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*****
*Jayden*
I sat in the corner of my cage staring at the wall barely able to move as every part of my body hurt. The only thing I could still smell was my own blood and I regretted challenging my father a couple of days ago, especially since he had a knife in his hand. I had been so stupid, should have thought before attacking him; took the loss instead and maybe had a better chance of escaping while in slightly better condition. He would probably still have beat me up if I had not fought back, but it would not have been to the same extent. I knew him though, he got bored when I didn’t fight back, but he also got angrier and it built up into worse later on. I grunted moving my knees higher against my chest and rested my forehead on them while trying to focus on my breathing and not the aching in my chest and everywhere else.
Just focus. What next?
I held my breath to stop breathing in order to stop the pain in my chest for a few seconds. I could take it. It was worth keeping my father entertained by my fighting because I knew I soon as I stopped fighting he would look for someone who would not.
Eli.
I clenched my teeth. Not knowing how my son was, what he was going through, that hurt more than any bruise, burn, or cut did.
I shut my eyes and felt slight anger at myself as I thought of how when I was younger, it was so much easier. The pain and fear now didn’t compare to that, there was so much more to lose, so much more to hurt me with… I was pissed at myself for wishing, even though it was just a spec of me for just a moment, that I could go back to that. But if I had that choice…
The present just felt so much worse.
If I hadn’t killed my father, if I’d just let Corey wish for new mates for us, no one else would be getting hurt. No one.
I sunk against the wall. Was he even looking?
He definitely was, for Eli… But for me? After everything that had happened?
He had probably fallen for her…
Did it matter anymore? No… What mattered if that whether he was looking for both of us or not, he had better succeed in finding Eli. If I died in the cage I was currently in, I would be content as long as my son was safe. I hated not being able to help him. He was probably not far away and I still couldn’t get to him, couldn’t help him. I hated how weak I was. He would have been better off with someone else as a parent… Someone who could protect him and Tamia like they deserved to be protected.
I didn’t even move as I heard the door unlock, the click echoing through the empty room. I was too tired, it was impossible to sleep with the amount of worry in my chest.
I shut my eyes tightly and clenched my jaw feeling fear course through me as footsteps echoed into the room. I didn’t know how much more I could take, they wanted me to break and I was pretty close, but for Eli I had to keep them occupied.
—–
*Corey*
I ran my hand over Tamia’s curly hair gently, being careful and quiet enough not to wake her or Eli. Resting my palm on her forehead made me frown at how hot it was and I quickly grabbed a cold, wet towel to wipe the beads of sweat from her face.
She was so sick and no one could tell me what was wrong with her. My eyes shifted to her brother who was sleeping on the other side of the bed, right beside her with Ashton beside him. They seemed to realise that she needed some air.
Looking back at Tamia made me bite the inside of my cheek as a knot grew in my throat. I had known she was sick, I just didn’t see her when she was awake. I couldn’t… it was wrong, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I leaned down and planted a soft kiss on her temple before ruffling Eli’s hair gently because he was too far to reach.
I sat for a few minutes studying their innocent, sleeping faces. They looked quite peaceful, unlike the last time I had spent some time with them. They looked like they had nothing to worry about, nothing they were afraid of… like they used to before I returned from plot hunting.
I glanced at the clock. It was almost five, Tamia always woke up early for some reason, like she had her own little alarm clock. I didn’t want to be there when she woke up.
I dabbed her face once more before letting out a heavy sigh as I stood up with the bucket of water in my hands and made my way out of their room.
“Corey, you’re up. You’re here.” I looked up as a surprised Izabella stepped out of her room a few doors down the hall.
“I-I was just – I was just tucking them in,” I said quickly. Her brows lowered sympathetically as she stepped closer to me.
“Corey, you don’t need to explain why you were with your children… stay with them.” She said.
I glanced back into the room at the twins before I forcefully swallowed the knot in my throat, shaking my head as I shut the door.
“Uh – I have work to do,” I said.
“Corey –” she began but I had already made my way halfway down the stairs. I slowed on the ground floor but picked up my pace again when I heard her following me. “Corey, stop running –”
“Go back to sleep, Izabella,” I replied as I swung the front door open.
“No –” She grabbed my wrist as the door shut behind both of us.
I quickly turned and shoved her back away from me as forcefully as I could without hurting her.
“Go back. Leave me alone. I am not asking.” I used the commanding Beta tone that pack members usually could not deny and stared at her once I finished. She pursed her lips staring back at me and I cursed remembering who she was and who her mate was again.
I couldn’t command our Luna to do anything.
Well, fuck it.
“Don’t –” she began but I had set off into a sprint.
I didn’t even need to listen, sniff the air or look back to know she had followed me. I let out an angry growl as she yelled at me to slow down, to stop running. Couldn’t she just leave me alone?!
I did not even know why I was running anymore, just needed to get away from her because I knew she would make me stop to think about things, talk about things and I did not want to do that.
The trees around me were a blur as I forced myself to run faster as it felt somewhat relieving. The pain my legs began to feel the longer I ran was distracting and somewhat numbing, I liked it.
I don’t know how long or how far I had run before finally letting my legs buckle causing me to almost fall on my face as I tripped over my own feet. I had only stopped because my legs felt like they were beginning to stiffen up and my lungs were burning so much my eyes were watering.
I ended up falling against a tree when someone smacked into me from behind.
“You – Asshole!” Izabella gasped between coughing for air as she fell onto her knees, her hands panted on the ground as she tried to catch her breath.
As we both stood breathing, I watched as she heaved while it was pretty easy for me to regain my breath and the strength in my legs. It made me feel comfort in the tiny bit of normalcy the situation held.
“That’s what you get for never wanting to play sports, Luna,” I smirked and chuckled as she flipped me off when she finally got to breathing almost normally again and was able to stand up. My smile dropped as she looked at me. “Don’t start,” I said shaking my head.
“No. Corey, what is wrong with you?” She asked.
“What’s wrong with me? Nothing. What’s wrong is I’m here and not working.” I said.
She snorted. “No. You know what I’m talking about. I understand that Jayden’s not here, I understand that that’s completely wrecking you but –” she was saying.
“You don’t understand!” I snapped. I hated that everyone was acting like they did, “You can’t, Izabella! You’ve never lost Sean! Never! And to – and to people like them?! Don’t tell me you understand this, don’t try to tell me you know how I feel and don’t fucking tell me everything’s going to be fine. You don’t know shit so just stop!”
“You’re right, Corey! You’re right.” She held her hands up between us before taking hold of my arms gently as she looked up at me, “I don’t understand, I can’t. And… neither do they, and they can’t, but do you understand how they feel about this?”
“They-They’ll be fine.” I stuttered slightly glancing away towards the trees.
Her jaw dropped. “Are you ser –?! Corey, they’re seven! Their dad is gone! They don’t know if they’ll see him again. Who do you think Eli blames for this? You know how hard he is on himself and he was the last person with Jayden. You’ve always been one of the best parents I know, but when they need you most, you won’t even look at them! What is wrong with you, Corey? They –”
“I can’t see them right now!” I cut her off, “Damn it, I can’t fix how they’re feeling when I can’t look at them! I can’t look at them and not think of him, Izabella. I can’t be strong or pretend everything’s okay when I know he might never be back, when I don’t know if he’s even still h-here.” My voice cracked as I lifted my hands into my hair, my eyes pounding with unshed tears, “I-I still can’t feel him. I’m a beta that can’t even find or protect my own mate so I can’t tell them it’s alright because it’s not! And I can’t be who all of you want me to be without him here!” I yelled.
She looked taken aback and I couldn’t stop the sob that escaped my throat. I ran my hands over my face as I let out another sob unable to stop myself anymore.
“Corey –”
“I can’t do it, Izabella. I can’t be strong without him here. I need – I need to find him, but I can’t without him and I can’t comfort them like he can. I don’t know what to do.” I turned away from her so she wouldn’t see my face as I cried because I was supposed to be a Beta. I was supposed to be strong no matter what.
I looked down as she pulled my hands away from my face before sliding her arms around my waist to draw me into a tight hug. I rested my chin on her head and shut my eyes as I lifted my arms to her shoulders. Neither of us said anything for a while and just stood there going through the motions. Eventually, she pulled away and gave me a small smile as she held up a tissue. I gave a choked laugh, raising my brows questioningly as I took the tissue from her.
“No, I didn’t know this would happen. I just keep these for when Ash has a cold or something. We’re parents now, supposed to prepared, Corey.” She said.
“Oh, that’s Jay, not me. He’s the one obsessed with preparing for everything, even things that definitely will not happen.” I chuckled as I cleaned my face.
She laughed before her face straightened solemnly. “Corey, they don’t expect you to be a stone pillar. They just expect you to be there. They need you to be there right now, even if you’re a mess mentally… and… physically…” she drifted running her eyes over me.
I cleared my throat. Yeah, I smelt a little funny. I hadn’t actually been showering…
“I’ll uh… I’ll take a shower,” I said.
“Please.” She said looking like it hurt her to say that. I laughed shoving her gently.
“And I’ll feed my kids today.”
“You better.” She sighed, “I have no idea what to feed them; they won’t even eat more than a bite of anything anyway.”
“I’ll fix it.” I said.
—–
I took in a deep breath as I came to a stop in front of the room, my heart picking up anxiously. Izabella gave me a gentle pat on my back before backing away to go see how Sean and the others were coping with finding our attackers.
I lifted my hand and carefully turned the doorknob before pushing it open.
Eli and Ashton’s heads simultaneously turned to look at the door and I saw my son’s mouth open a little in what looked like surprise that made it feel like I had been punched in the gut. Somehow, I had made myself, his father, the last person he expected to see.
“Hey, Soldier,” I spoke with a crooked smile while trying to lighten things up with his nickname. He gave a forced smile back at me. I was about to address that when a soft, weak voice spoke up.
“Papa.” My eyes moved to Tamia as she unsteadily sat up, swaying and groaning as her face twisted in pain.
“Hey, careful. How are you feeling, Princess?” I asked gently lifting my hand to her head again.
“Bad.” Ashton looked at me. Despite my usually denying it, it was obvious he was her mate even though they were not anywhere near the age of normally finding mates because he could feel everything she went through and vice-versa.
“Okay, how about we all go downstairs to get some air and I’ll have Lincon make some meds for you while Ash and Eli help me make Lunch?” I asked.
“I want waffles.” She said.
“No. You’re sick, Princess.” I replied.
“I want waffles too… Daddy makes waffles…” Eli looked at me. I paused as the knot in my throat reappeared and my chest tightened and had to remind myself to remain calm and keep it together. It’ll be okay… “Does… does Daddy also not wanna see us?”
I felt the air disappear from my lungs for a moment before quickly lifting my hands to cup Eli’s face. “Hey, no. Of course he wants to see you, he’s just taking a while to get back.” Izabella had told me Hayley had said Jayden was just visiting someone. “Look, I’ve been a little busy but I’m here now and trust me, when he’s back, you guys are the first ones Daddy will want to see, you always are.” That was one thing I certainly knew was true. My words did not get much of a reaction from the kids as Eli’s eyes dropped from mine to stare at the blanket for a few seconds.
“I want waffles…” He repeated softly.
“Guys –” I began but stopped seeing all of their pouting faces. I groaned.
They probably wanted it because it was one of the things Jayden made best. Well, they were in for some disappointment seeing as I had no idea what he put in it, but it was worth a try if it would cheer them up.
Though, I doubt they would be all that cheerful because our little family always ended up in the kitchen together in the mornings, so maybe eating outside would make it a little more bearable for everyone until we had Jayden back.
*****
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