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I’m a little nervous as Mama rings the doorbell. I’ve never been to someone else’s house before other than my parents and Mama and Papa’s. Although the excitement of seeing Taylor and Jenna trumps my nervousness.
Taylor answers the door and greets everyone with hugs, including me.
“I missed you.” I whisper to her.
“I missed you too.” She whispers back, leading us into the house.
We go into the sitting room where Jenna is and I feel compelled to hug her too. I’m getting better with the whole physical contact stuff.
“Hey Kells, how’s your shoulder?” She chirps.
“It doesn’t really hurt anymore but I have to wear this stupid sling for two weeks.” I mutter. “Its so annoying.”
Its such a nuisance. Getting dressed is a pain, drawing is difficult, cuddling with Vic also sucks.
Jenna smirks and shakes her head.
“If you can put your arm up straight over your head then you can take it off.” She says.
Determined I put my arm straight up but immediately put it back down when I feel the pain in my shoulder. I whimper in pain.
“Hey be careful.” Vic sighs.
Jenna smirks at him raising an eyebrow.
“Looks like the sling is staying.” She says and I whine. “In two weeks it should be fine. Patience kiddo.”
I sigh and nod as I go to grab Vic’s hand but stop myself. Ugh.
“Viv and I will go get the ingredients for dinner. I’m sure the boys will behave.” Papa says.
“Okie dokie. Do either of you have any objections to me cutting Kellin’s hair?” Jenna chirps.
“Not at all.” Mama shakes her head.
They begin to leave but I quickly wrap my arm around Papa then around Mama. Mama smiles and kisses my forehead before ruffling my hair.
“We’ll be back soon.” She whispers.
“Hurry back.” I smile and she nods.
They then leave and I turn back to Jenna and Tay.
“I’m going to go get my hair dressing equipment ready.” Jenna says.
“I’ll go get my nail kit.” Taylor chirps, following Jenna out of the room.
Vic immediately wraps his arms around me once they’re gone. I sigh contently and bury my face into his chest. He kisses the top of my head and I look up at him.
“Vic,” I murmur.
“Yeah Kells.”
“I hate hiding us.” I frown.
“I know Kells. I’m sorry.” He says sounding ashamed.
I smile lightly and kiss him.
“Don’t be.” I say reassuringly. “Its okay. I understand. It just gets frustrating because I want to hold your hand and hug you and kiss you all the time.”
He smiles and runs his hand down the side of my face.
“Me too baby.” He sighs.
He kisses my nose one more time before stepping away.
Tay and Jenna enter the room not long after. Jenna lays down a sheet and puts a cushion on the floor then she tells me to sit on it. I do just that and Tay takes my hand as Jenna starts doing something to my hair.
“I’m guessing you still want it long.” Jenna says and I think about it.
Vic did say he likes my hair so I don’t want it to change too much.
“Yes please.” I reply.
She the starts running a comb through my hair as Taylor clips at my nails.
“Ever got your haircut before Kells? Jenna asks.
“Not by someone else. I used to cut my own hair but only when I had to. I wasn’t so good at cutting hair.” I explain.
“Well I’ll fix it up for you and make it look nice for your boyfriend.” She chirps.
Boyfriend? Did Vic tell her? I look at him confused and he’s looking at me a little scared.
“How long have you two been dating anyway?” Taylor asks, looking back at Vic.
“H-how did you…” Vic trails off.
Jenna and Taylor both giggle.
“Oh honey, you really need to stop looking at Kellin so longingly, its a dead giveaway.” Jenna chuckles.
Vic looks terrified and I feel awkward because I’m not sure how to feel or what to do in this situation.
“Vic, relax. We’re not going to tell.” Taylor smiles kindly at him and he relaxes a bit. Vic smiles standing off the sofa and sitting next to Tay.
He takes my free hand as Taylor does something to my other one.
“I think you make a really cute couple.” Tay compliments and I blush.
“So give us the details. How did this happen?” Jenna beams.
Vic smirks and brings my hand to his lips.
“I took Kellin to the beach and i had been trying not to kiss him ever since he got here but he was just being so cute, I couldn’t help myself.” Vic explains a little dreamily.
I feel my face heat up at his words.
“That’s so cute. What do you like most about Vic, Kell?” Jenna beams.
That’s a tough question. I’ve never thought about it before.
“I don’t know. Everything?” I giggle. “I like how caring he is. And how protective he is, how kind he is and he’s really attractive.”
I blush at my own words and look to my lap but then curiously glance at Vic.
He’s giving me an adoring look which only makes me blush more.
“That’s so sweet.” Tay smiles. “Is this your first relationship Kells?”
“Uh huh.” I grin.
“What about you Vic? First relationship?” Jenna asks.
“Uh, no.” He says confusing me.
He never told me there was someone else. Oh God. What if they were better than me? What if they were cuter? What if he liked them more? What if he still likes them?
“Oh yeah right, you dated that Nicole girl like last year.” Tay says confusing me even more.
Why would he date a girl let alone Nicole? She was really rude.
“Yeah, I don’t know if I should really count that though. It was more of a business kind of relationship.” He shrugs.
“In what way?” Taylor asks, taking my hand out of Vic’s then she starts doing something to that one too.
“Well I dated her to cover up my sexuality and she dated me to make her ex jealous.” He explains with a shrug and I let out a quiet sigh of relief.
So he didn’t like her. That’s a relief.
Vic then chuckles and leans forward, kissing my cheek.
“Aw you’re so cute when you’re jealous.” He murmurs making me blush.
“I wasn’t jealous.” I lie.
“Baby, you so were.” He chuckles and I pout.
Jenna puts her scissors down and combs my hair out again.
“All done.” She chirps making me feel a little excited. “I’ll go get a mirror so you can have a look.
She then gets up and leaves.
“Can you blame me?” I whine, turning back to Vic. “I want you to be mine and only mine forever.”
He wraps his arms around me and grins as he kisses my shoulder.
“I am yours and only yours, forever.” He whispers.
He gently grabs my chin and guides my lips to his, kissing me slowly.
“I don’t think I could ever like anyone as much as I like you.” Vic says making my stomach do that flippy thing again.
“Me too.” I murmur, biting my lip.
“Ugh, you guys are so fucking cute.” Tay grins.
I giggle and blush a little. I look down at my nails as Vic just holds me. They’re all shiny and smooth now.
“Would you like me to color them? Taylor asks and I nod eagerly.
She then gets a lot of small bottles of colorful liquid out of her bag.
“Which color?” She questions.
I look at the selection then I decide on the sparkly red. Taylor starts brushing the liquid over my nails and Jenna soon reenters the room holding a small hand mirror and a box. She sits down next to Tay and faces a hand mirror towards me. I gasp as I look at my reflection. My hair looks so much better now that its shorter and neater.
“I really like it.” I grin. “Thank you Jenna.”
“You’re welcome, Kell.” She grins.
I then turn to Vic shyly.
“W-what do you think?” I stutter out.
“You look so beautiful.” He whispers in awe making me blush and getting rid of any doubts.
He just smiles at me for a while then Jenna puts her mirror down and opens the box. By the contents, I can see its a first aid kit. Vic kisses my cheek before turning to Jenna and giving her a nod. He then takes off his jacket and roles up his sleeves, revealing the cuts that litter his arms. Jenna smiles sadly and pulls out a wipe of some sort.
“You haven’t been cleaning them, have you?” She sighs.
“No. I’ll make sure I do it from now on.” He says.
“Good. You need to. You don’t want them to get infected again.” She says and Vic nods.
After she’s wiped the cuts, she starts wrapping Vic’s arms in bandages.
“I can recommend a really nice therapist. They help with this kind of stuff.” She explains softly.
“How?” Vic frowns. “They can’t change me and they can’t change how people see me.”
“Therapy isn’t always about fixing things and making things better. It can be about making things easier, teaching you how to cope with things. You can learn how to handle your emotions without resorting to harming yourself.” She explains and I like the sounds of that. I don’t want Vic to hurt himself anymore.
Vic stays silent.
“All done. Don’t touch them. They need to dry.” Taylor beams blowing lightly on my nails.
“Thank you Taylor.” I grin looking down at my nails. They looks so pretty.
“You’re very welcome.” She grins.
Jenna finishes fixing Vic’s arms them Vic finally answers her.
“I’ll think about it.” He says and she nods with a light smile.
Vic rolls his sleeves back down and puts his jacket back on.
After than I climb into his lap and rest my head on his shoulder. He wraps his arms around my waist and kisses my temple. I extend my arms and look at my nails. They’re just so goddamn pretty.
“Viccy, do you like my nails?” I ask hopefully.
“Very beautiful baby.” He smiles.
I grin and kiss his cheek. He sighs and tucks some hair behind my ear.
“I really like this shirt on you.” He smiles tugging on my red and black plaid flannelette.
“You picked it out.” I blush still grinning.
“And I still stand by what I said, you look nice. I can see you learnt how to do up your buttons.” He chuckles.
I bite my lip and shake my head.
“Mama helped.” I giggle and he laughs amused.
“You’re so cute.” He murmurs.
I giggle and blush just as I hear a car pull up the driveway. Vic sighs sadly and pecks my lips. I give him a sad smile as I climb off of his lap.
“I’m sorry baby.” He apologizes.
“Its okay.” I smile, shuffling away from him like he’d want me to.
Vic stands up seeming frustrated then storms out of the room just as Mama and Papa walk through the front door. I stand up happy to see them although, I feel rather sad that Vic’s upset.
“Is Vic okay?” Mama asks concerned as I go over and hug her.
“He’s fine. He just went to the bathroom.” I lie so she doesn’t worry. Besides, what would I even tell her?
She nods and smiles, hugging me back.
“Papa and I bought ice cream for dessert.” She smiles and I gasp.
“What flavor?” I ask excitingly.
“Strawberry.” She says and I grin.
“I’ve never tried that flavor.” I chirp. “Thank you Mama.”
“Not a problem Kiddo.” She says pulling away and cupping my cheeks. “Are you having a good night?”
I smile softly and sigh contently.
“Mama, I haven’t had a bad night yet, not since I met you.” I murmur.
She smiles and ruffles my hair, getting a little teary.
“What on earth did Victor and I do to get stuck with a wonderful kid such as yourself?” She whispers.
I don’t think I’m supposed to answer because she kisses my cheek then walks around me into the kitchen. Papa follows, ruffling my freshly cut hair on the way past.
I walk back into the living room with Tay and Jenna. I sit next to Jenna and she puts her arm around me.
“How did you known that Vic cut himself?” I ask, curiously.
She smiles sadly and squeezes my shoulder.
“He cut one time and the wounds got really infected–”
“Like the burns on my neck?” I interrupt, trying to understand.
She nods then continues.
“His cuts got infected when he didn’t clean them and he needed to see a doctor but he was too young to make a doctors appointment without his parents permission so he came to me one night while his parents were visiting.” She explains and I nod.
“Do you know why he cuts?” I ask.
“I don’t.” She frowns. “Do you?”
“Not really. He said it makes him feel better but I don’t know why he feels sad.” I murmur. “And I don’t see how causing more pain will make him feel better.”
She sighs and squeezes my shoulder again.
“Sometimes people find it easier to deal with physical pain rather than emotional pain.” She explains. “Don’t get me wrong, if you’re sad you shouldn’t hurt yourself. It doesn’t fix anything. It might make you feel better for a few minutes but after that everything’s still the same. It never actually fixes anything.”
“Does Vic know that?” I mumble.
“Yeah, he knows. He doesn’t like cutting. After he does it, he feels horrible. But once you start, it’s a hard thing to stop doing.” She explains and I nod.
“Can he stop?” I squeak out, feeling a little sad.
She nods and smiles comfortingly.
“Yeah but we can’t force him. We can help him but in the end, he has to make that choice.” She explains and I nod.
“I just want him to be happy.” I state.
“Sweetie, I’ve already seen a change in him since you’ve got here.” She smiles. “He’s getting better. Trust me.”
I feel a little better knowing that.
“Jenna, Vic says that its okay that I like boys. But he doesn’t like that he likes boys. He says that its different but I don’t think it is.” I frown.
“You’re right. Its not different. I think Vic has internalized homophobia. There’s nothing wrong with liking boys or girls or other. Love is love. I really think he needs to see a therapist.” she sighs.
At that moment, Vic comes back into the room and sits on the other sofa across the room, staring down at his hands.
I wish I could make him feel better.
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