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By every standard imaginable, school today should be terrible. The dramatic yaoi plotline my life has adopted lately didn’t cancel out the fact that today was Wednesday. I still attended Emmett High School. I was still 16 years old. I still had first period history with Rin Hamada and James Dankworth.
Sure, I wasn’t excited to see my ex-boyfriend. Seconds after seeing him, I would either get proof of how badly I’ve messed up his life or proof that my presence in his life would mean nothing.
Sadly, that wasn’t what I was most scared of.
I was most scared of the love of my life pretending like everything was normal when we were anything but.
He’d given me the offer of a lifetime: the chance to discover his body in ways I could only imagine. But I couldn’t do the easier, selfish, more pleasurable thing and say yes. So if Rin walked through that door and dangled all of his amazingness in my face, reminding me that I’d given it all up, that would be torture. Amazing and maddening torture.
The minutes ticked by and my anxiety spiked when I remembered James’s parting threat. What would happen when they saw each other? Would James challenge Rin to a duel before the bell rang? Were they already wrestling down the hall?!
A couple of times, I got out of my favorite desk to peek out of the classroom door, checking if my new greatest fear had already come to life. It was 20 minutes after the start of class when I realized that neither of them were coming.
Not to class. And maybe, not to school. Of course, it was a relief to avoid a dramatic face off. Being the one people fought over is not as fun as TV makes it out to be.
But instead of zoning out or daydreaming, I spent most of class waiting to see Rin’s thick black hair and gentle smile.
I should have gotten over it as the day went on. Rin was clearly skipping and I was better off for it. Still, that didn’t change the way I missed him or changed the way I held out hope for him popping up in the middle of the day. There wasn’t anything he could say that would fix the wholly fucked up situation we put ourselves in, but at least he would be here.
Consequences be damned, I just wanted Rin to be here. Surprise surprise, my mental prayers went unanswered. I didn’t see Rin at math either and trudged my way to the cafeteria alone.
Lunch was the strangest looking mac and cheese I’d ever seen in my life. If Rin was there, we could have spent the next hour roasting the food by comparing it to our night terror demons. But he wasn’t, so I picked dejectedly at the noodles.
I had managed to swallow a bland forkful of pasta when Colby cleared his throat.
“Sooo . . . how are you doing?”
“I’m fine,” I muttered, trying to fix the downward tilt of my lips. When I looked up at my second and third best friends (ranked in no particular order) I noticed the intense way they watched me. Like an animal at the zoo. Or a bomb about to go off. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?” Colby’s voice cracked as he tried to get the words out and Tyler snickered. “Okay, you kind of just seem more . . . tired.”
I knew they were lying to me. Or maybe they were just holding something back. The amount of sleep I got the last few nights was accelerating the speed at which I, as a white man, aged. The stress was making me shrivel up like a raisin. Of course I looked tired.
Unlike my friendship with Rin, the relationship between Colby, Tyler, and I was never one for feelings. Changing the subject, lying about the problem, or saying anything but the truth was an acceptable response to a personal question.
But maybe I didn’t want to do that anymore.
I was tired of maintaining silly standards and rules. These two had already delt with my new sexuality and touchy boyfriend. They accepted the sudden PDA with uncharacteristic grace and a lack of teasing. So, why couldn’t I, for once, be a little vulnerable with them?
“I broke up with James.”
“Oh,” Colby blurted out.
“Oh,” Tyler added.
I had never seen them more shocked. Not even when I told them I was dating a man.
Then they looked at each other, lips completely sealed, and I wished I could understand everything being communicated through sight alone.
“Can we ask . . . why?” Tyler asked.
Everything about the situation was unusual. First, Tyler asking a question. He typically preferred to be the observer, watching interactions play out without interfering. But more importantly, he’d never been so gentle and considerate. Blunt had always been the perfect descriptor for him as someone who found the message more importantly than the delivery.
That guy was trying to be careful with me.
The attention was almost too much so I looked at my ugly mac instead while I chose my words.
“I just realized that we want different things,” I answered, wincing at the half truth. “It’s not fair to stick around when I know we’d eventually disappoint each other.”
And I’ve already disappointed him.
Colby pouted, his arms crossed over his chest as he turned over my words.
“That is . . . a perfectly mature and sensible reason to break up with somebody.”
“Did you want me to do it because his Fortnite skins weren’t cool enough?”
“Of course not. Fortnite is so 2020,” he rolled his eyes. In seconds, his expression grew anxious again. Colby glanced at Tyler, squinting like he was trying to communicate telepathically. “I-we just thought that since R-“
Tyler’s hand flew over Colby’s mouth with an echoey smack. All three of us stared at his dark hand in shock. Including Colby who looked kind of cross-eyed trying to manage that. I waited for Tyler to explain his dramatics but he seemed more focused on me.
“Do you know?” he asked, patiently and urgently at the same time.
“Know what?”
This conversation seemed to age my tall friend by 30 years. He sighed with the exhaustion of a fifty year old. I watched him blink up at the ceiling as if asking for guidance when the sources of his frustrations were sitting at the same table with him. I wish I wasn’t so out of the loop because then I could have laughed at all of this.
“Rin broke up with Stephanie.” That sucked any desire to laugh right out of my body. “He told us about it last night.”
I cycled through shock, excitement, and guilt so quickly it was hard to keep my head on straight. The easiest emotion to pinpoint was anger so I latched onto that, desperately trying to make sense of my world again.
“And he didn’t think to call me?”
The anger was fading quickly, leaving me more confused than anything. Did he break up with her for me? But if that’s why he did it, wouldn’t he have told me instead of disappearing?!
I was still staring at the two of them in shock when Tyler lowered his hand from Colby’s face.
“Well, he didn’t tell you because he’s in-“
Tyler’s hand flew up again, smacking the shorter boy’s face with unnecessary passion.
“You do know that’s not subtle right?” I asked Tyler, trying to stamp down my smile.
“It gets the job done,” he shrugged. “Plus, it’s not like you know what he was going to say anyway.”
I opened my mouth to argue or even to just finish Colby’s sentence. Except, Tyler was right. I had no fucking clue.
“I hate you,” I bit out, smiling and frowning and happy to still have them in my life. “Both of you. So much.”
—————
The winter season was usually the slowest for Mooove Over. Ice cream is a business entirely dependent on the weather. Everyone knew it. Even our archnemesis, Dairy Queen, felt the loss of customers at this time of year. But capitalism is notoriously stubborn and my bosses were no exception.
The first thing I was told when I started my Wednesday shift was how concerned everyone was when I didn’t show up (everyone being my grouchy manager and the freshman who threatened to quit every time I saw them). The second thing I was told was that Mooove Over was having a sale: 80% off any order when you buy more than three cones. So $60 worth of creamy goodness transformed into 12 bucks in the blink of an eye.
As a salary worker, the change of prices shouldn’t have bothered me. I was still getting paid bare minimum wage. And yet, for some reason, the sale made me nauseous.
Unsurprisingly, selling ice cream for next to nothing made us popular. Morgan worked register while Bailey and I did our best to scoop enough ice cream to accommodate the family-sized orders flying in.
The one and only compliment I would ever give Bailey is that he was good at multitasking. The ice cream parlor was chaotic and noisy and almost as busy as our summer rushes.Even so, Bailey maintained a consistent stream of noise.
Not once, not even for a second, did he stop talking about his boyfriend. My boyfriend does this. My boyfriend does that. Did you know my boyfriend can make AND pay for dinner???
It wasn’t jealousy that made me want to find said boyfriend and throw the man into the closest ditch. It was frustration. One fancy dinner at a restaurant vaguely popular with the Toronto Star and suddenly Bailey can’t shut up. Who even reads newspapers anymore?
Okay, maybe there was some jealousy mixed in there because I was painfully single and Bailey was getting dicked down by some college freak.
I just needed this shift to end and needed Bailey to get some type of filter. Or a friend. That might help him.
“Hey, the line is kind of dying down,” Morgan whispered excitedly. It was the most energy I’d seen out of her in hours all because the line no longer stretched outside of the shop door. And still, we could hardly call that thick mass of people a line when it zig-zagged through the shop. It was so thick, anyone who stayed inside to eat ran the risk of getting their ice cream bumped out of their hands.
Scratch that, the line got bigger again because someone just opened the door.
But instead of recognizing the commotion and getting back into their car, this person pushed forward. They said ‘excuse me’ and ‘pardon me’ so many times that even the all-Canadian crowd started to roll their eyes. By the time they came into sight, I hadn’t moved in almost a minute.
Because I knew who that was. I knew who it was when I heard his voice. I knew who it was when I saw the sleeve of his winter jacket pushing through the crowd. Just the sound of his shoes hitting the linoleum floors alerted my mind and body to his presence. I couldn’t move, standing in total fear and anticipation.
“What the fuck’s wrong with you?” Bailey asked when I stopped responding to his yapping.
The shorter man watched my unmoving hands with a frown before he looked up and saw Rin. Rin who was panting and slack jawed and staring at me probably the same way I was staring at him.
“Is it true?” Rin’s hair fell into his eyes. His nose was bright red from the cold. “Please tell me it’s true.”
“Is what true?”
“Did you break up with James?”
I swallowed. He noticed. He was staring at my throat and I was blushing and confused because how did he find out and how does he feel about it? What does he think? What does he want?
“I did.”
The customers receiving ice cream at half speed were already upset but I heard groans of frustration when Rin came up to the glass, pressing his hands against it like the toddlers did. But unlike those snotty two-year-olds, he could care less about ice cream. He was just trying to be near me.
I felt naked under Rin’s eyes, soaking me up with the entirety of his attention. He was desperately looking for answers and I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to find them.
“Am I horribly selfish to assume that it’s because of me?” He leaned even closer. His hands would leave marks. “Because the thought of our kiss meaning as much to you as it did to me makes me want to pass out.”
Hope, arguably the most dangerous emotion known to man, bubbled in my chest. I couldn’t stop myself from hoping that he might care for me enough to want more. More than he initially offered. I also couldn’t stop myself from smiling so I covered the silly-looking thing with the back of my hand.
“Pass out? I thought you’d be excited,” I joked with a small grin.
“Elliot.” His breathing picked up. My heartbeat rose to match. “I’m trying to ask if you’re in love with me too.”
I’m glad half a dozen people in the room gasped because I was too shocked to react. I just stared at the boy I loved, flabbergasted and dumbfounded because everything he was saying sounded like a dream but I wasn’t asleep. I was wide awake to it all.
“I love you,” Rin said, a smile started to grow on his face. “I love you and I’ve known you way too long to tell you when it started because it feels like the love’s always been there.”
“It could have been when I was thirteen so I was too dumb to figure it out until now. Or maybe it was after you tried to break me and my girlfriend up because that made me hope that you were jealous not as a friend but as something else.”
My cheeks burned a bright hot red and I knew Bailey would ask me about that later but Rin bulldozed ahead, leaving me no time to explain.
“Or maybe it was after we kissed and I felt more at peace than I’ve ever been in my entire life.” He glanced down at my lips as if remembering the sensation. “It felt like every puzzle piece that makes up my soul fell into place and made a big ass arrow that points straight to you.”
I wanted to rip off my gloves and reach over the protective glass to grab Rin’s hands. I wanted to make an even bigger spectacle than we already were by sliding over the counter just so I could kiss him sooner. Yet, I hesitated.
Rin’s gorgeous, beautiful, larger than life smile began to dim.
“You don’t believe me.”
“It’s-I want to believe you but . . .” Rin looked heartbroken all over again and some guy was talking to his friend about me being ungrateful. It was hard to put together the words. “You and Steph looked so in love. She’s incredible and I’m . . . I mean, what do you get out of loving me?”
A silence had fallen over the store. I only noticed it when Rin’s voice didn’t fill it with passion alone. I must have been crazy, ruining his perfectly perfect confession with my insecurities. But as he said all of this, the biggest thing that came to mind was that it can’t be true. There’s no way all of this agony was actually leading to something good.
Rin looked at me silently. His eyes went from the top of my cow print hat to the bottom of my matching apron. Then, he pushed off the glass.
“Fine.”
I couldn’t do anything when Rin turned around and walked right out the door.
In a red-faced blur, I poured myself back into work. I didn’t want to focus on the hot feeling of embarrassment that settled over me like a weighted blanket. I didn’t want to see the looks of judgement or pity from the older woman next in line so I just listened when she recited her order for three boring vanilla scoops. I only looked up a moment later when I heard the distant sound of yelling.
That’s when I saw Rin. He’d climbed over the fence locking people out of our outdoor seating. He stood on top of the center table, arms spread wide.
All heads turned to the screaming, smiling man and as the room quieted for the second time, I could finally make out his words.
“I love Elliot Samuels!”
The Hispanic woman who’d been patiently waiting for the vanilla cup turned back around and eyed my cow-shaped name tag. I barely managed to push the ice cream into her hand before I jumped over the counter and sprinted outside.
” . . . so fucking in love with him! I’ll love him today and tomorrow-“
“Rin!” I hissed, looking behind us to see that the entirety of the store was still staring. “What are you doing?!”
“I love Elly! This man is the best fucking thing that’s ever happened to me!”
“Rin, get down!”
“Not until you believe me.”
Rin used two not-so-graceful hops to stand on a table pushed against the fence where I stood. When he kneeled down, we were eye to eye. The fog from his breath swirled around my eyes but between each breath, I saw that peace he’d been talking about. It made his brown eyes soft and melty.
I’d always thought Rin Hamada was a confident man. He was so well-loved and so good-looking. How could he not think the sun shone out of his ass?
But the newfound confidence in his eyes was nothing like I’d seen before.
He reached out a hand, prompting me to slip one into his reddening, nearly frostbitten fingers.
“You don’t have to love me back, El,” he whispered. He covered my hand in his. He tried to keep me warm. “You just have to believe me when I tell you that I’m completely, utterly, hopelessly in love with you.”
“You’re fucking stupid, you know that?” I reached for Rin’s collar and held it in a vice grip. “How could I not love you back?”
That kiss was hot and long and really uncomfortable.
When Rin almost lost his balance the third time, he pulled back so he could jump the fence again. This time, he foot hit the very top of metal and he came tumbling down. Luckily, I had just enough athletic ability to catch Rin before he cracked his skull open on the pavement.
Less than a second after he regained his balance, Rin kissed me again. And that was the kiss I was waiting for. My winter jacket was locked away in my employee locker so I curled into Rin for warmth. Every request for heat was answered. Every attempt to be closer was accepted. Every time I said I love you, he repeated it back.
Secretly, I’d always wanted my high school crush to confess to me on a football field in front of my friends, family, and the entire student body. In real life, having Rin profess his love in front of 2 coworkers I hated and a bunch of strangers nearly gave me a rash. But I also loved it and I loved him so I think his ice cream shop remix was way better.
Unlike the last time we kissed, we didn’t stop because of guilt or shame or grossly miscommunicated feelings. We stopped because I was still on the clock and as the only one in this between the two of us with a job, it was pretty important that I keep it.
Rin muttering that much into my mouth wasn’t the most romantic reminder but I appreciate how much he cared about my life. Even if that meant I couldn’t quit work to kiss my new boyfriend.
The weather was still painfully cold but we dragged our feet to head back inside. Shivering and grinning from ear to ear, we slowly came around the building and headed for the front door.
“I’m not stupid, by the way,” Rin added, shuffling us forward while he held me from behind. “For asking. It’s kind of important to ask if someone loves you back.”
“Rin, you know I fell in love with you first.”
He scoffed loudly from beside my ear, making his disagreement noisily clear.
“That’s debatable,” he replied. “The only reason I started dating was to stop being so obsessed with you.”
“Shit. That should not make me this happy.”
———————————
And there you have it! The Break Up Plan! (Minus the Epilogue and Bonus Chapters) Yap session in 3, 2, 1:
Thank you all so much for coming on this crazy ride with Rin and Elly. Special thanks to those who read the original story and for some reason decided to do it all over again with a completely different plot and premise!
Apart from the first ever book which is just under 30,000 words, this is the fastest I have ever completed a novel! I started in May and will be done this month so yes, I’m feeling very proud and accomplished!
Of course, there are 3 more parts to go. The Epilogue might be pretty short but I currently plan to write some Bonus Chapters that are set earlier in the story from Rin’s POV! (cue the crowd oooh-ing)
Feel free to check out my socials or some of my other works!
Please vote, comment, share, follow, anything else you can do with this story and I will see you next week!
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