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Spending most of my morning making googly eyes at Damien when he wasn’t looking, my mom’s words replay in my head a lot. Watching Damien interact with his friends I realize how much he rags on them, and they wrestle a lot. One thing I don’t get is how Damien and Eddie are even friends Damien is such a dick to him, but we all know Eddie deserves it so the others don’t say anything.
As I’m eating during lunch my phone rings and I see his name pop up in a text, opening it I read ‘done watching me?’ Looking up I search the lunchroom until I find him staring with a soft smile.
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’ after I send it I watch waiting for him to open it, seeing him try not to chuckle at his phone he begins typing.
“So I have good news, bad news, and worse news” Silver sits in front of me causing my attention to shift from Damien to her, “Which one do you want first?”
Getting distracted by the text Damien sent I say to her, “combine them”
As I’m typing she says “turns out Natalie wasn’t hooking up with Eddie she’s been hooking up with Damien,” my thumbs stop moving as soon as she says his name. I look up at Silver stunned and she adds “for weeks apparently”
“Are you joking?” She shakes her head as she eats my food, “who told you that?”
“Natalie, we got brunch on Saturday since you blew me off, and I straight up asked her if she was hooking up with Eddie because of the rumor going around, and she said she’d never do that to me. The rumor only started because she slept with Damien at Eddie’s house, and some girls from the cheer team were there, and they just spread the whole thing wrong.” Looking over at Damien who’s smile fades when he sees my serious mug, he looks down at his phone and texts me
‘You good?’
“I know it sucks Baz but at least you dodged a bullet, right? Fuck those guys we don’t need them”
Nothing like useless fucking information that would’ve been great to know 2 whole days ago, “you’ve known about this since Saturday?” She nods “is there a reason you waited until today to tell me?”
“I didn’t think it was that important,”
“Not important? Silver last fucking week I was telling you how I felt about him, and you didn’t think knowing he was fucking Natalie Higgins was important for me to know?”
“Well, when you put it that way—”
“Jesus use your fucking head sometimes!” I bark getting up and leaving the lunchroom
As I’m walking to the back exit I text Damien
‘Meet at smoke spot’
How fucking stupid am I? Telling my mom about a guy I knew had no real feelings for me, and I don’t care what he says I’m allowed to be mad this is so fucked up. Waiting outside I try to calm my boiling blood, and a couple of minutes later Damien walks out.
“Hey” he comes close about to kiss me and I move away, “what’s up with you?” He asks confused
“How long have you been hooking up with Natalie Higgins?”
“Couple weeks, why?”
“Why?” I scoff “why are you having sex with her?”
“I’m confused you want the fucking details or something?”
“You’re confused? You just asked me for another chance on Friday, why would you do that if you’re fucking Natalie?”
“Ok 3 things, I’m not fucking with Natalie anymore that only lasted like 2 weeks, after you ended things with me by the way. So if that’s what you really wanted to know— then no, I wasn’t fucking her while we were hanging, and lastly probably most importantly… why the fuck should it matter? We’re not a couple Baz there are no feelings here all right, we like to hang that’s it, remember?”
God I’m such a fucking idiot, of course, all of this was one-sided, he meant it when he promised not to catch feelings, and I’m just a fucking liar. Because here I am with my feelings fucking hurt and there isn’t much I can do about it.
“Well?” Damien asks as I stare at him blankly, so lost in my thoughts I finally realize I haven’t said anything. With nothing to say I just walk away leaving him there.
School goes on and I shut my phone off avoiding Damien and Silver… why wouldn’t she tell me about Natalie? Granted she doesn’t know about what happened with Damien yet but still, every chance I give this girl she fucks it up.
The final bell rings and I rush out of class going to my locker before anyone can see me, getting everything I need I leave the building walking to the bike racks. As soon as I unlock my bike and I’m about to get on I feel the pressure on the back wheel going down. Getting off I squeeze the tire and wouldn’t you fucking know it, air coming right out of the shit. “Fuck me” I groan.
Not wanting to wait for my dad who takes one million years before he leaves school, I decide to walk home. “Need a ride?” I hear behind me as I’m walking, turning I see Damien in his car with the window rolled down staring at me.
“I have my bike,”
“I’m no expert but that tire’s looking a little flat”
“How would you know?” Smiling he takes out his switchblade and pops out the knife, I gasp “you popped my tire?! You fucking psycho!”
“I sure did” he answers getting out of the car
“Why would you do that?”
“Because you’re being an asshole and ignoring my texts! Why the fuck are you mad at me?!”
“I’m not mad” I quietly deny.
“Really Baz? You could’ve fucking fooled me because you’re the one who walked away today with no explanation, and then I texted you 6 times, 6 fucking times Baz! I’ve never even texted a girl that much at once”
“What do you want from me, Damien?”
“I want to know what your problem is, why are you acting so butt hurt by something you don’t even have to worry about?” Because I like you dickhead that’s why I’m butt hurt, I think about you literally every second of every day, and I’m in too fucking deep to admit any of this out loud!
“Just forget it all right”
I turn to leave but he walks around me blocking me, “no fuck that talk to me” he looks at me and I want to just say it
Baz open your mouth and say “I-“
“Fucks going on here?” Eddie walks up to us cutting me off
“Nothing” Damien answers
Not wanting to deal with Eddie I walk away dragging my bike with me, “why are you talking to him?” I hear Eddie ask as I leave
“Mind your fucking business Eddie,” Damien retorts walking back to his car getting in and driving away. As he drives past me our eyes meet then I watch him disappear down the street.
When I finally get home “hey honey!” My mom greets as I’m walking through the door “guess who’s here?” She asks
“Who-” she walks to me and Silver follows behind her, “oh god” I sigh walking away.
“See what I mean Mrs. B he’s got an attitude and I didn’t even do anything”
“Seriously” I turn hearing her say that, “you didn’t do anything?”
“Baz I’m sorry ok! I didn’t think you’d care so much”
“Are you kidding me? You know what— go home” I walk to my room slamming the door shut. Not bothering to take anything off I drop in bed, seconds later Silver knocks on the door “go away!” I exclaim
“It’s mom” she opens the door walking in
“I just want to be left alone…”
“Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”
“Not really” I roll giving her my back.
“Mrs. B let me talk to him” I hear Silver say, when my mom leaves she shuts the door. I feel her climb my bed sitting behind me, “Baz what happened between you and Damien was weeks ago, maybe he-“
“No it wasn’t” I turn my body to face her, “you want to know why I’m so mad? On Friday after Natalie’s party when you dropped me off he was here, asking for another chance and guess what? I fucking gave it to him like an idiot”
“Wow,” she reacts “why didn’t you tell me?”
“It doesn’t matter” I cover my face with my hands, “can you please leave me alone?”
“Baz-“
“I really don’t want to talk about this right now, and especially not with you so just go home.”
“You’re still mad at me?”
“I’ll get over it” like I have to do with everything else
“Okay,” she reluctantly stands off my bed, “I am sorry Baz if I had known about Friday I would’ve told you sooner.” Not saying anything else I hear her walking out of my room and shut the door. Moving my hands I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling taking a deep breath.
Fuck this day.
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