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A/N: 26.12.2020
Hey loves, I read a couple of comments in the previous chapter and just wanted to clarify that Parker is not gay. There are different types of sexual orientations: bisexual, pansexual, demisexual, etc.
I’ll let your imagination run wild with Parker’s sexuality. His character doesn’t really like being categorized or being put into boxes or labels. He believes sexuality is a spectrum, so just keep in mind that he dates both men and women, so gay, but also not gay :”)
Just wanted to put it out there in case anyone misunderstood!
🌻🌻🌻
We entered the theatre room where there many students were preparing for the auditions.
There were three older students and an old lady with horn-rimmed glasses sitting at a long table in front of the stage. They were probably the judges. Without a word, Parker walked to the audience’s seat and sat down in the middle, sprawling his legs out and sliding his hands into his jacket pockets.
He looked bored. It hadn’t even been a minute since he’s been here and he looked like he wanted to die.
Some of the girls sitting in the audience gasped and whispered at his presence, fixing their hair and clothes.
“Hi, Parker,” they hummed in perfect harmony. Had they rehearsed?
Parker’s dark eyes remained on me, and I felt like I had done something wrong. Had I offended him?
“Yeah, hi,” he mumbled, giving them a lazy wave. He was still looking at me.
Despite the fear of rejection, I mustered up the courage and gave him a small wave. He saw, he noticed, but he didn’t acknowledge it. Instead, he looked away and chatted with the flock of girls around him. I felt a pang of pain in my chest. I wished he’d look my way. I wished he had waved back.
But perhaps I was being selfish. Parker was busy socializing with his friends and I was only an obstacle. I didn’t want to get in his way. Maybe he’d wave back at me when he wasn’t busy.
Ryan tapped my shoulder and nodded towards the stage.
“Will you go through my lines with me?” he asked.
I looked at Parker, frowned, then my eyes returned to Ryan.
“Yes, of course,” I said. The bush didn’t have any lines, so I decided to help Ryan with his.
We went onto the backstage where other students were practicing. I didn’t think the auditions would be this intense. Ryan seemed to be popular as well. Girls did double-takes when he walked past them. The brave ones called his name and waved at him, blushing furiously when he smiled at them. Even the boys seemed shy around him.
I wondered if Ryan knew how popular he was. I looked up to see his reaction, but he was smiling at me.
“Aren’t you going to tell me I look handsome again?” He teased.
“You look very handsome,” I said in a matter-of-fact way, because it was true. He blinked, then laughed.
“Too cute,” he murmured to himself. “I didn’t know you were friends with Parker.”
My heart stopped, and I frowned.
“I don’t think we’re friends anymore,” I murmured.
“Why not?”
“I said something that upset him, so I’m trying to make things up by joining this play.”
“Well, if he doesn’t realize how lucky he is, then that’s his loss,” Ryan shrugged. “You’re a good person, Conan. I’m sure whatever you said wasn’t that bad. He’s probably just being petty.”
I squeezed my fingers.
“Conan,” he said when I didn’t reply. “You’re a good person. You’re too good of a person if you ask me. He doesn’t deserve someone like you. To be honest, I don’t think anyone does.”
I smiled. Tried to. Ryan was a kind man. He said nice words and gave me compliments. Whether he was trying to be polite or if he really meant them, I didn’t know. It was hard to dissociate your own perception of yourself and the way people perceived you. ‘Too good of a person’ seemed too good to be true to me. I didn’t see myself as a good person. B
“Thank you for your kind words,” I murmured with a small smile on my face. Ryan blinked, then looked away, running his hand through his hair before letting it fall to his neck.
He quickly cleared his voice.
“Right, so let’s start with page three,” he said, handing me an extra script. “The lines you have to read are underlined in red.”
I nodded.
“Oh, Romeo, my dear Romeo…”
We went through the times and made it to the part where we ran away from the castle soldiers and were hiding in a cave. He took a step towards me and I unconsciously backed away. Despite my nervousness, I tried to focus on the lines.
“What are we going to do? The guards will kill us once they find us. They’ll have us executed.”
My voice sounded stiff and unnatural compared to Ryan’s. I admired how easily he read his lines, and how well he embodied the character he was playing. He was a great actor and I could see his passion and the potential he held.
I sounded like a bush who was trying to be a person.
“There are so many worse things in life than being in love with a man,” Ryan said.
“Name one,” I said flatly, but the text said to speak [passionately].
“Living a lie,” he said. “Letting others dictate the way we live.”
I looked down at the script and it said to look away, so I did, and stared at my shoes. They were dirty.
“Please, Clark, look at me,” he said. Ryan took a step closer towards me and I felt if I didn’t do as he asked, he’d touch me. I went off script and quickly raised my gaze, taking a step back to keep a certain distance between us.
“I have spent my life resisting the desire of wanting you, but I can’t bear it much longer.”
I didn’t know what the next lines were, but I was afraid if I looked away, he’d touch me. So instead, I improvised and shook my head.
Wrong move, because he took my hands either way and pulled me closer towards him. I lost my balance and pressed one palm against his chest to prevent myself from falling, while the other was clasped inside his hand. My entire body froze stiff. My stomach curled and my lungs burned, and I felt as if the entire room was closing in on me.
Breathe, Conan, breathe.
But the entire world darkened, and I couldn’t see anything. All I could feel were invisible crawling hands slipping into my clothes and touching me, groping me in places that made my body cringe. The Dark Thoughts. They were back. I tried to remember what Dr. Philip George told me.
It’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real…
I tried to push them back, but my skin began to burn and my knees buckled. My breath became heavy, and I felt like I was swallowing damp air. I wanted to pull away from Ryan, but I heard footsteps. Someone approached me from behind, and I was trapped. I couldn’t see who was behind me, but I felt cold lips brush over my earlobe, sending shivers down my spine.
“Where do you think you’re going?” the man asked.
Running, I answered.
“Running?” he laughed. “Why?”
Because I’m scared.
He snickered into my ear.
“You think you own your body?” He sneered so closely into my ear, his breath sent chills down my spine.
I felt tears prick my eyes when the evil voice cackled again. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t see.
“Stop dreaming, Conan,” he growled. “You make me sick.”
And then everything made sense again. The realization hit me.
That’s right. I was sick.
The man vanished and the hands slithered away. Everything became eerily silent, and I stood there like a doll. The darkness faded away and reality slowly whirled back into place, and I could see Ryan again.
“I would die for you,” Ryan said. “Let me love you, Clark. Give me your life and I’ll give you mine.”
My body was trembling, and tears dripped down my chin. Ryan must have thought it was all part of the act. I wish it were. I wish my fears were a lie. I wish I could crouch down and hide, but I knew Parker was watching.
I had to prove to him that he had misunderstood what I had told him that night, or perhaps that I had miscommunication my feelings.
I didn’t hate people like him. I hated myself.
“Okay,” I choked, more tears welling in my eyes. I didn’t know the next lines.
Improvise, Conan! Parker is watching. Don’t embarrass him.
“Take my life. It’s yours. Use it as you please.”
Ryan blinked in surprise, and I could tell he wasn’t sure anymore if I was acting or truly crying. He reached out to wipe away my tears, but a sudden thunder of applause broke our gaze. The judges stood up and clapped, and so did everyone standing around us.
“Bravo, bravo! That was brilliant!” exclaimed the teacher. “Lily, change the script and write down what that student just said.”
She quickly climbed onto the stage with a wide grin.
“The passion, the angst, the chemistry, you two have it all!” she said, stars twinkling in her bright eyes. “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve found our Romeo and Clark!”
My heart stopped.
“But the bush,” I frowned.
“Forget the bush, Conan. We got the lead roles!” Ryan exclaimed.
I froze still when he pulled me into his embrace. It felt disgusting. I felt disgusting. I wanted to find an isolated place and hide in it forever where no one could see me, but unfortunately, I was in the spotlight, where dozens of people were staring at me and applauding me for having a breakdown. The situation was both funny and tragic, and I didn’t know what to do. What did one do when they wanted to disappear? My eyes frantically searched the audience, hoping that the news would at least make Parker happy. If I was lucky, maybe he’d still want to be my friend. He might even be proud.
But my heart ached when I saw that Parker’s seat was empty.
He was gone.
🌻🌻🌻
A/N: So for the ship names, we have (without a specific order):
1. Coner
2. Parknan (uh, idk about this one…)
3. Parnan
4. Parkdelion
5. Parklion
6. Conker (idk why this one made me laugh 😂)
7. Ponan
8. Carker
9. Darker (dandelion & Parker)
Which one is your favorite? I kind of like Ponan tbh.
Then we have some Freddie & Zev shippers and Conan & Ryan shippers. You can go through the comments in the last chapters if you’d like to read them 😉
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