Array
(
[text] =>
I woke up and stared at the ceiling for about twenty minutes. I didn’t want to get up, especially not to go to work. It was the first day of many and, even though it’d be my fifth year, there was no way I could ever get used to the awful feeling of the first day of school.
Hesitantly, I got out of bed and started my day. I made my way into school fairly quickly and, as the morning progressed, I began to feel more upbeat. I loved my job as a gym teacher, truthfully. The exercise was something I had enjoyed doing and teaching, more like supervising, sweaty teenagers was practically a walk in the park. Besides, there was just something so interesting about being an educator at the same high school you went to. It was almost like you were reliving the “good old days,” but no one gave you any shit about it.
As they usually do, the first day went by very fast and, before I knew it, it was lunch. I made my way to the teacher’s lounge where I pulled out my container of heated leftovers and sat down next to a buddy of mine that I had grown close to, Robert Connors. He taught history and was a good guy. One of my first friends here, actually.
“How are classes going, Rob?” I asked, casually. He finished swallowing before he answered with a wide smile.
“Great! I’m pretty excited about this year. I just hope I don’t get too bored. I have a long prep period, you know?”
“Me too. Last period of the day, though, for me,” I commented and we finished eating before we had any real or deep conversations.
“You hear we have a new cheerleading coach?” I shook my head.
“I had no idea. Who is it?”
“No one knows. We’ll find out today at the meeting, though.” The bell rang, signaling lunch was over. “I’ll catch you later, finish strong,” Rob said as he cleared his things and left. I lingered behind for a few moments before doing the same and finishing the day.
During the seventh period, I came up from my office and walked around for a bit as a way to wake up a bit more. I knew I had a few more hours to go and I didn’t want to fall asleep just yet. As I got walked down the corridor, though, I saw someone at the end of it standing at the bulletin board.
They became clearer as I got closer and he looked small, about 5’5. He was reaching up high to hang up flyers. I continued walking towards him because, in all honesty, he looked like a student and I wanted to ask him what he was doing. Before I could get to him, his phone rang and he answered it quickly, walking out the door beside his place in the hall.
“Hello, you have-” I heard before the door closed and his voice ceased. I stopped walking and looked at the flyer: Cheerleading Prospectives: Meeting in the Lecture Hall at 2:30 Tomorrow. – Coach K. My eyes went from the flyer and to the door window where I saw the man drive away in his car with his phone blocking his face.
I guess he wasn’t a student, after all, considering the flyer he was hanging said “Coach K.” Still, my eyebrows furrowed at the ordeal of it all. I had no idea who that guy was and he left just as mysteriously as he arrived. I was intrigued, regardless. Maybe he would be the one at the meeting today. It was required that every teacher and coach show up, anyway. Some junk about unity and communication.
—
“Here, sit next to me,” Kevin said. He was my best friend and my assistant coach for when basketball season came around, which wasn’t going to be too long from now. We had met in college and been working together ever since. However, he didn’t work at the school so I only saw him during meetings like these and on the weekends in the off-season.
“Thanks, Kev.” I smiled at him and we talked as we waited for the meeting to get going. It didn’t take long and soon my boss, Principal Benson, was talking to us as he normally does in these meetings. Everyone was expected to be engaged in them and show some real care in everything that he was saying, but I couldn’t help but ignore that rule every time it arose. Especially now, when I found myself constantly checking the door to see if that guy had come in. I just wanted to to know who it was in the least creepy way possible.
About fifteen minutes in, though, when I had given up on seeing the man I had seen in the hall, someone interrupted and came through the library doors in a hurry.
“I’m so sorry I’m late! I had an emergency, Mr. Benson,” he said as he barged in. His voice sounded so familiar, but I couldn’t put my finger on it quite yet. Instead, I checked out who he was as he still faced Mr. B.
The man had a nice build. He was small but looked a bit tone. His hair went to his shoulders, which wasn’t too far because he was much shorter than me and looked scrawnier than I could actually give him credit for. Toned from the back, still, but still skinny.
“That’s okay, just please try not to let it happen again,” I heard.
“Of course not,” he responded and turned around. Immediately, I knew who it was and my eyes went wide as we made eye contact. There was no way… I didn’t ever expect to see him again, even with living here. I thought once he left, he was gone for good. I looked away and faced Kevin quickly.
“Dude, I can’t do this,” I whispered to him. He looked at me with confusion slattered across his face and kept his attention on what was going on up front. Meanwhile, my heart leaped out of my chest and I looked anywhere but at him.
“Everyone, this is Kellin Quinn. He is the school’s new cheerleading coach. Please welcome him with open arms,” people clapped shortly and said their hello’s, but I just put my head down and tried to make myself hidden.
“There’s a seat next to Vic.” Benson pointed. “The meeting will be over soon,” he continued with what he was saying before Kellin came in. I wanted to die; Kellin didn’t need to sit next to me. I didn’t want him to; I felt like I was going to have a heart attack.
The meeting progressed and Kellin didn’t do so much to look at me. Not that I knew of, anyway. I refused to look at him and only focused on the meeting. This was a good reason to focus, no matter how boring talking about time sheets was. Thankfully, it didn’t last long and I made like a bat out of hell down to my office. I didn’t even bother saying anything to Kevin.
When I got into my room, I quickly shut the door and put my head in my hands. I couldn’t believe Kellin was back — or that I had checked him out! I felt a lump in my throat. I felt like a chump, in all honesty. I had gotten over him so well before, but I never prepared myself for seeing him again. It was like I was being hit by a train of memories over and over again and my heart wouldn’t stop pounding.
I let my head drop back on my chair and I shut my eyes to take a deep breath and regroup. There was no point in stressing it; Kellin was back and I couldn’t change that. It was more unexpected than anything else, really, and I didn’t know how to handle it yet, obviously, but I could do it. I did it before. It took a long while, but I can do it…
“Hello?” I heard from the doorway. Someone had opened the door and stood in front of my desk with their head down and it didn’t take me long to realize it was Kellin.
“Oh, hi,” I responded. “Uh, c-can I help you, Kellin?” he sat down in the chair adjacent to me and looked at me with his beautiful ocean colored eyes that never lost their sparkle.
“Do you hate me?” he wondered aloud.
“Do I hate you?” Did I hate him? No, I didn’t hate him. I couldn’t hate him, I didn’t have it in me even after what he did. “Why would I hate you?”
“You hated sitting next to me, so you hate me, don’t you? You remember what happened between us, too. So, that’s even more of a reason to,” Kellin breathed. His eyes held regret and sadness; it ached to see, really.
“Kellin, I don’t hate you.” I stood up and walked in front of my desk to lean on it. I crossed my arms and looked at him intently. “What happened hurt, there’s no sugar coating it, but I don’t hate you. I couldn’t,”
It fell silent after that. Kellin looked at me with sad eyes before he looked down and wiped his nose. I didn’t hear anything, so I didn’t think he was crying, but I still watched him. I knew what he was feeling right now, but not completely. He was probably just feeling bad for me, that’s all. Meanwhile, I was in an internal battle of confusion, unrequited love, and even more confusion.
“It hurt me too,” he spoke up.
“What?”
“When I left, it hurt me too. I didn’t want to leave-“
“Then, why did you?”
“I had to. I couldn’t miss the opportunity I was given,”
“But, you could miss me?” I wondered. It came out with the opposite connotation than intended, but it was out there.
“I-I should go.” Kellin stood up and walked passed me, but I stopped him before he got out the door.
“I forgive you, Kellin. I don’t hate you, but I forgive you. I understand what happened… I just wish it didn’t,” I admitted. He gave me a small smile and nodded.
“Thank you,”
“Here, why don’t we restart, then?” I held out my hand for him to shake and he looked down at it. It was a new gesture, one that wasn’t nearly as affectionate as what we had left on, but it was the only thing that I could do to show him that I still cared about being civil.
With ease, Kellin shook my hand and left with that same smile plastered on his face. My heart warmed up at the sight, but my mind grounded me. I was really heartbroken over Kellin when he left. He was my first love and, to be frank, my only. Any other guy that I dated didn’t last long because it didn’t feel right. I felt like I was faking everything. I had come to terms with it, I really did, but I don’t know where that leaves me now, though. I wasn’t prepared for Kellin to come back; I had put those feelings to rest, but he dug them back up.
[text_hash] => ea9130fd
)