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Noah’s car was quiet apart from the hum of the engine. The radio had been turned off somewhere between the diner and the first stoplight, and the silence since then had been thick enough to choke on. Luke stared out the window. Every few seconds, he’d open his mouth like he might say something but the words always died before they could form.
He hated this.
He hated the quiet.
He hated that he’d turned his own birthday into a mess of heavy confessions and hurt feelings.
Noah’s hands stayed steady on the steering wheel, his eyes fixed on the road, the muscles in his jaw tense. He didn’t look angry, just…sad. That was somehow worse.
By the time they pulled up outside Luke’s house, the air between them had gone stale. The headlights cut across the driveway, catching the faint shimmer of frost on the mailbox, before Noah killed the ignition. The engine sputtered into silence.
For a long time, neither of them moved.
Luke finally turned, his voice small. “Thanks for tonight.”
Noah blinked, his gaze still fixed on the steering wheel. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “It’s fine.”
But it didn’t sound fine. It sounded like a goodbye he didn’t want to say.
Luke swallowed, his hand hesitating on the seatbelt. He should get out. He knew he should. But something inside him twisted at the thought of stepping out into the cold and leaving Noah sitting there, looking like that. So he didn’t. He just sat there, stealing glances at Noah’s side profile. He noticed the soft shadows under his eyes and the slight downturn of his mouth.
“I didn’t mean for it to go like that,” Luke said finally, his voice barely above a whisper.
Noah let out a breath through his nose, still not looking at him. “Yeah, I know.”
Luke’s chest tightened. “You don’t look like you know.”
That got Noah to turn, his eyes meeting Luke’s for the first time since the diner. There was something raw there. something Luke couldn’t quite name. “I just thought,” Noah said quietly, “tonight might end differently. That’s all.”
Luke’s throat went dry. He wanted to tell him that he didn’t mean to ruin things, that it wasn’t Noah’s fault, that if anything Noah had made his birthday the best part of an otherwise confusing mess. But the words tangled up somewhere in his chest. Instead, he just said, “I don’t wanna go inside yet.”
Noah’s eyebrows lifted slightly. “I kinda need to head home.”
Luke’s pulse quickened, panic fluttering in his chest. He could feel Noah slipping away. It was emotionally now, but soon it’d be for real and Luke was scared that once he walked out of this car, Noah wouldn’t come back. He couldn’t let that happen. Not after everything. “No,” Luke blurted out, his voice too loud in the still car. He leaned forward a little, desperate. “Please don’t go yet.”
Noah’s hand froze on the keys. “Luke—”
“Please,” Luke cut him off, his words tumbling out fast. “Just come inside. Just for a bit.”
Noah turned toward him fully now, brows furrowing. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Luke shook his head, heart hammering. “I just… there’s something I need to say. Something important. I can’t let you go without saying it.”
For a second, Noah just stared at him. The hurt in his expression softened into something weary, like he didn’t have the strength to argue anymore. He sighed and looked away, then back again. “Alright,” he said quietly. “Five minutes.”
Luke nodded quickly, relief flooding through him. “Yeah. Five minutes.”
They got out of the car without another word, the cold night air biting at their cheeks as they crossed the driveway. Luke’s hands were shaking as he fumbled with his keys and pushed the front door open. The house was dark and quiet, save for the soft creak of the floorboards under their feet.
Upstairs, in the safety of his room, Luke flicked on the lamp. The warm light filled the space, catching on the scattered books, the half-folded laundry, the faint trace of balloons and wrapping paper from earlier. It looked painfully normal, even though nothing felt normal anymore.
Noah lingered near the door, his hands in his jacket pockets, shoulders tense. “So,” he said, his tone careful, “what’s this about?”
Luke gestured toward the bed, trying to steady his voice. “Can you just sit? Please?”
Noah hesitated but eventually crossed the room, sitting on the edge of the bed. Luke sat beside him, close enough to feel the warmth radiating from his arm but not quite touching. The silence between them was thick and heavy, pulsing with everything unsaid. For a long moment, neither spoke. Luke could hear his own heartbeat, fast and uneven. He glanced at Noah, who was staring at the floor with his jaw clenched, just waiting.
Luke swallowed hard, forcing the words to the surface. “I know I messed things up tonight,” he began softly. “But I need you to understand why.”
Noah looked up. His eyes were guarded but open enough to tell Luke he was listening, and that was all the permission Luke needed to keep going.
He took a shaky breath. “I’m just gonna be honest, okay? No bullshit.”
Noah nodded once, his expression careful but open.
Luke stared down at his hands, twisting the edge of his sleeve. “I… I did have feelings for Youngjae once upon a time and maybe a small, really stupid part of me still does.”
Noah’s shoulders tensed, but he didn’t interrupt.
Luke pressed on, his voice small. “It wasn’t supposed to happen. That kiss on New Year’s. It just did. And I didn’t stop it. I should have, but it was confusing because I thought he liked me and—” He broke off, shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter. It wasn’t real. Or maybe it was, but it doesn’t mean what it used to.” He looked up then, meeting Noah’s eyes. “Because you’re what matters now. You’re the one who’s actually here.”
Noah’s expression softened, though he still looked like he was holding himself back.
Luke exhaled sharply, clutching at his jeans like they could ground him. “I don’t want to lose you, Noah. I really, really don’t. And I don’t want to keep pretending I don’t like you that way, because I do. Even though I was a little confused at first, I want to try this. Like… for real. If that’s what you want too.”
The words hung between them, trembling and raw. Noah was quiet for a long time, his brow furrowed like he was sifting through all the things he could say and weighing which one wouldn’t break the moment. When he finally spoke, his voice was low. “You mean, like… actually date?”
Luke nodded, his pulse thundering. “Yeah. Like… be a thing. You and me.”
Noah gave a faint laugh and rubbed a hand over his mouth. “You’re serious?”
“I wouldn’t say it if I wasn’t,” Luke said quickly. “I’m done being confused.”
Noah turned to look at him fully, searching his face. “You’re sure? Because I’m not gonna be your in-between, Luke. I can’t do that. Are you sure this isn’t just the guilt talking? I don’t want to be the person you go to when someone else doesn’t work out.”
“You’re not,” Luke said fiercely. “You’re not an in-between. You’re—” He hesitated, struggling to find the right words. “You’re the one I want to be around. The one who makes me feel like me. Like I don’t have to try so hard to exist. And when I’m with you, everything stops spinning for a bit. I don’t have to pretend I’m okay, because somehow, you already know I’m not. And you don’t make me feel broken or different for it.”
That finally made Noah’s expression soften completely. He let out a quiet breath, the tension in his shoulders easing. “Okay,” he said slowly. “If we do this, we do it right. No half-assed confusion.”
Luke nodded. “Agreed.”
Noah gave a small, almost shy smile. “Then yeah. I want to try too.”
Luke’s chest felt too tight, too light all at once. He laughed under his breath, partly from disbelief. “Really?”
“Really,” Noah said, smiling now for real. “But, uh, I have a few conditions.”
Luke raised an eyebrow, wiping at the corner of his eye before it could betray him. “Okay, lay ’em on me.”
“First,” Noah said, “you need to be honest. Always. Even if it’s messy. Even if you’re still figuring things out Even if you think it’s going to hurt me.”
“I can do that,” Luke said softly.
“Second…” Noah hesitated, glancing at him. “Are you… okay with people knowing? I mean, if we actually start dating, people at school are gonna notice. I mean, I’m not exactly out but I do attend the GSA so it won’t come as a huge shock to people if I were to come out.”
“As gay?” Luke asked hesitantly.
“Bisexual, I think,” Noah replied.
Luke nodded. Oh, god. The stares, the whispers, the questions about him and his gender and everything he didn’t want to explain. It all seemed like too much. It felt like he was on the verge of coming out as trans again. He looked down, picking at the seam of his jeans. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I want to tell people, I think. But I’m not ready for everyone to know yet. Maybe we could… keep it quiet? For a while?”
“So just between us?”
“And maybe Eli,” Luke said. “I don’t want this to make it feel like I’m ashamed of my sexuality or anything, because I’m not. I just need time to prepare mentally for the fact that people will be whispering about me again.”
Noah nodded immediately. “Of course. Whatever makes you comfortable. I don’t care who knows, but I get why you might.”
Luke gave him a grateful smile, small but real.
There was another long pause then, the air between them softer now and less tense. But Noah’s next question made Luke’s pulse stutter again. “And… if this gets serious between us, like… physically, I mean—” He hesitated, looking uncertain for the first time. “Are you going to be okay with that? Or do you even want that?”
Luke froze. The question wasn’t cruel or pushy but it hit something deep in his chest. “I…” He looked down, his throat tight. “I don’t really know.”
Noah stayed quiet, waiting.
“It’s not that I don’t want to be close to you,” Luke said quietly. “I do. I think about it, but…” He trailed off, searching for words that didn’t make him feel exposed. “I just hate my body, Noah. Like, really hate it. And I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay with someone seeing it. Especially like this. Before the surgery, I mean. It’s…It’s embarrassing. I can’t even look in the mirror sometimes. The idea of someone else seeing it makes me want to crawl out of my skin”
Noah’s face softened instantly. “That’s okay,” he said finally, voice gentle. “We don’t have to rush anything. I’m not with you because of that anyway.”
Luke’s chest ached. “You mean that?”
“I mean it,” Noah said firmly. “If all we ever do is hold hands and watch movies and make fun of Eli and Nate’s relationship, that’s fine by me.”
Luke laughed, watery and small, and this time he didn’t try to stop the tears prickling in his eyes. “You’re way too good for me.”
Noah smiled, shaking his head. “Nah. I just like you. That’s all.”
Luke exhaled shakily, his heart warm and unsteady. He reached out, hesitated for a second, then let his fingers brush Noah’s hand. “Then I guess this is… us?”
Noah turned his hand over, linking their fingers. “Yeah,” he said softly. “Guess so.”
Luke hesitated for a moment before speaking, his voice small. “Can you stay? Just for tonight?”
Noah looked at him, surprised at first, then softened. “Yeah. Of course.”
They both stood, the weight of everything that had been said still lingering in the air but somehow lighter now. Luke rummaged through his drawers and tossed Noah one of his oversized shirts. “Here. It’s clean, promise.”
Noah grinned faintly. “I wasn’t worried.”
They started to get changed in silence. Luke usually just shed all his clothes and dived under his covers. But Noah was here tonight. He had gotten changed in front of him once before. It was halloween. It was when they had shared their first kiss. Luke remembers the way he kept his binder on all night, knowing he shouldn’t have.
But now he realised that he didn’t need to do that. Noah was now his…boyfriend? Was Noah his boyfriend? Or were they just dating? Okay, maybe he needed to clarify that but still. Noah was his now, which meant Luke was Noah’s. That also meant that he needed to be comfortable and confident in front of the other boy if they were going to spend a lot of time together.
Luke decided that he would start his journey towards confidence right this second. He currently had his back towards Noah which gave him all the boost he needed. At least Noah wouldn’t see the front. He took a small, shaky breath and began tugging his shirt over his head. He hesitated for a long moment, then slowly took another quiet breath and unclipped his binder. The rush of air in his lungs was immediate, almost dizzying. For a moment he stood there, feeling the strange mixture of relief and fear swirling inside him.
When he glanced over his shoulder timidly, Noah wasn’t staring at him…he was just watching him softly, like Luke was made of something fragile but important. “You okay?” Noah asked him, voice low.
Luke nodded, even though his throat felt tight. “Yeah. I just… wanted to breathe for once.”
Noah smiled faintly. “Good. You should. Breathing is great.”
Luke smiled faintly and tugged on his sleeping shirt.
They both then crawled under the covers, both a little uncertain about where to put their arms or how close to lie. Eventually, Noah settled beside him, their shoulders brushing. It was quiet except for the faint hum of cars outside and the sound of their breaths syncing without effort.
After a few minutes, Luke rolled toward him. “Noah?”
“Mm?”
“Can I…”
He didn’t finish the sentence, but Noah seemed to understand. He leaned in, closing the distance, and their lips met in a slow, careful kiss. It was soft, full of warmth and quiet promise. Luke felt his heart twist in that good, terrifying way. When they broke apart, both smiling faintly, the tension in Luke’s chest finally eased.
They didn’t say anything else after that. They just lay there, tangled under the blanket, breathing the same air. For the first time in a long while, Luke felt entirely safe. Like he didn’t have to pretend or hide. And when he finally drifted off to sleep, Noah’s hand was still resting lightly against his, fingers just barely touching, a quiet reassurance that he wasn’t alone anymore.
⋆.ೃ࿔*:･⋆.ೃ࿔*:･⋆.ೃ࿔*:･⋆.ೃ࿔*:･
Luke woke up to the soft press of warmth against his chest and the slow, steady rhythm of breathing that wasn’t his own. For a moment, he didn’t move. He just stayed there, eyes still half-closed, letting the quiet morning light filter through his blinds and spill across the tangled sheets.
Noah was still asleep, his hair a total mess, his face buried against Luke’s collarbone. One of his arms was draped lazily over Luke’s waist, the other twisted awkwardly in the blanket like he’d been fighting it in his sleep. Luke smiled faintly, feeling that familiar fluttering ache in his chest. The one that said this is real.
He shifted a little, enough to press a soft kiss against Noah’s forehead. Noah stirred, mumbling something incoherent before blinking his eyes open. When he realised how close they were, he smiled sleepily. “Morning.”
“Morning,” Luke whispered back.
Noah’s grin widened. “You look stupid when you sleep.”
Luke snorted. “You drool when you sleep.”
“I do not,” Noah protested, though his voice was too lazy to sound convincing.
Luke laughed quietly, tracing a small circle on Noah’s arm. “You totally do.”
Noah leaned in, pressing a quick kiss to Luke’s lips. “Shut up.”
“Make me,” Luke said, grinning against his mouth.
So Noah did. He started kissing him again, slower this time. Luke melted into it, fingers curling into the fabric of Noah’s (his) shirt. Everything felt so soft and so right and so fucking real, like maybe the world outside didn’t exist for once. They whispered stupid, sleepy things to each other, each one sillier and more fond than the last.
Until a voice from across the room broke the spell.
“Gross.”
Both of them froze. They turned their heads in perfect unison, and there, sitting backwards in Luke’s desk chair, was Eli.
“What the—” Luke shot up so fast he nearly fell out of bed, yanking the blanket with him. Noah scrambled up beside him, his face going bright red. “Eli?! How long—how did—WHAT—” Luke sputtered, his words tripping over each other.
Eli blinked at them wordlessly.
Luke and Noah hastily looked at each other, both flustered and guilty. Noah looked back over at Eli and frowned. “How long have you been sat there?”
“Long enough to know that you don’t drool, but you definitely snore,” Eli replied.
Noah didn’t know what to say to that. Luke didn’t either. Eli was now also sat in silence now. All three of them were kinda just staring at each other awkwardly.
Luke knew what came next. The apologies and the grovelling at Eli’s feet for not telling him and keeping him in the dark. He had never meant to lie to his best friend, but he knew he had done. He knew he had been keeping this secret since halloween and he hated himself for it, but to his defence, he didn’t really know what was going on between himself and Noah until just last night where they had officially told each other how they had felt.
Luke cleared this throat. “Okay, look…before you end up hating me, just know that I never meant to keep it a secret, okay? I swear.”
Eli just stared at Luke wordlessly.
“He’s right,” Noah added. “It was never really anything solid anyway, and we didn’t really…”
“Have a name for it,” Luke continued, helping Noah out.
“Yeah, it was kind of just—”
“A situationship,” Luke butted in.
“And it was never anything serious,” Noah said.
“Just flirting,” Luke chimed in.
“And we’re sorry we hung out without you last night,” Noah said.
“That was all Noah,” Luke said quickly, not wanting to get blamed for icing Eli out of plans.
“He’s right, it was me,” Noah said. “I kinda just wanted to get him alone.”
“Which he did,” Luke said.
“I did,” Noah nodded. “And we only made it official yesterday.”
“It’s official?” Luke asked him.
“Yeah, I thought that’s what we talked about.”
“Well, we said dating, but you didn’t use the B word.”
“You’re my boyfriend, dummy,” Noah rolled his eyes.
“Yeah?” Luke blushed.
“Yes,” Noah grinned.
“Okay,” Luke beamed.
“Good.”
“Oh, and I’m sorry,” Luke snapped out of his giddy feeling and turned back to Eli.
“I’m sorry too,” Noah said, also turning back to Eli.
Eli blinked across at them some more. Luke’s shoulders deflated a little when he realised that all Eli was doing was looking at him, then at Noah, then at him, then at Noah and so on. Why the hell wasn’t Eli saying anything? Luke felt awful. He really did feel bad that Eli was finding out like this. He was a terrible friend.
Eventually, Eli sighed. “I thought you’d never make it official.”
Huh?
Luke blinked. “Wait, what?”
Eli rolled his eyes. “You heard me. I knew something weird was going on between you two. I just didn’t think it’d take you six months and a minor identity crisis to admit it.”
Luke gawked. “You knew?”
“Obviously.” Eli scoffed, gesturing between them. “Do you think I’m blind? The way you look at each other is basically a neon sign that says ‘we’re doomed but in love.’“
Noah sighed, dragging a hand down his face. “You could’ve said something.”
Eli gave him a flat look. “Oh yeah, sure, let me just announce to my two emotionally constipated friends that they’re clearly into each other. Because that always goes well. I was waiting for you to finally tell me, but neither of you assholes did!”
Luke winced. “So… you’re mad?”
Eli tilted his head like he was thinking about it. “Mad? No. Mildly offended that you two made out in front of me while I was literally in the room? Absolutely.”
Luke’s face went red. “We didn’t know you were in here!”
“That’s not the defence you think it is,” Eli deadpanned.
Noah buried his face in his hands.
Eli grinned now, leaning forward like a cat who’d just caught a mouse. “So, let me get this straight—”
“Please don’t,” Luke muttered.
“—you two are official now. As in, boyfriends.”
Luke shifted awkwardly, glancing at Noah, then nodded. “Yeah.”
“Cute,” Eli said, his grin widening. “Disgusting, but cute. I literally called it from day one, and i’m always right when it comes to these things.”
Luke groaned, falling back onto the bed. “You’re not gonna shut up about this, are you?”
Noah smirked, a small laugh slipping out. “This is Eli we’re talking about. No, he isn’t.”
“Damn right I’m not,” Eli said proudly. “You two made me watch almost a year’s worth of unresolved tension. I earned this.”
Luke peeked up at him, the embarrassment finally melting into something like relief. “A year a little stretch. It was only since halloween.”
“Oh, yeah,” Eli rolled his eyes. “I know. The way Noah was gawking at you whilst you were doing his chipmunk make up? Super gross.”
“You really don’t care?” Luke asked hesitantly.
Eli shrugged. “Nah. I mean, I care because I care about you guys, but not in, like, a dramatic betrayal way. You didn’t tell me ’cause you were figuring it out. I get that.”
Luke’s chest loosened a little at that. “Thanks, Eli.”
Eli shrugged again, pretending not to care. “Whatever. Just don’t start making out in front of me again or I’ll set you both on fire.”
Noah laughed. “Noted.”
Eli stood, stretching. “Cool. I’m gonna go get coffee and bleach my brain. You two can keep shoving your tongues in each others mouths, if you want.”
Luke threw a pillow at him as he walked to the door. “You’re a dick.”
“Love you too,” Eli called back, stepping out and pulling the door closed behind him.
As soon as the room went quiet again, Luke let out a shaky laugh. “Well… that could’ve gone worse.”
Noah smiled, brushing Luke’s hair out of his eyes. “Way worse.”
Luke hummed, relaxing again as he leaned into him. “Still can’t believe he was just sitting there.“
“Yeah,” Noah said. “But at least now he knows.”
Luke looked up at him, smiling faintly. “Guess we don’t have to hide anymore.”
Noah kissed the top of his head. “Guess not.”
Luke sighed, half-laughing, half-exhausted. “Still gross that he heard all that, though.”
“Totally gross,” Noah agreed, and they both laughed until it didn’t feel awkward anymore.
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