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why do I keep doing this to myself? lol I think you’re all well aware (or I hope) what these author notes before the chapter mean bc I certainly don’t 🙂 (joke)
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Alan felt his body freeze, and so did Austin. They both sat there, in shock, staring at each other. Austin couldn’t believe he said that out loud and he didn’t know whether to feel happy or scared, because he did love Alan, he already had, but he felt like he just ruined what they had by admitting it out loud. It wasn’t supposed to come out, but it just… did, and now there was a silence that surrounded them and Austin wasn’t sure if he liked the way Alan was staring at him or not.
“You…love me,” Alan said softly, his heart hammering in his chest and he wasn’t sure if it were butterflies or nervousness that filled his stomach as he thought over the possibility that, yes, Austin may love him.
Austin didn’t say anything, his mouth was dry and his hands were growing clammy and his heart felt like it was going to explode. He felt sick to his stomach, but then again he felt happy. He loved Alan, he knew that, but he was just so nervous that the ginger wouldn’t feel the same way.
God, this was just like when they first got together- though Alan probably didn’t remember that. Austin had never been in love before, it was always meaningless hook ups, nothing more and nothing less, but Alan somehow changed that for the brunette- how he did, Austin would never know- and they had began to know each other more, spend more time together than what Austin would usually do, and in the end, after many months and several dates, Austin felt this strange feeling in the pit of his stomach every time he saw Alan enter the room or when they talked to each other, he felt this spark go off whenever they touched or kissed, and Austin was afraid to know what it was, but when he did, it was the best feeling ever, but also the worst because he didn’t know how or if Alan felt the same way.
“I do,” Austin mumbled softly, his voice barely above a whisper. He felt sick and happy and like he could throw up rainbows, oddly enough. He didn’t know if he wanted Alan to love him back or not.
Alan felt his heart flutter and a smile form on his lips as he slowly edged his way into the brunettes lap to straddle his waist. It was clear to him that Austin felt scared and looked shy and timid like a small child, but Alan couldn’t help but smile and giggle as he made the brunette look up.
“I think it’s safe to say that I love you, too,” Alan said, his arms wrapping around Austin’s neck, and his fingers tangling in the hairs on the back of head. The brunettes hair was so soft and Alan loved how it felt between his fingers.
“You do?” Austin asked, definitely sounding like a small child, as he looked up at the ginger through his lashes.
“Of course, you’ve been here for me when I’ve needed you the most and we’ve been through a lot, and I just… I know it hasn’t been that long since we’ve been together, but I really, really, do love you, Austin,” Alan told him, and Austin couldn’t help but smile. This was almost exactly how it went the first time, except there was no horribly cooked food and the drapes in the kitchen hadn’t caught on fire.
“You’re so perfect,” Austin said, and he hated himself for not realizing that sooner. It was always Alan, no matter how hard Austin tried to not see that when they weren’t together.
Alan smiled and leaned in, pressing a kiss to the brunettes lips. It was supposed to be sweet and simple, but something inside both of them ignited and Alan was pressing his lips harder against Austin’s.
The brunettes hands began to wander, moving from Alan’s hips to beneath his shirt as the kiss deepened and heated up. He felt the smooth skin that was confined beneath the fabric of Alan’s shirt and he could feel the slight bulge in the gingers shorts pressing against his thigh.
“O-Oh god,” Alan moaned softly, his head rolling to the side as Austin kissed down his jaw to his neck, leaving marks in his wake. The ginger had never felt this good before, and he and Austin had never done this much. Sure, they kissed, but it wasn’t anything more than that- well, except when Alan got a bit carried away and decided to leave thousands of hickies on the brunettes neck, which he didn’t mean to happen, but it did, and it made Austin look hot and it made Alan feel a little proud.
Alan bit down on his lip, his hips instinctively moving from side to side as the brunette attacked his neck. He felt like he was on cloud nine and the slight friction he was getting was making his body tingle, but eventually Austin stopped him from moving, grabbing a hold of his hips tightly.
“How far do you want to go, baby?” Austin asked, his breath hot on the gingers lips. He really wanted to go all the way, he wanted to be close to Alan again in that way, but he wasn’t about to be an ass and revert back into his hold ways where he didn’t ask if what he was planning to do was okay- the people he hooked up with never rejected anyways, but Alan wasn’t those people, he was the love of the brunettes life.
“I-I want you, l-like all the way,” Alan told him, and as soon as the words left his mouth, Austin was pressing their lips together again and grabbing a tight hold to the gingers thighs before standing him.
Austin didn’t want this to be a quick fuck on the couch, he wanted it to mean something, to almost seal that this was one hundred percent and he wasn’t just screwing around now like he would with Justin. For once, Austin wanted something meaningful.
They fell onto the bed, the brunette hovering over Alan as they continued to kiss and their hands began to roam each other once again.
Austin missed this, honestly. He missed hearing the needy whines and the way Alan would make the hottest sounds. He missed the feeling of Alan’s skin pressed against his and the soft touch from the ginger as he ran his hands along his chest and back, and he for certain missed the affection after they had sex and the way Alan became so needy for more attention, and to be held and kissed. Austin missed it all and he felt like he was being shoved into a nostalgic state as he pulled away from the kiss and looked down at the ginger that had for certain stole his heart.
“I love you,” Austin said, the words easily slipping from his lips, and it felt like this big weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
“I-I love you, too,” Alan said, gasping softly as the brunette leaned down and pressed kisses to his neck. That was his weakest spot and Austin took a huge advantage of it. Alan moaned softly, his hands bunching up the material of the brunettes shirt as Austin nipped at his neck.
“Take t-this off,” Alan demanded softly, tugging at the end of Austin’s shirt, causing the brunette to smirk and as he happily took it off, his ego swelling a bit as the ginger looked him up and down, his bottom lip between his teeth and his eyes filling with more lust.
Alan pulled him down for another kiss, biting and sucking at his bottom lip. The brunette was slightly surprised, but he kissed back eagerly nonetheless. He could feel his heart swelling and his boxers growing as he ground against Alan, desperately wanting to hear those noises that drove him wild.
“Mm, it’s only fair that you take your shirt off too, ya know,” Austin said, reluctantly pulling away from the kiss. Alan bit down on his lip, shyly reaching for the hem of his shirt, but the brunette wasn’t having any of it. He reached down and swiftly pulled the top off, tossing it somewhere to the floor before reconnecting their lips again.
Austin let his hands happily roam all over the gingers torso, his fingertips grazing over his sides and feeling the slight protruding of his ribs along with his hips and feeling how they poked out slightly. God, he was so gorgeous and Austin had him all to himself.
“I love you so much,” the brunette muttered, kissing his way to the gingers neck and down to his chest, nipping and sucking lightly.
“I l-love you too, but pl-please,” Alan whined breathlessly, his hips bucking ever so slightly as Austin continued his way down the gingers chest and to his stomach. Alan’s skin was so pale and smooth, much like a baby’s, and Austin loved it so much.
“Please what?” The brunette asked, pressing kisses to Alan’s hips before deciding to leave marks there that would for sure be a reminder for the next several days.
“I want you,” Alan whimpered, and that was all it took, a simple utterance of those words before Austin pulled away completely and discarded the rest of their clothes, leaving them bare.
Alan waited in anticipation and need as the brunette leaned over and dug through the bedside drawer in search for a condom and lube- which he really hoped the ginger did have. Alan bit down on his lip before leaning up and pressing open mouthed kisses to the brunettes neck, forcing a deep growl to come from the man’s throat as he happily grabbed what he was in search for before tossing them to the bed.
“God, you’re so sexy,” Austin muttered, leaning down and pressing their lips together once more. Alan moaned in a very needy way, his legs wrapping around the brunettes waist and pulling him closer. What could he say, he was desperate and was in dire need for this. He wanted Austin and he couldn’t seem to wait any longer.
Quickly the brunette pulled away, grabbing the small bottle of lube, that thankfully had enough to suffice, and squirting some onto his fingers. He reached between them, circling a finger around the gingers entrance before slowly pushing it in. Alan winced at the intrusion, not having felt anything like this in quite sometime.
“You doing okay, baby?” Austin asked softly as he pressed little kisses to the gingers neck.
“Mhm,” Alan hummed, his eyes fluttering shut and his bottom lip going between his teeth as he took in the slight pleasure and small discomfort he was feeling as he adjusted before he felt another finger enter.
Austin moved slowly and steadily, adding another digit and making sure to watch Alan’s facial expressions. He didn’t want to do anything to hurt the ginger, because he’d done enough of that already.
Once Alan was well prepped and a writhing mess just from Austin’s fingers, the brunette rolled the condom on and lubed himself up, his hands shaking ever so slightly.
“Are you ready?” Austin asked softly. Funny how the moment could go from hot and really sexy to loving and quiet.
Alan bit his lip and nodded, nervous butterflies forming in his stomach as Austin leaned down and kissed him. He was excited, to say the least, and happy and very aroused and he wanted Austin more than anything. He would be stupid to back out now, not that he wanted to anyways.
Slowly Austin began to push in, soft groans leaving his lips all the while Alan screwed his eyes shut and he gripped the brunettes shoulders tightly. Austin was trying to hold himself back, because it just felt so good, but he didn’t want to hurt Alan, and he knew for a fact that it was anyways.
“I’m sorry it hurts,” Austin whispered softly, pressing reassuring kisses to the gingers cheeks and lips.
“I-It’s okay, you c-can move,” Alan told him, his body relaxing, and once it did, the brunette began to move slowly, making Alan’s body tingle slightly.
“F-Faster,” the ginger begged softly, and Austin happily complied, moving his hips a little faster, an hitting this bundle of nerves that made Alan moan loudly as Austin buried his head in the gingers neck, panting softly and pressing kisses wherever he could reach.
Soon enough the ginger was a moaning mess, his arms wrapped tightly around Austin’s neck and his legs hooked around Austin’s hips as the brunette continued to pick up a steady pace that had them both begging for more. Alan was load, his moans bouncing off the walls and fueling Austin to go faster, and it didn’t help that Austin kept hitting that one spot over and over again.
“I-I’m close,” Alan whined, biting his bottom lip to keep from being so loud, because he really didn’t want his neighbors hearing them and he certainly didn’t want any of them banging on his door to keep it down because that would be embarrassing.
“Me t-too, baby,” Austin groaned, reaching a hand between the two and grabbing a hold of the gingers member, flicking his wrist quickly.
All it took was for Austin to hit against those nerves once more before Alan was spilling all over the brunettes hand and his lower stomach, moans tumbling from his lips as his head began to spun. Austin groaned at the sight, heat pooling in the pit of his stomach before he came too, spilling into the condom.
Austin pulled out, panting heavily as he tied the condom off and tossed it into the trash bin next to the bed. His heart was hammering against his chest and his stomach was filled with so many butterflies as he looked at the ginger beside him, whose eyes were half closed and a small smile was on his lips.
“Th-That was…” Alan trailed off, biting his bottom lip. Austin chuckled softly and grabbed a random shirt from the floor, cleaning off the gingers lower belly before pulling him into his arms and pulling the covers over their bodies as they cooled off.
“I love you,” Alan mumbled, happily snuggling into the brunettes chest and finding his place there.
“I love you, too,” Austin mumbled back, pressing a kiss atop the gingers head before they both fell asleep, small smiles on their lips.
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also PSA: to make things clear, all the “Justin” characters in my stories are Justin Trotta. He’s the guitar tech for omam (he does other bands too but I know of him from Of Mice) so it’s not Justin from sws or anything like that. Justin Trotta.
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