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A/N: 10.12.2020
Decided to post a few days early because why not~ Will also be posting chapter 20 on Patreon soon hehe
What do you guys want for Christmas? Do you guys have a wish list? 🥰
🌻🌻🌻
Freddie and I were chatting on the front steps to our apartment building. He was telling me stories about him and his boyfriend, but as hard as I tried to listen, I couldn’t focus. My mind kept drifting to Parker, wondering what he was doing and how he was, and if we were still friends.
“So then kangaroo punched me in the face.”
“Oh, how wonderful.”
Freddie frowned, waving his hand in front of my face. “Conan, you’re spacing out.”
“I’m sorry, I have a lot in my mind,” I murmured. Freddie nibbled his lip, studying my face.
“Parker?”
I nodded. “Parker.”
“It’s been two weeks. You two still aren’t talking?”
I shook my head, wanting to cry. “I’m a terrible friend.”
“Hey, don’t say that. You out of all people shouldn’t be saying that. You’re an amazing friend,” he argued. “Friendships have their ups and downs, that’s all. Do you want to talk about what happened?”
I told Freddie how I bumped into Parker at his father’s clinic, and how he was upset that I didn’t tell him about my problems. Well, I did tell him, just not how serious they were.
“Parker can be like that sometimes,” Freddie sighed. “He’s someone who feels intensely. He’s probably more worried than upset.”
“The books never said that giving medical background was required to make friends.”
“Which books?”
“The books that help me understand human behavior. When I was young, doctors told me I was special, which I think was their nice way of saying I was different. They said I would have a hard time socializing and understanding other people. So I read books to help me. They’ve helped me so far, but not with Parker.”
“Every human is unique, Conan. Books give us ideas and concepts, there are always exceptions in reality, and Parker seems to be one of them. Humans aren’t objects you put in boxes. You have to learn to adapt to each individual yourself.”
“I don’t know how to do that.”
“Communication,” Freddie smiled gently.
I stared at my fingers and pressed them together.
“I know it isn’t easy talking about your problems, but if I have to be completely honest with you, I’m worried about you too. I know you struggle, Conan. I don’t know what you struggle with, but I know you do.”
Silence hung over our shoulders, and I took a moment to gather my thoughts and rearrange them into constructive sentences to communicate my thoughts with Freddie.
“I’d like to tell you and Parker about my problems one day. I can’t right now, but when I’m ready, I promise to tell you,” I murmured, which was the best answer I could give him. Freddie reached out and put his hand over mine. A shiver crawled down my spine, but I didn’t feel sick enough to pull away. Or rather, I fought back the urge to pull away.
“Take your time, we’ll wait as long as you need,” he said, giving me a gentle squeeze, reminding me that I could trust him. “Parker too, he’ll wait.”
“I don’t think he likes me anymore.”
Freddie chuckled, shaking his head. “I think it’s the exact opposite. He cares about you. More than he wants to admit.”
“How do you know?”
“You can see it in the way he looks at you. His eyes shine the brightest when he’s with you.”
“But his eyes are black,” I said.
“Exactly.”
The door behind us opened. Parker stepped out, and I felt my chest tighten with both excitement and pain.
“Hey, redhead,” Parker said.
“Hey, addict,” Freddie said.
“Hello, Parker,” I smiled with a wave, but he didn’t spare me a glance. Parker walked down the stairs, leaving an aroma of alcohol behind him. He was drunk. My stomach twisted into a nervous knot.
“You can at least say hi to Conan,” Freddie frowned.
“I can also raise a fundraiser and donate my organs,” Parker laughed dryly.
“Are you really going to be that petty? Conan did nothing wrong. If he’s not ready to talk about his problems, then he’s not ready.”
“Quit playing the knight in shining armor. He has a mouth of his own, maybe it’s time he put it to use.”
I flinched at his harsh words, squeezing my hands tightly together. I could see regret flash through Parker’s eyes, but he quickly concealed it with a scowl. He ran a hand through his hair, pursed his lips, then sighed. Our gazes met once more.
“Hey,” he murmured.
“Hi,” I replied. I felt slightly relieved that he noticed me; that he acknowledged my presence. “How are you?”
“Amazing. Never been better,” he answered flatly.
“I’m glad,” I smiled. He stared at me, then sighed.
“Typical Conan.” Another pause. “Why didn’t you tell us you were sick?”
He said ‘us’ but I felt as if he meant ‘me.’ It was funny how one word could mean another, and sometimes the complete opposite of what it was supposed to refer to.
“I did tell you,” I answered quietly, feeling nervous again. Freddie’s eyes darted from me to Parker as if he were watching an intense ping pong match. He seemed the most nervous out of us three.
“You didn’t tell us you were so sick to the point where you had to see a doctor!” Parker raised his voice, trying his best not to slur his words.
“I didn’t think it was important.”
Parker’s dark eyes flared with anger.
“Of course it’s important!” He bellowed. Then, his voice went quiet. “It’s you we’re talking about,” he whispered. “Of course it’s important.”
He ran the flat of his palm over his face before pushing his disheveled hair back. His eyes looked darker and emptier, and I wondered why he looked so sad. Perhaps it wasn’t me he was looking at, but his ex-boyfriend. You didn’t look at someone alive with an expression like that.
“Do you know how shitty it felt finding out that you were sick through my dad?”
“Did he tell you?” I asked in horror. Parker narrowed his eyes.
“No, he didn’t. He’d dig his own grave before breaking the rules,” he said. “But it doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together. He treats specific patients. His clinic specializes in-“
I closed my eyes and covered my ears, refusing to hear it out loud. It felt like Parker was stripping me bare naked and exposing me to the world. I thought it was so very cruel of him.
“What’s wrong with you?” I heard Freddie yell at Parker. They began to argue, raising their voices and shouting at each other. Parker made angry hand gestures which was when I noticed he was holding his motorcycle keys in one hand. Was he planning on driving drunk?
“You’re messed up, you know that?” Freddie hissed.
“Tell me something I don’t know,” Parker sneered darkly. “Whatever, I’m leaving.”
“Please don’t,” I said. They turned towards me, their eyes widening in shock.
“Are you crying?” Parker stuttered, his anger vanishing in a heartbeat. I raised my fingers to touch my face, and realized that I was crying. I tried to wipe the tears away, but they kept dribbling off my chin. I didn’t have any tissues, so I used my sleeves instead.
“Great job, Fred, you made dandelion cry,” Parker mumbled. “Now we’re both jerks. Just so you know, it feels shitty being in the same category as you. Why can’t you be more decent than? I’m supposed to be the fuck up, not you.”
“It’s not Freddie’s fault,” I said, and Parker flinched. “You promised you wouldn’t drive drunk.”
“Stop crying, dandelion.”
Rather than a demand, it sounded like a plea. Parker raised my chin, wiping away my tears with his rough hands.
“Don’t make that face. I’m sorry, okay? I won’t go, I promise.”
He gave me his motorcycle keys and closed my fingers around them.
“I won’t go,” he whispered again. “Come on, don’t cry. Look at me.”
I tried to look at him, but all I could see was a blur of tears.
“How about we talk things out another day?” Freddie suggested. “We’ll let Conan calm down while you and I cool our heads off.”
Parker let go of my hand, his face filled with guilt. He wasn’t used to being patient and wanted things to happen instantly, but he nodded, agreeing with Freddie suggestion. Freddie turned towards me.
“How about coming over to my place? We can make snacks and watch a movie.”
“Like a sleepover?” I asked.
“Yeah, like a sleepover,” Freddie chuckled. “And since Parker is so obsessed with you, he’s invited too. But only if you want him there.”
“I’d love that,” I said.
Parker shoved his hands into his pockets. I thought he would refuse.
“Cool,” was all he said.
“You’re invited only after you sober up,” Freddie growled. Parker shrugged.
“Fine.”
“Can I invite Zev?” I asked.
“That’s a great idea!” Freddie beamed. “We can head upstairs and get the snacks ready.”
I nodded and Parker was about to follow us, but Freddie glared at him.
“Sober up, Parker, I’m serious.”
“I just want to talk to Conan privately,” he murmured.
“You can talk to Conan later,” Freddie said.
Before Parker could protest, Freddie’s voice softened. “You’ll regret it a lot less, Parker, trust me. You and I both know that you talk shit when you’re drunk.”
“I’m not drunk,” he scowled.
“You’re drunk,” I said.
“Thanks for the support, dandelion.”
“You’re welcome.”
He stared at me, then sighed.
“Typical dandelion,” he whispered.
I didn’t know why I felt so relieved to hear a name that didn’t belong to me. My heart did a little dance, and my tears had finally stopped. Parker did as he was told and stayed outside to cool off, while Freddie and I headed upstairs to get ready for the sleepover. I took my pajamas and toothbrush and went upstairs to join Freddie.
It was getting dark, and Freddie told me to close the windows before the mosquitoes came in. I went to the kitchen windows and saw Parker still outside the apartment building. He looked much smaller from up here. He was smoking a cigarette, looking afar without any particular expression on his face.
When I closed the windows, I couldn’t help but think how lonely he looked.
🌻🌻🌻
A/N: Please don’t forget to vote if you enjoyed the chapter ❣
Btw, my book “Fluff” might be made into a mini manga/webtoon series. Will update you guys on this in the future ><
Since 2020 has been a pretty bad year for so many of us, let’s try to spread some positivity. What’s your best memory from this year?
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