Array
(
[text] =>
The night was miserably rainy. Winter wasn’t even close yet, but the weather had been a disaster lately—just like her head. The raindrops pounded against the apartment window so hard that Hyeori was already getting a headache.
Or maybe it was because she hadn’t eaten in hours.
She didn’t know, but she couldn’t stand being in the living room anymore—at least not without a blanket to wrap herself in against the cold that had crept in minutes ago. Her bedroom wasn’t any warmer, so she decided to pull out a thick blanket she usually only used in winter.
The one Sooho’s grandmother had given her for their first Christmas as a couple.
“A delicate girl like you should stay warm, sweetie. My Sooho’s a bit clueless when it comes to taking care of sick people, so try not to get sick too often.”
Hyeori remembered those words as she held the blanket in her hands, smiling softly because it was true. Sooho really was a bit of a dummy when it came to taking care of anyone who was sick. When she was the one who got sick, he’d always go overboard at the pharmacy, buying everything the clerk recommended even when she told him all she needed was a pill.
She tugged on the fabric a little, but let go immediately when she saw a box come tumbling with it. Even though she tried to catch it, everything inside spilled onto the floor—it had been placed upside down.
“Ah… Hyeori…” she muttered, scolding herself as she grabbed the box a little more firmly, lowering her gaze to the things that had fallen.
Her legs tensed at the sight of the items now scattered on the floor. Slowly, she lowered herself until she was sitting in front of them. The first thing she noticed was a collar—small, made of brown leather. The name Jaxx engraved on a little metal tag.
Her hands trembled slightly as she reached for the other collar lying just a few inches away. She picked it up too. Same size, but pale pink. Nala, written on the tag.
Her hands shook even more, the tiny bells attached to both collars jingling faintly. Hyeori let out a small laugh—blended with a quiet sob—as her eyes filled with tears at the sound. That sound used to echo through the house when those little dogs would run around a couple of years ago.
“Babe! Nala’s trying to eat me!”
The memory of Sooho lying on the floor with the months-old puppy climbing on top of him, barking and wagging her tail, made her tears fall faster—yet her smile lingered.
Bittersweet.
Off to the side, some toys had fallen out—Jaxx’s favorites. A small hamburger-shaped squeaky ball Sooho had bought him for his birthday.
“C’mon little guy, go get it! Don’t embarrass me in front of your mom.”
Hyeori laughed quietly at the memory, because the dog had absolutely hated the toy at first. He even gave Sooho dirty looks when he tried to get him to play with it.
At him, not the toy.
But after Sooho’s endless attempts, the dog had grown attached to it.
Among a few more scattered toys, she spotted a photo print—it looked like a Polaroid, not that old, because it was still in perfect condition. It was a selfie. Sooho, shirtless with messy hair, flashing the goofiest and softest smile in the world, with a tiny Jaxx and an even smaller Nala on top of him, barking happily as they looked down at him. She was next to him, kissing his cheek, covering half his face with her own.
It was perfect.
“Uhm, when we have kids… I want them to be like Jaxx. Look at him, staring at you like you’re the biggest and most delicious treat on the planet.”
His voice echoed in her mind, making her shut her eyes for a moment. Big mistake. More memories flooded in, tightening her chest painfully.
“But if they’re like Nala, I’d be the luckiest man alive. Can you imagine not just one beautiful girl with the perfect smile by my side—but two? Both mine? Ah… I’d definitely need to buy a shotgun…”
The tears poured from her eyes uncontrollably. Her hands squeezed the collars of her late dogs, sobs muffled by the loud storm outside. She looked at the photograph again, her lips trembling.
“Are you going to wake up?” she whispered, staring at the boy’s smile in the photo. “You’re coming back to me… right?”
“When we get our house, we’ll have three rooms. One for the kids—with tons of toys… and one for our babies. That one’ll be full of toys too…”
Then her eyes fell on a black t-shirt. His favorite one. A black tee with the logo of a jazz band he actually hated, but wore because she liked how it looked on him. It smelled a bit old, but still had that distinct scent of him—the one she refused to forget. Her eyes squeezed shut as she brought the fabric to her nose, burying her face in it.
She cried. Harder than she had in days.
She always held it in. Always kept it together when others were around—because everyone told her to “stay strong,” that “he’ll wake up when you least expect it.”
But she was alone again tonight. With just her dogs’ collars—companions of the most important and loneliest part of her life—and the clothes of the boy who’d promised to stay by her side forever.
How was she supposed to be strong in a moment like this?
How was she supposed to be strong when she didn’t have them—or him—and maybe never would again?
Sooho was in a coma.
Jaxx and Nala were buried.
And she… she couldn’t take it anymore.
—
The rain had stopped, but the sky remained dark. The apartment was suffocating. Hyeori’s head throbbed, her chest was tight, even her ears felt swollen.
She had to get out of there.
The silence was choking her—she needed air, noise, something to stop her thoughts.
She threw on a hoodie over her pajamas, slipped on some shoes, and walked out of the apartment, heading down the stairs with no real destination. She just let the cool, damp air left by the rain guide her. Maybe she’d find something warm to eat. As she rounded a corner, she bumped into someone.
Her shoulder hit the person’s arm hard enough to make her stumble—her body still too weak.
“Oh, I’m sorry…” the male voice said quickly. She looked up, ready to say it was okay, when she saw a familiar brown-haired boy looking at her with wide eyes. “Oh—Hyeori! I’m sorry. Baku was bugging me, so I wasn’t paying attention and—yeah…”
She shook her head slightly—just that movement made her skull ache. “Don’t worry about it…”
Gotak looked around awkwardly. “Isn’t your boyfriend with you today?”
Her body stiffened. “What?”
Hyuntak opened and closed his mouth, clearly thrown off. Her tone hadn’t sounded all that friendly. “I mean… that guy you’re always with. Sieun? You know—the one who always looks like he’s about to cry…”
Hyeori blinked, processing his words. Then a soft chuckle slipped out. She nodded a little. “No, he’s not… Sieun’s just a friend.”
Gotak’s eyes lit up like someone had just told him he’d won the lottery. He nodded enthusiastically. “Oh, gotcha… So you’re single then—”
“I have a boyfriend,” she cut in quickly, a bit shy when his face froze. “Sieun’s a friend. My boyfriend… he doesn’t go to Eujang.”
“Ah…” he nodded again, looking at the ground. He didn’t know what to say. That one had hurt a little.
“And you?” she asked—more out of politeness than interest.
“Me what?”
“Do you…?”
“Have a boyfriend? No. I’m terrified of ending up with someone like Baku,” he joked, making Hyeori let out a small nose-laugh.
“What about a girl like Baku? Wouldn’t that be scary too?”
Gotak paused, tilting his head like the thought had never occurred to him—and now it haunted him.
“Gotak…” she called, catching his attention. “Are you heading home now?”
“Ah, no. I just left, actually,” he said, pointing behind him. “Needed some air. My place can feel kinda suffocating sometimes.”
She gave a soft smile, her fingers fiddling together. “Would you mind if I joined you? I don’t really like walking alone.”
He nodded instantly. “Of course.” He grinned. “I was going to get a hotteok—there’s this grandma who makes the best one. Want one?”
She nodded, walking beside him, hands tucked into her hoodie pockets, listening to him talk.
“I don’t want to sound nosy or anything…” he began, and she looked at him—knowing exactly what he was about to ask.
“I transferred because of my parents’ jobs,” she said. “I’m sure you’ve heard plenty of rumors about Sieun and me…”
Gotak nodded, lips pressing together before he chuckled softly. “I knew it. You two look way too sweet to have done all the stuff people say. You both seem like good people. Especially you. He kinda scares me.”
Hyeori smiled and shook her head. “Sieun’s sweet. He just doesn’t always know how—or when—to show it.”
Once they had their hotteok, they found a bench at the park. It was still a little damp from the rain.
“Wait—” Gotak set his snack down and started taking off his hoodie. Hyeori looked away when his shirt lifted, showing a bit of skin. “There. You can sit now,” he said, patting the spot.
“It’s okay, it might get dirty and—”
“Don’t worry,” he waved it off. “I’ve got detergent strong enough to clean a murder scene.”
She smiled and thanked him, sitting down. She watched him blow on the hot pancake before trying to bite it without burning himself.
“Start from the edges—they cool faster,” she advised. Then froze. The way he was going at it reminded her so much of Sooho, who always devoured food like it was a competition.
Gotak followed her advice, chewing thoughtfully. “You know…” he began, swallowing. “You always seem so distant in class—like your brain’s somewhere else. But you always get the answers right and…”
Hyeori raised an eyebrow at him, which made him blush furiously.
“Ah—it’s not like I watch you all class, it’s just—uh—the way our seats are… it’s easy to—uh—not that I want to—uhm…”
She laughed quietly, biting into her hotteok while he mumbled.
“I overthink… I guess it’s kind of my thing to zone out but still follow the teacher.”
He nodded, ears red, staying quiet for a while, hands opening and closing.
“Sometimes thinking is good… sometimes not so much,” he added, wiping his lips.
“Yeah… but it’s not something you can really control. It just happens.”
“Ah… I watch cat videos. Helps me. Want me to send you some?”
“You don’t even have my number.”
He’s asking for it, Hyeori-ah…
She blushed, realizing it. Glanced at him again.
“You can have it… or my Instagram, but I’d have to re-download it first.”
She looked at him. He was still murmuring to himself, eyes on the bench like he was deep in thought.
So, for the second time that year, she said to herself, Why not?
And gave it to him.
“Thanks,” he said like she’d handed him a bag of gold.
“It’s just my number,” she replied.
“Yeah… but you’re not just anything.”
Hyeori stiffened, swallowing hard as he gave her a soft smile.
“Do you have any pets, Hyeori? You seem like the kind of person animals love…”
Her gaze dimmed in an instant, but she nodded. “I had two dogs… they passed away not long ago. One recently, the other a while back…”
Hyuntak noticed the sadness in her eyes and looked ahead, as if searching for something to say.
“I have a cat… Or well, he has me.”
She looked at him, curious. She liked how easy it was to talk to him—no pressure, no expectations.
“His name’s Mugunghwa.”
“Mugunghwa?”
“Yeah, ‘cause when I adopted him, he hid in a flowerpot and refused to come out. He looked like just another plant… I spent half an hour talking to him like an idiot.”
“Did he come out?”
“I came out,” he deadpanned. “I slipped on the wet dirt and fell on my butt in front of the building’s guard… and Mugunghwa never came out. I had to bribe him with chicken after breaking my butt.”
Hyeori laughed—the most genuine, full laugh Hyuntak had ever heard from her. She covered her nose, flashing that perfect, white-toothed smile.
Hyuntak grinned, taking another bite of his hotteok like he’d just won the jackpot.
And as Hyeori laughed, something stirred in her chest. For the first time in a long time, she felt that familiar spark—the one she hadn’t felt since Sooho fell asleep in that hospital bed.
Do you hear this laugh, Sooho-yah?
I thought I’d never laugh like this again.
Not without you.
[text_hash] => 878b5289
)