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Bonus Chapter 2: How Did You Know? Reprise
I knew how to parallel park. Getting that expensive Toronto license depended on my ability to squish between cars on the side of narrow city streets. But it took me 5 whole minutes to park outside of the Samuels residence that windy evening. Elly was back from work–I timed the drive to make sure I wouldn’t get here even a second before he did–and the thought of him standing inside that house sucked all the moisture right out of my mouth.
We did something at the club this past weekend. Something . . . crazy. But incredible. Something totally not allowed but something I desperately wanted to do again. It was all I could think about. My mouth on his neck. His hands on my thighs.
The musky smell of the dance floor followed me like a cloud for days. My nose refused to forget the smell because with it, the memories became more vivid. I smelt it when I stepped out of my car. I clung to it when I knocked on the door.
Elly was fresh from his Mooove Over shift and hadn’t taken the time to change. His apron was speckled from a full day of wear, so dirty it barely matched his cute bowtie. Those chocolate brown curls of his dangled close to his eyes, weighed down by sweat. I couldn’t look away from his full dark brows that framed his even darker eyes. Scooping ice cream had to be the most unglamorous job out there yet Elly looked . . .
“Hey El,” I remembered to say, forcing my mouth up to something friendly. “Can I come in?”
Elly avoided me at school today. Then I avoided him. Or I avoided him then he avoided me; the order was pretty fuzzy.
All I know is that the last time we spoke was before I had tasted his skin, so there was a chance he’d say no right now. I honestly wouldn’t blame him.
His dark eyes scanned me, those naturally upturned lashes fluttering when he bit his lip in hesitation. My fingers prickled with awareness long after he finally let me through. Maybe forcing me to step past his body was my punishment for ignoring him. Or my reward for coming over.
I knew Elly’s house like the back of my hand. I could have found the attic with my eyes closed and I have maneuvered through its dark halls to pee more times than I can count. So when he hesitated to move, I led the way up to his bedroom.
Stepping into his room, the usual comfort I found within its walls was missing. Just like when I looked at El these days, a once familiar thing suddenly felt brand new.
I became acutely aware of the eyes on his concert posters peering down at us. His large, messy bed felt like it consumed the entire room. We’d been in his room countless times before but we’d never been so . . . alone. Like no one could interrupt whatever we decided to do in here.
The bedroom door closed with a soft click and I almost jumped out of my skin. Elly’s body blocked my only exit, his tired eyes tracing me lazily. Just over his shoulder, the picture of our middle schools selves hung on the door. When Elly took a step forward, the innocent image was blocked and he took my focus once more.
Another step. My breathing picked up. My fingertips tingled. I don’t think I’m ready.
Then, he rolled his eyes.
“Rin, I have to change.”
He was looking behind me. I was blocking the closet.
“Cool. I’m gonna make some tea.”
Down in the kitchen, I dunked my tea bag over and over again hoping to hide my shame in the mug. I’d ignored Elly for the entire day so I could prepare what I wanted to say. I thought that if I came up with the right way to ask him about how he felt back at the club, I wouldn’t look like a total idiot.
And somehow, that plan failed.
I was still an idiot. Even worse, an idiot with no answers.
Disheartened, I went back upstairs. My tea had grown cold but Elly was freshly showered. It only made sense to suggest a movie.
I liked being Elliot Samuels’s best friend. It was one of my favorite things to do. And it turned out that regardless of whatever else happened between us, I would never forget how to do it.
I didn’t mean to push our very important but very difficult conversation to the back burner. I just acted like I usually would. Talked about what we usually talk about. Put on my favorite star wars film so we could continue our marathon.
I didn’t bring up the one thing I was actually thinking about because I didn’t know how to. But Elly took that choice away from me.
“Why are you here?” he asked me. “We avoided each other all day and now you’re here, acting like everything’s normal.”
Elly’s question could not have been a more abrupt shift in response to me saying that the 1980 installment to the Star Wars franchise was ahead of its time.
But he’d finally acknowledged the huge ass elephant that had been camping out in his room for the entire afternoon. The entire day in fact. I couldn’t avoid it anymore. And even though the state of our friendship hung in the balance, I didn’t want to avoid it anymore.
“How did you know that you liked guys?”
Getting those words out might have been the hardest thing I’d ever done. It was nerve wracking to ask that question when I might already have an answer myself. But I couldn’t be ‘pretty sure’ about this, I had to be certain. And ironically enough, Elly was the only person I could ask.
“I don’t know,” Elly whispered, his voice hoarse. “I guess I kissed one.”
I snapped my head around, stunned beyond belief. He’d had his first kiss and never told me. He kissed a guy and never told me?
For a second, our eyes met. Then, the credits ended. The TV turned off. We were bathed in darkness.
James. Is that who he kissed? One kiss with that too tall brit and suddenly Elliot knows that he likes dudes?
James didn’t deserve that kiss. He knows next to nothing about my best friend but he gets to take his first? Elly should have come to me. Elly should have kissed me.
The thought of kissing Elliot Samuels seared into my mind, a brand I could never remove. Suddenly, it was the only thought I could handle. The only urge I wanted to follow.
I couldn’t see anything in the dark, only vague shapes and objects too far for me to reach. But I could feel. I felt El’s presence in the space beside me. I felt puffs of air hit my chin.
I followed the sensation until the hairs on my skin stood to attention. I couldn’t see him but my body was still aware of him. It still tensed in anticipation of what I wanted to do next.
“Would you kiss me? Just to check?”
I don’t think I had ever ached like that before. There was no pain or discomfort, just the poignant need to close that gap. I knew that Elliot was right there, mere inches away from me. And I knew, deep down in the places I rarely remembered to look, that kissing him would be everything. Kissing him might change my life.
“Yeah.”
I searched for him in the dark. I used his body’s warmth to lead the way. And I kissed him.
More than just my life changed. Everything that had been bubbling under the surface came forward and existence itself now made sense. There was new clarity around my feelings. The thing that I thought was plaguing me just wanted to bring me home. To him. To Elly.
My hands found his skin naturally. I sank my fingers into his hair so I could deepen our kiss. I pressed harder against his mouth and gave and gave because I knew he would take it. I wanted him to have everything.
When I started pushing him back so his body laid against the duvet, he followed my lead with a breathy sigh. I was brimming with satisfaction. I think I smiled into his mouth.
It has always been El. For years, I was fighting tooth and nail against feeling this. But I didn’t have to. I just had to accept the peace that came from knowing that everything I needed was currently settling perfectly into my arms.
My hands explored his skin in the dark. I felt down his sides and under his clothes, shivering when he did the same. Our kiss felt suspended in time but spending forever kissing Elliot Samuels sounded like the best fate imaginable.
Then Elly sent his hips up, making me lose balance and giving him the chance to mount me. I grinned as he dragged his palms down my sides until he reached the edge of my shirt.
“I need you to take this off.”
Fuck
His voice sent a shock of heat down south and I bit my lip to stay calm. I wanted to make him squirm like I was. I wanted to make his breath hitch, his thighs clench.
“What are you going to do when I’m shirtless?” I asked.
“Hm?”
I cupped the back of his neck, pulling him down so my lips brushed the shell of his ear.
“I said, what do you wanna do to me, El?”
I waited for him to hit me out of embarrassment. Or at the very least, kiss me hard enough for my mouth to bruise. Instead, he yelled.
“Holy shit!”
There was a chance Elly didn’t feel the same way I did. A kiss that was extraordinary to me might be just mediocre to him. Teasing him made him fly off my body and head for the door. The loud thumping sounds from him tripping in the dark would have made me laugh if I wasn’t so worried that I’d pushed him too far.
And then, the switch flipped on.
Under the homey yellow bulbs, I suddenly had enough light to see how flushed Elliot Samuels really was. His lips were swollen and bright red. His damp hair stood on all ends, frizzed beyond repair. And a deep flush settled into his cheeks, making a home right where it should have always been.
I loved this man. And one way or another, I was going to make the two of us a reality.
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Happy New Year! It was so interesting to rewrite this moment. As I was writing it the first time, I tried to keep in mind what Rin was thinking to help motivate his actions so this is like giving you guys the behind the scenes.
Once again, thank you for reading any part of this story that you have and supporting my works!
Please vote, comment, share, follow, anything else you can do with this book and I will see you soon!
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