eli agreed.
The door opened again, this time Nate’s head appeared. “I heard drinks.”
“Babe!” Eli hopped up happily.
Luke smiled. “Perfect timing.”
In minutes, the cosy little group drifted downstairs. Luke’s parents were already arranging chairs in the back garden, the fairy lights from Christmas still glowing softly along the fence, the fire pit crackling gently. It was simple, quiet, warm. Luke’s favourite kind of night.
Eli and Nate curled up under one blanket. Luke sat beside Young, who subtly tugged him closer, letting their shoulders rest together. Luke’s parents brought out mugs of hot chocolate and a bottle of prosecco they insisted the kids pretend they didn’t see.
Time moved softly. Laughter here and there. Nate telling a ridiculous story about his dorm. Eli heckling him for exaggerating. Young rubbing Luke’s arm through the blanket whenever he shivered.
Luke’s chest felt full.
Just a few minutes before midnight, the back door slid open with a familiar thud. Gabe stepped outside with Maddy tucked under his arm. He looked tired, but calmer than Luke had seen in months. Maddy looked warm and bright beside him, smiling at everyone.
“Hey,” she greeted. “Happy New Year everyone.”
Everyone murmured back greetings. Luke tried to catch Gabe’s eye, but Gabe avoided his gaze, looking instead toward the fire pit. He was still being distant…but at least he was here in the back garden with them. It was something. Right??
Everyone settled in, bundling up tighter as the seconds ticked down. Luke felt Young shift closer beside him, their thighs pressed together beneath the blanket.
Eli exclaimed “ten seconds!” much too loudly.
And suddenly, everyone was counting down.
Nine.
Eight.
He felt Young’s fingers brush his under the blanket.
Seven.
Six.
Five.
Gabe glanced over, just for a second, just long enough that Luke felt seen.
Four.
Three.
Two.
Youngjae leaned in, voice low, only for Luke.
“One.”
The garden erupted with cheers. Fireworks burst somewhere in the neighbourhood, lighting the sky in streaks of silver and gold.
Eli didn’t hesitate; the second “one!” had been shouted, he grabbed Nate by the collar and pulled him in for a dramatic, theatrical kiss that made Luke’s mom laugh and Luke’s dad mutter something affectionate about teenagers.
Maddy turned to Gabe, her dainty hands cupping his jaw. “Happy New Year, handsome,” she murmured before kissing him gently. Gabe let her, eyes fluttering shut. Luke felt something in his chest loosen just a bit at the sight. At least someone was softening the sharp edges Gabe had been carrying.
Luke’s mom and dad shared their own kiss, sweet and familiar, the kind that came from decades of choosing each other over and over.
And then, Youngjae looked at Luke. It was the smallest glance, barely a flicker through the firelight, but it burned through him like a fuse being lit. Young’s lips tugged into the softest smile, the kind he only ever wore for Luke—shy at the edges, full in the middle, eyes warm enough to thaw the cold.
Luke’s breath caught.
“Saehae bok mani bada, nae sarang (Happy new year, my love)” Young murmured, voice low and tender beneath the noise of everyone else.
Then Young leaned in. It wasn’t hurried or hidden, not like the secret stolen moments they’d lived on for so long. It wasn’t cautious or fearful. It was soft. Certain. A kiss meant for this exact moment in time.
Luke’s eyes fluttered shut as their lips met, slow and warm and perfect. Young’s thumb stroked along Luke’s cheekbone, gentle and steady, grounding him in a way nothing else ever had.
Fireworks cracked overhead. Someone (probably Eli) whooped loudly. Luke didn’t care. Because Youngjae’s lips were on his, and for the first New Year’s in his life, Luke felt like he was exactly where he was meant to be.
When they finally parted, Young rested his forehead against Luke’s, breath mingling in the cold air. “It’s going to be a good year,” he whispered.
Luke nodded, chest full. “Yeah… it is.”
And surrounded by laughter, fireworks, family, and the boy he loved, Luke truly believed it.
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