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“You can’t do that!” I hear Vic shout as I walk down the stairs. I don’t smell breakfast like I usually would.
“It’s for your own safety.” I hear Mama say in return.
“I need it. You don’t understand.” Vic cries.
“You’ll get those privileges back once you start being open with us.” Papa says.
I stop on the stairs not wanting to interrupt them.
“So privacy and freedom are privileges now?” Vic yells.
“Vic, we love you. We have your best interests in mind.” Mama says.
“If you really cared about me, you’d leave me the fuck alone.” Vic spits.
I then hear his footsteps coming towards me. He walks up the stairs with his head down.
“Vic, what wrong?” I ask worried.
He doesn’t answer though. He just angrily storms past me. I’m worried and saddened but take the hint he doesn’t want to talk to me.
I go downstairs and am about to go into the living room but I hear Mama and Papa arguing.
“I think you’ve gone too far with grounding him.” Papa says.
“So now you’re telling me how to parent? Because what you’ve been doing has totally worked out so far. Our son is covered in bruises, Victor!” Mama yells.
“I know, Vivian! But he shouldn’t be punished!” Papa shouts back.
“I’m not punishing him because he’s getting hurt! I’m punishing him because he keeps lying to us!” Mama screeches.
“Are you going to punish Kellin too?” Papa sneers.
“Don’t bring Kellin into this!” Mama argues.
The yelling and fighting is too much so I take the nearest exit which is the front door. It’s raining heavily but I don’t really care. I wipe the tears from my eyes as I go sit down in the garden on the wet grass.
“Hey Mike,” I whisper, looking down stairs the wet plaque.
I wipe some more tears or maybe it’s rain. I don’t know if I’m still crying but I do know that I feel sad.
“I think Mama and Papa hate me.” I mumble. “They’re upset that I don’t tell them Vic’s secrets. I don’t want to hurt Vic though and I don’t know what to do.”
I lay down in the grass, despite being freezing cold. I place a hand over the plague, hoping to be somewhat close to Mike. I feel like he was supposed to be my brother too. I close my eyes and let the rain fall down on my face.
“I think Vic hates me too. Not completely. I know he loves me. But he hates being gay. I know he’s wishes he didn’t love me. I don’t know how to feel about that.” I explain, feeling confused. “I wonder if he’s ashamed of me.”
I let out a small sob at the thought.
“I always knew being gay was wrong,” I sniff. “my parents made that obvious. But when I fell in love with Vic, it’s like it didn’t matter whether it was wrong or right. I loved Vic and that made me feel good. It hurts that Vic doesn’t feel the same way. He’s ashamed to love me. It makes him feel bad.” I mumble.
I curl up next to Mike’s plaque, just not wanting to think about it anymore.
“Are you in heaven, Mike?” I sniff. “I think heaven’s real. Mother always told me to go to Hell but I think I’m going to heaven. I think she’s going to Hell. I know I hurt Vic when I told him to ‘go away’ but God must know I love him. God must forgive me.”
I get comfortable, finding warmth in my shivering and numbness.
“I’m sorry you weren’t born.” I yawn. “But life isn’t fair and everyone I know is always in so much pain. So maybe it’s best you weren’t born.”
I wish I could’ve talked to Mike more but I find myself falling asleep quickly.
—
“Kell, Kellin.” I’m being shaken awake and Papa is calling my name.
My eyes flutter open and for a minute I’m confused to see grass but then I remember. I’m shivering like crazy, other than that I can barely move. I look up to see Mama and Papa looking at me worried.
“What are you doing out here, buddy? We’ve been looking for you everywhere.” Papa asks softly.
“We were so worried.” Mama frowns.
“Y-you were yelling. It r-reminded me of my p-parents.” I stutter out, through my chattering teeth. “I wanted t-to talk to M-Mike.”
“Kell, I’m so sorry.” Papa says apologetically.
He lifts me up and I cling to him, craving some form of warmth.
“You’re freezing. Let’s get you inside.” he says.
I notice that the sun is now out and I’m mostly dry but my clothes are still damp.
Papa carries me inside and places me in front of the gas fireplace before he turns it on.
“Vic, can you bring, Kellin down some warm clothes.” Mama calls to Vic.
She gets a blanket off the couch and wraps it around me. Vic comes down not long after.
“What happened?” he asks urgently, giving Mama my clothes.
“He fell asleep in the rain.” Papa answers as Mama starts undressing me.
When I’m in my boxers she starts helping me get dressed. I usually would have been shy but I’m very comfortable around my family now. Plus Vic has practically seem me naked.
“Can I do anything to help?” Vic asks.
“Keep him warm, make sure he’s okay. We’re going to make him tea and soup.” Mama said then her and Papa proceed to leave the room.
I get a wave of dizziness and begin to fall but Vic catches me. He places his hand on my chest and the other on my back steadying me.
“Kell, your heart is beating so fast. Are you okay?” Vic ask but I just look at him confused, my mind not catching up with me fast enough.
He takes out his phone when he realizes that I’m not going to answer him. He does something on it then looks a little worried.
“Mama, Papa, I think he has mild hypothermia.” Vic calls.
Papa has a mug in his hand when he enters the room. He comes back over and places the mug down next to me.
“What makes you think that?” Papa asks examining me.
“I just googled it and he’s showing symptoms. Shivering, quietness, inability to move and think, his heart is beating really fast and he seems dizzy.” Vic says.
“I’ll call Jenna.” Papa says pulling out his phone. “Hey Jen…its Kellin, we think he has mild hypothermia…hes shivering, can’t really move or speak, he’s dizzy and his heart is beating fast…yeah he’s dry now…what should we do…yeah, I made him some tea, he’s in front of the fire, he’s got warm clothes on…skin to skin, body heat…got it…okay thanks…bye.”
Papa then hangs up and looks to Vic.
“She said the only thing we can really do at this point is transfer body heat. He needs skin-to-skin contact. I’ll go help your Mom with the soup, you can handle that, yeah?”
Vic merely nods then Papa leaves the room again. Vic takes his shirt off and then mine before he wraps his arms around me.
He’s so warm. I manage to wrap my arms back around him and kiss his chest.
“Kell, why were you out there in the first place?” Vic sighs.
“Mama and P-Papa were f-fighting and you were mad at me. I was s-scared.” I chatter out.
“I wasn’t mad at you, baby. I was mad but not at you. I’m sorry.” Vic apologizes.
“Ish-okay” I mumble, my words slurring together.
“Are you feeling any warmer?” Vic asks.
“Mm, you’re so warm.” I mumble, climbing onto his lap and wrapping my arms around his neck, pressing myself against him more.
His arms wrap around me more tightly and I feel my eyes drop shut.
I’m almost asleep when Vic shakes me.
“Kell, are you okay?” he asks worried.
“Sleepy. Let me sleep.” I whine as I finally stop shivering.
“Okay.” he whispers sounding relieved.
He kisses the top of my head then I fall asleep again.
When I wake up, I’m laying on the sofa wrapped up in blankets. Vic’s sitting at my feet seeming to have fallen asleep. His elbow is resting on the arm rest and his cheek is resting on the palm of his hand, holding his head up.
The house is quiet except for the quietly playing infomercials on TV that Vic seemed to have fallen asleep watching.
I sit up and can immediately tell I’m sick. My head feels heavy and my nose is runny but blocked at the same time. I don’t feel well at all.
I crawl out from under the blankets and to Vic, seeking comfort. I weasel my way into his arms but he stirs awake.
“Kell, hey you’re awake.” he sighs relieved.
“Why aren’t you in bed?” I ask confused.
“I didn’t want to leave you. I was worried. You slept for a long time.” he says sounding concerned.
“I think I’m sick.” I mumble.
“I can tell. You sound sick.” Vic says, wrapping his arms around me. “What were you doing out in the rain?”
“Talking to Mike.” I mumble.
He sighs and smiles at me lovingly.
“Can you talk to Mike when it’s not so cold and wet? You got hypothermia, Kells. Do you know what that is?” Vic asks.
I nod having read about it in one of Father’s textbooks.
“Then you know you could have froze to death?” Vic says and I nod.
“I’m sorry.” I apologize, feeling bad for making him worry. “I just had a lot of thoughts I needed to get out.”
“It’s fine, baby. I was just worried. What thoughts were you having? You know you can talk to me about anything.” Vic says softly but I shake my head.
“Some things I can’t.” I whisper.
Vic’s silent for a while but then he speaks.
“Don’t you trust me?” he asks accusingly, but I can hear the sadness in his tone.
“It’s not that. Some things I can’t tell you. And some things you can’t tell me.” I explain and he looks a little pained.
“Are you happy with me, Kellin?” he asks, looking like he’s about to cry.
“I’m very happy with you.” I assure him. “Today was a weird day but I’m happy.”
He sighs and wipes his eyes.
“What did Mama and Papa do that made you upset?” I ask, concerned.
“They grounded me and took the lock off the bathroom door because they saw the bruises on my face.” he whispers.
“They’re just worried about you.” I tell him and he sighs.
“I know, I feel horrible making them worry.” he admits.
“Why are you scared to tell them you’re gay?” I ask him.
I watch his eyes fill with tears so I kiss his cheek comfortingly.
“I love them so much, Kells. I don’t want them to hate me. And if they’re not okay with us dating then they might send you away.” He sniffs and my heart clenches.
Would they really send me away?
“Why don’t you tell them a fake reason why Alex beats you up?” I question.
“He’d tell them the truth anyway. I’m surprised he hasn’t already.” he says.
A few tears fall down his face so he wipes them away.
“It’ll be okay. We can be a secret forever if we need to be. Everything will be okay as long as I have you.” I tell him.
A loving smile spreads across his cheeks but I can see the sadness in his eyes.
“It won’t be long until I’m out of school and don’t have to worry about bruises and Mama and Papa won’t have to worry about me.” he explains.
“I can’t wait for that.” I whisper.
He smiles and leans in to kiss me but I push him away quickly.
“What’s wrong?” he asks concerned.
“I’ll get you sick.” I frown.
He chuckles and pushes my hair behind my ear.
“That’s very sweet of you, Darling, but I’ve had my flu vaccine and therefore cannot catch the flu.” he chuckles and my eyes go wide.
“What? That’s a thing? Like I can get a shot so I don’t get sick anymore?” I ask in wonder.
“That’s what all your shots are for. You’ve got a lot to catch up on.” he explains. “Anyway, I wanna kiss you.”
I giggle and press my lips to his.
“Happy?” I beam, pulling away.
“Happy.” he confirms.
He stands up and takes my hand, pulling me up with him.
“Come on, you should rest. Do you need me to make you some tea?” he offers.
“Maybe in the morning.” I yawn.
He begins to pull me along but I stop.
“I’m dizzy.” I lie. “Can you carry me?”
“Of course baby.” he says, picking me up.
I wrap my arms around his neck and place a gentle kiss on it.
A small moan leaves his mouth and my eyes go wide.
“What was that?” I grin.
Vic blushes and clears his throat as he carries me up the stairs.
“Nothing.” he whispers.
I let him carry me to bed and when Vic gets into bed next to me, I climb on top of him.
“Kell, what are you doing? Go to sleep.” Vic breathes.
“I’m not tired anymore.” I smirk.
I lean down and kiss his neck causing a small moan to leave his mouth again.
“Kell,” he breathes sounding unsure but he doesn’t finish his sentence.
“You like that.” I point out.
“Doesn’t mean it’s right.” he blurts out.
I’m confused by his words. I lean over and turn the lamp on, illuminating his ashamed face.
“Why is it wrong?” I ask him, fearing that this is caused by his internalized homophobia.
He sighs and sits up, causing me to fall into his lap. He takes my face in his hands, ever so gently, but he doesn’t meet my eyes.
“Kellin, we only met a few months ago and before then you didn’t know any of this relationship stuff, you didn’t even know what sex was. I shouldn’t be forcing you to do this stuff. You’re not ready.” he says and I giggle which makes him look a little frustrated.
“Babe, you’re not forcing me to do anything.” I tell him, grinning. “You can’t decide when I’m ready. I’m a teenager, Vic. Papa says it’s normal for me to have these impulses and to experiment. I want to do that. I want this. I’m not a kid. I know I’m not as smart as everyone and it might seem like I’m a child sometimes but I’m not. You don’t need to treat me like I’m fragile.”
Vic finally looks at me and smiles.
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll let you make that decision.” he murmurs.
“Well, I’ve decided that I want to make my boyfriend feel good.” I grin, biting my lip.
“If that’s what you want.” Vic simpers.
I push my lips to his and kiss him slowly. His hands go to the button of my jeans so I push them away, pulling from the kiss.
“No, this is just about you.” I whisper.
He looks shy but nods.
I lean in and kiss his neck, pushing his hair out of the way. He tilts his head to the side and his breathing gets heavy. I trail kisses down his neck, even biting him which he seems to like. I can feel him getting turned on against me and I’m loving it. He does nothing but make me feel good. I just want to return the favor.
I stop kissing his neck pull his shirt up. He helps me pull it over his head and I stop to admire his physique.
“You’re really attractive, Viccy.” I breathe
“You think so?” he whispers shyly.
“I know so.” I beam.
I kiss his lips softly then push him down onto the pillows.
I feel a little intimidated the second he’s lying down. I have no idea what I’m doing and he’s expecting me to do this right. He’s staring up at me and I feel like a deer in headlights.
“You alright, darling?” he asks, rubbing my thigh softly.
“Yeah, sorry.” I mumble, undoing his jeans.
He places his hand over mine, stopping me.
“If you’re nervous, just remember that it was my first time doing this when I did it to you.” he tells me and that relaxes me a lot.
I smile at him and nod. He got it perfect first go so how hard can it be?
He lets go of my hand and I pull his jeans down, feeling a lot more comfortable. I pull them completely off and dump them on the floor beside his shirt.
I take a breath then finally pull his boxers down to his mid thigh.
I’m a little bit astonished at first. He’s just beautiful. My eyes scan his body but when I look at his face, he’s looking away blushing in embarrassment.
I climb off of him and fall down beside him, resting my head on his shoulder in which he instinctively wraps his arm around me.
He looks down at me shyly, and I lean up as kiss his cheek. I then grasp his penis in my hand and start flicking my wrist, trying to imitate what Vic did to me.
Vic gasps and closes his eyes. I hope this feels exactly like what he did to me.
“Is that okay?” I whisper hopefully.
“That’s perfect, baby. Don’t stop.” he breathes, his voice shaking.
That makes me smile in triumph and I’m no longer worried in any sense. I lean in and kiss his neck which makes a breathy moan leave his lips.
“I love you.” I whisper, watching him closely.
I’ve never seen him express so much pleasure.
“I love you t-too.” he stammers.
He finishes not long after that. A wide smile covers his face and he’s breathing heavily while covered in his own mess.
I kiss his neck a few more times until he reaches over and grabs tissues out of his nightstand. He cleans himself off and tosses the tissues in the bin. He pulls up his boxers then turns to me. He wraps his arms around me and pushes his lips to mine. I kiss him lovingly until he pulls away.
“You mean the world to me, Kells.” he whispers.
I blush and kiss him again. We lay in silence for a bit as I run my hands over his bare chest.
“Are you fighting with Mama and Papa?” I ask, worried.
I don’t want any conflict between them.
“No, no. I understand why they did what they did. I don’t like it, but I understand.” he explains. “I’m just sad that they grounded me. I wanted to take you on a date this week.”
I frown, feeling a little disappointed. A date would have been nice.
“I’ll take you in a few weeks, yeah? We’ll go after your trial so you have something to look forward to.” Vic suggests and I clap my hands excitedly.
I rest my head against his shoulder and kiss his bicep.
“I can’t wait.” I squeal quietly, the action hurting my throat and causing me to cough.
Vic rubs my back and kisses me.
“You sure you don’t want some medicine? It’ll make you feel better.” Vic offers and I know it’d be a good idea but damn it tastes so bad.
“It tastes bad.” I whine.
He chuckles and kisses my forehead.
“I’m going to get you some medicine. Can’t have my boyfriend feeling sick, can I?” he chirps.
“Guess not.” I mumble.
“That’s my boy.” he grins climbing out of bed.
“Vic,” I smile gently making him stop.
“Yeah baby?” he responds.
I place my hand on the back of his thigh and feel him shiver.
“Hurry back.” I purr.
“You’re a bad influence, Kell.” he sighs dreamily making me giggle.
He leaves the room and I look down at the boner in my pants.
“It’s not my fault you’re so hot.” I mutter frustratedly to myself.
I then hear Vic chuckle quietly on his way down the hall.
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