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When we arrive home, I’m so excited to see Vic that I nearly run up and hug him. I quickly decide against that idea.
He’s holding beach things and a picnic blanket. I’m so distracted by the things in his hands that it takes me while to see the big purple bruise on his cheek. My heart sinks.
“Where are you going, kiddo?” Papa asks him.
“Thought I’d take Kellin to the beach.” Vic shrugs.
“Oh that’s a good idea!” Mama exclaims. “Kell, why don’t you go get changed out of your suit?”
I nod and walk past Vic. I go up to my room and tiredly get into some more comfortable clothes, not really caring how I look.
I go back downstairs to find Vic waiting at the door. There’s no longer anything in his hands. He must have already put it in the car. He smiles kindly at me then opens the door. I walk past him and get into his car. He joins me and drives off.
“You okay, baby?” Vic asks. “You’re very quiet.”
“Sorry. I’m just still trying to, um…” I trail off forgetting the word.
“Process everything?”
“Yeah, that’s it.” I smile. “I like how you finish my sentences.”
“I know you. I know what you’re thinking.” he beams.
“The connection we have is comforting.” I sigh.
“It’s comforting for me too. It’s nice to have someone that understands me.” he mumbles.
I smile at his words and just admire him for the rest of the drive.
We soon arrive at the beach and Vic leads me to his little spot. He pulls a blanket out of the basket then lays it down on the grass. He sits down and takes my hand pulling me down next to him. I grin and lean against him.
“What’s in the basket?” I ask him, curiously.
“Snacks. I thought we could have a picnic.” he chirps. “I’m sorry if I hyped it up too much and you were expecting something exciting.”
“No, this is nice. I’ve had a big day and a picnic sounds relaxing. Thank you, Viccy.” I grin.
“It’s my pleasure, Darling.” he beams.
He opens the basket and starts pulling out all different kinds of snacks making me excited. There’s potato chips, cookies, cheese and crackers, watermelon, iced doughnuts and cupcakes.
“Aww Vic, this is too much.” I grin.
“You deserve the world.” he chuckles. “I baked the cupcakes myself.”
I giggle excitingly and take a cupcake, biting into it.
“Vic, this is so yummy.” I tell him through a mouthful of cupcake.
He smiles and kisses me, sucking softly on my bottom lip.
“Mm, you had frosting on your lip.” he simpers.
I giggle and put my cupcake down, then I climb onto his lap. I gently place my hand over the bruise on his cheek and kiss him softly.
“I love you.” I whisper.
“I love you too.” he whispers back.
I drop my hand and kiss the bruise on his cheek softly.
“Does it hurt?” I murmur.
He smile sadly and kisses my forehead.
“That’s not for you to worry about.” he sighs.
I frown but nod. Vic pushes some of my hair out of the way and kisses the back of my neck.
“God, I love you so fucking much.” he breathes.
I grin at him and hug him tightly.
“Vic?” I begin.
“Yeah, Kells?” he replies.
“I really missed you.” I smile.
“I missed you too, Kells. Why don’t you eat up?” he suggests and I nod, picking up my cupcake again. “How about I give you a massage? You must have had a stressful day.”
I nod, agreeing with him. I help him take my shirt off and then he starts rubbing my shoulders gently as I eat.
“Vic, do you think I’m still too skinny?” I ask him, looking down at myself.
“I think as long as you’re healthy, that doesn’t matter.” he murmurs, kissing my shoulder.
I smile and nod.
“How did the trial go?” Vic asks the question I’ve been dreading.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I mumble.
“Come on, Kells. It might help you process everything.” he urges.
I know he’s right so I just decide to tell him.
“It sucked. Everyone was saying embarrassing things about me and showing pictures. Then my mother tried to lie. She told everyone I made it all up but I don’t think anyone believed her. Then I had to talk about what my parents did, in front of them too! It was just upsetting.” I sigh.
“It’s all over now, darling. You’ll never have to see them again. I’m so damn proud of you.” he murmurs, kissing my shoulder again.
“Thank you, babe.” I beam.
“You’re very welcome, Kell.” he murmurs, kissing the nape of my neck.
“Stop kissing me, it tickles.” I giggle and he laughs.
“Never.” he mumbles, kissing along the side of my neck.
I turn around and climb onto his lap.
“Two can play that game.” I grin, leaning in and kissing his neck sensually.
“Kell,” he breathes. “Don’t do that.”
“Why not?” I grin, cheekily.
“You know why.” he blushes.
“No I don’t, why?” I tease.
He sighs and places his hands on my bare hips, gently gliding his hands up and down my sides.
“You’re a bad influence.” he sighs, something he’s told me many times before.
I giggle and kiss his lips.
“Viccy, can I ask you something?” I murmur.
“Of course. What is it?” he asks, picking up a cookie and stuffing it in his mouth.
“We’re in love, right?” I begin nervously.
“That is correct.” he chuckles.
“Well if we’re in love, shouldn’t we make love…” I say trailing off.
Vic sighs and pushes some hair behind my ear.
“Kell,” he stops and looks stressed.
“What?” I urge. “What is it?”
“I’m not ready.” he whispers, seeming embarrassed.
I’m honestly shocked at his confession.
“Don’t look at me like that.” he sighs, looking down at his hands.
“No, no, I just thought you didn’t want to because you thought I wasn’t ready. I didn’t even stop to think that you weren’t ready. I’m sorry. I’m happy to do it when you are.” I tell him, frowning at my own selfishness and stupidity.
He smiles at me, still blushing in embarrassment.
“Thanks Kells.” he mumbles.
I lean forward and kiss him again.
“But you’re still okay with handjobs, right?” I ask hopefully.
He bursts into laughter and leaving me confused.
“Sorry, sometimes you just say things way too casually.” He laughs. “And yes, I’m okay with fooling around. Heck, maybe we can move past just handjobs.”
I’m confused once again.
“There’s more than handjobs?” I frown.
“Well, I know what we’re doing tomorrow.” He purrs, pressing his lips to my neck.
I cant help but to grin excitedly. I cant wait to see what he has planned.
Vic’s hands travel from my hips to my chest and his fingers glide across a scar I have just below my heart as he stares at it intently. I don’t even remember how that one got there. His other hand then slides to my back and I can feel him tracing the welts on my back.
“Vic, do you still think I’m beautiful, even if I have scars?” I whisper, feeling really self-conscious.
Vic frowns and drops his hands.
“Do you still think I’m beautiful even if I have scars?” He asks and I nod. “Well there’s your answer.”
I smile and pick up his hand. I roll his sleeve up and smile at the scars that are on his arm. Just scars, no cuts. He kept to his promise.
“I’m proud if you.” I murmur.
“Really?” He beams.
I nod and kiss him softly.
“You’re so beautiful.” I whisper.
He blushes and chuckles lightly.
“If you say so, Kells.” He mumbles.
“It’s true.” I urge. “I wouldn’t love you like I do if it wasn’t.”
He smiles beautifully and kisses me again.
“I love you. You should stop being cute for a second and eat something.” He tells me.
“I am hungry, but I don’t know about that cute thing.” I giggle climbing off of him and picking up some watermelon.
We spend the next few hours just stuffing our faces and talking. It’s honestly the best date ever. I don’t want to leave but it gets dark and Mama calls.
“Sorry Mama, we lost track of time.” Vic apologizes into the phone. “We’re on our way home now. Bye Mama. I love you too.”
Vic hangs up then we pack up everything before getting in the car and going back home.
“Did you have a good time, baby?” Vic chirps.
“The best time.” I grin. “It’s exactly what I needed.”
“Good. I’m glad.” Vic sighs contently, as he pulls up into the driveway.
He kisses my cheek then we get out and go inside. We going into the living room where Mama and Papa are watching a movie. They look up at us when we enter and I notice Papa is holding an acoustic guitar in his hand.
“You look a lot less stressed, Kell.” Mama smiles.
“Thanks Mama.” I beam. “I feel a lot better.”
“That’s great, Honey. Tay called. Do you want to know how long your parents are in prison for?” she asks and I nod eagerly. “Your mother is in for thirty and your father is in for thirty-five.”
I can’t help but to smile at that.
“That’s wonderful. They’re going to be so old when they get out.” I giggle and Mama just gives me an adoring look.
“Uh, why are you holding the guitar that I’m saving up for?” Vic asks Papa, looking a little stunned.
“Your mother and I thought you deserved it.” Papa smiles, holding it out towards Vic but Vic doesn’t take it.
“You’re joking, right? What did I do?” He asks confused.
“You got an A+ on your math test. C’mon, take it.” Papa says, thrusting the guitar towards Vic.
“Oh, I think the teacher made a mistake.” Vic frowns.
“I called her. She didn’t make a mistake, Vic.” Mama smiles.
“She must have.” Vic mumbles seeming upset.
“Kiddo, sit down for a second.” Papa says.
Vic sits on the sofa next to Mama.
“Mijo, do I have to pull out your elementary and middle school report cards to prove to you that you’re smart? You can do things if you apply yourself. This hatred you have towards yourself is all in your head. You’re a good boy, Victor. Stop telling yourself otherwise.” Papa says and Mama nods agreeing.
Vic wipes tears from his eyes and shakes his head.
“Thank you but I don’t deserve the guitar.” He mutters as he stands up before rushing out of the room and upstairs. Mama sighs sadly so I go sit next to her and wrap my arms around her tightly.
“Where did I go wrong?” Mama sighs.
“Nowhere, Mama. You’re perfect.” I assure her.
“Thank you, sweetie.” She whispers kissing the top of my head.
“I just want to hear him play again.” Papa sighs. “He was so good.”
“Really?” I chirp, wanting to know more.
“Yeah, he used to play in the school talent contest every year and he won a few times. He used to sing and write songs too. He was just so happy back then.” Papa sighs.
“What happened?” I frown.
“I don’t know. He came home from school one day and smashed his guitar.” Papa says sadly.
“May I?” I ask, reaching for the guitar.
Papa hands me the guitar and I get up before going upstairs. I find Vic lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling.
“I want to hear you play.” I tell him. “And sing.”
He looks at me and smiles sadly.
“I’m not that good, Kells.” He shrugs.
“Bullshit.” I cuss.
Vic looks taken aback by my language.
“Did you just swear? Don’t do that again.” He frowns.
“Shit.” I grin and he flinches.
“Kell, that’s not you.” He mutters.
“Play the guitar for me then.” I blackmail.
“Kell…” He sighs.
“I’ll the say the f-word.” I threaten.
“Okay, give me the guitar.” He gives in.
I beam and hand him the guitar. I sit on my bed looking at him eagerly.
“What do you want me to sing?” he asks.
“I don’t know any songs.” I shrug.
“You ever heard of Green Day?” He questions and I shake my head. “Well this song is called Coming Clean.”
He starts strumming the guitar then he starts singing.
“Seventeen and strung out on confusion
Trapped inside a roll of disillusion
I found out what it takes to be a man
Now mom and dad will never understand.”
His voice is so beautiful and I’m so entranced as he plays.
“Secrets collecting dust but never forget
Skeletons come to life in my closet
I found out what it takes to be a man
Now mom and dad will never understand
What’s happening to me.”
I see something move from the corner of my eye and it catches my attention. It’s Mama and Papa standing at the door watching Vic. Vic hasn’t noticed though, he’s got his eyes closed.
“Seventeen and coming clean for the first time
I finally figured out myself for the first time
I found out what it takes to be a man
Now mom and dad will never understand
What’s happened to me.”
Its at this moment I realize that he relates to the song. It so accurately portrays him that I’m surprised he didn’t write it. Mama and Papa start clapping and Vic blushes embarrassed.
“I can’t keep this. I appreciate the gesture though.” Vic sighs, trying to hand the guitar back to his parents.
“I’ll put the lock back on the bathroom door if you just keep it.” Papa says.
Vic smirks and looks at the guitar.
“This means that much to you?” He asks and both Mama and Papa nod. “Okay, I guess I did miss playing.”
Mama comes in and kisses Vic’s cheek then they both leave. Vic flops back down on his bed and looks back up at the ceiling.
“I don’t deserve them. Or anything.” he mutters.
“That’s not true, Viccy. You’re a good son.” I assure him.
“Oh that’s bullshit.” He snaps. “They’d be so disappointed if they knew who I really was, how weak I really am. It’s obvious that I’m not enough. I’ll never be enough. They’ve spent years trying to fill this gap with foster kids because I’m not enough. They’re disappointed in me so they want someone else. I see the way they look at you. They adore you. I’m sure they wish you were their son instead of me.”
I’m shocked and hurt his words. He doesn’t say anything else. He just gets off his bed and leaves the room. I soon hear the bathroom door close.
I want to make sure he’s okay but I decide to just give him the space he obviously needs.
If only he could see the truth but he’s too blinded by self-hatred.
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