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I woke up alone this morning. I was used to it but I wasn’t used to feeling like I was missing warmth. It didn’t sit right with me and I wanted it back. I noticed Josh wasn’t laying on me anymore and I knew that he was the one that kept me warm. I looked around for him but he wasn’t even in my room.
He’d thrown away his trash and gotten his bag, it looked like. I looked over to my couch and saw his phone was taken from there, too. Great. Now he’s read the message.
I got up and went downstairs to see if he’d left for good but I found him sitting in the kitchen with his head down. As I got closer, I heard sniffling and he lifted his head when I stepped in the room.
“Hey, Josh.” I said. He kept his head down, as not to reveal his puffy, red eyes to me. “Were you crying?” It took him a while to respond but he eventually gave me a small nod. I went up to him and sat in the nearest high stool.
“What’s the matter?” I asked with caution. He shook his head and let out a shaky breath. He was still recovering from the crying so I let him take his time. I wouldn’t want to rush him anyways.
“You can tell me, you know. It’s okay.” I assured him. He looked up at me and tried to smile but just reverted back to the shy persona he had for show. I gave him a sad smile, granted he couldn’t see but it was there. I cared. I decided to just ask if it was the message he got. I didn’t want to walk on eggshells around him anymore. I felt like making Josh say it would be worse for him to go through.
“Was it the message you got from your dad?” He looked up at me with wide eyes. “He texted you last night when you fell asleep. I didn’t mean to snoop and invade your privacy but it happened.” He nodded to indicate he understood my reasoning. At least he didn’t flip his shit on me. I didn’t want him to be mad at me.
“I’m sorry you read that. You weren’t supposed to.” Josh told me, finally looking up at me for, hopefully, good.
“You shouldn’t have to go through that.” I stated. And it was true. No one should have to, really. Josh just shrugged his shoulders.
“Where are you, um, going to go for the next few days?” I asked. I didn’t want to bring up the hitting. I didn’t think it was my place to at the moment but I will in due time.
“I don’t know. Probably with an aunt or something.” Josh had finished crying by now and was just left with the feeling of apparent sadness. I didn’t like seeing him like this. It made me queasy seeing him hurt.
“You can stay here.” I blurted out. That was the preferred option. For me, anyways. “I mean, if you want to. You don’t have to.”
“I don’t want to intrude like that. That’s not fair to you or your mom.” He sighed and told me plainly. I really wish he didn’t fight me on this. It’s not like he’d be staying with me forever. Just a few days.
“My mom is almost never here.” I rolled my eyes. It was, honestly, annoying. She had no reason not to be here anyways.
“Yeah, well-“
“Josh, it’s only for a few days. It’s really no problem. I’ll talk to my mom about it later.” I pushed. He gave in eventually and we just hung out for the rest of the day.
Around one we ordered a pizza then watched old movies for the rest of the day and it was really nice. Josh fell asleep a few times but I never minded. I guess staying up late caught up with him on the weekends.
My mom had come from where ever she was at about three and I filled her in on Josh staying, leaving out the real reason behind it. She didn’t care, as expected, and told him he could stay whenever. Score.
Now we were just doing our own thing in each other’s company. Josh was on my bed scrolling through whatever social media that was on his phone while I was on the couch, writing. I got really into my work a lot and often didn’t pay attention to what was happening around me. Now was one of those times.
As I typed away, I never noticed Josh that came up to the side of the furniture and began reading the work I continued to add on to.
“Wow. You really are a great writer.” He complimented. I jumped a bit in my seat and closed the top of my screen. Josh smiled down at me then sat down on the arm rest.
“Why were you reading that?” I asked, rushed. No one read my writing but me. I wasn’t even sure I was comfortable with him reading it.
“I don’t know. I wanted to know what you were up to. I called you like five times and you never answered.” He chuckled.
“Oh, sorry. Thank you though.” I opened the lid again and saved my progress, exiting out of the tab.
“Can I read? It doesn’t have to be that if you don’t want. It can be a finished paper of yours.” He suggested. I was skeptical but I gave in and pulled up one of my old works that I thought was pretty good. I handed Josh my laptop and he began reading.
I watched him as he read and reacted to each sentence. I noticed a lot of things about him then. I noticed how his face lit up when he smiled and how he would furrow his eyebrows when something disappointing would happen but then squint his eyes and smile after it was resolved. Josh looked happy right then and it made me feel different. It was like I suddenly became happy after seeing him happy.
Maybe that’s why I didn’t like seeing Josh feeling so sad the way he had been before because seeing him happy, made me happy. Whatever it was, it was new and I was willing to let it continue. It didn’t feel bad, it felt organic.
“This is really great, Tyler!” Josh told me and set my laptop down on the cushion when he finished.
“Thanks.” I gave him a warm smile. He smiled back and nodded eagerly.
“You should definitely continue to do this out of high school. This stuff is like art.”
“You don’t need to say all that.” I told him coyly. Josh shook his head and took my hand in his.
“I mean it! It’d be horrible if you stopped. You can really go places with it and I can tell that’s how you better express yourself. I love it!” I laughed at how funny Josh was being. He was more thrilled about my work than I was. He soon began laughing with me and it made my heart melt. His laugh and smile were so contagious.
“What about you? What are you going to do after high school?” I asked him after a moment. I never really saw him do anything of his interest.
“Oh, I’m not sure.” He went a little quiet. I hope I didn’t touch on a sensitive subject here.
“That’s alright. A lot of people don’t.” I assured Josh. He looked down at our hands that were still holding on to one another’s and smiled a bit.
“Yeah,” He rubbed a finger over my hand. “You’re right.” I gave him a nod and pulled him in for a hug that ended with me on my back and Josh on top of me as we both laughed. Josh had fallen on top of me on accident but I really didn’t mind this position. It was actually really comfortable and I think Josh liked it too because he hadn’t moved in a while. I don’t think he wanted to move either which was fine by me.
—
Again, Josh and I fell asleep together. He hadn’t gotten a text from anyone all day which was good. I didn’t want to see him sad again. I don’t think I could handle it, really. It hurt a lot for some reason. Now though, I was laid on my back with an arm resting on Josh’s side as he had his head on my chest and slept. It was a nice situation and I didn’t really want to let him go.
I finally had the warmth back.
***
Cuddles. Going to be cute for another chapter and then… DRAMA! and then cuddles again and then DRAMA!
lates lol *
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