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A/N: 22.12.2020
Um, okay, wow, we really reached 450 votes in 3 days. You guys are… Amazing 😳 here is the early chapter as promised.
This chapter is dedicated to all my first 450 voters. Enjoy ❤
***
P.S: I started a new fantasy/romance book on my second wattpad account @homewithhidee ^^
If any of you are looking for something to read, don’t hesitate to check it out 😉
🔹️🔹️🔹️
Dear,
The Dark Thoughts have come back. They haunt me day and night, and I wake up crying and shaking. I’ve taken the stronger pills Dr. George had prescribed me. We call them the “Emergency Pills” — for my worst days. It still hurts.
It was one thing to feel lonely when you were alone from the start, but a more terrifying loneliness when someone who was once by your side is gone. It made me better understand Parker’s pain and suffering, and why he relied on toxic substances.
He hasn’t spoken to me since the night of our sleepover. After I told him I was homophobic, nothing has been the same, and I doubt it ever will be. I don’t regret telling Parker the truth. He deserved to know. But I wish he would accept me the way I am, despite my flaws, despite everything wrong with me, I wish he would accept me. The way I am isn’t my fault… It isn’t…
I miss Parker. I wish he’d look at me. I wish he’d talk to me. I wish he could remind me once again that I existed for more reasons than simply breathing.
Yours truly
***
When we arrived at school, Freddie had to hurry for his next class. He said to call me at twelve so we could have lunch together. I smiled and waved at him, watching him jog towards the law amphitheatre. I didn’t have any morning classes today, but came because I didn’t want to break the tradition of going to school with Freddie. I went to the library, smiling at those who walked past me. Most of them didn’t notice me, but that was okay. I was about to enter the library, but something caught my eye. I back tracked and looked at the large poster hanging on the wall: ‘Bergson University Theatre Club: Romeo, oh Romeo!’
I continued to read: ‘This year in December, the Bergson University Theatre will perform a LGBTQ+ play directed and acted by the students here themselves! It will be an adaption of ‘Romeo and Juliet,’ starring two male lovers instead of your conventional heterosexual couple. Break the norms, as Shakespeare once said! (Or did he? Probably not).’
I found myself giggling.
‘We’re looking for actors, artists, prompters, and many more! Want to be the next Romeo and Romeo? Sign your beside the list of roles we’re looking for. Auditions begin soon! P.S: All the money that we collect will be donated to a local organization that fights for LGBTTQQIAAP rights. P.P.S: Our male leads don’t need to be queer. Heterosexuals are welcomed to play the leading actors. Remember, people, this is acting! To be or not to be is not the question.
I smiled widely.
“Are you thinking of signing up too?” someone asked. Startled, I spun around, surprised to see a boy twice my height standing behind me. I took a step back to create some distance between us. He also took a step back, raising his hands to show he meant no harm.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he chuckled softly, pushing back the golden curls that fell over his forehead. What a wonderful forehead. He looked like someone who came right out of a Greek mythology. He had a nicely carved jaw and a strong, tall nose. His defined features complemented his powerful body. He had broad shoulders and a sturdy chest. Even fully clothed, I could imagine the muscles hidden behind the thin fabric. The only unintimidating feature of his was his bright blue eyes and charming smile. Perhaps the charm of his smile was also intimidating, which left me comforted by only his eyes.
“Hello, mister,” I said, thinking the title fit him well. “My name is Conan.”
“Mister?” he asked, his laughter laced with amusement and confusion. “Do I look that old?”
“No, you look handsome,” I said.
He blinked before laughing again. My stomach twisted into a nervous knot, and I didn’t know what I had said wrong. Parker would have scowled if I called him handsome, but this person was laughing. I didn’t understand. Maybe it was best if I didn’t compliment anyone.
“I like the honesty. Thank you, Conan.”
“Thank you for remembering my name,” I murmured.
“The pleasure’s mine.” And he sounded like he meant it. “I’m Ryan by the way. Were you thinking of auditioning?” he asked.
“Yes,” I replied. “I think this play will help me become a better person.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m trying not to be homophobic,” I told him. Ryan gave me The Look. “So I thought that if I participated in a play that supported the cause, then maybe I’d be more comfortable around men.”
“I see,” he murmured, but he still seemed perplexed. “How is unhomophybing yourself working out for you?”
“Not very good. Which is why I think taking part in this play will help me,” I said, turning towards the poster with a hopeful smile. “Then maybe Parker will forgive me.”
“Which role are you thinking of auditioning for?”
I pointed at the middle. “The bush.”
“The bush,” he repeated.
“What about you? Were you thinking of auditioning?”
“Hm? Oh yeah, I was going to audition for the main role,” he said, signing his name beside the many other people who were signing up for the part. He handed me his pen, and I thanked him, carefully writing my name beside the ‘bush role.’
“I hope you get to be the bush.”
“No one else auditioned for it, so hopefully I will,” I nodded.
“Have you thought about auditioning for a role where you’d get to say a few lines? Or maybe more than just a few?” he asked, his blue eyes twinkling with something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
“I suppose I could audition for the tree, but trees don’t talk either,” I said. Why did I audition for the bush and not the tree? Was I discriminating against plants? I might have to work on that too…
“How about Clark?” he asked, tapping the box below Romeo, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“There are many people auditioning for Clark,” I told him, although he could probably already see that with his own blue eyes.
“You’d be another candidate amongst others. Perhaps more exceptional than the rest.”
“I’m bad with words.”
“You seem fine right now.”
“That’s because I’m talking with you,” I said. He raised a brow, a smile teasing the corner of his mouth.
“Does that mean I don’t intimidate you anymore?” he asked with a playful pout. “Did my handsomeness go away already?”
“No, you’re still very handsome, but during these past few seconds in which we’ve exchanged a few words, I believe there some form of trust has been built between us.” I raised my hand and pinched the air to show him. “This little.”
I knew I couldn’t trust him enough to touch him, but he seemed like a kind man. Ryan bit his lower lip, turned his face away, trying not to laugh but failing.
“You’re way too cute, Conan.”
“Oh.” I understood why people looked so awkward when I complimented them. I felt my cheeks grow hot. I didn’t know what to say either. “Thank you.”
“Be my Clark,” he suggested, and before I could refuse, he added, “I’d be more than happy to help you with your lines.”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I fit the role. I’m sure you’ll find a better Clark,” I said. Ryan looked disappointed, but he didn’t insist any further and nodded.
“And I’m sure you’ll make a wonderful bush,” he smiled softly. I gave him a smile in return.
“Thank you!”
“I have to go now, my class is starting soon. I’ll see you at the auditions?”
“Yes, we probably will.”
“Great.” Ryan gave me another one of his wonderful smiles before leaving.
“Ryan, you forgot your pen!” I said, realizing that I was still holding it. He looked over his shoulder, and my heart fluttered when his powerful blue eyes met mine.
“Keep it,” he grinned. “It’ll give me another excuse to see you.”
🔹️🔹️🔹️
A/N: I know someone who isn’t going to be happy about Clark :”) starts with a P, ends with a R, just saying~
Chapter 23 is available on Patreon! You can find the link in my bio.
I loved how everyone was counting down the votes 😂 If this chapter gets 530 votes, then I’ll post the next chapter early! But dw if we don’t!! The next chapter is scheduled in 8 days.
Until then ❤
Hidee
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