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I looked at Kellin and searched for his reaction to what I had just done. My heart practically pounded out of my chest and his silence was killing me.
“V-vic…” He began, but I cut him off.
“I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have. I was just talking to Kevin, and I kept looking at you. You always look so nice when you’re doing cheerleading and it made me remember about how I used to watch you. You, still, just look so perfect in my eyes and I was sick of being so far when I finally have you back-“
Without warning, Kellin grabbed hold of my face and we locked lips once more. This time, it held confirmation instead of pure passion. I now knew that Kellin was okay with what I had done before. I understood that he felt something similar to what I had been feeling, perhaps, this whole time.
When we broke apart, my heart slowed down a bit, but I still looked at him with crimson cheeks and a dumbfounded smile.
“I liked it, don’t be weird about it.” Kellin’s hands slid down my arms and held my hands before he looked behind me and noticed halftime was over. His cheerleaders jogged to the side, and I knew that meant he had to go.
“I’ll talk to you after the game, don’t leave before me, okay?” I nodded and he rubbed his thumb over my knuckles, smiling at me and giving me a kiss on the cheek. Soon, he jogged away and I was left with blush infiltrating my face and sweaty palms.
“I can’t believe I just did that…” I said to myself. I was joined by Kevin soon after and he looked like a complete clown with the smirk he had plastered on.
“Well that was the most heated halftime for you, huh?”
“Shut up,” The rest of the night, my eyes roamed Kellin’s being. He was so endearing that I felt as though I couldn’t look away. It reminded me, easily, of high school when I would watch him and feel nothing but affection toward him. That feeling of love never went away, as hard as it is to admit it. Even in college, when I tried dating other people, there was always something missing. They were too reckless, overdramatic, or too boring. Kellin wasn’t that, and I haven’t known him to be anything like that. Kellin, in my eyes, was perfect.
The game ended quickly and we won miraculously, causing a good amount of people to rush onto the field. They were mainly coaches, cheerleaders, players, and parents, though, so I didn’t do anything about it except search for Kellin in the midst of it all. He found me relatively easily and pulled me to the side of the field.
“Hey,” he greeted. His eyes locked with mine and a smile remained on both of our faces.
“Hey,” I breathed. “I’m sorry, again. I shouldn’t have come on so strong,”
“Don’t be. I’ve been wanting to do that for years,” I chuckled. If only he knew. “Can we talk this weekend?”
“Yeah, I’m free anytime. Just call me.” Kellin nodded and said a simple goodbye, letting his hand linger on mine as I watched him walk off. His hips swayed and I could tell he had a smile on his face with the way his small curls bounced with every step he took.
Kissing Kellin tonight was worth it. I wasn’t trying to grasp onto the remnants of our past relationship, I was trying to prove to him that we could have a completely new one. I was proving to myself that I was mature, and acknowledging he was still on my mind. It was starting over, but with the same feelings enhanced.
—
It wasn’t until Saturday night that Kellin and I talked and my mind had been full of him the entire time. I will admit, though, not all thoughts were as PG as I would have liked to kept it, but I was in the middle of remembering everything about him; it wasn’t my fault.
We made plans for me to stop by his house around seven and talk about “everything we feel,” I guess, but I was going for another reason, too: I wanted to see Kellin. I wanted to understand everything about him, again. I didn’t want to just rely on my memory, I wanted to create new memories with everything he told me.
When I got to his house, I was kind of amazed at how nice it was. It was two stories with a spacious front and backyard. It had a white outside coating with a bright red door right in the middle. I knocked and within minutes Kellin answered. He was dressed in sweatpants with a lazy t-shirt on and fuzzy socks that he slipped around in. He looked twelve.
“Did I come at a bad time? You look like you’re going to bed,” I chuckled. He stepped aside, which was a lot closer to sliding, so I could walk inside. The interior was just as nice as the exterior and my jaw dropped. It was like a magazine in here, I couldn’t believe how nice everything was. But, then again, I remembered whose house this was and how expensive Kellin’s taste was.
“No, you’re good!” Kellin beamed. He looked so cute as he looked up at me. “Want to sit down?” He led me over to the couch and I awkwardly sat with my hands on my knees and shoulders to my ears.
“How did you get to afford all of… this?” I motioned.
“I own my own business. Didn’t you know that?” He said, sounding matter-of-fact, but I shook my head. I actually had no clue what he had done after he left. All I knew was that he was back now and I missed his small, plump lips.
“I want to learn more about you,” I looked at him with a smile. “The adult you,”
“I would love to tell you, so long as you tell me.” Kellin placed his hand on top of mine and I quickly looked down at it. A small blush formed at my cheeks and I looked away. I didn’t want him to see it and think that I was nervous. I definitely wasn’t nervous.
“Ask away,”
“After graduation, where did you go?”
“I went to a state university inland and played basketball on a scholarship. You?”
“I went to that program, did competitive cheerleading, and did a coaching internship. Then, started my business. Now, ya know, I’m here,”
“What is your business?”
“Sports clothing and design. It took off quickly when I didn’t think it would, actually,” Kellin said with a shrug. He leaned back on the sofa and looked at me from the side. I nodded and stayed quiet for a bit. I was glad he was well off, but I wondered where I stood financially compared to him. I don’t think we were all that far off.
“What made you teach at our old high school?” Kellin broke the silence and I looked at him with raised eyebrows. He was facing me now and giving me all of his attention.
“Uh, I just wanted to be stable, I guess. I felt like I was in a jam after college and found that teaching gym is great. I like to exercise, and I understand high schoolers. It was an obvious choice to stay, I guess.” I shrugged and turned my body toward Kellin to match his body language. He looked comfortable, but so engaged in everything I said. It was like he was holding on to every word until the last possible second.
“Vic,” He called, but my eyes kept drifting down as my mind wandered to places that involved memories of him. I couldn’t quite explain how I really felt towards Kellin.
I knew that I wanted him, but I didn’t want it to be only because I missed him. While it was true that I did, I didn’t want that feeling to stand alone and be seen that way. Kellin was someone I felt happy around. He was a change for the better in such a slump of a dating period and I felt as if God had sent me a sign for a fresh start and new chance to bury any hatchets I may have had.
“Vic,” Kellin was now only a hand’s length away from me as he rested his hand on my thigh and leaned in toward me, snapping in my face. “Hello?” Your attention is needed on Kellin,”
“I-I’m sorry. I spaced out,” I stumbled. My heart beat a bit faster as Kellin squeezed my thigh.
“I could tell. Are you okay?”
“How do you feel about me?” I asked. Kellin looked at me as if I had a stroke, but answered soon enough.
“Like, I’m getting a do-over! That is if you would let me get one…” Kellin’s words trailed and I stopped his destructive thinking before it began.
“Yes, I do.” I clarified. “Kellin, go out with me,”
“What?” His eyes searched for the joke in my own, but I wasn’t joking in the slightest. This feeling was real and I was prepared to rock the hell out of it.
Quickly, I touched the side of Kellin’s face and led him to lay on the couch as I held myself situated in between his legs. I brought his chin up to mine as I kissed him tenderly, passionately, and meaningfully. Each movement was reassurance that I wanted him in every way. He let out a small moan as my teeth grazed his bottom lip and he opened up a bit so my tongue could explore the inside of his mouth once again. I sighed into the kiss and pulled apart, letting my hand hold the small of his back as he rested on his elbows and looked at me with clouded eyes.
“So?”
“Of course I will, you idiot.” Kellin pulled me back down to him and made out with me for the remainder of the night. It was like we were catching up in the only way we knew how and I couldn’t have been happier. It felt natural and right. It felt normal.
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