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Chapter 19
~Grady’s POV~
He was magnificent even in his wolf form. I watched him as he ran, the wind blowing through his fur, the way his muscles contracted and expanded in his strong powerful legs. He looked deadly with his narrowed eyes and ears standing on end but I could tell he was enjoying himself; I could feel his happiness from where I sat on the crest of the hill and it was beautiful.
I thought of how wonderful it must feel to be a wolf, to completely change your entire being into such a beast, to feel so powerful, to feel as though you were one with the trees and the earth, just the thrill of it all had to be worth it.
I used to pride myself in being able to match up to anyone, to do whatever they could do and do it better but this was one thing that I’d never be able to master, even if I actually tried and it was a bit disappointing.
He stopped suddenly and tilted his head to the side as if listening to something only he could hear and as I watched the sun shine down on his form I wished I had my sketch pad, a strip of paper; anything that would help me capture the beauty before me because I knew there was no way I’d remember this scene well enough to put it on paper later.
I wouldn’t be able to capture the exact way the sun seemed to glisten off his powerful frame or just the right angle the trees around him were bent as if to meet him on the ground below.
Letting out a sigh of frustration I leaned back against the mahogany tree and ripped my eyes away to look around me. He’d never brought me out here before. This was his pack’s domain; a place no human had ever trod yet here I was making myself comfortable in their comfort zone.
I turned my attention back to him and straightened when I saw him trotting over to me. When he was close enough he bent his legs and stretched out (as best a wolf could) and dropped his furry head into my lap.
My hand automatically rose and I ran my fingers through his fur which was coarse and tangled. His eyes fell closed as I continued to pat and rub, but unlike a dog he didn’t wag his tail or make satisfied whimpers. He just lay there looking relaxed with his eyes closed and his body still.
“It must be cool being a wolf.” I commented but he only cracked open an eye to look at me then closed it again when I didn’t say more.
“Jeez Thomas you’re quiet enough when you’re human don’t you think you should at least try to make up for it in your wolf form? Howl or something man.” I said again, shifting my legs in an attempt to dispel his obvious feeling of tranquility.
He let out a soft growl and I chuckled. “That was weak man.”
I was actually surprised at how much I liked it here. I wasn’t really into the whole ‘picnic scene’ I was more of a ‘get up and do something’ kind of guy but this was oddly relaxing, I wasn’t dying to be anywhere but here, I wasn’t fidgeting and wishing I could go play a video game or something and I guessed it all had to do with the person I was here with.
Ever since I’d started experiencing these feelings I found myself actually treasuring every moment I had with him and wishing for more and despite the predicament we found ourselves in I guess I should thank my lucky stars that the fates had been kind enough to bond me to him. He made me happy, what more could I ask for right?
But that question alone brought on thoughts I’d rather not deal with at the moment; thoughts like how it would be if we were to come out to everybody at school, how it would feel to walk down the halls hand in hand like so many other couples.
Thoughts like how it would be not to have to steal kisses behind closed doors but to just lay one on him for the world to see he was mine and I was his. Instead though, we had to deal with flirting teenage girls, homophobic friends and secrecy; secrecy that I was just about tired of.
Too bad I didn’t have the courage to spill it though. It seriously terrified me; the thought of telling our friends, to have people who looked at us with such admiration look at us in disgust. I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t and that scared me because I didn’t want to live this way for the rest of my life.
I’m scared.
I didn’t even realize I’d said the words out loud until I saw Thomas shift to human and sit up to look me deep in the eyes.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, his hand moving to cup my cheek and I shook my head and forced out a chuckle.
“Nothing just talking shit as usual.” I told him but I could tell he saw through my façade.
His eyes narrowed and his brow furrowed in concern. “What is it Grady? You can talk to me.” He spoke again, his voice was gentle yet impatient and I had to smile at that.
Typical Thomas always had to be in the loop. So rather than lie (something I’d told myself I’d never do to him again) I decided to just tell him what was on my mind.
“I wish we could tell everybody we we’re together, I’m sick of hiding it.” I told him and watched as comprehension dawned and he broke out in a grin.
“Then let’s tell them I don’t mind I’ve wanted to ever since we got together.” he said and I could tell he was really excited by the prospect.
“You make it sound so easy, just go tell them; just like that, you’re crazy.” I replied and rested my head back against the rough trunk of the tree.
“That’s because it is easy Grady, do you know how great it would feel to finally get to be ourselves, not have to worry about touching in public or watch what we say?” he asked me.
“So you’d be willing to risk it all then? Just like that?” I questioned though I already knew his answer.
“Risk what? Lose a few friends? Because that would mean that they weren’t really our friends in the first place.” He said, then went on “Or are you talking about bigger risks? Like getting hurt? because you know that nobody would dare mess with you while I’m around right?” Thomas said earnestly.
“Gimmie a break Thomas I can fight my own damn battles and that’s not what I meant anyway. I mean come on, we’d probably be completely ostracized, people would always be watching; judging, looking down their noses at us. Look at Carson and Laken, they barely even have friends anymore-” I broke off.
“They have us…and we’ll have them. It wouldn’t matter to me if people knew, like I said I’ve just been waiting for you, so whenever you’re ready we’ll come out. I can wait.” Thomas said with a warm smile and when he moved his hand to my cheek again I batted it away.
He was getting way too mushy on me, this had to stop, but he didn’t, instead he leaned in and captured my mouth with his and it wasn’t until I found myself really enjoying his lips on mine and going as far as to moan from the pleasure of it all that I finally remembered my earlier resolve.
I wrenched my lips from his, panting. This hadn’t been easy and it certainly wasn’t getting easier. The last time we’d kissed was exactly two weeks ago which also meant that the last time we’d been intimate was around the same time.
I’d already explained to Thomas why I was doing this but it was obvious he didn’t really get it; either that or didn’t take me seriously. Every time we were together he tried to weaken my resolve by saying certain things or touching me a certain way but I hadn’t actually broken down and given him what he wanted until now.
I watched as he groaned in frustration and shook his head then turned to glare at me. Yeah this no sex thing was getting to me too but I had to be strong. It wasn’t just that I wanted him to beg me for it like I’d been doing practically the entire relationship.
No it also had to do with the fact that he always felt the need to be in control and I wanted to change that. I wanted him to loosen up some, allow me to shoulder the responsibility sometimes.
He needed to feel as though he wasn’t the only one trying to make this work and I figured the best place to start was though sex. If I could get him to let me take the lead sometimes then I felt like that would go a long way in helping him over his controlling nature. Plus while I enjoyed his take control attitude in bed it certainly didn’t mean I never wanted to lead too.
So kissing and sex from now on would be on my terms…at least for awhile. I’d be the instigator and until he gave in and let me take control we’d both remain sexually frustrated.
“Why are you doing this?” he asked, still glaring at me and I had to admit I kind of missed his earlier ‘mushy’ self
“You know why.” I answered.
“That’s bullshit, you’re just trying to punish me aren’t you?” he gritted out and I raised an eyebrow and gave him a look that said he was a certified idiot.
“What’s there to punish you for?”
“You tell me.” he replied, throwing his hands in the air in frustration.
“You’re always trying to be in control and I’m trying to change that.” I told him for about the thousandth time since I’d made the decision to do this.
“I’m not always in control and in any case I told you you can take charge if you want, I’m allowing you to do whatever you want…well somethings anyway, withholding sex is ridiculous.” He explained this to me as if I was a thickheaded child and my eyes narrowed.
“You see the word you used? ‘allowing’…you’re taking control without even realizing it.” I said with a shake of my head.
“And so what if I am? You never seemed to have a problem with it before, you even told Jessie you were fine with it.”
“Yeah well, that was then…I’m not some damn brainless blond, I don’t need you or anybody to control me-”
“I’ve never tried to control you!” he blazed and I flinched under his retort.
“Fine you love to be in control…of every situation” I sighed “Whatever, it doesn’t matter I’m not gonna change my mind anyway so get over it.” I told him then pushed up from the ground.
“Come on we’re supposed to meet Carson soon.” I told him then turned to the direction of the trail and walked on without checking to see if he was following.
…………………….
The five of us stood in front of the place I’d thought I’d never have to lay eyes on again. My heart was pounding in my chest with such force I was convinced it was trying to escape and my hands were practically dripping sweat.
If I’d known coming back here would trigger this reaction from me I would’ve opted out but I was here now and they were all counting on me to keep cool.
I bit the inside of my cheek and tried to focus on what Carson was saying.
“Are you sure this is the place Grady?” Carson asked again looking a bit skeptical.
“I’ve been delivering drugs to and from this place for almost three years, don’t you think I’d know if it was the place?” I snapped.
What I failed to mention was that delivering drugs was the least of what I experienced in this hell hole. I’d been through more beatings and insults than I could count in this place, seen so many things I’d wished I could unsee and heard some things that would have made a lesser man shit himself.
I knew this place alright, I knew it like I knew my own skin and it wasn’t a place I’d wanted to return to…ever. Yet here I was standing in the deserted room with a bunch of wolves who couldn’t even begin to imagine what I was going through.
When Thomas placed his hand on my shoulder I shrugged it off and turned to face them. “They probably thought you were on to them and ran. It looks like it’s been abandoned for days now.” I announced.
I looked around the room hardly believing the change. I remembered the place it was before; so full of life: if you could call it that. Gone were the bags of white substance, the mountains out paper, the smell of alcohol and cigarette smoke. Now it was just dark and derelict. There was nothing to find here.
“I just don’t understand what would have made them leave though, they couldn’t have caught on to us, we’ve been careful and the incident with you wouldn’t have triggered this, for all they know The Beta ate you too… unless..” one of the big guys said. Lance they called him; he and the other guy were top ranking pack guards. Thomas had explained it to me earlier.
“Unless what?” his partner asked.
“Do they know where you go to school? Where you live?” Lance directed the question at me.
“Of course they know where I go to school Sherlock, they’re criminals in a high stakes business, they make it their business to know everything about me…seriously Carson where’d you get this guy?” I asked their Alpha in annoyance.
“Grady.” Thomas warned and I held up my hands in surrender.
“They probably think I live with Thomas though. I made sure to go straight to camp after every drop because I knew they wouldn’t be able to get pass your guards and I wanted to protect my mom.” I told them, feeling a bit guilty at probably putting them in danger.
“That’s fine, this is just a minor setback, we have some of the best trackers, we’ll find them.” Carson told me and I gritted my teeth.
“Why can’t you just let them go, just forget about them, I’m finally free.” I pleaded and Carson’s eyes glinted.
“Don’t be selfish Grady. This isn’t just about you, those guys could do this again; forcing helpless children to sell drugs, to destroy their lives or much worse. I won’t turn a blind eye even if you’re too much of a coward to do just that.” Carson spat.
I don’t know if it was his words or the tone that went along with it that cause me to do it but all I know is that when I felt the pulsing anger erupt through me all I could do was lounge at him and I knew that if it wasn’t for Thomas grabbing me around the waist to hold me back, the two other wolves by Carson’s side would have ripped me apart.
I struggled with Thomas to get to Carson who was staring at me with such a calm expression that I just wanted to hit him.
“Grady calm down, you’re gonna get us both killed.” Thomas whispered into my ear as he held me close to him and after a moment of struggling I ceased and went limp in Thomas’s arms.
The guards who had shifted into wolves to protect their Alpha held their ground but continued to growl in my direction. No one had ever called me a coward and gotten away with it before. For me that was one of the nastiest insults you could throw a person and I didn’t like the taste it left in my mouth.
“I’ll get him out of here. I apologize Alpha.” Thomas was saying and I didn’t look up to see Carson’s expression. I just allowed Thomas to drag me out of the room and into his car.
We didn’t speak as he drove down the empty dirt track, nor did we glance at each other when we hit the highway and we certainly didn’t exchange words when he pulled into his drive way an hour later.
I jumped out of the vehicle and slammed the door. I was still fuming from what had happened and whatever I managed to get my hands on would feel the brunt of my anger.
When I’d made it through the front door my plan was to go upstairs, lock myself in my room and blast the music until my eardrums bled but Thomas had other plans.
He grabbed my arm and spun me around so fast I didn’t have time to blink then in no time at all he had me pressed up against the wall, his lips on mine and his hands doing sinful things to me.
My head was just reeling from his actions and all I could do was stand and let it happen. He practically devoured my mouth after which he was trailing hot kissing down my neck then before I even had the chance to properly catch my breath his lips were on mine again.
I felt the familiar heat rise up between my legs and I moaned against his lips. Then before I could return his kiss the way he deserved he ripped them from mine and his wondering hands went around me, pulling me into a tight embrace.
“Jesus Grady don’t ever scare me like that again.” Thomas whispered brokenly and I stiffened in his arms.
“Do you have any idea what he would have done to you if you’d touched him?”Thomas went on, his voice anguished and it was then that I began to understand his actions.
He had been afraid for my life. I dropped my head onto his shoulder cursing under my breath; of course I’d gone and done something irresponsible and now like always I’d made him worry. Shit.
“I’m sorry.” I told him and felt his arms tighten further.
We stood like that for what felt like hours and when he finally let me go he didn’t even look at me, instead he turned and made his way up the stairs. Not a minute later I heard his room door shut and I was left standing alone in the hallway feeling like a world class asshole.
………………………..
Two days later I lay lounging on the concrete floor at the edge of the basketball court at the community centre in town. All around were guys and girls from school, some were talking and laughing, others drinking and some like me just lounging around.
I looked toward the court where about five players were left, there had been more playing earlier but like me after failing to get the ball through the hoop had been disqualified. The objective of the game was simple; get the ball through the hoop, failure to do so resulted in disqualification and I’d been disqualified since the second round.
It wasn’t surprising to anyone that Thomas was still playing, he was after all the sports god at school, the perfect athlete. As I watched him I tried to be as inconspicuous as possible but I was sure I was failing miserably at it and I could only hope the others hadn’t noticed my staring.
This no intimacy thing wasn’t going as well as I thought it would, Thomas had finally gotten pissed off to the point where he told me (his exact words) “We’ll see who’ll crack first.”
So for whatever reason he’d made this into a competition I guess you could call it. Who would be the first to break down and beg. This wasn’t my plan and I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised he’d actually twisted the situation to please himself.
I thought by doing this I was finally the one in control; withholding sex was how I’d thought the ball was in my court and he’d have to follow my rules to get it and now he’d gone and changed it. Damn him.
I could tell it wasn’t going well for him though, especially since I made it my duty to taunt him every chance I got, whether it be walking around shirtless or ‘accidentally’ brushing against him.
He was cracking but he was no quitter so I knew I’d have a hard time with this especially since every time I saw him I just wanted to jump his bones too. I hadn’t slept over last week so that had been easy for me to deal with however this week I was staying at his place and it was just about driving me crazy. Damn him.
“So whad’ya say Grady you coming to Trish’s party tomorrow night?” the guy lounging beside me asked. I didn’t know his name.
“Yeah.” I answered and turned my attention back to the game but the guy didn’t end it there.
“Awesome, it wouldn’t be a party without a party animal like you there.” The guy said with a chuckle and I nodded absently. Couldn’t he just leave me alone so I could watch my man?
My man? Jesus I was turning into one of those people.
“So I always see you hanging out with Carson and that Laken kid at school.” The guy continued and I tried to suppress a sigh.
“Yup.”
“You know that they’re a couple right?” he asked and I finally looked at him, one eyebrow raised.
“What’s your point?” I questioned.
“Well they’re gay.” He said simply, his eyes focused on mine.
“You have a problem with that?” I asked him, my eyes narrowed. If he made just one discriminatory remark I’d punch his face in.
The guy swallowed, his eyes going wide “Of-of course not I mean, it’s cool…if you know…you’re into that kinda thing.” The stuttered and I shook my head and turned away from him.
“Is there a point to this conversation?” I asked in a bored tone.
“Just wanted to say I think it’s cool that you still stand by them when more than half the school pretty much avoids them.” the guy said and I could feel his eyes on me.
I looked back at him to judge his sincerity and I half smiled when I realized he really meant it.
“What’s your name kid?” I asked him when he continued staring.
“It’s Jake…and I’m not a kid I’m in your class, most of your classes actually.” He said.
“Really? Never noticed.” I answered in contemplation.
Jake chuckled, “Yeah I know.” And I grinned.
“Well nice to meet you dude.” I told him then turned my attention back to the court, only three guys were left now.
“Yeah you too.” He said and I could hear the smile in his voice.
Strange kid.
……………………………….
~Thomas’s POV~
Jake was flirting with my mate.
They’d been talking for about ten minutes already and more than once I felt the urge to fling the ball in their direction and break up their little ‘getting to know each other’ party but that would be childish and I was anything but…obviously.
I caught the ball and made the shot again then my attention automatically went back to the two guys lounging at the edge of the court. Grady, sexy, shirtless and sweating and Jake eager, entertained and eating it all up.
I suppose if you weren’t gay or hadn’t been gay for very long it wouldn’t be very easy to pick up that someone was gay. Especially if they made it their duty to act straight, but I could pick it up from a mile away and I’d figured out Jake was gay years ago, that and he’d been eyeing my mate for a while now but I hadn’t felt threatened because I didn’t think the guy would have the balls to approach one of the most popular guys in school…I was wrong.
“Hey Thomas, head in the game dude.” Jeremy shouted over to me and I looked over in time to catch the ball. There were only two of us left now.
I easily took the next shot and watched as Jeremy dunked. Now that it was just the two of us we had an audience and more and more people continued to gather along the court side; Cheering and chanting but Grady still sat on the side with Jake, more focused on that conversation than on the game and I shook my head.
I knew he wouldn’t do anything, I trusted him but that did absolutely nothing to curb my jealously.
“Come on Thomas! You got this!” one zealous spectator shouted and I turned my attention back to Jeremy. He scored again and when it was my turn I did the same.
This guy was good.
The crowd went crazy when Jeremy missed the shot five minutes later and I tore my eyes off Grady who was now watching me and grabbed the ball as it came rolling to my feet. I looked over my shoulder to make sure he was still watching and satisfied that he was I ran up to the basket and jumped, dunking the ball with ease; I was surrounded in no time and didn’t get the chance to see Grady’s expression.
……………………………………..
~Grady’s POV~ ‘Later that night.’
“Don’t you find this just a little bit ridiculous?” Thomas asked later that day when I entered the living room, a bowl of popcorn in hand.
“What? Too much popcorn?” I asked, looking down at the hefty bowl. Most of it would probably go to waste, he was right.
“No dumbass, this thing you’ve got going, no sex.” Thomas explained with a shake of his head.
I sat down on the couch and stuffed a few of the buttery treats into my mouth before I responded.
“It’s for your own good.” I told him firmly, then grabbed the remote and flicked on the TV only to have him grab it from me and flick it off again.
I looked over at him in exasperation.
“You want me to beg you for sex, that’s crazy, childish and just plain stupid.” He told me with a glare.
“I’m not trying to make you beg, just give me what I want and we’re good.”
“And I told you I’m fine with whatever, I’m allowing you to take control, do whatever you want, almost anything anyway.” he said again, but they way he said it made me feel as though he was picturing reaching over and strangling me…as if I was the one who wasn’t getting it.
I sighed. “My way or not at all.”
“Grady, I can honestly say that you are hands down the biggest pain in the ass I’ve ever known.” He told me and I chuckled.
“Thomas, I can honestly say that you are hands down the biggest control freak I’ve ever laid eyes on.”
“I’m telling Jessie about this.” He said not a minute later and I just had to laugh.
“About what? That I called you a control freak?”
“No about this withholding sex thing, maybe if she knows you’ll think twice about this crap.” He said seriously.
I shook my head. Yeah right, Thomas didn’t like his business all over the place, he wouldn’t tell a soul.
……………………….
~Grady’s POV~
He told her. He actually told her, I couldn’t believe it.
………………………..
~Jessie’s POV~
“So what you’re saying is the last time you two had sex was two weeks ago?” I asked.
I was mildly surprised but tried not to show it. I suppose this was the reason for all the tension this evening…they were both sexually frustrated.
“He’s punishing me.” Thomas said, shooting Grady a glare and folding is arms in front of him, causing his biceps to bulge.
“That’s such a lie! just because I’m not having sex with you doesn’t mean I’m trying to punish you!” Grady retorted and I watched Thomas only shook his head at his mate’s words.
He clearly wasn’t convinced.
“Well Grady if you aren’t punishing him like he claims then help me understand why it is that you’re not having sex with your partner.” I urged kindly then watched as Grady’s face turned red from what I could only guess was embarrassment.
“This is stupid. I won’t answer that, this is between me and Thomas.” Grady answered, his eyes flashing as he glared at his mate.
I’d never seen him this way before, usually he was so open. This was clearly a touchy issue for him.
“You tell her everything else anyway, what’s one more private matter?” Thomas asked him, the sarcasm dripping from his voice.
I looked from one to the other, while they had never been in agreement on everything in these sessions I’d never seen them at each other’s throats before, not when Grady had told me about the drugs and certainly not when Thomas had let it slip that he didn’t think Grady could handle responsibility.
I thought we’d finally gotten all that out of the way, that I’d cleared up all the issues and I was about to announce to them that this would be their last session with me when Thomas had mentioned their lack of intimacy.
“Grady please sit down.” I told him.
He’d gotten up when I Thomas told me and I had the feeling he was thinking of walking out of the room.
“I thought you said we’d keep our private lives to ourselves.” Grady said to his mate and Thomas simply shrugged.
“Grady, please.” I said again and watched as he reluctantly took a seat.
“Okay, let’s try this again. Thomas, why did you say Grady is trying to punish you?” I asked
“Why else would he be doing this?” Thomas asked.
“I already told you why, you’re always in control I just want you to loosen up. I want to be in control sometimes too.” Grady spoke; not to me but to Thomas.
“It’s not like I force you to do anything, you can do whatever you want.” Thomas said dismissively, which only seemed to anger Grady more.
“And you think withholding sex is the best way to do this Grady?” I asked quickly. Hoping to prevent further argument between the two.
“Yes. If I can get him to let me take the lead during…during sex then I think that’ll help.” Grady said softly and Thomas only shook his head.
“You’re not okay with him taking the lead Thomas?”
“I already told him he can I just don’t do…certain things.” Thomas said hesitantly, then looked down on his hands which were clasped tightly in front of him.
“Certain things?” I asked but Thomas remained silent.
“Fine, you know what, let’s just get this out there then, here’s the real problem-”Grady began.
“Grady shut up.” Thomas said but Grady was having none of it.
“I told him I want to top for once, but he doesn’t want to do it and I think it’s unfair that he always has to be the one to lead and I honestly want to help him loosen up. It’s gotta be tough thinking you always have to take control he needs to relax, so until he changes his mind, no sex.” Grady spoke and his cheeks went red again.
“Grady do you think it’s right to force your partner to do something he doesn’t want to do?” I asked.
“Do you think it’s fair for him to always get to call the shots? Why can’t he bottom for once? Unless he thinks there’s something wrong with that. He probably thinks it makes me less of a man because I bottom, don’t you Thomas? That why you won’t do it isn’t it?” Grady practically shouted at his mate and I could only sit there in surprise as I watched it all play out.
“I don’t think that. I just don’t bottom okay. I won’t.” Thomas spoke without looking at Grady.
“And you don’t find it a bit selfish Thomas? Don’t you think in a relationship, each partner should make sacrifices, to both give and take equally?” I questioned.
“I won’t do it.” Thomas said firmly, his eyes glinting up at me.
“Then I won’t have sex with you.” Grady said just as firmly and I could only remain quiet as the deadly tension circulated around the room.
AUTHOR’S NOTES
IF YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND THE PHRASE ‘TOP’ AND ‘BOTTOM’ GOOGLE IT GUYS. I THINK THIS IS MY LONGEST CHAPTER TO DATE. HOPE YOU ENJOY AND THERE’S MORE TO COME SOON.
MORE SNEAK PEAKS, CLUES AS WELL AS CHAPTER TRACKING IS AVAILABLE ON MY TWITTER SO FOLLOW ME AT TwinZ_Double TO STAY IN THE LOOP…
ENJOY!
-DoUbLe.A
-unedited.
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