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I arrive at Ty’s house at eight o’clock, having returned home to pack an overnight bag. Like earlier today, he answers the door almost immediately, leading me inside.
“I ordered some pizza.” He pats the couch cushion next to him and I sit, resting my head on his chest. He strokes my hair. “It’ll be here soon. Have you drawn anything new in your sketchbook?”
I take it out and show him a few new sketches, mostly of flower vases and dogs. It’s not long before the pizza arrives and we sit at the small kitchen table, planning out the night. I finish eating before him so I take out my sketchbook and start another drawing of him, this one much better than the last. I capture his dimples perfectly with my lead and charcoal, the light in his eyes shining even through the grey lines on the page.
~~~
“Wake up, Ethan.”
I blink several times, looking up to see Ty already dressed in his swim trunks and wide awake. “It’s two am already?”
I look out the open window at the quiet street, the full moon shining amongst a sea of sparkling stars. My heart starts pounding with anxiety when Ty hands me my swimsuit. I’m really doing this.
“I’ll grab some towels and flashlights while you get ready.” He stretches his arms behind his head and cracks his neck. I can see the excitement in his eyes.
I get ready and before I know it, we’re at the beach, the moon reflecting off of the calm waters, alone together under a dark night sky.
My nerves kick in. “I’m not so sure about this, Ty.” I’m having second thoughts. I realize how dark the water is, and how cold it must be. The far-off city lights of Kingston beckon to us from across the lake, and Ty’s dim flashlight doesn’t help my anxiety one bit.
“We’ll be fine, Ethan.” He reassures me, squeezing my hand and pulling me closer. “I’m a lifeguard. We’ll stick close together, and we won’t go in too deep. Ok?”
I swallow and reluctantly nod. We find a place to leave our towels on the sand, switching our flashlights on, facing the water. They don’t provide much light, but it’s better than nothing.
Together, we approach the water, wading in slowly. I cringe at every rock, every shell that I step on.
“It’s ok.” Ty pulls me to my knees so that the water splashes against my ribcage. It’s still quite shallow, but I’m nervous nonetheless. “Just kiss me,” he whispers, pulling me to him. I press my mouth to his lips, letting out a nervous breath at their warmth. I close my eyes and stand up, the water only at my knees now. He takes my hand and leads me farther into the lake, the water rising to our necks. Letting go, I can feel him turn to face me, his movement disturbing the water’s now-rougher rhythm.
“Ethan,” My eyes remain closed as I listen to his voice. It’s soothing and I feel my breath calming down. “I think I love you.”
“I-I love you too, Ty.” I’m taken aback for a moment by his words, and by my own. But I know they’re true. I love who I’ve come to know as Ty, and who I hope he remains to be. I feel like love, especially between young people, is too often mocked and invalidated. People think that you have to date somebody for months or even years to truly love them. And maybe, for them, that’s true. But for me, these weeks have opened my heart more than it’s ever been before.
I lean in to kiss him, but my lips are only greeted by the cold night air.
I open my eyes, panicking. “Ty!”
I wait for a moment, expecting Ty to jump out from under the water at any moment. This has to be some cruel joke. I take a step forward and gasp when I almost fall into a small ditch under the water, my head sucked under for barely a moment before I step back. “Ty!” I call out again, my voice quiet compared to the sudden crashing of the waves.
There is no answer.
The ditch. The waves. The seaweed. The dark.
That’s when I realize that this dream-come-true has turned into a nightmare.
A nightmare that I know all too well.
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