Array
(
[text] =>
025. 𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝗶𝘀 𝗱𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀,
𝗶𝗴𝗻𝗼𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗯𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘀.
𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐈 𝐃𝐈𝐃𝐍’𝐓 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐈𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐒 when she found herself sitting in front of Will Byers, in the dim living room of the Byers house. She was on a rocking chair, sitting with her knees apart, her elbows perched on them with her hands folder together. Her back was hunched over and she was sitting a few feet away, respectfully. The house was dim and quiet— all that could be heard was the small chatter between Mike and Max in the kitchen.
Everyone was organizing into their jobs. Hopper had gone outside to clear the shed, Jonathan was with his mom for the time being— somewhere around— Dustin and Lucas were gathering trashbags and heading outside to search through the garbage cans. After the plan was set, it was now in motion — but nobody mentioned a job to Lori. So, as everyone smoothed into their tasks, she took a seat in the living room without anyone noticing.
She sat now, looking at Will. The stories played over in her head, and she caught herself imagining him walking through the ‘Upside Down’— thinking of everything he’d been through. He was the center of it all. Of all the stories and all the insanity. And now this, sleeping on the couch by force of sedation, because he was a spy for the Mindflayer. She couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. And as she sat there, looking at the kid from a close distance, she wanted to know what he was like without all of… this. She couldn’t imagine a boy like Will having all of this happen to him, but there he was, right in front of her.
She wished then, that he was without all of this madness, so she could really meet him.
“Philbs?” Steve’s voice came from behind her. Quiet and soft.
Lori took a second more to look at Will, her eyes softening somberly. Slowly, she turned her head around, and didn’t stay anything. Her eyes caught Steve’s.
“You wanna, uh, come help me in the shed?” he said, carefully. He glanced to the back door, “Hopper said two of us should start out with the tarps, then we’re all gonna get it ready,”
He was standing at the living room entrance, his hands folded on top of one another. Slowly, he took small steps, each one slower than the last.
She narrowed her eyebrows every so slightly, “I thought Nancy was out there already,” she said, with a small tilt of her head.
Steve cleared his throat, and looked down. Clearly, he was aiming not to mention that.
Lori placed her elbow on the arm of the rocking chair, turning her torso to face him. “Are you avoiding your ex-girlfriend?” she said, with a small, airy laugh.
“Duh,” he said, obviously not joking.
Lori pushed herself up to stand and turned to him. “That’s quite the impossible task, Harrington,” she said, honestly. “I mean, we’re all in the same group fighting demons now, so.”
He looked away from her, off to the side as he chewed on the inside of his lip. She slowly stepped forward, until they were a few feet apart.
“You should talk to her.” she said, her voice low. And honest now.
Steve looked down at his feet. After a moment, he nodded, but it was barely visible.
“Have you guys even spoken since she dumped you,” Lori said, squinting her eyes.
“Just say broke up, please,” he shut his eyes, wincing.
“Whatever,” she almost rolled her eyes. “Have you?”
Slowly, he shook his head.
“We would’ve,” he said, and then looked up to her, “But then you fuckin’ passed out.” he said, referring to the plan they’d arranged, where he would’ve spoken to Nancy.
Now, she rolled her eyes. “Listen, maybe it’s time to talk. I mean, there’s gotta be things you have to say to each other, no?”
“Yeah.” he said in a low voice, with no enthusiasm.
“Three’s a crowd.” She said, as her refusal, “But I’ll be out later.” her eyes trailed around the tenseness of his face.
He shifted his eyes up to meet hers, and let them linger there for a moment before he nodded quietly, and turned away. He shoved his hands in his pockets and disappeared down the hall. She stood there, until she heard the back door clatter.
She was going to make a joke, say “don’t miss me too much,”— but then realized painfully that this was the first time she was without Steve in more than twenty four hours.
Sighing, she turned back around to look at Will. Her eyebrows tensed with concern, and her mouth shifted. She stood for a few more moments, in the dim light of the living room, until she was certain Steve was in the shed.
Slowly, she turned and walked from the living room, leaving Will by himself on the couch. On her way to the hall, she stopped to cut a glance at Max and Mike— sitting on the kitchen floor sorting through chemicals and preparing rolls of duct tape. Their voices were low in conversation, and she didn’t linger enough to hear what they were saying. She stepped down the hallway, always looking around at the pieces of paper taped to the ceiling and the walls— trying to decode the tunnels but always knowing it was no use. She had her eyes glued to the ceiling as she stepped down the carpeted floor, all the way to the back door.
She pushed it open and let out a huff, not knowing how many minutes passed since Steve left. Her breath evaporated into a cloud of smoke in the cold, midnight November air, obscuring her vision for a moment. When the cloud dispersed, she could see the outlines of Dustin and Lucas by the garbage cans, crouching on the grass to sort through the bags of trash. And she could hear their voices.
She stopped and stood by the back door, observing from afar.
Her attention was gripped when Dustin stood up and turned away, walking in her direction with his head hanging low.
“What’s with the long face, Hagar?” She asked when he was close enough, crossing her arms. “Other than the obvious surrounding danger.”
He kept his gaze on the ground. “Nothing.” he mumbled, as he tried to pass her.
“Hey,” she said, strongly now. She wrapped a hand around his elbow to stop him. “What were you guys talking about?” she glanced over to where Lucas was, still crouching on the ground and not paying attention.
He sniffled at the ground. “Nothing, Lor. It’s nothing,” he said, glumly.
Lori let go of his arm, and crossed her own— shifting from the cold air. She thought back to the junkyard, when they were in the bus, and when she’d seen Lucas and Max holding hands. She didn’t know how she remembered it— but she did, along with the fact that Max was “the girl” that her, Steve and Dustin had talked about.
Her eyes softened, “Oh,” she mumbled.
“Yeah, oh,” he sniffled.
“This is about the girl, isn’t it,” she said, as more of a statement rather than a question.
“No,” he looked up at her, trying to put up a front. “Yeah.” he looked back down.
“Look, don’t beat yourself up for it,” she told. “Who knows? Maybe she’ll come back for you. Preteen girls are wildly unpredictable.” she reached forward and nudged his shoulder with her hand.
“I dunno,” he said, and shifted his feet on the dirt. He shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at the ground.
“Keep your head up,” she said, and poked his chin. “Alright?” the corner of her lip pulled up into a tiny smile. “Deal with girls after this whole thing is sorted out. If we live through it of cour—”
He looked up at her, unamused by her constant assumption that they were going to die. She stopped, and her lips twitched in a small grin.
He saw the small smile on her face. “Thanks.” he said, calmly. He meant that.
“Alright, enough of this shit,” Lori huffed, and placed her hand on his shoulder— turning him to the side, “Go help your friends.” she pushed him off, lightly. “Meet us in the shed in a few.”
He fixed the cap on his head, and nodded. Lori watched as he stepped up the backdoor steps, his head hanging just a little bit less after what she’d said.
When the back door clattered shut, she turned on her heel. She pressed her lips together, and kept her eyes on the grass as she began walking. When she trailed them up to see where she was going— her eyes landed on none other than Nancy Wheeler, making her way out of the shed.
“Oh, here we go.” Lori whispered to herself, her face immediately tensing. By their opposite destinations, it was obvious they were going to have to pass one another.
Lori tried not to look at Nancy as their steps slowly neared, trying to keep her gaze pinned on the shed. Her face had a hard look like it usually did. As she stared at the shed doors, she noticed Nancy’s head lift up, and her eyes look towards Lori.
Just as they were about to pass one another, Nancy stopped.
“Um, Lori?” she said against the quietness, sort of hesitantly. But her voice was soft, and surprisingly very kind.
Lori stopped in her tracks, darting her eyes to Nancy. She was a few feet away, in front of her, her hands folded at her stomach.
Lori looked at their surroundings, and then back to Nancy, sort of skeptically. “Yeah?” she said, her voice monotone. This was new.
It was awkward, painfully awkward, to be standing in front of the Nancy Wheeler, Princess of the high school, and ex-girlfriend of Lori’s partner in crime— Steve. Oh, and Nancy was also the reason Steve and Lori even got together in the first place.
The necklace.
Lori felt the dramatic irony of it all the way to her fingertips, practically dripping from the air— and visions of the once-thought-to-be-genius-plan took over her thoughts for a moment. She thought for a second, about what things would’ve been like if she’d never passed out, if Steve had never abruptly stopped the course of the plan and gotten to Nancy. Would he be here with Nancy instead of Lori? They wouldn’t have been on top of that bus together, certainly. And then she got to thinking if her dent in the plan had molded future events for the better, or if she made things painfully worse. She thought of Steve’s face leaning slowly toward her own, and the fact that it wouldn’t have happened if their plan didn’t go awry—
A branch crackled as Nancy moved. Lori stopped thinking about Steve.
“Hi,” Nancy took a careful step forward, and Lori’s eyebrows twitched when she noticed the small smile on her perfect lips. “I’m Nancy, Mike’s older sister,” she started, her voice still kind.
“I know,” Lori said. She didn’t mean to sound so closed-off, it was just hard to decipher the fact that she was speaking to Nancy Wheeler, when she’d always sworn to never speak to the popular kids in her life.
Nancy folded her hands together, and let her arms relax. “I, uh, I just wanted to thank you,” she swallowed, as if preparing her next words. “For helping the kids,” she paused, and their eyes locked in the darkness. “I know you’re new here, so that was pretty, um, nice of you,”
The corner’s of Nancy’s mouth were pulled up in a small smile, a kind, inviting one. She was being honest.
Lori tilted her chin up, trying to decide on what words to say. She got the looming feeling that helping the kids wasn’t the only thing Nancy was thanking her for.
Before she could speak, Nancy swallowed and looked down, “Um,” she looked back up, “Steve was just telling me about you,” she rose her hand and pointed her thumb over her shoulder, at the shed.
Ah, there it was.
Lori’s chest tightened, and something like surprise washed over her face. “He was?” she said, and her arms absentmindedly loosened their crossing.
Nancy nodded, and pressed her lips together. She took another step, and they were a few feet apart, standing in the dark. “Yeah, he was,” she affirmed, honestly. “He told me about you.”
Lori tried to analyze Nancy’s voice— which had a tone that emitted she was more or less okay with the fact that Steve was talking about Lori, maybe even happy for him?— but her mind was crowded with the idea of Steve even mentioning her name.
“What did he say?” Lori asked, and tried to keep her voice from sounding so urgently curious. “Did he put you up to this,”
“No, of course not,” her eyebrows narrowed, confusedly. “He doesn’t even know I’m talking to you right now.”
Lori’s eyebrows un-tensed.
Nancy smiled lightly, again. “And nothing bad,” she looked at Lori, “He was just telling me about how you’ve been helping him this whole time with the kids and all, and, uh, I thought that was pretty cool,” she said, softly.
“Oh,” Lori’s face relaxed. Was that… a smile rising to her mouth?
“I think you’re pretty cool,” Nancy then admitted, with a few small nods, the smile always on her lips.
And then it shook the universe when Lori’s lips pulled up into a smile. A smile? At Nancy Wheeler? She swore she could feel the ground shake when the corner’s of her lips twitched upwards, and an airy laugh fell past her nostrils. Lori looked down to hide the small grin, at her feet on the grass.
“And I can tell that you’re good for him,” Nancy spoke out, her voice a bit quieter and hesitant— but still so painfully honest that she couldn’t possibly by lying at all. Not in a million years. “Steve, I mean. I can tell.” she let out a small laugh.
What?
Lori’s mouth went dry and something bubbled in her stomach. She looked up.
“What do you mean,” she asked, and then found that her fingers met each other in a knot at her stomach.
Nancy shrugged and glanced back to the shed. “He just got this sort of look on his face when he spoke about you, I don’t know how to explain it.” she said. “But I can just tell.”
Tell what? Lori wanted to ask. Even though she already knew the answer damn well— and that made her chest ache a bit.
Lori truly did not know what to say. Was Steve’s ex-girlfriend really standing there, telling Lori that she was good for him?
“Just…” Nancy started, and then stopped abruptly.
Lori looked at her, at the grave look that washed over Nancy’s face right then as she looked down, visible even in the dark.
“One more thing.” Nancy looked like she was chewing on her words, that they were hard to say.
Lori narrowed her eyebrows, and nodded so slightly.
Nancy looked back up after a long second, and the look in her eyes told Lori what she needed to know. “Just…” she said, quietly. “Don’t break his heart again, okay? He doesn’t deserve that.”
Lori’s mouth shifted, and for a second she couldn’t think of words. “I know.” she finally spoke after a moment, her voice quiet and honest. “Yeah, I know.”
“Okay,” Nancy smiled, looking relieved by the sure answer. She inhaled sharply as the silence became too consuming. “Well, um, thank you, again.”
“No,” Lori said, “I guess I should thank you, Nancy.” she went out on a limb with that.
As the seconds dragged on, Lori felt more comfortable with the fact that Nancy was being nice to her and she was being nice back. It became less of a shock— and she realized that Nancy was actually really, really kind.
Nancy’s lips peaked into a small grin. “Yeah.” she said, more as a whisper.
Nancy knew what Lori was thanking her for. But she didn’t need to say it, neither of them did. She knew what she was thanking Lori for— that being, keeping Steve “up” after everything that happened between them. Nancy didn’t say that either, but she was pretty sure that Lori knew anyways.
With a little nod, and her lips in a small smile, Nancy lingered for a moment longer— soaking in the words they shared and the unexpectedness of their attitudes. Then, she slowly folded her hands together and began to walk. Her eyes broke from Lori’s when she passed, and Lori didn’t realize there was still a tiny grin on her own lips until Nancy was behind her.
And then Lori was left to linger in a whiff of Nancy’s expensive perfume and the thought of Steve Harrington. The thought of him speaking about her to someone that used to be so important, so important, with a look on his face. Nancy’s words reverberated through the calm air about how she was “good for him”.
Nobody had ever told Lori Philbin that she was good for anybody.
Quite frankly, she was probably the opposite to people. A constant bad mood, perpetual sarcasm and never-ending sardonic comments, a grey cloud of misery and pessimism, an unsolvable mystery. She was a lot of things like that. To everybody. She’d never been more than that and she never wanted to be more than that. But now, she was good? Somehow, Nancy Wheeler could see that fucking Steve The Hair Harrington was affected by Lori Philbin— and not in the grey cloud kind of way. In a good way. And that Lori shouldn’t break his heart like she did.
The words echoed in her body, tiptoed down her spine and prickled her fingertips. She was cold, but the shiver that shrilled down her spine was not from the weather. She stood, in the middle of the Byers backyard, in the darkness. Thinking.
Lori didn’t know how long she’d stood out there contemplating. But it must have been a while because she stood in the dark until the door of the shed creaked open— and outstepped the aforementioned Steve Harrington. King Steve.
“Philbs?” he called. The use of the nickname seemed to hit a bit harder this time than it did earlier that hour, and rang through her ears. “You comin’?”
She shifted her eyes up to meet his, from their distance, trying to find them in the dark. She thanked the gods that it was too dark to see them— because she didn’t know how she could look him straight in the eye after all that had just been said. Gathering that thought, she shook her head a few quick times to wiggle it out of her mind.
“Philbs,” he called again, from the doorway of the shed.
She realized she’d let her attention roll away from her, “Yeah,” she said quickly, and hopped on her foot to start walking forward, “I’m coming.” she said, her voice conflicted.
Steve stayed in the doorway, his body outlined by the lightbulb in the shed behind him. He stayed there, with a stapler in his hand, until she was close.
She tried and tried to not look him in the eye as she neared. But Lori was always good at eye contact— always— and he knew that.
“Somethin’ wrong?” he said, his voice concerned.
“That question is, like, the most notorious fucking sentence of the night.” Lori huffed distastefully, and stopped in front of him— since he was barricading the doorway with his body. “A lot of things,” she answered, and crossed her arms.
“Other than the obvious, smartass,” he rolled his eyes, and then realized. “Did Nancy say something to you?” his eyebrows narrowed, and he looked over her head to the house, where Nancy had gone.
Lori didn’t know why her lips moved, “Yeah,” she mumbled. She could’ve just said no, and saved him the mental cacophony.
Steve was interested now, but his voice got lighter. “What did she say?” he crossed his arms.
The corner of Lori’s lip pulled up in a tiny smile. She shrugged, and looked up to meet his eyes that she could finally see. “Just that you’re a big fan of me.”
The epitome of Lori Philbin— cracking jokes even when her partner in crime’s ex-girlfriend basically just let out that they were good for each other. She figured hiding behind a few jokes could lift the weight of what Nancy had said off her shoulders. Maybe if she joked around, she wouldn’t feel it so much. Maybe if she joked about it, she could pretend that it wasn’t real— she could pretend like the growing feelings in her stomach for Steve Harrington weren’t there at all.
𝙅𝙐𝙇𝙄
i’m tooting my own stupid horn bc i love everything about the way i’ve constructed this
denial denial. always an essential stage am i right???
that won’t last much longer 😉
[text_hash] => be4b6e11
)