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I’d danced around Rin all night but it felt so good to finally dance with him. We fell into an easy pattern, one of us starting a move and the other copying until we could come up with something new. It wasn’t awkward to try something silly or unflattering because I knew he’d follow and do the strange dance move with me.
If I’d stopped long enough to take a break, I might have noticed the thin layer of sweat gathering on my chest since it matched Rin’s. But we were having too much fun. Quickly, I forgot about the fact that we came here with other people and was way more focused on proving that I was the superior dancer.
My own heartbeat was starting to sound louder than the music. I hadn’t looked away from Rin in minutes. He was holding my hands again and tugged until I had to drop my arms over his shoulders. We kept up a simple two step but little of my focus could go to dancing when he stood this close. I couldn’t help but imagine that his attention meant everything I wished it did. That his eyes were saying the same things my eyes told him.
I couldn’t count all the places we touched while his gaze held mine. It was becoming too much.
I spun around, breathing heavily to collect myself. I could feel that Rin was still behind me, his body quickly warming me up. This could have been the best chance to create some distance but foolishly, I stepped back to get closer, holding onto the side of his leg.
The same way that Stephanie did.
Remembering his girlfriend gave me a little clarity but it didn’t sober me up completely. When I danced, my movements became exaggerated. Frustration bubbled up out of nowhere and soon, my moves turned sexual.
“I bet this is how Stephanie grinds on you.” I could feel that my impersonation lacked her sex appeal which only made me try harder. “You must love it when she rubs against you. Sorry my butt is so flat.”
Even under the deafening music, I heard when Rin smacked my ass. Suddenly, I didn’t feel so flat.
“Oh yeah?” his taunts were said right into my ear, the skin of his lips brushing against me. “Then is this how James holds you?”
Rin grabbed my waist and pulled me in, pressing the entirety of his body firmly against me. My breath stuttered out of my lungs when he dropped his jaw comfortably into the space where my neck met my shoulder. I could hardly call what we were doing dancing at this point. But if our feet stopped moving, there would be no excuse to stand this close.
I was hyper aware of his hands settling comfortably around my hips. His fingertips were warm as they fiddled with the rim of my belt, raising every nerve in my body to a fever pitch. Yet I stayed glued to him, squirming under the attention but never wanting to leave.
The music changed to something more sensual. Rin’s hold softened, urging me to slow down.
I could feel Rin panting into my ear, his breath on my hair and neck. I felt Rin inhale before saying his next words.
“Does he talk to you like this?”
Everything in me wanted to scream no! You and James are nothing alike because James doesn’t act this suave. He doesn’t dance with me like this. He doesn’t make me feel like this. Being near him feels nothing like being near you.
“Does he do this?”
Then he started kissing my neck. I audibly gasped, my eyes snapping closed as I leaned back to give him more room. His fingers were digging into me, holding me still as he moved across my skin.
“Rin . . .”
His hands started to roam, dragging up my chest then down my stomach. It wasn’t long before I had to bite down on my lip just to keep the sounds from spilling out.
And then, I felt his tongue.
“Rin!”
The sudden wash of cool air that hit my body the second I wasn’t touching Rin only made me realize how hot I’d been. My skin had a heartbeat and my face was on fire but standing in front of him, I knew I’d fucked up. The lights and the music and the heat suddenly faded and it was way too clear what we’d done.
Rin and I both knew it. He looked terrified. And really sexy with his hair all tousled and skin so sweaty. I recognized fear on Rin’s face when he looked into my eyes but that other emotion that showed up as his gaze trailed down was unfamiliar.
Both of us screamed when a hand shot through the void, latching onto Rin’s arm.
“I knew I recognized that shirt,” Stephanie materialized, upturned eyes flashing with warmth toward her boyfriend. “Come on, the rest of us are over there.”
I followed behind the couple, my eyes fixated on where their hands were interlocked. They looked perfect. Perfectly in love. Perfectly content. But I hadn’t imagined him sucking on my neck. Either they weren’t so perfect, or I had helped to ruin something great.
My pants throbbed and my heart was heavy. I couldn’t figure out why so much guilt kept following so much pleasure.
Judging by how excited the group was when we returned, Rin and I had been gone for a while. More so than being welcomed, the three of us were absorbed back into the mix, surrounded on all sides. It wasn’t long before I found James, notably more drunk and relaxed than I remembered. Laughing, James barreled into me. As a natural consequence, his arms encircled me.
I wanted to be in the moment but I could feel all the places Rin had touched. His marks burned like fresh tattoos, stinging sharply when James touched them.
James practically hung off me for a while there, treating me like a wall to lean on. So when he decided to stand up straight, he used me to do it. My shoulder became his handhold. Meaning: he was pulling himself up using the place Rin’s spit had been.
I couldn’t help but look for Rin. I found his eyes easily in the dark club and realized that he’d already been looking at me. Had he been watching us? Did he see how I shied from James’s touch? Did he guess how badly I wanted him to replace James’s hands with his own? I didn’t have the answer to those questions, just the fact that it was minutes before either of us looked away.
—————
Rin avoiding me might have hurt if I wasn’t avoiding him too. I took the only empty chair in history class so I could be somewhere not next to him. Plugging my laptop into the wall made for a good excuse when you couldn’t see that it was fully charged.
James sent me cute texts. Rin talked to everyone else. And I could delay addressing the fact that I crossed the line with someone I never should have been able to cross it with.
School felt busier than usual. I never noticed how much work I could do until I looked for it. Like studying for tests 3 weeks in advance or adding extra details to a completed essay. I did anything if it kept my brain busy. And any moment where my brain wasn’t was a second for me to dwell on the best few minutes of my life. All of which were spent with Rin’s hands on my body and his mouth on my neck.
I floated down the halls, looking and feeling more like a shell than a sentient human being. Yearning and guilt were at war within me and threatened to split me in half.
It was one thing to think you’re in love. To collect the sum total of your emotions and equate that to the iconic feeling of love. It was another thing to have that love in your face, on your skin, fulfilling everything you ever wanted and could never ask for.
What my brain couldn’t understand is how James fit into that picture.
It didn’t take long for him to notice my soulless movement throughout the day. James was nothing but supportive. His easy positivity and simple jokes reminded me of why I started dating him in the first place.
It was James who suggested eating with his friends, saving me the trouble of explaining why I didn’t want to be around mine. He got my lunch for me and even though he chose the wrong milk, he seemed apologetic when I winced while drinking it.
I wasn’t sure what to do with the love that shocked me to attention every time Rin’s name was said. Every time I saw his glossy black hair in the crowd. Every time I felt his eyes burning into my back.
But selfishly, I didn’t want to lose James. Which meant that moment in the club could never happen again.
Sitting in my last class of the day, barely hanging onto my teacher’s words as they entered my ears, I tried to remember the previous night. Remember how Rin looked at me like I was the first and last thing he would ever need. I sucked in every last ounce of that moment, hoping that this way, it would be easier to let that incredible night go.
—————
My shift at Mooove Over dragged on way too long. The company playlist aligned far too closely with tiktok’s trending page threatening to ruin my daily scrolls with the repetitive melodies. And without Bailey there to annoy me, there was no one for me to love to hate. Meaning, I got no enjoyment out of my shift: just the general ache of standing for hours.
I think my low emotional state manifested in my health because I was so sore, I almost called my parents to talk them into moving us into a house without stairs. Just looking at the steps leading up to my bedroom made my poor thighs quiver. The only thing I could do to delay the inevitable was answer the door that just rang.
Maybe the delivery man would be willing to help an old (not) lady (not that either) up the stairs.
I tugged my front door open haphazardly, having no patience to do it gently. But turns out, I wouldn’t need the help anyway. All signs of fatigue left my legs when my nerves shot to attention. Just seeing him leaning against my doorway shocked me awake, my body humming with the memory of all that it had experienced under his hands.
“Hey El,” Rin smiled softly. “Can I come in?”
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Wow, that was a lot!
I know a lot of my readers are a moral bunch and honestly, I usually am too! If the trend in Elly and Rin’s behavior is making you a little uncomfy, I would recommend checking out my other stuff (minus Running From Him of course)
What do you think Rin’s coming over to do? Or Say? When you make a prediction this week, no one can say you were lying about being right!
Anywhore, thank you so much for keeping up with the book!
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Vote, comment, share, follow, anything else you can do to support this book and I will see you next week! Bye!!!
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