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CHAPTER 15:
“Mateless bitch!” The insult echoed in the courtyard, halting all the children playing. Joyful giggles dissipated as everyone processed words that had just been spoken.
I detangled myself from a game of double dutch to peer over a nearby wall, my ten year old heart nearly beating out of my chest. Crescent, the schools Headmaster, had a boy by his collar. A girl beside me began to whisper to her friend, mumbling that Noah would finally get it now.
Noah.
He was a tall boy, lanky now, but most of us were at this age. He had a nice face, with a head of ringlet curls he would get shaved every few months down to the roots. Noah was cute, handsome even… but everything that came out of his mouth was ugly.
The field was still quiet as Crescent stared down at the boy, her face blank. Maybe she hadn’t heard it, I wondered, but I doubted that. I had heard it from yards away. He had spat the words so loudly I would be surprised if anyone had missed it. “My office. Now.” Crescent said evenly, her tone firm but hardly mean.
She released his collar and pointed toward the administration, a little ways behind me. As Noah took his first step, everyone in his path scattered, finding something interesting on the floor or a nearby gate. He trudged forward, his eyes burning with rage. As he got closer to the administration building, however, his face fell. His lips trembled. For a moment he even looked scared.
Noah saw me staring, rage filling his eyes again. He stormed up to me, much to my surprise, shoving me to the ground as punishment. It didn’t hurt. I landed on my butt, a bit shocked, but ultimately fine. Looking up into Noah’s face, his expression wavered again. His eyes softened, remorse flooding his usual stubborn features. Before Noah could process that emotion, Crescent shouted his name.
She came up behind him, grabbing his ear and yanking him away. When they entered the building, a few kids rushed toward me, helping me up. “He’ll get it for sure now,” One kid assured me.
Odd. That’s what it felt like to be waiting outside the administration building again. The kids ran around the courtyard with reckless abandon, one little boy tripping over his own feet and smacking his face hard against the asphalt. Before anyone could show concern he was up again, running after his friends.
Beside me, Noah trembled with anxiety. His face was a mixture between stoic and scared. “She’s going to say no.” He whispered. “She hates me.” yes… That’s what I was banking on.
“She doesn’t hate you.” I said anyway.
Noah gave me an incredulous look, as if what I had said was unbelievable. It was possible that was true. Crescent hardly had any positive experiences with Noah. I grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly to feign reassurance. Odds are, this would be over quickly.
“Noah, Micah! Sorry for the wait.” Crescent greeted us as she exited the building door. “It’s been a long while since you’ve been down this way.”
“Good Morning Madame Crescent.” I greeted, bowing slightly.
“Just Crescent now is fine.” She laughed, tossing her wait length brown hair over her shoulder. “You’re not students anymore, after all. Congratulations on your ascension.”
“Right, well…” Noah finally spoke up, not even making eye contact, “Before that… um… your blessing-“
“Consider it given.”
I released Noah’s hand, trying to control my facial muscles. “What?” Noah asked, clearly just as shocked as I was.
“We have our past, I suppose.” Crescent sighed, her face twisting with distaste. “But… you’ve grown. If I didn’t believe people could grow, this would hardly be the profession for me. I believe in you, especially with Micah at your side. You two will do great things, surely.”
“Th-Thank you.” Noah mumbled, still reeling from her immediate approval.
“This has been a hard process for you.” Crescent realized aloud. “Well, even difficult events are opportunities to show growth.”
“Right.” he nodded, a small smile finding his face. “Well… let’s not take up any more of your time.”
“Actually, Micah,” Crescent turned to me, concern on her face, “Your brother… today…”
“Is he not at school?” I asked.
“No, he arrived as usual and is behaving normally.” Crescent answered, still clearly upset. “Um… there have been lots of whispers. So much so that some teachers have had issues getting classes to quiet down. I don’t engage in gossip, so I won’t repeat any of it… but, perhaps it would be best for Nico to take some time off to process some emotions that might come up. The school would be understanding.”
————————–
“She accepted him! Instantly! I couldn’t say anything!” I whisper screamed into the phone.
“But that makes no sense!” Nico yelled back. “She was the last one we could target thanks to Mick being batshit crazy! She was our only hope!”
“There has to be something else we could do! Another loophole, or something!” I cried. “This can’t happen!”
“Micah, I didn’t find anything else.”
“Maybe I could-” There was a knock at the door, cutting off my words. “I’ll come by later. We’ll talk then. Bye.” I hung up, putting my phone away and rushing to open the door. “Yes?”
“Are you okay, Micah?” Noah asked, taking in my frazzled appearance. “You came straight home and locked yourself in your room.”
“I was talking to Nico.” I answered instantly, omitting a few details.
“You seemed really upset earlier.”
“No.”
“No?” Noah frowned at me, obviously not buying it. “You’re unhappy… and I know why. You don’t have to hide it from me.”
“I’m really not-“
“You’re lying. You’ve been weird for a while, since we saw Crescent… actually, since Nico woke up. I know we don’t know each other that well, but I’ve watched you enough to know something is off.” Noah pointed out. “You’re secretive, defensive, you sneak around, you-“
“Noah, I can explain-“
“No! I couldn’t understand. We were getting close, but even so there was just this wall up that I couldn’t break down. It wasn’t until after speaking to Crescent today and your mood changed instantly that i finally understood.” He explained. “What i did to you… what I took…”
“Noah-“
“Let me finish, micah, please!” Noah cried, his earnestness making me shut my mouth. He knows, I realized. He figured out our plan. It was hard for me to believe this could be forgiven. “You’re still hurt. It’s justified… I hurt Nico badly. I can’t expect that just to go away. It’s okay to say it, though. I want to know if you’re angry or hurt. I want to know so I can fix it. I know now it’s just words, but I’ll prove it to you. I will make it up to you. I’ll spend the rest of my life apologizing so-“
I didn’t let him finish. I was so relieved, it was almost overwhelming, and I found myself desperate to change the subject before he could continue to ponder over my behavior. I jumped up, wrapping my arms around his neck to pull his face down toward me. A kiss, I realized, would make this conversation disappear.
We were mates after all. A kiss, my first kiss, was just the distraction we both needed. I closed my eyes, puckering my lips in anticipation. I waited for him to close the gap, my heart nearly beating out of my chest… and then stopping as no kiss came. I opened my eyes, shocked to see Noah wide eyed and staring at me like i’d grown another head. “Micah?”
I released him, turning around to hide the blood that rushed to my cheeks at his rejection. “Yeah?” I asked, trying to sound normal. For some reason, my eyes began to sting. I blinked, trying to make the discomfort go away.
“Did you forget to take your pill?” He asked, not moving to take a step toward me.
“Um…yes.” I lied. “I’ll do that now. Good looking out.”
“Are-“
“I’m good here. I’ll see you in a bit.” I said quickly. “I have to go to my parents for ceremony stuff.”
“I’ll come with you.”
“No!” I cried, unable to hide the strain in my voice. “I mean, well, it’s just boring sample stuff and checking on Nico.”
“I want to go.” He insisted. “Is that okay?”
Hot, burning tears escaped my eyes, sliding one after another down my cheek. I felt them reach my chin, forming a large drop that would soon fall to the floor. How long until he noticed? Could I fight this fight and keep my shame a secret? “Okay, fine. I need to be alone now… for my pill.”
The teardrop hit the floor just as the door closed.
———————-
Rejection.
It was a strange feeling. Prior to the last few weeks, I had been the one dishing out rejection like dinner at an all you can eat buffet. Now, things were different. I was open. I was willing. I was putting myself out there and Noah was clotheslining me out of nowhere.
He never seemed bothered by our impending heat, something that haunted my every waking thought. I was a ball of nervous, horny nerves and Noah was a brick wall I very much wanted to rub up against. We held hands, hugged, and even scent marked one another. However, he stuck to my neck. You know who else stuck to necks? My mom.
We were mates, weren’t we? And he was far more experienced than I was so shouldn’t he be chomping at the bit for any opportunity to canoodle? “Canoodle”. What an unsexy word. And then it hit me. Maybe, in all my inexperience, I just wasn’t very sexy. I mean I was short and kind of scrawny compared to most other guys in the pack. Sure I had pillow soft curls that I painstakingly tended to, and straight teeth and kind of long lashes…
I sighed, earning the attention of my mom. “Are you that sad Nico was out?” My mom sighed back, handing me another stack of samples. “I know you’re worried for him, but your ceremony is important.”
“What?”
“You haven’t been present since you walked into this house.” She grumbled, taking the samples back right away. “What’s wrong?”
I looked around the kitchen, making sure we were alone before relenting to her prying. “Do… do you think i’m handsome?”
“Of course my darling boy.” My mom said instantly. I rolled my eyes at her lack of thought. I should have known better than to ask my own mom.
“Okay Ama.”
“What? Just because I’m your ama you don’t believe me? You are gorgeous! Your father and I aren’t half bad and you got the best of both of us after all.” She reasoned.
“Except the height, muscle mass, chiseled jaw…” I listed, looking up at her. “Certainly not the breasts.”
“This isn’t like you.” My mom declared. “What has you so self conscious?”
“Nothing. Just forget I mentioned it.” I turned to the kitchen door that led outside, smelling a familiar smell reach us on the wind. Nico. He was still kind of far, but he was coming.
“It’s hard enough Nico won’t talk to me, micah. One of you has to let me be there for you.” She pouted. “I feel so useless to know my sons are hurting and there’s nothing I can do.”
“No one said I was hurting.”
“No one said Nico was hurting either, but i’m not dumb.” My mom defended before pausing and sniffing the air. “That’s strange. Smells like someone else is with him. Go out and see, micah. If I go i’ll only get ignored.”
“You’re letting him ignore you?”
“Be sensitive, Micah. Feeling rejected by one’s mate… well that’s a pain I can’t even imagine. We should all be doing our best to make it easier on him. So go see who’s here and let them know we aren’t prepared for company now.”
“Alright.” I mumbled, hoping my face had remained neutral. Feeling rejected… Nico and I might have more in common than my mom knew. As I exited the kitchen and entered the field behind the house I noticed two figures paused a few yards away. I squinted, Making out Nico’s turned back and… a wolf? I took a couple steps toward them, pausing when Nico shouted.
“I said go home! When he wakes up he’ll be mad at you!” Nico urged the wolf, who lowered his head and whimpered, brushing his head against Nico’s legs. “Seriously, stop… this won’t work…” Nico’s voice was soft, barely audible from this distance. The wolf whimpered again, whining as Nico reached down to push his head away. Nico paused, hands on the wolf’s head, and seemed to begin to tremble. I took a few more steps, surprised Nico hadn’t noticed my approach by now. Once I was about a yard away, I could hear his sniffling. Nico’s head was bowed, but I could make out shiny droplets falling from his face and into the wolf’s hair, who seemed deeply distressed by Nico’s crying. From this distance, I recognized the wolf. Nile. “Please just leave me alone. He doesn’t want me.”
“Nico.” I spoke, unable to watch any longer. Nico jumped, pulling his hand from the wolf as if he’d been burned and spinning around to look at me. His eyes were wide, tears still flowing as he struggled to wipe his face.
“Oh… um… the wolf won’t leave me alone. When Nile falls asleep he takes over and comes to find me. I’m telling him to leave.” Nico explained, as if he had been caught red handed and had to defend his actions. Nico turned back to the wolf, his voice sterner now. “Get out of here! Now! Go!” the wolf hesitated, taking a step toward Nico again. “Go! If you don’t leave i’ll wake him up! Leave!”
Nico turned back to me, ignoring the wolf now. After a couple moments of uncertainty, the wolf ran into the treeline. “Are you okay?” I asked, watching as Nico tried to dry his face with his soaked sleeve.
“What? Yeah! I’m good.” He smiled, the expression seeming so genuine he might have been able to trick me had I arrived a few minutes later.
“Nico, you can tell me. Honestly, no matter what you’re feeling, it’s okay. You’ve never judged me and I’ll never judge you.” I assured him, closing the gap between us and taking his still trembling hands in mine.
“I’m honestly fine.” He laughed which I might have believed if he didn’t sniffle right after.
I decided to try a different approach. “How many times has the wolf come to you?”
“Huh? Oh… not many.” Nico shrugged. “Seriously, it’s nothing.”
“It’s only been a day since… the perigee-syzygy.” I said aloud. “You’re telling me you’ve processed all of that and no longer have any feelings?”
“There’s nothing to process.”
“Says the guy who had told me hours before to pray for your mate?”
“Micah-“
“I tried to kiss Noah today and he thought I missed a suppressant pill.” I blurted out. “I literally cried! You’re telling me you feel nothing at all when I cried for thirty minutes over a kiss?”
“What do you want me to say, Micah? I can’t talk about it!” Nico cried, squeezing my hands. “If I think about it for too long… I just can’t do it! I have to believe this is all in the Goddess’s plan. There’s a reason for why your mate didn’t kiss you and there’s a reason for… my mate. There has to be. But if I sit here thinking about it, talking about it, who knows what will come out? Who knows what i’ll say?”
“It doesn’t matter what it is. I told you, no matter what, I will listen. If you’re hurting and it’s dark and scary, just tell me. I don’t want you to feel alone in this.” I said earnestly, trying to reason with him.
“I know i’m not alone in this.” Nico stated. “What do you want me to say? That I think the goddess is taking our mates away because of our obstinance? Or maybe she likes our plan but thinks mates would get in the way. Or maybe, just maybe, this isn’t the Goddess’s will. Maybe something got mixed up or maybe our mates just say fuck the goddess and we have to live with that because what the hell can we do? Do you know how to make your mate love you, micah? Because I don’t! He loves someone else and there’s no point in talking or crying or yelling! I can be sad or I can be mad, but it won’t change anything! So just let me handle this how I need to handle this! If you don’t, I think I might actually go crazy, micah! I might just walk into sun kingdom territory and pick a fight with a couple dragons so i don’t have to feel this way anymore! Unwanted, undesirable, unimportant, unfortunate, unloved-“
He was still listing words when I pulled him into a hug.
———————
We approached my parents house after about an hour, Noah’s puffy red eyes long since faded. He was smiling, a far too real one, and I tried to accept that was what he needed to get through this. I wanted to support him how he needed me to… but was acting like everything was fine the right way? I didn’t know. All I knew was I didn’t want it to become too much for him. I didn’t want him to make good on his threat to take himself out.
So we smiled and talked casually about one of his assignments. The closer we got to the house, I recognized a figure standing on the porch. I frowned, wondering what he was doing out here. “Noah?” I called, confirming it was him when he waved awkwardly and jogged the distance toward us. “What’s going on? Did Apa need me?”
“Oh, no… no I came out here on my own, actually um… to speak to you two.” he looked nervous, towering over both of us as he struggled to make eye contact.
“Is something wrong?” I asked as Noah fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. “Let’s go inside and-“
“No. I need to do this now.” Noah declared. “I’ve waited too long as it is.”
“Okay.” I responded, shooting a nervous glance to Nico who also seemed lost.
“Micah, Nico…” Noah spoke our names, his tone extremely serious. We waited for him to continue but after a minute I worried he might not say anything else. I opened my mouth to try to help him but never got to speak a word. Noah took a deep breath, nearly collapsing onto his knees and pressing his forehead to the ground. “I’m so sorry for everything i’ve done to you.”
“Woah.” Nico took a hesitant step back, looking around frantically for witnesses. “Um, Micah he can’t do that.”
“Noah, get up.” I urged, also scanning the yard. “I told you, didn’t I? Alphas do not apologize like this. You’re not supposed to bow to anyone.”
“I don’t care about that. From the beginning, I’ve done so many things I shouldn’t have. I’ve insulted you both, physically harmed you, and I felt justified in it. That was wrong of me and I’m sorry. I’ve never been more sorry about anything else in my life. I need you both to know that.”
“I know that, Noah. I forgive you.” I said quickly, still looking around the yard. “Nico?”
“Yeah, it’s all good.” Nico added. “So get up.”
“Nico, I’m so sorry for what i did to you. I can only hope as time passes I can make it up to you.” Noah continued, head still on the ground.
“Noah!” I whined, knowing if my mom or dad came out of the house we’d receive the harshest talking to of our life. If anyone else saw, well the rumors would be malicious.
“It’s fine.” Nico assured him.
“It’s not, but I will devote my life to making it up to both of you. I never had any siblings. I didn’t understand. So much of what I know now is because Micah was kind enough to share it with me. And- and I have to repay that kindness. I didn’t know how at first, but the more I thought about it the more I realized… I can make you my brother as well.” Noah finally raised his head, his expression still so serious. “Would you become my beta, Nico?”
“What?” Nico and I spoke at the same time.
“Micah trusts you above anyone else. I don’t have anyone like that… except Micah. So if he believes in you, then I believe too.” He answered honestly, a bit red in the cheeks. “Will you do it, please?”
“Oh well… um… I think…” Nico looked at me, trying to read my face, “Yes?”
“Yes?” Noah repeated.
“Yes.” Nico nodded, more sure this time. “Just please get up now.”
“Yeah, please.” I added, reaching out my arms to help him back to his feet. “Noah, this was too much. Never do this again.”
“It wasn’t too much… because I had so much to apologize for.” Noah reasoned.
“Write it in a card next time.” I insisted. “That apology is absolutely forbidden as an Alpha.”
“Why?” Noah asked as we began an awkward walk back to the house.
“When Alpha’s kneel, it means they have been defeated. You can never, ever be defeated.” I said simply. “You hold the whole pack on your back. Your defeat is there’s. Your shame, your remorse, all of it is tied to them too. When you kneel, we all kneel. So don’t do it.”
“If I had to kneel, if the whole pack did, why shouldn’t it be to you two?” Noah shrugged, walking into the house. Nico grabbed my hand, stopping me at the door. We stood for a moment there, in silence, two men wrapped together by fate in a way we didn’t totally understand yet.
There was so much to discuss, but the opportunity was not there. So we stood there, for that free second, and tried to communicate a million words in just the feel of each other’s hands. And then we weren’t touching anymore. The door opened and we walked inside.
Alpha Blooded Brothers. Similar? Different? Connected.
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