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CHAPTER 7
I didn’t think I would mind everyone at school knowing that I was gay, but it kind of bothered me. The stares in class, the whispers in the hall, the constant questions, it all was attention that I didn’t want. In California everyone knew about me, but it wasn’t any more significant than having blue eyes. People just knew that’s the way things were. Travis and his little goons continued giving me crap, but I usually managed to ignore them.
The day of our calculus test had arrived. I wasn’t really worried, but Gabriel was scared out of his mind. I had still been tutoring him, and he had been doing really well. It was probably just because of how much was riding on this test. He would probably have a breakdown if he couldn’t play in the playoff game.
Mrs. Cooper passed out the tests one by one and wished us luck.
“I’m gonna piss my pants,” Gabriel whispered to me.
“No talking,” said Mrs. Cooper. Gabriel and I laughed.
I started my test and watched as Gabriel scribbled on his paper and concentrated on his work. It was probably the hardest he had ever worked on a test. It made me feel good to see him trying so hard and knowing that I was part of the reason why. I was the fourth person to finish. Gabriel was the last to finish. He was still working when the bell rang to end school. I saw the panicked look on his face.
“You can stay a few minutes after class if you need to finish,” said Mrs. Cooper.
Gabriel’s panic went away and he continued to work. I was going to wait for him but I knew Mom was waiting outside for me so I just gave Gabriel a pat on the shoulder and left.
At home, all I could think about was Gabriel and the test. I think I wanted him to pass even more than he did. I called Lauren to take my mind off of Gabriel. I told her about the last couple of weeks and how close Gabriel and I had gotten. I told her how he seemed to get cuter everyday.
“You’re in love,” said Lauren.
“Definitely not. I will not fall for a straight guy. I just think he is a great guy, ya know?”
“Whatever. You want his sex!”
I laughed. I also told her how big of an asshole Travis was to me. She offered to come rip his balls off. I assured her that it wouldn’t be necessary.
While on the phone with Lauren, there was a knock on my window. It was Gabriel holding a piece of paper.
“I’m gonna have to call you back. Gabriel’s at my window.”
“That’s sexy,” she said.
“Whatever. Talk to you later. Love ya. Bye.”
I hung up the phone with Lauren and opened my window. I climbed onto the tree with Gabriel. He didn’t say anything. He just shoved the paper into my face. It was the calculus test. At the top, there was a grade and a little note from Mrs. Cooper written in red pen.
92! GOOD JOB MR. COVARRUBIAS! GLAD TO SEE YOU PUT IN THE EFFORT. I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING YOU PLAY IN THE BIG GAME!
“Dude, this is awesome!” I said to him.
“I know! I’m pumped! I’m gonna play in that game next friday and kick some ass! When I was doing the test, everything made so much sense! And I only have you to thank for that.”
“No, you’re the one that did the work,” I tried to assure him.
“But I wouldn’t have been able to understand it without you. You saved my ass, Oakley. Thanks for everything. Not just for this, but for everything, for being there for me, ya know?” He was looking me in the eyes. He usually didn’t do that.
“It’s no problem. I’m here. I care.” I smiled.
“I don’t hear that often. Why do you care?”
“I don’t know. I feel like I don’t have a choice. It’s not really something I have to think about. I just feel things, ya know?” I felt that I had said too much.
“Feel things? What kind of things?” Gabriel asked.
I didn’t know what to say. My heart was pounding and my palms were sweating now. Just keep your mouth closed sometimes, I thought to myself.
“Umm…I don’t know. Just forget it.”
“Tell me, dude,” prompted Gabriel.
“Feelings…towards you,” I finally confessed, “But I know that makes things even more awkward than they already are, so just forget that I even said anything.”
Gabriel was silent for a moment. I waited for him to call me a freak and leave.
“What if I told you that I might have the same kind of feelings?” He looked away.
My stomach twisted up into knots. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to do. My palms started sweating even more.
“What are you trying to say?” I finally asked.
He looked back over at me and, without a word, he leaned in towards me. He was shaking as he came closer to my face. To my surprise, so was I. My heart started to pound faster and my lips quivered. Gabriel touched his lips to mine slowly and softly. His left hand touched my face as he balanced himself with his right one. His eyes were closed, and only after making this observation did I realize that mine were open. I closed mine and took in the moment. His breath smelled like peppermint. His lips tasted like strawberries. His hand was soft on my face. His long hair brushed against my cheek. I had pictured this moment in my head many times, but still it was better than I had imagined.
He pulled away after what felt like an eternity, but in reality it was probably only about thirty seconds. I opened my eyes, but his were still closed. When he opened them his face looked confused. He looked up at me as if to ask what had just happened. I smiled, but he didn’t return the smile.
“I’m sorry,” he said as he got up to go into his window.
“Wait! It’s okay,” I called out to him.
“Just leave me alone,” he said to me as he closed his window.
I sat on the branch in confusion. What had just happened? Gabriel had just left me alone after kissing me. I didn’t kiss him. He kissed me! How could he be the one to walk away like that?
I went into my room and picked up the phone to call Lauren. Then I put it down. I didn’t really feel like talking to her about this because she would probably just make it into a big joke. I couldn’t call Aurora or anyone, because that would mean telling them that Gabriel kissed me. Which would also mean saying that Gabriel was gay, which I didn’t even know to be true. My head was spinning as I went back and forth trying to explain the situation to myself. But it didn’t make sense to me, no matter how much I thought about it.
I didn’t see Gabriel much at schoool. In calculus, he didn’t say a word to me. Sometimes I would catch him looking at me out of the corner of my eye, but he would quickly look away. If I happened to pass him in the hall, he acted like I didn’t exist. This went on for a couple of weeks. It hurt like hell, and there was nothing that I could do about it. I didn’t expect anything to happen between us, but I at least wanted to be friends. He wasn’t even allowing that. I didn’t understand what his problem was. He said that I was the only one there for him, yet he was pushing me away.
One day in art, Aurora must have noticed the worry on my face because she wouldn’t stop asking me what was wrong with me.
“Something’s bothering you, I know it!”
“I’m totally fine,” I tried to assure her, but she wasn’t going to give up, and I knew that.
“You’re acting weird. I know you aren’t okay, Clay.”
“I just have a lot on my mind, okay?”
“Like what?”
“Drama. With a friend.”
“Do I know this friend by any chance?”
“Possibly. But I really don’t want to get into it.”
“Is it Zenan? Brooke? Lauren?”
“Did you not hear a word of what I just said?”
“I wanna be here for you, Clay! How can I do that if you won’t tell me what’s up?”
“It’s not that simple, I really wish I could tell you, but I can’t.”
Aurora gave me a puzzled look. I guess she didn’t understand why I couldn’t tell her. I had never kept anything from her before. Nevertheless, she let it go, at least for the moment. I made sure to quickly change the subject. We made plans to go to her house after school to watch Mean Girls, our favorite movie of all time! We were both big fans of dry humor and teenage drama.
I managed to get through the day without seeing Gabriel. He wasn’t in calculus that day. It was kind of a relief. I don’t think I could have standed to see him for a whole period again and act like nothing wasn’t bothering me. When the bell rang, Mrs. Cooper asked me to stay after class to speak with her.
“What’s wrong?” I asked after the rest of the class had cleared out.
“I’ve been meaning to ask you about Mr. Covarrubias,” said Mrs. Cooper.
“What about him?” I asked.
“I’ve noticed that you two haven’t been communicating much in class. He’s not producing like he was when you first got into my class. Have you not been helping him anymore?”
“We haven’t really been talking lately.”
“And why is that?”
“Too much to explain…”
“I have time,” Mrs. Cooper smiled.
I knew she was a teacher and I probably shouldn’t be talking to her on this level, but I needed to talk to someone. I wanted to tell her everything right there. I wanted someone to understand how I felt.
“He….hates me,” I finally said.
“I’m sure that’s not true. Why would he hate you?”
“I….He….” The words weren’t coming out.
“Take your time,” said Mrs. Cooper.
“He is just dealing with a lot. I tried to be there for him, but now I think he would just rather keep his distance, and I don’t blame him. I lied to him. I made him uncomfortable. But to an extent he was in the wrong too. He can’t act this way when HE is the one that kis…..” I stopped myself before I said too much. Even though I probably already had.
“You seem to feel very strongly about this,” said Mrs. Cooper.
“I just care about him,” I told her.
“I can see that.”
“I don’t know what to do,” I sighed.
“Just be there for him. Even if he isn’t coming around at the moment, he will. If he cares about you even half as much as you care about him then he will come around.” She looked at me with understanding eyes.
I could feel tears start to swell up in my eyes. A couple drops fell down my cheek before I had a chance to wipe my eyes. Mrs. Cooper gave me a hug and patted my back. It felt so great to have someone to confide in about this. I thanked her and she told me that if I ever needed to talk again she would be there.
As I left her classroom, I was still wiping tears from my eyes. I was heading to the front to meet Aurora. She had already texted me twice while I was talking to Mrs. Cooper. I was hoping she hadn’t left me. As I walked, I saw Travis and his goons leaning up against a locker. Gabriel was with them. I turned around and started in the opposite direction. Unfortunately, they had already spotted me.
“Hey fag!” Yelled Travis.
I continued walking.
“I’m talking to you homo!”
I still said nothing.
“Faggot!” One of the guys yelled and threw something that hit me in the back.
I turned around. “Fuck off assholes!” I finally replied.
“What did you say, fag?” Travis asked as he walked towards me.
His goons followed. Gabriel stayed behind. I looked at him, but he just turned his head, as if nothing was happening. Travis pushed me into a locker.
“You wanna say something else?” He asked.
“I didn’t do anything to you. Just leave me alone.”
“Are you gonna cry now, fag?”
“Is ‘fag’ the only word in your vocabulary? It gets old!” I replied.
“I’ll hurt you!”
“Well do it! At this point I really don’t care.” I stood there scared, yet confident.
Travis and his goons laughed. Travis grabbed me around the neck. Soon after, Mrs. Cooper walked down the hall. The boys took off, including Gabriel.
“You got lucky fag!” Yelled Travis as he ran down the hallway.
Mrs. Cooper made sure I was okay. She asked the names of the guys, but I told her that it wasn’t necessary to report it and that they would get what was coming to them. She told me to be careful and I assured her that I would, as long as I could keep my mouth closed.
I made my way outside. Aurora wasn’t waiting anymore, but she came back when I called. I told her about Travis and his goons stopping me in the hall. I didn’t mention Gabriel or my conversation with Mrs. Cooper. We headed back to her house. I hoped hanging out with a good friend would take my mind off of the big pile of crap I called my life.
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