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Three years ago, when Tyler and I were fourteen years old, I caught my brother in bed with the captain of our high school football team.
I was just coming back home from track practice, which was let out early that fateful day. The house was eerily quiet as I made my way to the kitchen, searching for a snack. My parents weren’t to be home until a few hours later. As I nibbled on a fresh apple, I stealthily ran up the stairs to my room, dropping my backpack and duffel bag onto the floor. When I was about to head to the shower to wash off the grime and sweat of the day, I heard a loud bang from the bedroom beside me and Tyler’s voice crying out. I glanced at his door curiously, a twinge of worry passing through me. Tyler wasn’t supposed to be home from tutoring until later.
Another bang. Decidedly, I stepped towards his room, grabbing the smooth doorknob. Hearing something that sounded like a name, I placed my ear against the white wood. A muffled “Jake!” met my ears. Jake? There were only two Jakes that I was of aware of. Jake the pothead and Jake the football player. Pursing my lips, I slowly opened the door, voice dying in my throat at the sight I witnessed before me.
Tyler was on his hands and knees on his bed, moaning and whimpering, hair plastered to his sweaty forehead as he was being viciously thrust into by the captain of our football team. I nearly gagged at the thick scent of sex that wafted through the saturated air. “Jake!” he cried out again, throwing his head back, mouth wide open and eyes half lidded as he moved against the larger man.
Without another thought, I slammed the door shut, the sound hardly registering as blood pounded in my ears. Mechnaically, my body moved to the bathroom and before I knew it, the scalding water was burning into my skin. Bile was rising in my throat as the image of my brother’s face, my face, contorted with intense pleasure flashed through my mind. I was so confused at that point. Being only fourteen, I didn’t know what to be more worried about: that my brother was apparently gay or that he was having sex at this age.
I found myself curled in my bed some time later, burrowing myself into the sheets and pillows in attempt to remove any sort of shameful image from my brain. The door to my room opened, though I did not acknowledge the person who did so. “Andrew?” Tyler called meekly. Frowning at my dashed hopes of forgetting, I grunted and raised my eyes to him. He was wringing his hands nervously, eyes averted to the floor as his curled hair obscured the upper half of his face.
I sighed. “Come in,” I said, not bothering to sit up as he quietly entered my room, shutting the door behind him. I shifted over a bit when he lifted the covers, slipping into the bed and snuggling into my pillow. Silently, we listened to each other breath for a few seconds. “Andrew,” he said again, voice small and weak, so unlike his usual flamboyant and obnoxious self. It was almost heartbreaking. “Do you hate me?”
“Of course not, idiot,” I answered after a few seconds, turning to him to run my fingers through his hair. Sighing, he brought himself closer to me, a bit more relaxed at my statement.
“But what about…? I’m gay,” he whispered softly, eyes still not meeting mine.
“So?” I said, surprising myself even; I thought I would be more against it. But really, Tyler was Tyler. Gay or not, he was still my twin brother.
“You’re not mad?” he murmured, squirming uncomfortably. My fingers stopped in their tracks.
“Of course I’m mad,” I answered with certainty. His head suddenly snapped up, pained eyes meeting mine as he bit his trembling lip. “I’m mad that you didn’t lock the door! I’m scarred now, man,” I said quickly, chuckling a bit. Immediately, he let out a sigh of relief, a timid smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
“Oh, you know you liked it,” he jeered, nuzzling my chest.
“Gross!” I exclaimed, making gagging noises. He stuck his tongue out at me and laughed. Sighing, he wrapped an arm around me and buried his head into my shoulder. “So, Jake, senior captain of the football team, huh? Never knew he was gay.”
“He’s not,” he answered, sounding a slight bit sleepy. “He just wanted to try it out. I offered. Though now I guess he is at least bi…” I swallowed, once again feeling a lump in my throat.
“Was he your first?” I asked, frowning slightly.
“No, my tutor was. Jake is my second,” He hummed, eyes drooping a bit.
“You do realize your fourteen, right?” I inquired, a bit awestruck. He nodded sleepily.
“Yeah. But it just felt so good. I couldn’t help myself.”
“Is it safe for me to call you a slut?”
He laughed. “Yeah, pretty safe.”
“What about love?”
“What about it?” His words were slurring a bit now. I needed to get him out of my bed before he fell asleep; despite his size, he tended to take about ninety percent of the space.
“Wouldn’t you want to save your first time for the one you love?”
He chuckled again. I grimaced at him. Though I was young, I was still a bit of a romantic and believed in having sex with a loved one, not some random hot guy or girl. But I guess he had different views from me. “Too late now. I don’t think I’ll be falling in love anyway.”
“That’s ridiculous,” I mumbled, brow furrowing minutely.
“If I do, you’ll be the first to know,” he said cheekily. Sighing, I kicked him out of my bed and promptly fell asleep, feeling as though a burden was lifted from my shoulders.
That was how I found out that Tyler was gay. After that, he constantly had another random guy over, somehow sneaking the fact past our parents, and lived happily in his promiscuity without a care. He was without commitment and without a boyfriend and he was completely fine with it.
This is why when he asked me to confess his love to a man, I was not surprised by the thought that it was a man. No, I was flabbergasted at the fact that he said he was in love. I thought I would never see the day.
I pulled away from him, giving him a quizzical expression. “In love?” I breathed, stunned. He bit his lip and smiled, looking away with a blush dusting his cheekbones.
“Y-yeah,” he whispered, bashful. “I kept my promise. You’re the first to know.”
I grit my teeth, ignoring the feeling of warmth at his remembering the conversation. “Why am I the first to know? Why isn’t that guy?”
He sighed, pulling his legs to his chest and resting his chin on his knees. “I regretted not having him be my first. I hesitated. I died. Now I can’t do anything about it,” he said softly, glancing down sadly. I frowned.
“Why can’t you tell him yourself?” I questioned, leaning back against the wall as I watched conflicting emotions invade his expression.
“Because no one else can see me, except for you. I tried a few times before coming here,” he murmured, drawing in a shaky breath. “Andrew, please…” he whimpered, crawling over to my side of the bed and curling into my chest. I was suddenly exasperated as I gingerly ran my fingers through his hair. How could he be dead when he is right here, laying in my arms? When the silky strands of mahogany curls pass through my fingers with such tangibility, it’s hard to think he’s not alive?
“What happens if I don’t tell him?”
He shrugged weakly. “I guess I’m stuck here then for the rest of eternity.” One selfish part of me wanted to do just that; not fulfill his wish so he could stay by my side till the day I died. But I knew I couldn’t do that; I couldn’t be that cruel to have him stuck on Earth when all his loved ones die off one by one until he is the only one left, alone and unable to move on.
“Okay,” I agreed with resignantion. “I’ll do it.”
“Really?!” he exclaimed, jumping up from my chest. He beamed at me before tackling me down, squeezing my neck in a vice like grip. “I love you, Andrew! Thank you, thank you, thank you!” he squealed, giggling. I laughed at his display before pushing him off, smirking at him.
“Gotta tell me who he is first, Ty.”
He continued smiling brilliantly, bouncing in place. “Nicholas Anderson!” he declared. My brows furrowed at the name.
“Nicholas Anderson… the swimmer guy you thought was really hot but never talked to?” I remember the name amongst Tyler’s many ‘fanboy’ moments, but had a difficult time recollecting the face.
“Yup!” he chimed, popping the ‘p’ loudly. I grimaced even more.
“How are you in love with him when you never talked to him?” I asked, incredulous. He shrugged.
“I don’t know, just am,” he responded. Again, I was flabbergasted; the person my brother was wandering the earth for as a ghost was a guy he never even talked to before. I expected his first love to be someone he at least talked to. But I guess that was a bit too much to expect from him, sadly. Sighing, I laid back down on the bed, exhausted.
“What grade is he in?”
“Twelfth! One year above us,” he chirped, settling down beside me. “His period four class is right next to yours, so you can ask him then.” I raised an eyebrow at him.
“Stalkerish much?”
“I call it true love!” he giggled, reaching his hands upwards towards the ceiling, studying them carefully. “Don’t worry, I’ll be there with you to point him out if you don’t catch him.”
I nodded, hiding the relief I felt at not having to face school without Tyler. He chuckled breathlessly again.
“I got my second chance,” he hummed.
***
I sighed as I entered my period four class, English, exasperated. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see my brother, a helpless smile on his face. The whole day had been tiring, from people constantly giving their condolences to others uncouthly asking questions about my brother, most crossing the line of privacy many times. A few of Tyler’s admirers approached me and broke down crying. If Tyler wasn’t there standing beside me, either making fun or showing comical displays of anger at everyone…well, I’d be a lot worse than I was now.
I took a seat in the usual desk in the middle, nodding towards the people who murmured their “I’m sorry”. Placing my head on the cool surface of the desk, I grimaced, wanting the day to end. I decided that once I talked to Nicholas and Tyler moved on, I will not come back to school for a few months, just so everything dies down. Maybe I’ll get home schooled… Though I don’t know who would be willing to do so.
Class passed with exceeding sluggishness, the monotonous drone of the teacher sending plenty of students into either listlessness or sleep. The only thing that was keeping me awake was seeing Tyler comically mock the teacher, screaming out extremely inappropriate statements, and doing equally if not more so inappropriate gestures. “Man, it feels so good to be invisible! I can do anything!” he exclaimed, beaming at me. I gave him a small smile before the bell tore through my eardrums.
“Fuck!” he cried. “We need to hurry before we lose him!” With that, he glided away, his feet barely making contact with the tiled floor. For a second, I just watched his path, mouth open in shock, before I gathered my wits and ran after him, ignoring the stares of my fellow classmates. Once I bounded out of the room, I saw my brother pointing a finger, levitating excitedly as he squealed. “That’s him! That’s him! Get him, Andrew!”
I caught sight of a blond head of hair before a shout forced it’s way through my throat. “Nicholas!”
He stopped in his tracks for a second, looking around him with confusion before shrugging and meandering down the hallway. I huffed and made my way towards him. “Nicholas Anderson!” I shouted again, this time even louder. Some people turned to stare at me oddly at my sudden boisterous yelling; today I was extremely quiet, so this new display had some gawking.
At the second call, Nicholas turned around and met my eyes, raising his eyebrows in question. I felt like I had been punched in the gut. My stomach fluttered as I stopped short, heart being clenched by some unknown feeling. A blush forced its way into my cheeks as I simply stared into his enthralling sky blue eyes. “Isn’t he beautiful?” Tyler breathed dreamily. His voice brought me back to reality. What the hell was I doing, ogling at my brother’s crush, who also happened to be a guy? Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I stepped towards him, determination pervading my expression.
Once I was about a foot away from him, I gazed at him, trying to suppress the oncoming suffocation. “Hi,” I greeted pathetically, staring at his neck in attempt to not gape at him.
“Um…hi,” he responded, with a hint of confusion. “Do I know you?”
“No,” I answered, shaking my head. “But I need to tell you something.”
“What is it? Make it quick,” he snapped, crossing his arms over his strong chest. Just as I was about to explain, I heard Tyler exclaim something before my whole body seemed to be overtaken by a powerful force. Tingling dissipated through my limbs as I felt the control I had over my body slowly flow away. Moving without my permission, I grabbed both of Nick’s hands in mine. I fought to remove whatever foreign entity was controlling me, screaming and kicking, but this all seemed to only be occurring within my head.
With great difficulty, my mouth opened, again without consent. “I love you!” I cried, the voice that left my throat a combination of mine and Tyler’s.
The silence that surrounded us seemed blaring.
—
Hey guys! Again, I’m sorry. I will be uploading Human Shape soon, so be patient with me. Still in the midst of writer’s block.
Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I finally decided on two models to play the two main characters: Samuel Johnson for Nicholas and Parker Gregory for Andrew/Tyler. I’ll be putting up pictures soon.
Point out any grammar mistakes please. Did this really late at night XD
Comment, vote, and fan! <3 It’ll be really appreciated 🙂
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