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Around three months into my new job I received some surprising news. Dr Finkle had be so happy with my work on the children’s ward that he had secretly written to Great Ormond street hospital and had secured me a position on the terminal illnesses ward.
I was too shocked to comprehend that he had got me onto the most heart breaking of wards, I just couldn’t focus as this was my dream. I have wanted to work in that hospital for so long and I never once dreamed that I would be given that opportunity, having lived in the states for so long. Now Dan has basically told me that I have a few short weeks to decide whether to follow that dream and leave everything I am here, or whether to choose my family, friends and Domingo.
Domingo…
I love him. Would I be able to leave him if it came down to it? He has his own dreams to follow, his teaching and his kids. I can’t ask him to leave all of that behind for me but I love him and I need him, so will I go and force him to come with me leaving everything behind? I could always stay here, the children’s ward at Albuquerque isn’t bad and I love my job.
Would Great Ormond street hospital be worth leaving him behind if he didn’t want to come with me? I don’t think so but I also don’t want to spend my life resenting him for holding me back, wow that sounds so selfish! I just don’t know what to do anymore, they say life is too short and you have to chase your dreams but chasing mine could leave me without everything else in my life that I love and adore.
I went about my duties that day in such a daze that eventually Dan pulled me into his office chuckling and told me to go home and think over my options. Dom was still at work when I got in so I rang Elliot and asked him if he wanted to hang out, he agreed and was over within ten minutes.
I wasn’t going to tell him what was wrong I just wanted to take my mind off it for a while maybe thing of it tomorrow. As soon as Elliot walked into the room however, he knew there was something up with me and I knew he wouldn’t give up until I had told him everything.
By the end of the talk I was close to tears, Domingo wasn’t just my lover he was my best friend. Giving him up would be like giving away half of me, he was my soul mate and because of that he was my other half. Elliot sat quietly not saying a word until I had told him everything, he looked like he was struggling to say something but changed his mind at the last minute.
I was his brother maybe he didn’t want me to go but didn’t want to hold me back, I mean he went to Afghanistan after all. The difference being was he came home to us whenever he had a break from his duties and when he quit he came back to Albuquerque. I would be moving to England and I wouldn’t be coming home, I wouldn’t be able to visit and I wouldn’t be just a phone call away or just around the block for my mum.
“You HAVE to tell him and soon Charlie.” He demanded.
“I can’t Elliot, I don’t know what I am doing.” I bowed my head in shame.
“I can’t believe that you don’t think he deserves the right to be part of this decision. This doesn’t just affect you Charlie so don’t be selfish. Domingo has the right to choose if he wants to go with you or not.” He snapped.
“You’re right but I just don’t know how to tell him. I am pretty much asking him to give up his whole life. Give up his job, his family and friends just for me is that not more selfish?” I asked pleading now.
“He deserves to know. No questions asked you have to tell him, you love each other and being in a relationship means sharing everything, making decisions together including things like this.” He advised.
“He is going to leave me Elliot.” I choked out.
“No he won’t he loves you but you have to decide that if he wants to stay, is he worth that?” He replied.
I looked at him and I knew that Domingo was worth more to me than anything but I still couldn’t deny the fact that I really wanted this opportunity so badly. I would need to speak to him but I was so scared that he would kick off at me for even considering this.
The next day a letter came in the post from Great Ormond street and it confirmed the offer of a position. I cried when I read it feeling utterly overjoyed and at the same time feeling like I was betraying Dom’s love for me. I hid the letter in my bedside table and went back to work asking Dan if I could spend the day restocking in the storage room because I still couldn’t get my head around this.
He smiled knowingly and agreed so I retreated into solitude and thought over what I was going to do. Something else was still bothering me too, not just the fact that I had this huge decision weighing on my shoulders but Domingo’s behaviour lately. It hadn’t escaped my notice that Elliot hadn’t told me why he and Lucas had been spending so much time alone with Dom.
I knew I was fishing and would probably ruin a surprise but I couldn’t understand how it was fair for them to keep secrets but I wasn’t allowed to hold onto this for a little while to come to terms with it. I was feeling a bit childish but I had so many emotions running through me that I didn’t know how to deal with them.
For the next few days I couldn’t stop staring at the bedside table it felt like the letter was screaming out to me and burning a hole through the wood to make sure I remembered it was there. I couldn’t possibly have forgotten it was running through my mind every second of every day, so was Domingo’s disappointed face that my mind was convinced he would show when he found out.
I didn’t want to hurt him, I just wanted to make sure that this is what I wanted, that I was prepared to take any consequences that may come from my decision. Most of all I wanted to prepare myself for the fact that Domingo may not love me enough to follow me to England.
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