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Jacob’s POV
I held onto my mom’s hand as she was unconscious on the bed. Dr. Grey said she was going to wake up soon, and I don’t know what I’m going to do.
My mom, the light of my life, my knight in shining armor, the person who I strive to be everyday, has brain cancer. You think about it all the time, you see videos of people finding out they have cancer, but you never think it’ll happen to you but here we are.
“How is she doing?” Michele asked as she pulled a chair next to me.
“Still sleeping.” I answered, “I don’t know what to do if she dies.”
“She isn’t going to die Jacob.” She said putting her hand over mine in comfort but I shook my head.
“You don’t know that, she is the only reason why I’m alive right now. She’s the only family I have left,” I paused as I wiped the tears that were starting to form, “where am I gonna go?”
“You can stay with me, my parents love you, you’re like their own son, you also have Shawn, he’ll understand.” Michele explained, and I layer my head on her shoulder.
“I can’t believe this is happening to me, to us. We were just getting our lives together. My mom found a stable job, I’ve been happier and nothing bad has happened to me in awhile. I’ve been genuinely happy, but now this. If she dies, I don’t know if I can take it.” I explained truthfully.
“Jacob, don’t you dare. You’ve come so far from when we began. You were hurting yourself, you were beating yourself up in your head, but now you’ve never been happier! This is just a bump in the road.” Michele spoke, and I nodded in response.
What if she does die? Would I be able to handle it? If I break down, and go down a dark path again I might end up going too far because of how much this will affect me. If I was gone, Michele would be fine, she has acquaintances and family. Shawn and I haven’t even been together that long for him to be affected by me not being here.
“How’s everything going?” A voice said, and I looked over to the door to see Dr. Grey walking towards us.
“I’ve had better days.” I said as I looked back to my mom, and I heard her sigh.
“I know this must be hard for you both,
but don’t worry, we will do our very best for the both of you.” She explained.
“What’s the plan for her?” Michele asked, and I nodded in agreement looking over to her.
“Well, she has a tumor in her head,” she started as she showed us a tablet with her scan on it, “the white part right there is the tumor.”
I’m not going to lie, I wanted to cry even more, because the thing growing in her head was the scariest thing to me. It’s not a small tumor, and I held my mom’s hand even tighter.
“Wow,” I whispered quietly, voice cracking.
But I know, I had a feeling that this wasn’t the worst news that she had. I looked up to her and saw sorrow written on her face, and I felt my face pale.
“The tumor is in a risky spot. If we surgically remove it, there is a high chance that she won’t make a full recovery.” She explained and I whimpered, a tear starting to roll down my face. I felt Michele grab my hand, but I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak.
“What if we leave it alone?” Michele asked.
“It will continue to grow. She will eventually wake up, but we can estimate that she has around 14 days before it will damage her brain further, and could lead into brain death.” Dr. Grey explained and I pulled my hand away from Michele and my mom to cover my eyes.
“I know this isn’t the best news, I’m sorry. I wish I had more good things to tell you. Since you are her son, and almost 18, I’ll give you some time to think about your options.” She explained, before leaving the room.
“C-can I get a minute alone with my mom please?” I said, my voice cracking still, and I heard Michele hum in response before getting up and leaving.
I looked at my mom, and I tears started to fall from my eyes, but I quickly wiped them.
“Mom, I don’t know if you can hear me, but you got this, we got this. We’ve made it this far together, just you and me,” I said, a small smile forming on my face, “we’re gonna go to Japan, like how you always wanted. We can go hiking at Mount Fuji, and take a photo of us at the top, and we can hang it next to the photo of us with dad.” I started, but my happiness soon went back to sadness and fear.
“Mommy, p-please don’t go, I don’t know how I can make it without you. You’re my hero, you never stopped believing in me, even when I stopped believing in myself,” I took a breath and held her hand, “I love you, I love you, I love you, please.” I whispered as my walls fell and all the emotions that I tried to hold in were released. I laid my face on her bed, letting the tears flow freely.
I heard the door open, and I assumed it was Michele. I felt someone sit next to me and wrap an arm around me, but it wasn’t Michele’s.
I turned around to see Shawn, concern written all over his face and I engulfed him in a hug, continuing to cry.
“Shawn, I don’t know what to do.” I said into his shirt, which was probably full of my tears.
“Don’t worry Jacob, you’ll get through this. I’m here now, we can do this together.” He whispered and kisses my forehead, pulling me closer.
“She’s running out of time Shawn,” I said, once I finally pulled away, trying to wipe my tears, “Dr. Grey is letting me choose what to do next Shawn, I’m scared. I don’t want to make the wrong choice.” I explained looking at my mom, and Shawn grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze.
“What would she want to do? I know it’s hard, but from the small amount of time that I spent with her, I know that she loves and trusts you with all her heart. Whatever decision you make, she’ll support.” Shawn explained, and I shook my head.
“If I don’t risk it, the most I’ll get with her is two weeks, only two weeks Shawn. That’s not enough time, and I don’t even know if she’ll be awake for the whole 2 weeks.” I said, feeling hopeless, but Shawn continues to hold onto me, and I’m thankful that he’s here.
“What’s the other options?” Shawn asked.
“A risky surgery, that could probably end up making her brain dead.” I told him, tears threatening to fall for the hundredth time today.
I heard him say a quiet oh before pulling me closer to his side. Even he knows that these aren’t the best options, but what can we do?
“Everything was going so well Shawn, everything. I felt like my life was coming together, I felt like I could finally be complete. Then this happened and I feel like I’m at the start of a maze again.” I explained.
Michele walked in with water bottles and tissues. She gave me a bottle and some tissues sending me a sympathetic smiled, and I gave a small smile back.
She pulled a chair over to sit next to me, and held my hand to help comfort me.
“I’m here Jacob, I won’t leave your side.” Michele said, and I gave her hand a squeeze in response.
“I am too Jacob, I’ll go through this with you. That’s what boyfriends are supposed to do right?” Shawn said, trying to lighten the mood and I smiled at him, moving my head to rest on his shoulder.
I looked over to my mom once again, and smiled at her moving my hand away from Michele’s to grab hers.
I’m here.
-=+=-
Word Count: 1,394
Updates: 03/15/2018
A/N:
Hi. It’s been three months. Again. I am sorry about that.
School is a pain, but I’m currently on spring break, so I have time to start writing a bit! I’ll try to write another chapter and get it out before school starts again, but no promises!
Update Time! I currently plan on ending this book at around chapter 40, but it could be a chapter or two less depending on how things pan out! I have the chapters titles for the directions I want to take them in and I currently have two endings I have planned, and I have yet to decide how I want this to end but that’s for me to know and you to find out 😉
I’m also going to watch Love Simon today with a friend and I’m pretty excited about it, my lil gay heart is happy.
As always, your votes and comments are always appreciated! And until next time, I still don’t have a sign off!
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