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Two weeks passed since Daniel had been put in ICU. His plan to avoid taking his medication failed, since he was forced to take it. In fact, he’d been given a higher dose. Those two weeks had been without CJ completely, and Daniel hated it.
He was completely alone except for when a nurse came in to give him meals and his pills (he wasn’t allowed any visitors, his parents and Jack were getting extremely concerned), each event having to be watched closely. He didn’t much like the nurse, as she was very intimidating and looked as if she was judging him harshly. However, he never complained about her because he needed the company.
It was true, Daniel did like to be on his own a lot, but he still needed social interaction. He needed to talk to someone. He thought the solitude would drive him mad before CJ ever would.
Every evening, Dr. Joseph came into his room (which resembled a jail cell more than a room in Daniel’s opinion) and talked to him. Every evening Daniel would beg to see CJ again, and every evening Dr. Joseph told him no.
Of course, he was happy Dr. Joseph finally found a medication that took care of his schizophrenia efficiently, but he missed CJ. He missed interacting with people that didn’t just see him as a broken toy that needed to be fixed. He missed having a friend to talk to.
Every day Daniel willed CJ to return, just wanting to be with him. At this point, Daniel didn’t care who came to visit him anymore, so long as it wasn’t the nurse or Dr. Joseph— it’s just he would have preferred the visitor to be CJ.
However, no such visitor ever came. Daniel only saw two other people for very brief periods within two whole weeks, and it was driving him up the walls. To deal with everything, he just slept a lot. He didn’t have to worry about anything when he was asleep on his uncomfortable little cot. In fact, when he wasn’t eating, taking his meds, or talking to Dr. Joseph, he was sleeping. It was very rare to find him awake anymore.
Any time he was awake though, he thought of CJ and how much he missed him. He hated it so much in the ICU, he wanted to go home. He wanted to be safe in CJ’s arms so he’d know he was real and most definitely not a hallucination. He just really fucking missed CJ.
Not seeing CJ wasn’t all bad, though. But really, the only good part was that after those two weeks Dr. Joseph let him out of ICU. He seemed to be in perfectly good condition as far as his schizophrenia went, so there was no need to keep him in ICU.
Daniel was sitting back in the room he’d slept in before he’d been taken to the ICU. Sebastian left, so some other boy that quickly introduced himself as Ashton was in his spot. Daniel frowned because he remembered when Rick slept there. Rick had probably forgotten all about him. He probably had never texted or called. Same for Phoenix.
Daniel wasn’t even sure CJ hadn’t forgotten about him.
He hadn’t visited for two whole weeks. Daniel understood it was hard to sneak into his part of the hospital and back, but he thought he would have came at least one more time. It seemed that he’d just vanished.
Daniel suddenly got a wonderful idea. He knew where CJ’s room was, so he got up and hurried over to the room that looked identical to his, pushing open the door. Empty.
Daniel allowed himself to panic a little as he walked back to his own room. His breathing was rapid and shallow, and he began to feel light headed. He sat back down on his bed, ignoring an extremely worried look from Ashton.
The thought that Dr. Joseph was right came back to haunt him. Maybe CJ had left those weeks ago. Maybe Daniel really had been imagining him.
He didn’t like that thought, and it visibly made him more panicky.
“Are you alright?” Ashton asked carefully, trying not to overstep any boundaries.
Daniel looked up to the boy who was incredibly pale and so skinny it was hard to believe he ate (Daniel wondered if he was in here for an eating disorder). He didn’t look to be any older or younger than Daniel himself.
“No,” Daniel answered, his voice cracking. He didn’t know why he was deciding to tell Ashton about his mental issues, but he was the type of person you automatically trusted. He figured opening up wouldn’t hurt anything.
“Do you want to talk about it? You don’t have to, I’m just offering…” Ashton trailed off.
Daniel nodded, taking a deep breath and trying to calm himself. “Yeah, if it’s okay with you I think talking might help.”
“Of course, go ahead.” Ashton gave a small smile.
Daniel took another deep breath, trying to calm himself even more. “Okay so, uh, I’m in here for schizophrenia—” (Daniel waited for Ashton to say or do something judgmental for whatever reason, but he never did) “and I have a sort of history of imagining people.”
Daniel paused before continuing. “A couple of weeks ago there was this guy here named CJ, and we became really good friends. And I really liked him. Y’know… I mean I, er, liked him. I’m sorry, I’m doing awful at explaining this.”
Ashton shook his head. “No, you’re not. Don’t worry.” Daniel smiled a little. He liked this guy.
“Thanks. Anyways, um, I don’t know if he ever left or not. I had a couple of other friends who left on the same day, but CJ stayed. We became a lot closer, and he uh… he ended up asking me out, and I said yes—” (Daniel was happy to note Ashton had no problem with his sexuality) “After a while, Dr. Joseph ended up telling me he’d left with my other friends and I’d been imagining him the whole time.”
“Oh, I’m sorry about that,” Ashton said softly, looking genuinely sad for Daniel.
“Don’t be,” Daniel muttered. “Yeah, so after he told me I freaked out so much they had to put me in the Intensive Care Unit. It’s horrible there. I spent two weeks in there, and I haven’t seen CJ since before I went.”
Ashton didn’t say anything for a minute. When he did speak, he said, “I really am sorry about that. I wish I could do something to help.”
“You did,” Daniel answered with a small smile. “Letting it all out really did help a lot, thank you.”
Ashton let on a smile of his own, clearly glad to see he’d helped out his new roommate.
“Hey, don’t mention it. If you ever need to vent again, I’m here,” he said.
Daniel nodded, relieved to get everything off his chest.
“If you don’t mind me asking, what’re you here for?” Daniel asked just as carefully as Ashton had earlier.
“I’d rather not say,” Ashton said quickly.
“Alright, sorry,” Daniel answered.
Before an uncomfortable silence could fill the air, Dr. Joseph opened the door, asking to see Daniel.
Daniel followed him to his office, feeling nervous all over again.
“Hello, Daniel,” Dr. Joseph said softly.
Daniel nodded.
“I just wanted to ask you something, and I want you to be honest with me.”
Daniel nodded again.
“Have you been seeing CJ? At all? Even once?”
Daniel shook his head. “Once for a little bit when I first went to the ICU, but I haven’t seen him since. I think he’s… gone.”
“Okay. You know he wasn’t really there, right? He left when Phoenix and Rick did.”
Daniel only half knew that, because everything seemed so real. “Yes.”
“Alright, thank you. And as far as everything else, your medication seems to be working perfectly now?”
Daniel nodded once more.
After that, Dr. Joseph just went over the normal questions and exercises with Daniel, with nothing particularly eventful.
However, just as he was leaving Dr. Joseph’s office, Daniel did think of one question.
“Dr. Joseph?” He asked quietly.
“Yes?”
“Er, do you think it would be a good idea to see CJ when I leave? Like, still be friends with him?”
“Only if you think so,” he answered.
Daniel nodded and left.
As soon as Daniel sat back down on his stiff bed (that was still much better than his cot in ICU), it hit him like a wall of bricks; he really had been imagining CJ and everything that happened between them for weeks.
Nothing felt real anymore. If his relationship with CJ was fake, who was to say everything else wasn’t? His mind was spiraling out of control as he tried with everything he had to not have a mental breakdown and to not look like he was about to have one.
“What happened?” Ashton asked. Daniel didn’t look upset, but somehow the other boy just knew.
Daniel explained everything, about CJ, about how much he adored him, about how much he missed him, and about how he felt like he was completely losing it. Ashton managed to calm him down in record time, clearly a very caring person.
“You’re really good at keeping me in check, especially considering I’ve known you less than four hours,” Daniel mumbled, giving Ashton a weak smile and a “thanks.”
“Don’t mention it. I can’t stand to see other people upset, really,” the skinny boy replied.
Daniel looked him over closer than before, noticing dark circles under his eyes, and that his skin was so ridiculously pale he had to be ill. He was also so thin, it added to the theory that he was sick. It honestly did look like he hadn’t eaten in weeks. His light brown hair that was normally thick and lovely was brittle and thinned out. Most of the other anorexic patients looked like him in these ways, so Daniel assumed that’s what he was here for.
Over Daniel’s last remaining week at the hospital, he became very close with Ashton. They were nearly inseparable, and Daniel was fine with that because he was finally making friends easily and he had a distraction from CJ. Ashton was happy because Daniel seemed like a lovely person, and he was overjoyed to have him be his first friend in a while.
After that week though, Daniel was sent home. His medication was working properly and he wasn’t seeing or hearing things anymore. (Ashton was sent home three days later, and they immediately began texting and visiting each other’s houses.)
When Daniel’s mother brought him home, he found his father and Jack waiting for him, smiling brightly. Daniel sprinted into Jack’s arms and hugged him tightly.
“I missed you, fucker,” Jack muttered happily.
“I missed you too. And I’m sorry, you were right about CJ. I was imagining him half the time.”
Jack frowned, but said nothing as he let his friend continue his family reunion.
As soon as Daniel checked his phone an hour later, he found 14 missed calls from Phoenix, CJ and Rick each, as well as 21 missed texts from Phoenix, 14, from Rick, and 30 from CJ. Most of them were asking him if he was out everyday, and trying to make plans to meet up as soon as he was free. He responded immediately in a group chat.
Daniel: just got out, mind if I add someone?
Rick: yay!!! and go ahead.
ASHTON DELTON HAS BEEN ADDED TO THE CHAT.
Daniel: when he gets out he’ll join. he’s really chill
Phoenix: HOLY SHIT DANIEL HEY
Daniel: hi!!
Phoenix: CALEB WHERE ARE YOU DANIEL’S BACK
Rick: fam calm down
CJ: hey Dani!
CJ: Daniel?
Rick: Daniel wtf we just got u back don’t leave again
Phoenix: You good dude?
Daniel set his phone down as messages poured in. He couldn’t talk to CJ right now. However, he did deserve something other than silence. He sent a private message.
Daniel: hey I’m really sorry but something happened after you left, and I just can’t deal with talking to you right now. you didn’t do anything wrong of course, it’s all my fault, but I can’t really handle that at the moment. I’ll text you when everything’s okay again.
Daniel: I’m sorry.
CJ: okay… seeya ig?
Daniel didn’t answer.
He missed CJ again, but he didn’t speak to him for a long time.
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